If you're married but have NEVER colored w/ your partner are u really married?

[Goombay_Summer]

Yes, either he is asexual or he's screwing someone/something else...

I would get out of the marriage. She gave it a good 4 years. Who can blame her. She's still a young woman, she can't live like this for the rest of her life. It's not like they married at 80.

I remember commenting to my Grandmother when her best friend got married again at the ripe old age of 85 that old people didn't really need to get married to have companionship. My Grandmother responded that old people have needs too , it took me a full minute to really comprehend what she was talking about. It's what she said next that really floored me, why is it the young people think they're the only ones that enjoy sex. Yeah my grandmother went there and it changed my whole perspective on aging.

 

[Keen]

I remember commenting to my Grandmother when her best friend got married again at the ripe old age of 85 that old people didn't really need to get married to have companionship. My Grandmother responded that old people have needs too , it took me a full minute to really comprehend what she was talking about. It's what she said next that really floored me, why is it the young people think they're the only ones that enjoy sex. Yeah my grandmother went there and it changed my whole perspective on aging.

If my grandmother said this to me, I would be traumatized.

 

[JayAnn0513]

He's gay, or he has ED.

 

[Cichelle]

Kinda like this. I order them from Midnight Velvet, they cost about $20 each. LOVE THEM!

I don't own any myself but have seen some ugly ones and some really beautiful ones....like from Hawaii. I think most people associate "mumus" with just frumpy sack dresses, though.

 

[DrC]

The first thing that popped into my mind is that he is gay. There is not enough work in the world to distract a man from getting some sex....

 

[gabulldawg]

Couldn't be me. She's a trooper...

 

[MuseofTroy]

I had a guy tell me point blank once that women need to realize that these days you can't just stand in your underwear and think your man is going to get excited. He said men have seen much more than that in adult movies, so chicks need to "work harder" and "do something with theyself". erplexed I guess he wants women to compete with the nasty porn he watches all the time. Desensitization.

To the OP, my opinon is if they have a marriage license they are married. But a divorce will be quite easy in most places because withholding sex and affection is usually grounds. As for whether they are spiritually married, that's up to whatever religion they are...if that matters at all to them.

This is another reason why I’m anti-porn. It desensitizes you. Not all men watch porn so ladies don’t think that this has to be an expectation in your marriage. Porn is so destructive to marriages and there are studies that show the negative effects porn as on the brain. In fact here are some articles that support this theory. Porn advocates really make me sick because I think they are so deceptive about the effects of porn.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/porn-goes-performance-goes-down

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/porn-and-perception-is-your-limbic-brain-distorting-your-vision/

 

[alexstin]

I know someone this happened to. I would think it was the same couple in this article but the genders would need to be switched around.

 

[alexstin]

This is another reason why I’m anti-porn. It desensitizes you. Not all men watch porn so ladies don’t think that this has to be an expectation in your marriage. Porn is so destructive to marriages and there are studies that show the negative effects porn as on the brain. In fact here are some articles that support this theory. Porn advocates really make me sick because I think they are so deceptive about the effects of porn.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/porn-goes-performance-goes-down

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/porn-and-perception-is-your-limbic-brain-distorting-your-vision/

 

[Renewed1]

Girl,

YOU ARE FUNNY AS HECK!!!

I am 31 years old and my husband is 32. We have been married for four years now. We have never had sex. Never. Nothing at all. My husband ingests too much tension and anxiety in his job, finances, and our relationship. We tried to engage in intercourse a couple of times when we were first married, but he couldn't get excited enough to penetrate me. Then we started making excuses as to why we couldn't do it. It became a stigma for us.

LIES. He phuckin...he just ain't phuckin her.

"Then we started making excuses as to why we couldn't do it."

No shuga, HE not "we" was makin excuses...u was just dumb enuff to believe them.

 

[Renewed1]

I know a couple like this.....his problem (the couple) is that he is not attracted to his wife. He prefers white women and didn't want to hurt her because they have been dating for almost 10 years.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

^^^ and she's not going to be hurt know that her husband doesn't want to touch her? makes no sense.

ETA: wait, so they were celibate for all 10 years? i doubt it. this was probably like the "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" situation. He became attracted to non-black woman and got his fix that way and had no desire to be his with his wife. He was probably cheating which isn't the same as just having no interest in sex at all.

 

[Raspberry]

For the last 4 years since my divorce I've been celibate and to be totally honest I would not want to get married again only to find myself being celibate. You had better believe that we would have paid a visit to a urologist and a psychiatrists to get to the root of his Erectile Dysfunction. I would want to know if his problem is mental, physical or combination of both because for all intents and proposes he is now a glorified albeit legal roommate. By hook or by crook you had better believe that we would be colouring with abandon cuz he would be Viagra pill popping fool or we would do something drastic such as getting penile implant that just requires a push of bottom to get some paint brush action.

I'm sayin, they didn't even try Viagra? Somethin aint right about this story.. they was just sittin up in the bed sleepin like siblings? Crazy. Im' thinkin he has a boyfriend on the side. I woulda had the people from Cheaters following him and all that lol

 

[nathansgirl1908]

*peeping into thread*.


He's gay.


*Leaving thread.*

 

[Raspberry]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/porn-goes-performance-goes-down

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/porn-and-perception-is-your-limbic-brain-distorting-your-vision/

These articles were very interesting, thanks for posting them.

 

[Renewed1]

^^^ and she's not going to be hurt know that her husband doesn't want to touch her? makes no sense.

ETA: wait, so they were celibate for all 10 years? i doubt it. this was probably like the "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" situation. He became attracted to non-black woman and got his fix that way and had no desire to be his with his wife. He was probably cheating which isn't the same as just having no interest in sex at all.

No, they weren't celibate all 10 years (but for majority of those years, yes they were). As far as I know.

But like a year before they were married, he started talking about white people. Like white girls and having them as friends, etc. Plus, in my book he did some questionnable things to be in a "committed" relationship.

I don't think he cheated on her. But I believe a year before they married he was becoming attracted to white women. Which isn't bad, but I don't think he realized it.

They didn't even do the do on their wedding night.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

There was this episode of Tyra with people married for years not being able to have sex for either physical medical issues like it hurt too much because their vaginas were weirdly shaped or their hymens wouldn't break... but most of them had mental issues with sticking something up their vaginas that would cause them to clamp down their pc muscles so penetration was impossible... it was really crazy

Here's the full episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLhakQJiibc&feature=PlayList&p=F083E6F25C9CE893&index=0&playnext=1




This is reason number 1 why I believe in premarital sex. You gotta know if you're sexually compatible... people be surprising you with ish like this after you say I do...

 

[LovelyNaps26]

^^^ yo, but why they on TV for? I feel *cringy* for them I'm not having sex before marriage but honestly, this thing sounds rare. i did hear through the grapevine about someone a friend's friend knew who had to undergo counseling b/c of this issue. It's possible, but odds are I won't be marrying a virgin, so i doubt he'll have the issue, unless he's a liar and doesn't tell me. As for me... well let's just say that an unfed kitty cat doesn't just meow when hungry, it roars. I'm not worried.

ETA: On second thought, i probably shouldn't have watched the episode. I get hypochondriac-ish about stuff like this. now a feel a need to diagnose myself just in case. yeah, i know i'm crazy. well, i never much felt the need to fix what ain't broke but i guess i'll be investing in my first box of tampons might as well rule out vaginismus in my spare time.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Desensitization.

For real, that just says it all.

 

[DSP]

Wait. They had absolutely NEVER colored in four years? Not even a little finger-painting? No spray painting? No mutual self-portraits?

Just by sharing the same bed, you'd think "something" would oke: in the middle of the night at some point.

I wouldn't consider myself married. I'd last maybe a year if nothing improved. Intimacy is important.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

Wait. They had absolutely NEVER colored in four years? Not even a little finger-painting? No spray painting? No mutual self-portraits?

Just by sharing the same bed, you'd think "something" would oke: in the middle of the night at some point.

I wouldn't consider myself married. I'd last maybe a year if nothing improved. Intimacy is important.

Wth is spray painting?!?!? HAHAH LAWD!!! LOL

 

[DSP]

Wth is spray painting?!?!? HAHAH LAWD!!! LOL

What could possibly spray?

 

[dlewis]

I know a couple like this.....his problem (the couple) is that he is not attracted to his wife. He prefers white women and didn't want to hurt her because they have been dating for almost 10 years.

Dangggg!

 

[dlewis]

What could possibly spray?

 

[BroadstreetBully]

There was this episode of Tyra with people married for years not being able to have sex for either physical medical issues like it hurt too much because their vaginas were weirdly shaped or their hymens wouldn't break... but most of them had mental issues with sticking something up their vaginas that would cause them to clamp down their pc muscles so penetration was impossible... it was really crazy

Here's the full episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLhakQJiibc&feature=PlayList&p=F083E6F25C9CE893&index=0&playnext=1




This is reason number 1 why I believe in premarital sex. You gotta know if you're sexually compatible... people be surprising you with ish like this after you say I do...

People have managed to not engage in premarital sex for centuries and still had healthy sex lives after marriage. I am very familiar with the one condition you speak of, and many women who have that condition know they have it before trying to engage in sex, as they also have problems with trying to insert tampons or run into issues during paps. Those particular women on the Tyra show didn't make the effort to get to know their own bodies before trying to engage in sex. That does not apply to all of us.

There are plenty of people who have amazing sexual chemistry before and after marriage and still end up being sexually incompatible down the line. There is no way to guarantee what your sex life with be like years from now. How many women lose their sex drives after having multiple children? How many men lose their sex drive because of stress or a traumatic event? I'm over people acting like waiting until marriage means your sex life post marriage will suck.

 

[awhyley]

I know a couple like this.....his problem (the couple) is that he is not attracted to his wife. He prefers white women and didn't want to hurt her because they have been dating for almost 10 years.

What in the . . . , so he makes a woman that he isn't attracted to his WIFE instead?

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

This is the sentiment I get from a lot of guys my age (late 20s). You are expected to be a video vixen/stripper/porn star.

I think it depends on how 'into' you the guy is... I was dating a guy who was standing outside waiting for me, as i approached him he began to 'rise' just from seeing me walk towards him and I'd know him for five years (we'd only been dating for two)

 

[frida1980]

You know... I have no idea why any woman would last four years without at least hiring a PI. Something is going on!

This isn't about long term sexual compatability, which always changes and fades with time. This is about the first years! It is mind boggling that a man would sleep next to a woman with free sex and NOT take it. So here are the possible problems.:

1. She's loaded and he's a gold digger looking for a easy ride. It happens
2. He's gay and she's his cover to his family and friends while he sneaks around with men.
3. He attracted to an "undesirable" (white woman, poor women, or as strange fetishes), and needs a good cover (his wife) while he sneaks around.
4. He has some sort of disease that causes impotency.
5. He got married to her for all the wrong reason. (I.E. it was time, I was dating for a while, she was good woman.) Instead of the right ones ( I love her, I wanted her, etc.)

Best case scenario is that it's number 4, and some viagra can take care of the problem. But if he's NEVER had sex with her.... I seriously doubt that impotency is the problem. Any one in this situation needs to be suspicious.

 

[MD_Lady]

I was reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally trying hard to be sensitive to this woman, but THIS

I am 31 years old and my husband is 32. We have been married for four years now. We have never had sex. Never. Nothing at all. My husband ingests too much tension and anxiety in his job, finances, and our relationship. We tried to engage in intercourse a couple of times when we were first married, but he couldn't get excited enough to penetrate me. Then we started making excuses as to why we couldn't do it. It became a stigma for us.

LIES. He phuckin...he just ain't phuckin her.

"Then we started making excuses as to why we couldn't do it."

No shuga, HE not "we" was makin excuses...u was just dumb enuff to believe them.

made me

 

[MD_Lady]

...I did mention sex a few weeks back, and he apologized and said we will start trying tomorrow. That was the end of it...

Naaaaaaaah homie. Sex may not be all there is to a marriage, but it's a HUGE part of it. The would be no "that was the end of it" for me in this situation (and that has a lot to do with the fact that I wouldn't be in this situation). They've discussed it and determined that he has an issue. I appreciate her being supportive and patient, but she needs to call him on his failure to address his problems and not pull ANY punches. He needs to get himself together, POINT.BLANK.