What Do These Color Threads Say About the Marriage Rate of Black Women

[NessaNessa]

Tracy Edmonds graduated from college and secured commensurate employment.

Vanessa was in high school dating a man in college who might or might not have made it to the NBA.

Tiger's wife was a successful model and a college student.

Chica, I am not sure what you are trying to say. Are you trying to say that woman from lower socioeconomic backgrounds should be able to marry men from higher strata. If so, I think more power to them is they can secure such men. I don't think it is realistic to expect relationships with such men, however.

Hi Henna,

Are you saying women from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are unable to marry men who are from a well-to-do socioeconomic background? I am just trying to understand your perspective in refernce to the bolded. I am asking because I know of a couple, if not a few, college friends (female) who came from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and married men who came from well-to-do families. Thanks in advance!!

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Girl you are PREACHING in here!

I will admit that I have stopped dating a guy because he did not own a car. I coudl not get beyond that...I tried too. But unfortunately, his not having a car was because he could not get a car. He did not ahve much job stability in his life. I think he is a nice guy but...mentally we are not on the same page. I just can not grasp the idea of being well and ABLE to work...and sitting home...just getting by. Nope...no deals. But I will admit...I have passed up SEVERAL good men because of my own pettiness and I had to stop and check myself because its not like I am perfect...I am far from it myself.

 

[delp]

My white male friends who are financially blessed care less about papers than my middle class friends. I had a friend making six figures who only wanted an attractive lady who loved jesus and could cook. When I asked him about the importance of schooling, he said he didn't care. Having education and being in certain circles will give you more opportunity to meet a certain class of people. I find blacks and the lower middle class care about this. Black women with education feel entitled. Black men with education feel entitled. We (blacks) tend to have a more classist view of the world (esp. after that paper or position has been obtained).


I struggle with this. I sometimes have to remember that a piece of paper does not determine someones' worth.

 

[andreab]

Olde English. A popular malt liquor that comes in a 40oz container and is best served in a brown paper bag.

lol

 

[hennagirl]

Hi Henna,

Are you saying women from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are unable to marry men who are from a well-to-do socioeconomic background? I am just trying to understand your perspective in refernce to the bolded. I am asking because I know of a couple, if not a few, college friends (female) who came from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and married men who came from well-to-do families. Thanks in advance!!

I believe that in today's society men prefer to involve themselves with someone from a like background. As I stated, if a women from a lower socioeconomic group is able to secure a man with greater status - more power to her. I don't see it happening often, too many men have sisters. I have two brothers, one a neurosurgeon, the other a psychiatrist. They are both married to black women I have known all my life. If he had brought some girl from outside our circle home while in med school, she would have a hard, hard way to go. There would have been ZERO welcome from my sister and I and our girlfriends. BTW, how are you defining well-to-do?

 

[hennagirl]

My white male friends who are financially blessed care less about papers than my middle class friends. I had a friend making six figures who only wanted an attractive lady who loved jesus and could cook. When I asked him about the importance of schooling, he said he didn't care. Having education and being in certain circles will give you more opportunity to meet a certain class of people. I find blacks and the lower middle class care about this. Black women with education feel entitled. Black men with education feel entitled. We (blacks) tend to have a more classist view of the world (esp. after that paper or position has been obtained).


I struggle with this. I sometimes have to remember that a piece of paper does not determine someones' worth.

I disagree with each of the opinions stated in this post.

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with this!

Now back to topic, HG you may have a point maybe some women are dismissing men because of the reasons you listed and many more shallow reasons. But to be fair, many women are just pushing back because of the high and sometimes unattainable physical standards society/men place on women as a whole. These threads have shown us that people will disregard every valuable internal attribute a person has from character to personality to intellect and defer to external physical characteristics like weight, height and skin color. So I think it goes both ways.

 

[cocoberry10]

you and the pic of your baby is tooooooo cute!

Fo real yo...Where da hell you think someone gone take yo arse looking like this?

Lemme answer ....No where! But yo tacky arse want a man with some benefits and class

 

[sunnydaze]

you and the pic of your baby is tooooooo cute!

oh lord! Jamerican gurl..puleease take that pic of the little white girl down so people will stop thinking that's u!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

I see where you are coming from!

I am interested, Chica. What are your opinions. I am really concerned about this issue on four levels:

1. The pool of eligible black men is severely depleted due to incarceration, drug usage, homosexuality (DL and overt) and other inappropriate behavior.
2. We have a population of women with unrealistic expectations who are actually inappropriate themselves. The high scholl dropout who works part-time at McDonald's and wants an investment banker.
3. The population of successful women who want an equal partner in income and education. I have 2 Ph.D's, if my husband the neurosurgeon passes away, I don't want the guy who works part-time at McDonald's sporting a grill talking about acquiring rims. I understand the frustrations of this population.
4. Public forums (tv and print journalism) are now blaming the black marriage rate on black males. Black women are publicly advocating IR dating. The media is not a friend to either gender of our race. I don't want to look up in two or three years and see that black women are just not marriageable because they couldn't find black, white or yellow men.

I don't think we should settle but we should each understand the underlying value system that dictates our preferences and be willing to be single to honor that value system.

 

[cocoberry10]

My 2 cents

Everyone needs work. I keep hearing alot of women say "I have it together", "There is just no one on my level" and what not but everyone needs work. My problem is that alot of women that have these lists of things that as a whole might be superfical can't acknowledge the fact that they are not perfect. Its like once they graduated from college, all personal development stops. All I am trying to say is that just because you are educated doesn't automatically give you more class, common sense, compassion, etc... than a man that drives a truck.

I totally agree with this, and I'm educated and classy, but I totally agree. Education or socio-economic level doesn't make someone classy!

 

[Country gal]

I believe that in today's society men prefer to involve themselves with someone from a like background. As I stated, if a women from a lower socioeconomic group is able to secure a man with greater status - more power to her. I don't see it happening often, too many men have sisters. I have two brothers, one a neurosurgeon, the other a psychiatrist. They are both married to black women I have known all my life. If he had brought some girl from outside our circle home while in med school, she would have a hard, hard way to go. There would have been ZERO welcome from my sister and I and our girlfriends. BTW, how are you defining well-to-do?

Why would you of given her a hard time? If the brother put his stamp of approval than why should the sisters care?

 

[cocoberry10]

Very well said

I think this issue stems from the fact that women are taught by society that our husbands are supposed to be better than us and that they should be heads of the family. So, women are going to seek men who have higher levels of status, class, education than they do since we are taught that we are supposed to be less than our husbands. So yeah, we will see women looking for men who are "out of their league."

Likewise, men are taught that a beautiful wife will increase their status/ worth/ standing in society, so we see a bunch of busted men who are picky about the physical appearance of a potential mate, and who also have the nerve to critique women on their looks. So yes, we will see men who seek to date women who are "out of their league."

All in all, society/our environment tells us what we should look for in a mate, no matter if we match the requirements or not.

 

[cocoberry10]

When she said "Old English", I was sitting here wondering why people were drinking furniture polish and how they could possibly not poison themselves doing that.

Don't feel bad. I would think something like that too!

 

[cocoberry10]

oh lord! Jamerican gurl..puleease take that pic of the little white girl down so people will stop thinking that's u!!!

Oh, that's not her???

 

[cocoberry10]

I believe that in today's society men prefer to involve themselves with someone from a like background. As I stated, if a women from a lower socioeconomic group is able to secure a man with greater status - more power to her. I don't see it happening often, too many men have sisters. I have two brothers, one a neurosurgeon, the other a psychiatrist. They are both married to black women I have known all my life. If he had brought some girl from outside our circle home while in med school, she would have a hard, hard way to go. There would have been ZERO welcome from my sister and I and our girlfriends. BTW, how are you defining well-to-do?

To the bolded: Even if she had been a black girl in his medical school class? Just asking, no stone throwing here!

 

[JamericanGurl]

oh lord! Jamerican gurl..puleease take that pic of the little white girl down so people will stop thinking that's u!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

Preach girl!:littleang:blowkiss::heart2::waytogo::wow::woohoo::thatsall:

Like I stated in the other controversial thread on marrying "white," why is it that black women think that they have to sell themselves short? We are the only group of people made to feel that we must settle for less!! Why is this? No other group of people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, is asked to explain themselves or justify who they fall in love with or what their romantic preferences are. Why?

Look, black women are WOMEN. We are also HUMAN BEINGS. I think most of us are socialized to think lesser of ourselves and put others' needs ahead of our own. And yet, we remain the least likely to marry and the least likely to be involved in healthy, loving relationships. We need to stop this facade of trying to live up to the SUPERWOMAN MYTH!! We are NOT superwomen! We are HUMAN! We want to be loved, desired, respected, honored...just like any other woman or human being!

I worked hard to get where I am. Not only am I a wonderful, kind woman, I am a professional woman. I have traveled, studied, become a community activist, am a spiritual, Godly woman. Why should I settle for less? WHY!??!! What's wrong with wanting a man in my life, who at the very least, shares similar values as me? I don't get what's wrong with that. Black men are NEVER asked to settle. Think about this...

I will remain single for the rest of my life and have no problem with that if I can look at myself in the mirror and be able to say that I stuck with my values, my morals, and maintained my integrity. But I refuse to compromise myself because others believe that I must settle for someone who isn't anywhere near my level only so that I could say that I'm not alone.

 

[hennagirl]

Why would you of given her a hard time? If the brother put his stamp of approval than why should the sisters care?

First, it never happened but if it had I would have been cold to them out of pure selfishness. I would have been loyal to my friends, why shouldn't my friends have the opportunity to make a good match? I realize the following will not be believed but que sera sera. I know my brothers, they were incredibly spoiled by my parents, particularly, my mother, grandmother and greatgrandmother when she was alive. I know they would not have been happy in the long-run with a woman who was not exactly like my female relatives in ways that are not readily or easily learned in adulthood. See, this is the beauty of the anonymous message board you can confess to poor behavior with impunity.

 

[hennagirl]

To the bolded: Even if she had been a black girl in his medical school class? Just asking, no stone throwing here!

Yes, if she had not had connections to people we knew. Yes. Yes. Yes. I posted why in my reply to Country Gal. Perhaps, this is not my finest hour but the truth is always a good defense. In addition, to forestall questions, DH's younger sister and I were sorority sisters (DG) that is how I met DH. She introduced us at a tennis match when the three of were in undergrad.

 

[janiebaby]

I believe that in today's society men prefer to involve themselves with someone from a like background. As I stated, if a women from a lower socioeconomic group is able to secure a man with greater status - more power to her. I don't see it happening often, too many men have sisters. I have two brothers, one a neurosurgeon, the other a psychiatrist. They are both married to black women I have known all my life. If he had brought some girl from outside our circle home while in med school, she would have a hard, hard way to go. There would have been ZERO welcome from my sister and I and our girlfriends. BTW, how are you defining well-to-do?

This is some of the problem and I'm not talking about you but I was just thinking about this earlier today and this may be off topic.....Alot of single women seem, and I am one myself, seem to be single because they've missed the boat.

If you're older and you didn't meet your husband in school by now (um there are usually about five guys or less in my classes and i'm being generous) then you're out of luck unless you meet him through a friend. If you don't have a gang of friends by now you're out of luck because everyone is doing their own thing and its harder to become friends with people your age and no married woman wants a single woman that they don't already know as a friend. If that doesn't help then through work um depending on where you work the pickins might be mighty slim especially if you're looking for young, attractive, and single. There are fewer and fewer opportunities to meet attractive single men at or above our level. Oh well that's life I guess.

 

[hennagirl]

This is some of the problem and I'm not talking about you but I was just thinking about this earlier today and this may be off topic.....Alot of single women seem, and I am one myself, seem to be single because they've missed the boat.

If you're older and you didn't meet your husband in school by now (um there are usually about five guys or less in my classes and i'm being generous) then you're out of luck unless you meet him through a friend. If you don't have a gang of friends by now you're out of luck because everyone is doing their own thing and its harder to become friends with people your age and no married woman wants a single woman that they don't already know as a friend. If that doesn't help then through work um depending on where you work the pickins might be mighty slim especially if you're looking for young, attractive, and single. There are fewer and fewer opportunities to meet attractive single men at or above our level. Oh well that's life I guess.

Janie, I think you do see what I mean. It would have been nothing personal against the girl. It would have been a matter of greater loyalty to my friends and my brothers.

 

[janiebaby]

Janie, I think you do see what I mean. It would have been nothing personal against the girl. It would have been a matter of greater loyalty to my friends and my brothers.

Hey Henna I most certainly do and I wish I had a friend like you

Good looking out!

 

[delp]

I disagree with each of the opinions stated in this post.

I know that this is not an "all encompassing" view of everyone but what do you disagree with.This is what I observed. I also don't want someone working a blue collar/low skills job trying to talk to me as well. I struggle as a christian with labeling people before I get a chance to know them. I know people who are millionaires, make six figures, and a few still living home with momma. I try to not allow person's status define their friendship with me. In fact, as an ENFP, I see myself as an encourager. I encourage people to go back to school no matter their age. To get up out of their situation..... I think I am rambling..... Anyway, what do you disagree with?

 

[hennagirl]

I know that this is not an "all encompassing" view of everyone but what do you disagree with.This is what I observed. I also don't want someone working a blue collar/low skills job trying to talk to me as well. I struggle as a christian with labeling people before I get a chance to know them. I know people who are millionaires, make six figures, and a few still living home with momma. I try to not allow person's status define their friendship with me. In fact, as an ENFP, I see myself as an encourager. I encourage people to go back to school no matter their age. To get up out of their situation..... I think I am rambling..... Anyway, what do you disagree with?

As I stated I disagree with each of your opinions. We have a fundamentally different view of the world. There is no sense in me responding to each point. Let just address the largest point, I believe that noone is more "classist" as you termed it, than American white males and females. They have a sense of entitlement that is staggering with or without justification. You stated that you thinks Blacks are more "classist." Fundamental difference, we are each entitled to our opinion.

 

[delp]

As I stated I disagree with each of your opinions. We have a fundamentally different view of the world. There is no sense in me responding to each point. Let just address the largest point, I believe that noone is more "classist" as you termed it, than American white males and females. They have a sense of entitlement that is staggering with or without justification. You stated that you thinks Blacks are more "classist." Fundamental difference, we are each entitled to our opinion.

Ok. Thanks. Yes, we do disagree.

 

[thiccknlong]

I am interested, Chica. What are your opinions. I am really concerned about this issue on four levels:

1. The pool of eligible black men is severely depleted due to incarceration, drug usage, homosexuality (DL and overt) and other inappropriate behavior.
2. We have a population of women with unrealistic expectations who are actually inappropriate themselves. The high scholl dropout who works part-time at McDonald's and wants an investment banker.
3. The population of successful women who want an equal partner in income and education. I have 2 Ph.D's, if my husband the neurosurgeon passes away, I don't want the guy who works part-time at McDonald's sporting a grill talking about acquiring rims. I understand the frustrations of this population.
4. Public forums (tv and print journalism) are now blaming the black marriage rate on black males. Black women are publicly advocating IR dating. The media is not a friend to either gender of our race. I don't want to look up in two or three years and see that black women are just not marriageable because they couldn't find black, white or yellow men.

I don't think we should settle but we should each understand the underlying value system that dictates our preferences and be willing to be single to honor that value system.

sheeee*t. She's better NOT want that!

 

[thiccknlong]

I know most likely you are older than me so maybe my view of black women is more....rosier. But for some reason, I've always seen it as the exact opposite of the bolded post above.

I don't know of any of the women you are speaking about. I really can't relate to that.

^5. Me either. All of my girlfriends have good jobs, travel and are saving to buy a house or already have a one or a condo. We're all nice girls and have plenty going for ourselves.

I dont know of any flipping burgers.

 

[thiccknlong]

I think Tracey Edmonds had her own business when her mom hooked her up with Babyface who in my opinion was a step down for her because he wasn't attractive and I feel the same way about Russell and Kimora. I guess they stepped down so that they can step up and over their exhusbands. But I digress back to the subject at hand

She did. And she works her arse off. when all seh has to do is sit home and look cute. She was equal to babyface. we maynot have known it then but we know it now. Plus, she went to a well know university and has a high IQ. That sista is noooooooo joke.

 

[thiccknlong]

I never wanted that much from a potential partner, but IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT THEY HAVE A DAMN JOB?!

I'm no college graduate, but I did finish HS, attended Bryant & Stratton for two years, got dual Associate degrees and have been working in the Administrative Assistant (a.k.a. glorified office maid) field all my life, so I'm the last person to be out here refusing to date none other than a Donald Trump.

But while all the other sisters were passing up the brothers because he's a garbage man, postman, manager of McDonalds or drives an ice cream truck, I would've been estatic to find such a guy, because God knows all the potential mates I had DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A F***ING JOB or had one that paid so measly I was paying his way all the time. A brother doesn't have to be making six figures for me to be happy, but unless he's willing to be a damn good house-husband and have MY dinner ready and the house clean and laundry done when I come home from work, he's GOT to have a GOOD-PAYING job!

If that makes my standards too high for some folks, too bad. It's time for someone to pay my way into a movie for a change.

''As humans we have the right to want men who are fiancially compatible with us.

Heck, men do.

But, somehow, we're supposed to "consider the 12.00 man..."...why? I could but I dont want to. I guess to answer my own question is what I've been saying allllll along. Alot of our brotha's have failed, thats why. There are only a few professional black men or men who are doing well or has a career making good money.

Now, I cant speak for you h#ffa's , but I bet I get married. And I bet he will be Godly AND be financially compatible with me. And, he will love me like a man's supposed to.

Thats what I want, and thats what I'm going to get. Watch.