What Do These Color Threads Say About the Marriage Rate of Black Women

[Integrity]

Shyness, I am so happy that you and your DH ended up in a good situation. My aunt tried doing the same thing, "picking up this guy and dusting him off" and her results were terrible. I think you are definitely in the minority as far as being able to change a man. I don't know, would you say that you changed him or inspired him to change as a man?

I have a friend that was recently going through a situation where they have a great time together. He makes her laugh and just relax. But he also has some qualities she doesn't like. Going to Carabanna to get "lifted." When speaking about grad. school, he says, "Isn't that more....work?" Not supportive and she wonders why he is on our campus anyway.

I told that even though he is a "great guy" at times doesn't mean he is the one for her. I told her that she can't change a man, they have to want to change for themselves. And why would she wan't to wait around hoping he could change anyway? I told her it's not worth it and she agreed.

I totally agree with you. shynessqueen's situation is the exception (not the rule). UmBlessedbeauty, not to patronise you but PLEASE remain on your guard.

 

[cocoberry10]

Olde English. A popular malt liquor that comes in a 40oz container and is best served in a brown paper bag.

Don’t feel bad Hennagirl, I didn’t know what Old E was either!

 

[s_terry]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Girl you wrong for that! but you are telling the truth though!!![/SIZE]

 

[s_terry]

Of course you are directing your comments to me, I started the thread. That's fine. I merely wanted to point out that our preferences and the reasons for these preferences both sound and unsound impact our marriage rate. I do think, however, that we should be clear especially in public forums when we say there are no eligible black men that we define eligible in terms of specific criteria such as advanced education and/or high earnings. It appears now in public forums that we are saying there are no black men but we really mean we want more than a decent, hardworking man. There is nothing wrong with high expectations. I agree that women should not settle. I stated that in my post.

 

[Stormy]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Girl you ain't neva lied! Whew you crack me up! You ever thought about becoming a comedian? I laughed out loud when I read the first one!

 

[Stormy]

Olde English. A popular malt liquor that comes in a 40oz container and is best served in a brown paper bag.

I love how you state that so eloquently!

 

[Stormy]

I am right there with you...I ain't scurred to say...What two fat people gone spontaneously combust That's two much damn friction

Oh my god! I'm getting off this board! I can't even get my thoughts together to add a meaningful comment. Forgot what I was gonna say you've got me laughing so hard!

 

[UmSumayyah]

Don’t feel bad Hennagirl, I didn’t know what Old E was either!

When she said "Old English", I was sitting here wondering why people were drinking furniture polish and how they could possibly not poison themselves doing that.

 

[Stormy]

I just gradutated from college. If I went and married someone like Usher, most people would think I am marrying up.

Why, because in this world, status is placed upon success and I am not successful as he is and haven't seen the world like he has.

If all we are looking at is a college education or a stable job ("Elin did do some modeling"), then we could find a reason why every woman on this board could be on the same level as say, an investment banker.


And, yes I am pretty.

Now that's sad. I would call that marrying down. Unless he's college educated too.

 

[hennagirl]

1. Yes, it is depleted but the media seriously likes to over-hype issues. They think it makes better ratings or sales more papers, which in the end makes more money. But without even stating all of these factors, if the ratio of women to men is 3:1, regardless of race, you are going to have a large amount of women who won't marry. But with the factors stated above, it just adds to the problem with black women. So, even if everyone of the black men available were eligible in black womans' eyes, there still wouldn't be enough to go around. It's just fact. Unless you don't mind marrying someone in jail.

2. I don't know of any women like this. But just because they work at McDonalds doesn't mean they aren't in school to get their dipoloma or attending a community college. I used to think I knew someones situation but as I became older, I found out that we really don't know people the way we think and too many times prejudge them.

3. So, you would understand why some women have different desires. But I still do think that many black women with your educational level, given the right situation would marry a man who worked for UPS.

4. Really, people want to think the media always has some vested interest in seperating black people. I believe that is mainly untrue. It is all simply about money. Ratings. They want something to hype up and get people excited about so they will keep coming back. White racists will get mad about IRD and so will Blacks.

And thinking back to that story on Primetime, I think them telling her history was more about giving background information than about telling that she was bi-racial. I don't know if you ever watch similiar stories but at a certain point in murder or other stories, they always give background information on one of the main parties. Especially if they think it is interesting or adds more detail to the story. But again, as black people, we tend to think it is race related when it may not be at all. That is why we have to step outside the box and try to look at things objectively.

As I stated the media is not our friend. However, the statistics regarding the incarceration of black males is always correctly stated. Unfortunately, there is no need for hyberbole given the facts.

I think it is either extreme naivete or disingenuousness to state that you are unaware of women with little or nothing to offer who expect a great deal from a man. In fact, I am confused by your reference because in an earlier post you mentioned Tracy Edmonds, Vanessa Bryant as women from a lower social class who married well.

With regard to the abuse victim, I did some research. She appeared on Oprah and post-interview there was a lot of speculation that she was treated differently and her husband sentenced differently because of their respective races. Oprah announced the facts as part of another show. The Primetime producers purposely announced her background to forestall complaints. Background information may or may not be routine, in her case it was for a specific reason.

I understand that the pool of men who are similarly educated and financially secure becomes shallow after a certain point.

I aree that the media operates for economic reasons - ratings. Ratings soar when there is discord. The type of discord generated by racial issues which is why the media exploits these issues at every opportunity.

 

[hennagirl]

Ok, so that is how it goes. If you are attractive you get a pass. There are alot of cute girls from the hood-why shouldn't they get a pass?

Just wondering how we come up with who gets a pass and who doesn't. Do they have to come from a certain neighborhood or background?

I am geniunely unsure what you mean by a pass.

 

[hennagirl]

Well, I never read of Tracy Edmonds doing anything "big" before she married Baby Face.

Tigers' wife is a so-called model. Find that very hard to believe.

And Vanessa was in high school when she met Kobie. I think she was a cheer leader or dancer for the team.

To many people, they married up.

Tracy Edmonds graduated from college and secured commensurate employment.

Vanessa was in high school dating a man in college who might or might not have made it to the NBA.

Tiger's wife was a successful model and a college student.

Chica, I am not sure what you are trying to say. Are you trying to say that woman from lower socioeconomic backgrounds should be able to marry men from higher strata. If so, I think more power to them is they can secure such men. I don't think it is realistic to expect relationships with such men, however.

 

[hennagirl]

Tigers' wife use to be a nanny for another golfer. That is how he met her.

Tracey a video chick. He was interviewing girls for a video.

Tracy may or may not have interviewed for a video. If she did she was one of the few "video chicks" with a degree from Stanford.

Elin was a college student as well as nanny.

 

[hennagirl]

I just gradutated from college. If I went and married someone like Usher, most people would think I am marrying up.

Why, because in this world, status is placed upon success and I am not successful as he is and haven't seen the world like he has.

If all we are looking at is a college education or a stable job ("Elin did do some modeling"), then we could find a reason why every woman on this board could be on the same level as say, an investment banker.


And, yes I am pretty.

If you married Usher as a recent college graduate I would not think you are marrying up. If you married Usher and you were a high school dropout, yes I would say you caught a break. No, I can find a reason for every woman to be on the same level as an investment banker.

 

[hennagirl]

I think this issue stems from the fact that women are taught by society that our husbands are supposed to be better than us and that they should be heads of the family. So, women are going to seek men who have higher levels of status, class, education than they do since we are taught that we are supposed to be less than our husbands. So yeah, we will see women looking for men who are "out of their league."

Likewise, men are taught that a beautiful wife will increase their status/ worth/ standing in society, so we see a bunch of busted men who are picky about the physical appearance of a potential mate, and who also have the nerve to critique women on their looks. So yes, we will see men who seek to date women who are "out of their league."

All in all, society/our environment tells us what we should look for in a mate, no matter if we match the requirements or not.

You are restating my premise, thank you. We need to make sure we utilize a realistic construct in our preference and selection process.

 

[chocostudent]

1. Public forums (tv and print journalism) are now blaming the black marriage rate on black males. Black women are publicly advocating IR dating. The media is not a friend to either gender of our race. I don't want to look up in two or three years and see that black women are just not marriageable because they couldn't find black, white or yellow men.

Well currently 70% of black women are single, so why wait two or three years to conclude we aren’t “marriageable”. According to census reports, the number of white men marrying black women drastically increased. The statistics say they do want us, and more importantly they are marrying us, so what do you think the media can say? Unless I’m confusing you with someone else, (if this is the case I apologize) you are married to a white man. I guess you weren’t too concerned with the black marriage rate when it was time to say “I do”. Why ridicule it now? To me that’s hypocrisy.

 

[hennagirl]

Well currently 70% of black women are single, so why wait two or three years to conclude we aren’t “marriageable”. According to census reports, the number of white men marrying black women drastically increased. The statistics say they do want us, and more importantly they are marrying us, so what do you think the media can say? Unless I’m confusing you with someone else, (if this is the case I apologize) you are married to a white man. I guess you weren’t too concerned with the black marriage rate when it was time to say “I do”. Why ridicule it now? To me that’s hypocrisy.

My premise was and is that the media is currently vilifying black men and reporting that black women are turning to IR for marriage. I never said that we are not suitable for marriage. I stated that I feared if there was not an increase in the marriages rates among black women in two to three years that the media would vilify black women as it is currently vilifying black men. BTW, as a black women I would increase the black marriage rate regardless of whom I married. If you were trying to say that I was not concerned with intra-racial marriage ,you are correct. I married the man I loved then and now.

 

[chica_canella]

As I stated the media is not our friend. However, the statistics regarding the incarceration of black males is always correctly stated. Unfortunately, there is no need for hyberbole given the facts.

I think it is either extreme naivete or
disingenuous to state that you are unaware of women with little or nothing to offer who expect a great deal from a man. In fact, I am confused by your reference because in an earlier post you mentioned Tracy Edmonds, Vanessa Bryant as women from a lower social class who married well.


With regard to the abuse victim, I did some research. She appeared on Oprah and post-interview there was a lot of speculation that she was treated differently and her husband sentenced differently because of their respective races. Oprah announced the facts as part of another show. The Primetime producers purposely announced her background to forestall complaints. Background information may or may not be routine, in her case it was for a specific reason.

I understand that the pool of men who are similarly educated and financially secure becomes shallow after a certain point.

I aree that the media operates for economic reasons - ratings. Ratings soar when there is discord. The type of discord generated by racial issues which is why the media exploits these issues at every opportunity.

HG, if anyone knows the media is not our friend, then surely I would know. Within my major, we were taught (though I hate to say it) how to manipulate the media ergo manipulating the public also. Side note: Did you know over 60% of the material published in large newspapers originates from press releases?

I am not saying they are exaggerating the statistics but the state of relations between black women and men. They keep screaming or shouting and discussing it over and over again. In your last sentence, you basically have stated what I am saying-"The type of discord generated by racial issues which is why the media exploits these issues at every opportunity."

Analogy: If I tell you that the average American is $10,000 in debt a few times and then offer solutions, then that is not overhyping the situation. But if I tell you the same statistic and offer no solutions, then that is taking advantage of the situation and overhyping it. Any time you see the media discussing the issues just mentioned, they also counteract the problem with solutions for the viewers/consumers. They don't do that with some issues inorder to keep the public in an alert or panicked/fearful state, while mainly relying on the media for updates to the situation. This is why I state they hype the situation because they offer no solutions to prevent the problem in the first place.

And as I said before, "-even if everyone of the black men available were eligible in black womans' eyes, there still wouldn't be enough to go around. It's just fact. Unless you don't mind marrying someone in jail."


I said I don't know any women like this. I have never personally interacted or even spoken to a women like this. I'm not sure if you can speak to any person one time and know their desires for a mate anyway. It would be naive for me to say these type of women don't exist, which I never said. I mean, I don't know what you expect me or wish for me to say. I can't jump on your parade float and say that I personally know women like this. You work with those type of women, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I haven't been immersed in those type of situations. I have no underlying reasons to lie about anything. It's the internet for goodness sakes and for that reason, I resent you thinking that I would feel compelled to be disingenuous.

Ok, so I mentioned Tracy Edmonds and those other women. Have I ever met these women or do I personally know them? No. I am only speaking of the facts I've read on the internet or heard from credible sources.

"The Primetime producers purposely announced her background to forestall complaints. Background information may or may not be routine, in her case it was for a specific reason."

I'm not sure what type of complaints you are speaking about or if they would be from black viewers or whites. I really don't see why anyone would complain except black people. I think that her racial background just added an extra "surprise" factor or umph to the story.

 

[chica_canella]

I am geniunely unsure what you mean by a pass.

You haven't read the whole thread so for that, you get a "pass" for me to explain it. A poster said that Tracy Edmonds (I'm paraphrasing) or other pretty women get a pass in regards to "marrying up."

 

[chica_canella]

Tracy Edmonds graduated from college and secured commensurate employment.

Vanessa was in high school dating a man in college who might or might not have made it to the NBA.

Tiger's wife was a successful model and a college student.

Chica, I am not sure what you are trying to say. Are you trying to say that woman from lower socioeconomic backgrounds should be able to marry men from higher strata. If so, I think more power to them is they can secure such men. I don't think it is realistic to expect relationships with such men, however.

HG, do I have to spank you on your hand for not reading a thread you started?

I stated this to JG: Is education all you need to be on the same level as someone else? I think her "looks" had a significance influence on Baby Face's attraction to her. Nothing wrong with that. But let's be real, her education didn't lead her to bring in money like Baby Face in his prime. And I didn't know she produced anything before marrying Baby Face? Perhaps you can enlighten me on this topic?

I believe we are talking about "making it big." Or being successful. It's not just about college or having a degree but being successful. Someone could start their own business and haven't attend a day of college. Why do you think his family was so angry about him marrying her? Because she wasn't on his level.

JG, I'm not saying that they aren't on his level because they aren't smart, or don't have a college degree. I believe HG is talking about the successful aspect of relationships. "Have you been as successful in life as I have" type aspects.

Those examples were just a few off the top-of-my-head but as you all know there are many more examples.

"I don't think it is realistic to expect relationships with such men, however."

Do you think men like these are meant to be alone or never marry? I could see Sean Combs doing that but the average man in America, is socialized to marry at some point in their lives.

 

[chica_canella]

If you married Usher as a recent college graduate I would not think you are marrying up. If you married Usher and you were a high school dropout, yes I would say you caught a break. No, I can find a reason for every woman to be on the same level as an investment banker.

Even as a university graduate, I think too many people place a four-year-degree as the epitome of being "made." To be "made" is to have been fairly successful in life in all avenues, not worrying about losing a job but calling your own shots and living life according to your dreams.

Usher is "made." I am not "made", though I know I will be there in four to five years. The person who has the least to lose after the dissolving of the relationship is the person who has married up, hopefully being of equal moral standing.

"No, I can find a reason for every woman to be on the same level as an investment banker." I think you meant to say, "No, I can't...."

But it seems that is what we are doing, assessing who is asking for to much according to their circumstances before the marriage. We, as fallible are determing who has the right to be with a certain person instead of just lettting it be. If that person thinks he/she is good enough, who am I to say, "no, she/he is not." We say that Tracy or Vanessa or Vivica's ex are on the same level, but then someone is not. In many ways, it is very relative.

 

[hennagirl]

HG, if anyone knows the media is not our friend, then surely I would know. Within my major, we were taught (though I hate to say it) how to manipulate the media ergo manipulating the public also. Side note: Did you know over 60% of the material published in large newspapers originates from press releases?

I am not saying they are exaggerating the statistics but the state of relations between black women and men. They keep screaming or shouting and discussing it over and over again. In your last sentence, you basically have stated what I am saying-"The type of discord generated by racial issues which is why the media exploits these issues at every opportunity."

Analogy: If I tell you that the average American is $10,000 in debt a few times and then offer solutions, then that is not overhyping the situation. But if I tell you the same statistic and offer no solutions, then that is taking advantage of the situation and overhyping it. Any time you see the media discussing the issues just mentioned, they also counteract the problem with solutions for the viewers/consumers. They don't do that with some issues inorder to keep the public in an alert or panicked/fearful state, while mainly relying on the media for updates to the situation. This is why I state they hype the situation because they offer no solutions to prevent the problem in the first place.

And as I said before, "-even if everyone of the black men available were eligible in black womans' eyes, there still wouldn't be enough to go around. It's just fact. Unless you don't mind marrying someone in jail."


I said I don't know any women like this. I have never personally interacted or even spoken to a women like this. I'm not sure if you can speak to any person one time and know their desires for a mate anyway. It would be naive for me to say these type of women don't exist, which I never said. I mean, I don't know what you expect me or wish for me to say. I can't jump on your parade float and say that I personally know women like this. You work with those type of women, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I haven't been immersed in those type of situations. I have no underlying reasons to lie about anything. It's the internet for goodness sakes and for that reason, I resent you thinking that I would feel compelled to be disingenuous.

Ok, so I mentioned Tracy Edmonds and those other women. Have I ever met these women or do I personally know them? No. I am only speaking of the facts I've read on the internet or heard from credible sources.

"The Primetime producers purposely announced her background to forestall complaints. Background information may or may not be routine, in her case it was for a specific reason."

I'm not sure what type of complaints you are speaking about or if they would be from black viewers or whites. I really don't see why anyone would complain except black people. I think that her racial background just added an extra "surprise" factor or umph to the story.

I find it difficult to follow your rather convoluted logic and analogy, however I disagree with what I was able to understand. For example, in your initial post you claimed that the announcement of the abuse victim's background was routine with no racial overtones. When I corrected you with facts, you claim it was an "extra surprise factor." I reiterate that I believe you to be either extremely naieve or disingenuous to have never meant a woman who expects more from a man than she has to offer. Chica, I resent that you characterized the women I volunteer my time with as "that type of woman." Battered women run the socioeconomic gamut which I would expect you to know with your extensive knowledge base. I don't care that this is the Internet, I resent that remark to the point that I am not going to interact with you anymore on this subject and possibly any other.

 

[delp]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Most of my single friends have graduate degrees. They are trying to find someone on their leve,l not marrying up.

 

[JamericanGurl]

Some of ya'll are missing my point and the longer my senile arse keeps talking me too

My point is don't desire someone or say you'll only be with someone that has x and z. When you don't have H,I, J, K, L, M, N, O. P!!!

I just think it's funny how people want this and that and they themselves don't possess and of the qualities they are looking for whether it be monetary, social, or vanity

 

[chica_canella]

I find it difficult to follow your rather convoluted logic and analogy, however I disagree with what I was able to understand. For example, in your initial post you claimed that the announcement of the abuse victim's background was routine with no racial overtones. When I corrected you with facts, you claim it was an "extra surprise factor." I reiterate that I believe you to be either extremely naieve or disingenuous to have never meant a woman who expects more from a man than she has to offer. Chica, I resent that you characterized the women I volunteer my time with as "that type of woman." Battered women run the socioeconomic gamut which I would expect you to know with your extensive knowledge base. I don't care that this is the Internet, I resent that remark to the point that I am not going to interact with you anymore on this subject and possibly any other.

Actually, when we first started talking about this I did think it was a racial reason behind it. But really, I try not to have the "everyone is racist" mentality. Too depressing for me.

I didn't mean to offend you but I don't know any women like the ones you work with. If I fit a demographic of people a person didn't know and they referred to me as "that type of woman", I would have no problem with it.

Perhaps you are wearing your heart on your sleeve since you personally interact with these women. Just a guess.

It's ok if you don't want to converse with me any further. I hope you have a great time on this site and learn lots of information on hair. May God bless you in all your future endeavors.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Like I stated in the other controversial thread on marrying "white," why is it that black women think that they have to sell themselves short? We are the only group of people made to feel that we must settle for less!! Why is this? No other group of people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, is asked to explain themselves or justify who they fall in love with or what their romantic preferences are. Why?

Look, black women are WOMEN. We are also HUMAN BEINGS. I think most of us are socialized to think lesser of ourselves and put others' needs ahead of our own. And yet, we remain the least likely to marry and the least likely to be involved in healthy, loving relationships. We need to stop this facade of trying to live up to the SUPERWOMAN MYTH!! We are NOT superwomen! We are HUMAN! We want to be loved, desired, respected, honored...just like any other woman or human being!

I worked hard to get where I am. Not only am I a wonderful, kind woman, I am a professional woman. I have traveled, studied, become a community activist, am a spiritual, Godly woman. Why should I settle for less? WHY!??!! What's wrong with wanting a man in my life, who at the very least, shares similar values as me? I don't get what's wrong with that. Black men are NEVER asked to settle. Think about this...

I will remain single for the rest of my life and have no problem with that if I can look at myself in the mirror and be able to say that I stuck with my values, my morals, and maintained my integrity. But I refuse to compromise myself because others believe that I must settle for someone who isn't anywhere near my level only so that I could say that I'm not alone.

 

[janiebaby]

Like I stated in the other controversial thread on marrying "white," why is it that black women think that they have to sell themselves short? We are the only group of people made to feel that we must settle for less!! Why is this? No other group of people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, is asked to explain themselves or justify who they fall in love with or what their romantic preferences are. Why?

Look, black women are WOMEN. We are also HUMAN BEINGS. I think most of us are socialized to think lesser of ourselves and put others' needs ahead of our own. And yet, we remain the least likely to marry and the least likely to be involved in healthy, loving relationships. We need to stop this facade of trying to live up to the SUPERWOMAN MYTH!! We are NOT superwomen! We are HUMAN! We want to be loved, desired, respected, honored...just like any other woman or human being!

I worked hard to get where I am. Not only am I a wonderful, kind woman, I am a professional woman. I have traveled, studied, become a community activist, am a spiritual, Godly woman. Why should I settle for less? WHY!??!! What's wrong with wanting a man in my life, who at the very least, shares similar values as me? I don't get what's wrong with that. Black men are NEVER asked to settle. Think about this...

I will remain single for the rest of my life and have no problem with that if I can look at myself in the mirror and be able to say that I stuck with my values, my morals, and maintained my integrity. But I refuse to compromise myself because others believe that I must settle for someone who isn't anywhere near my level only so that I could say that I'm not alone.

Powerful post! :wow:

 

[adf23]

But Serenity_Peace, we are supposed to be happy with any blk man as long as he pays us any shred of attention, and has a pulse, I thought you knew that. (sarcasm)

 

[lunalight7]

Like I stated in the other controversial thread on marrying "white," why is it that black women think that they have to sell themselves short? We are the only group of people made to feel that we must settle for less!! Why is this? No other group of people, regardless of race, ethnicity or gender, is asked to explain themselves or justify who they fall in love with or what their romantic preferences are. Why?

Look, black women are WOMEN. We are also HUMAN BEINGS. I think most of us are socialized to think lesser of ourselves and put others' needs ahead of our own. And yet, we remain the least likely to marry and the least likely to be involved in healthy, loving relationships. We need to stop this facade of trying to live up to the SUPERWOMAN MYTH!! We are NOT superwomen! We are HUMAN! We want to be loved, desired, respected, honored...just like any other woman or human being!

I worked hard to get where I am. Not only am I a wonderful, kind woman, I am a professional woman. I have traveled, studied, become a community activist, am a spiritual, Godly woman. Why should I settle for less? WHY!??!! What's wrong with wanting a man in my life, who at the very least, shares similar values as me? I don't get what's wrong with that. Black men are NEVER asked to settle. Think about this...

I will remain single for the rest of my life and have no problem with that if I can look at myself in the mirror and be able to say that I stuck with my values, my morals, and maintained my integrity. But I refuse to compromise myself because others believe that I must settle for someone who isn't anywhere near my level only so that I could say that I'm not alone.

I hear ya on this Serenity but there's something Ive been considering lately....

I too feel the wa you do. However, at times I feel that to BE ALONE/SINGLE for the rest of my life is, in and of iself, SETTLING.

For example: I used to wonder why some females choose to have babies w/ males that were clearly not about ish. It appeared that they were settling. Then I realized that, at 39, I am settling NOT to have babies until Mr. Right comes along because it may never happen in time for me to have the damn babies. It is possible that these females, many of whom made other decisions that appeared to be admirable (e.g. got their education and careers on track) chose to start a family without waiting for Mr. Right since their observations implied that it might never happen.

I am not advocating a hopeless view of love and marriage. Im just putting this out there as something to consider. Choosing the "wrong" man may be settling, or it may be taking a proactive stance in getting what a woman wants - - to be attached to a man (married or otherwise) and to have a family.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[NessaNessa]

I never said she was a slouch, but she wasn't as successful as Baby Face.

"on her way to med school." Out of all the women I know, studying for MCATs and one young black women that just finished her 3rd year of med school, I never saw anything deter them from their dreams. Auditioning for TV and movies and going to med school on the side. I think that would be pretty hard. I've heard of people who couldn't work while in law school, which is pretty much around the same level as med school. Though I think med school is probably harder.

What I see is that many times after women who aren't as succesful as the men they marry, are pumped up by a publicist. It seems as if they fabricate on the truth. In fact I know they fabricate on the truth. Why the need to lie? Well, to pump up these women so people won't just refer to them as eye candy. Thinking of all the times, I heard Kim Porter was a super model. I've never seen her walk the runway. Oh, and how about Vivica Fox's ex-husband six-something being a rapper.

Well, thank God she didn't go to med school because someone might be walking around with gause in their neck after surgery.

The bolded has me dying over here!!!

But this is a very interesting topic.