Black Women And Late Marriage

[Femmefatal1981]

That may be the case, but causing yourself (speaking generally) anxiety and panic only makes the situation worse.

Ok? Stop thinking, reading, researching and go live your life. Sounding so much like my children Godmother... She wants to get married and have kids but she never leaves the damn house. How does that work exactly? No one has ever found a husband binging on netflix, calling Bill Mahr their "Friday night boyfirend", and writing legal briefs for fun. No one....

 

[FemmeFatale]

Some of yall are just obsessed with the topics covered in this article. It's crazy. Same thing that's been stated in millions of previous articles. Stop worrying about what these articles say and just live your life.

I agree, there's too much fear mongering and not enough productive conversation IMO. I like developing strategies, implementing them, finding out what works and what doesn't...just overall action and encouragement. I find that the internet has this way of crushing spirits out there with all these articles, stats and research..we don't need daily f'n reminders of how bleak the market is. It's almost like they're trying to mind screw black women into depression or something.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I agree, there's too much fear mongering and not enough productive conversation IMO. I like developing strategies, implementing them, finding out what works and what doesn't...just overall action and encouragement. I find that the internet has this way of crushing spirits out there with all these articles, stats and research..we don't need daily f'n reminders of how bleak the market is. It's almost like they're trying to mind screw black women into depression or something.

I don't think they expect people to sit around, then read, analyze and discuss every article.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I don't think they expect people to sit around, then read, analyze and discuss every article.

But this is the nature of blogs, vlogs and forums.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

But this is the nature of blogs, vlogs and forums.

Right but I think most people aren't hanging out in a place where they see all the articles that we see here. Which would explain why I don't see the obsession in real life.

I don't know how productive I would have been in my dating days hanging out here.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

The overall message that this would send is that black women struggle so much to find a man that they need all of this stuff to help them out. And I'm trying to think of what a conference for old,single, childless and upset about it black women would be called.

Right. I mean, really? A conference?

That's why Black people keep going in circles because they love to write and use Black Twitter and have useless conferences, but fail to take action.

 

[LoveisYou]

I agree, there's too much fear mongering and not enough productive conversation IMO. I like developing strategies, implementing them, finding out what works and what doesn't...just overall action and encouragement. I find that the internet has this way of crushing spirits out there with all these articles, stats and research..we don't need daily f'n reminders of how bleak the market is. It's almost like they're trying to mind screw black women into depression or something.

Yes and a lot of these "relationship gugurs" are fear mongers who are profitting nicely off of single ppl.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Ok? Stop thinking, reading, researching and go live your life. Sounding so much like my children Godmother... She wants to get married and have kids but she never leaves the damn house. How does that work exactly? No one has ever found a husband binging on netflix, calling Bill Mahr their "Friday night boyfirend", and writing legal briefs for fun. No one....

This is my friend. Never wants to go where the men are!
All these happy hours and you ain't going to none???

 

[mshoney2u]

The bolded is extremely true and worrying. I can see this being an even bigger problem in the future. Large groups of unmarried men without the responsibility of a wife and and/or family are very dangerous to the group and society at large.

Future? How about now. That evolution is what destroyed our community.
As a result of JBL's "Great Society" the black family suddenly didn’t need a man to work and support them. They got money from the gov’t which took the burden off the black man. The unfortunate backlash was that black men, lacking responsibility for their families basic needs, were suddenly free to do whatever they wanted.

 

[ambergirl]

Future? How about now. That evolution is what destroyed our community.
As a result of JBL's "Great Society" the black family suddenly didn’t need a man to work and support them. They got money from the gov’t which took the burden off the black man. The unfortunate backlash was that black men, lacking responsibility for their families basic needs, were suddenly free to do whatever they wanted.

We need to stop repeating this right wing propaganda about LBJ. What killed the black family was the demise of good paying industrial jobs, the refusal of the government to provide assistance to intact families (not men being irresponsible) and later drugs and guns and mass incarceration.

....back to scheduled programming...

 

[MsSanz92]

We need to stop repeating this right wing propaganda about LBJ. What killed the black family was the demise of good paying industrial jobs, the refusal of the government to provide assistance to intact families (not men being irresponsible) and later drugs and guns and mass incarceration.

....back to scheduled programming...

All of this. This was occurring at the same that people were preaching about how great desegregation was because a select few group of Black people were able to integrate into White elite spaces. Meanwhile, 90% of Black America became completely destitute because of all of the aforementioned policies purposely implemented to disenfranchise Black communities. No one cares about a Black kid named Will who's a straight A student from the South side of Chicago who gets to go to Yale in the post-Civil Rights Era when half of the males in his family can't get jobs, are dead, or incarcerated. That's good and well for Will, but we have to look at the bigger picture.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I agree. There's also a mental health side to this, too. What happens to these women when they hit a certain age and kids are no longer an option (45+) and they may be unmarried? Will they be just fine or broken? I think we forget that these women are people are more than statistics. Historically, has this kind of thing happened before? uounIf so, how was it handled?

I imagine there must be material on unmarried women after a war killed many young men.
I believe in the past they mostly remained with their parents.
We lost a good deal of men to the Vietnam War. I think more women just never married.

 

[UmSumayyah]

is this thread interesting? i got a little bored on the first page cause it seem like more of the usual but if there is some good info in here i will read it.

We have had at least one new idea expressed. @CaraWalker

 

[UmSumayyah]

The overall message that this would send is that black women struggle so much to find a man that they need all of this stuff to help them out. And I'm trying to think of what a conference for old,single, childless and upset about it black women would be called.

I'm not opposed to a type of think tank for bw but I think it might be better if it were comprehensive, covering health, education,career, entrepreneurship,etc.

I just think it's unwise to wait for one to get up and running before you take action in your own life.

 

[CaraWalker]

We have had at least one new idea expressed. @CaraWalker

what was it?

 

[barbiesocialite]

My girlfriends and I discus have this discussion everytime runs into a perputally single woman who claims she wants to get married but complains lack of quality options is only reason getting married is such a struggle.

I cant say what I usaully say IRL..... but almost every time a woman says something like this I'm kinda confsed. Since the day I met them their entire life lookeed like a woman that likes being single to me. Not in a bad way. Just matter of factly. From her job, to her house, to her friends, to her hobbies and to her exes I wouldnt have pegged her a woman that's pressed to get married.*ye shrug*

regardless if a woman ends choose to marry old or young----I'll go on and say that by 21 (maybe by 18 )--you can identify women who will find a husband fairly easy and naturally when she's ready to get married vs those who are ready for marriage for quite some time before they got it.. She wanted be a wife for a while but had to put in conscious effort before they actually found the husband.

There are plenty of women who who went to college for their MRS. Degree who didnt get it. She was hoping to be a wife for college graduation but instead watched her girlfriends get married while she had to put in a lot of work strugglign to find a husband finally at 28. Meanwhile there are other women who were busy or not interested in being a wife til 36, her 37th birthday was a a destination wedding and Christmas was a babyshower.

People just need to know be honest with themselves about which girl they are.

The first girl doesnt have the luxury to put off marriage or kids for too long. She cant afford spending too much time in places or people who offer few or no eligible potential suitors.. Men that want to be husbands dont fall out the sky into her lap like that. She shouldt live a lifestyle or plan her goals as if they do because they dont and most likey wont start falling all of a sudden. Folks know who they are but some choose to ignore it or avoid it. If you ignore, you cant adjust accordingly. Which ends up making life much harder than necessary with too much time wasted focusing on the wrong things not in your favor. People like to make ish complicated when it shouldnt be. it really isnt.......

Speaking of this, I forgot that my high school best friend moved to California twice, once after college and not too long ago she got married a year ago to this fineeeeeee arse chocolate brown man born and raised in Cali. But I'm not surprised because men have ben tryna lock her down since highschool. She can find a man in the middle of the Sahara if she had to…… .

 

[bubbles12345]

This is my friend. Never wants to go where the men are!
All these happy hours and you ain't going to none???

Sound like some of friends. Always complaining about being single. But only go out to do zumba, paint nite and arts and crafts. Ain't no straight men at those events!

 

[UmSumayyah]

We need a spinoff. ..

 

[sunnydaze]

Sound like some of friends. Always complaining about being single. But only go out to do zumba, paint nite and arts and crafts. Ain't no straight men at those events!

Yep..paint and pinot nights with the girls are fun exactly ONE time, beyond that..no interest on any level.

..and don't get me started on "I'm havin fun like I'm in da club, but not in da club...nor am I losing weight" zumba classes...

 

[barbiesocialite]

We need a spinoff. ..

Then make one lol

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yep..paint and pinot nights with the girls are fun exactly ONE time, beyond that..no interest on any level.

Hold up… ..I thought she was joking or being sarcastic.

Paint night is a real thing????

Jeebus.

Id rather sit in silence by myself staing at white walls.

 

[sunnydaze]

Hold up… ..I thought she was joking or being sarcastic.

Paint night is a real thing????

Jeebus.

Id rather sit in silence by myself staing at white walls.

Yes its real unfortunately. You are too young to know about this. Its the late 30s+ version of a girls night. Drink wine and paint in a well lit room.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Yes its real unfortunately. You are too young to know about this. Its the late 30s+ version of a girls night. Drink wine and paint in a well lit room.

Im never going to that. ever. But congregating in groups with single women has never been my thing. Its my nightmare. So thtas thr future for the 20 somethings that do girl trips huh lol

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

No lie, some WW at work were just talking about doing this! But the WM from work were also invited so I'm not sure if it's still as pathetic. Frankly, it sounds more fun than bar hopping. Seeing the same ninjas every weekend.

 

[DarkJoy]

Ive seen those painting while wine tasting on dating meet up group outing postings. Ive never gone so idk what the turn outs were like.

I might go just to see what my art looks like after the fifth glass

 

[MizAvalon]

This is my friend. Never wants to go where the men are!
All these happy hours and you ain't going to none???

Completely agree! Sitting around the house waiting to be found will get you nowhere but going out can backfire too if you're not careful. I know someone that claims she wants to be married but when she did finally get out of the house and start going places she wasn't going where the men are! Straight, single men do not spend their weekends at home and garden flower shows or wine and painting classes.

You have to strategically place yourself if you want to be found. Whatever kind of man you're looking for, spend time in places where men like that will likely be.

 

[MizAvalon]

Sound like some of friends. Always complaining about being single. But only go out to do zumba, paint nite and arts and crafts. Ain't no straight men at those events!

I didn't see this before I posted but exactamundo!!

 

[mshoney2u]

We need to stop repeating this right wing propaganda about LBJ. What killed the black family was the demise of good paying industrial jobs, the refusal of the government to provide assistance to intact families (not men being irresponsible) and later drugs and guns and mass incarceration.

....back to scheduled programming...

You had the Davis- Bacon Act of 1931 and the National Recovery Act of 1933, which was eventually declared unconstitutional and removed but in the 2 years that it was installed caused widespread destruction of the black workforce. Those two acts combined saw the black unemployment rate just about double every year for 2 years and hasn’t gone down since.
Yet the start of the rapid decline in black marriages did not start until around 1965. Which happen to be after LBJ’s “War on Poverty ‘s” Food Stamp Act and the Economic Opportunity Act in 1964 and Social Security Act and the Elementary and Secondary Education Act 1965.
Thomas Sowell’s research even showed us that “the particular culture or ‘human capital’ available to a people has often had more influence on their economic level than their existing material wealth, natural resources, or individual geniuses.”
Welfare made it more profitable to not be married than be married. The govenment will take care of you. Psychologically conditioning the poor to not value the institute of marriage which in turn effected our culture and community.

 

[lux10023]

ditto the friend that never goes anywhere and is single...the one time they do go out they have one semi-bad exp and banish the idea of going out again...you invite them to all kinds of things but they talking about netflix..i don't even have netflix and if i was single i wouldn't either

single ppl need to get out the house and off the couch...
tis all.

so true...talking about where the men at--not at the got damn paint and sip event!!!

Sound like some of friends. Always complaining about being single. But only go out to do zumba, paint nite and arts and crafts. Ain't no straight men at those events!

This is my friend. Never wants to go where the men are!
All these happy hours and you ain't going to none???

 

[barbiesocialite]

The thought of a single woman going to a wine festival or paint party is annoying. The idea of more than one woman doing this makes me angry.

*** painting. Act like you have some sense and take your arse to the sports bar for happy hour or find a cigar club or steakhouse downtown for lunch by yourself--make sure youre dressed up lookin cute.