The Art of "Helping" a Man (aka getting your way)

[kweenameena]

Cancer men succccccccccccccccccccck

Yes!! They are difficult!!! I created this thread because of the Cancer man that I'm in love with.

 

[kweenameena]

So I planted a seed last night for something I need for school and this morning he is on the computer looking stuff up and told me what i needed. I told him I didn't have the money for a part of what I needed so maybe I'll just figure it out some other way, it's not necessary. Next text from him "I'll buy that for you".

Sent from the corner pay phone

It's almost like LOA except you're manifesting thru your man.

 

[Southernbella.]

Yes!! They are difficult!!! I created this thread because of the Cancer man that I'm in love with.

Oh you have a cancer man? That's what I get for skimming. Hon, there is no finesse or nuance. They see right through it. Sorry.

But in my experience, they love to do for you, they just don't like feeling goaded or manipulated. It's an insult in a way.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Zaynab]

Awww what's wrong with Cancer men? My dad is one! They are the sweetest!!!

I'm married to a Sag. You just have to know how that life is--sweet words do them well. They are bold, confident, arrogant and think they rule the world. They love their egos to be stroked.

 

[Zaynab]

Yes!! They are difficult!!! I created this thread because of the Cancer man that I'm in love with.

My dad is a cancer. I thought they were sweet and family oriented, like my dad goes the distance for family always. They feel pretty deeply I do know that and they are pretty direct in their approach to things. But if my mom has ever wanted anything, my dad always made it happen. One of my son's is a cancer. So far all I can see is he cries alot

 

[Southernbella.]

He generally makes good decisions. Sometimes they aren't well thought out.

Yes, his decisions affect me. Recently he decided to allow his female cousin who is a free-loader move in with him. He didn't mention it to me. When I arrived at his house for the weekend that's when I found out. I stay with him on weekends and he works Saturday during the day. So I'm usually at his place alone. Needless to say, it was awkward with just me and her. Let me add that she doesn't like me. He didn't let me know because he didn't want me to talk him out of it (his words). So yea, it affects me. Lol

I want him to give her a deadline to be out. Especially since she has parents with a huge house that would be more than happy to take her in. Also we've been talking about getting engaged and I don't think I will want to if that's the situation.

Our dynamic is hmmm. We are good except for when there's a power struggle

Keep it simple. Tell him you are uncomfortable being there when she's there. Tell him you respect his desire to help his family and would never want to come between them, so you will stop staying over for the time being. Honest and straightforward is the best way to go. That puts the ball in his court.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

It's almost like LOA except you're manifesting thru your man.

It's kind of scary honestly. I hope he doesn't feel down the line that I was using him? I want him to truly want to do these things. Hope I'm making sense. I want him to know that I appreciate it.

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[FelaShrine]

Awww what's wrong with Cancer men? My dad is one! They are the sweetest!!!

Only thing I will give them is faithfulness. Most tend to be faithful. but how cn you noty be faithful when you are a damn homebody and dont do ish but whine

Damn overly sensitive crybabies

Southernbella. agrees with me. Just pretending cos her dH reads the board right behind her

 

[FelaShrine]

anyway err great tips girls

 

[Southernbella.]

Girl what are you talking about?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[hopeful]

Keep it simple. Tell him you are uncomfortable being there when she's there. Tell him you respect his desire to help his family and would never want to come between them, so you will stop staying over for the time being. Honest and straightforward is the best way to go. That puts the ball in his court.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Yes. This is how I am with dh. I say yes, I understand that you want to do A, and well then I am going to do B, very matter of factly. Direct and honest works every time .

 

[HeChangedMyName]

ok, I see some Astrological interpretations popping off in here. . .what's the dirt on Sagittarius?

I've only ever dated Sags and Gemini men. Totally unintentional but obviously there is "something" about them

 

[Zaynab]

ok, I see some Astrological interpretations popping off in here. . .what's the dirt on Sagittarius?

I've only ever dated Sags and Gemini men. Totally unintentional but obviously there is "something" about them

They are rude, blunt, arrogant LOL But they balance that rough exterior with being romantic secretly. On the surface they seem aloof but they love deeply and take very good care of you. They are really masculine men.

ETA: JayZ is a Sag and I love him too

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[FemmeFatale]

Hmmm how about Scorpio men?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Hmmm how about Scorpio men?

I am dealing with one too

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[kweenameena]

Keep it simple. Tell him you are uncomfortable being there when she's there. Tell him you respect his desire to help his family and would never want to come between them, so you will stop staying over for the time being. Honest and straightforward is the best way to go. That puts the ball in his court.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Ok, so I sorta did this (maybe with a bit more sass than I should've had). But I stopped nagging him about. So a couple of days later he mentioned that she was only staying a couple of months and he told her she had to be gone on the weekends when I come over. I'm happy with that for now

 

[kweenameena]

Oh you have a cancer man? That's what I get for skimming. Hon, there is no finesse or nuance. They see right through it. Sorry.

But in my experience, they love to do for you, they just don't like feeling goaded or manipulated. It's an insult in a way.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Yasss! He sees thru everything!! You're so on point about him

 

[kweenameena]

My dad is a cancer. I thought they were sweet and family oriented, like my dad goes the distance for family always. They feel pretty deeply I do know that and they are pretty direct in their approach to things. But if my mom has ever wanted anything, my dad always made it happen. One of my son's is a cancer. So far all I can see is he cries alot

He's a great provider, family oriented, reliable, trustworthy, super driven and ambitious. But he has a temper when he's upset, hates for someone to "teach" him (his words), he's an uber alpha-male, all logic and no emotion, hates being told what to do, not moved by sex, is driven by being the best and making money and very direct (sometimes just crass).

He ain't no walk in the park.

 

[Zaynab]

He's a great provider, family oriented, reliable, trustworthy, super driven and ambitious. But he has a temper when he's upset, hates for someone to "teach" him (his words), he's an uber alpha-male, all logic and no emotion, hates being told what to do, not moved by sex, is driven by being the best and making money and very direct (sometimes just crass).

He ain't no walk in the park.

Yep. Sounds like my dad and alot like my DH. except I can't I speak on the sex and emotions for my dad. LOL We never lacked for ANYthing growing up money and all, my dad was everything.

My dads demeanor as a man is why I choose the men I do, he set the standard. I don't fall for the okie Doke. My dad and DH are in some silent competition, because my dad is the best. LOL

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Zaynab]

Hmmm how about Scorpio men?

They are talking about them in OT

 

[kweenameena]

Yep. Sounds like my dad and alot like my DH. except I can't I speak on the sex and emotions for my dad. LOL We never lacked for ANYthing growing up money and all, my dad was everything.

My dads demeanor as a man is why I choose the men I do, he set the standard. I don't fall for the okie Doke. My dad and DH are in some silent competition, because my dad is the best. LOL

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Right, but you know how some of y'all can roll over after some good lovin' and get what you want? Yeah, uh, I can do my best toe-curling tricks and this ninja is still a mule!!! If I hold out, he's still a mule.

The only way I can move him is if I tell him that someone else is doing something for me that he would normally feel he should do.

 

[Xavier]

I don't know if it's a Lucie-thing or a Cancerian-thing but I hate when people try to butter me up. State what you desire and let's take it from there. Buying me griot or telling me how great my rollerset looks grates my nerves. Though I will happily eat the food and relish in your compliment but you won't get jack, JACK! LOL!

Omg!!!! I'm a Cancer as well Lucie and this gets on my last nerve. I hate when people try to butter me up before asking for something.


Great thread ladies. I'm taking notes.

 

[Zaynab]

Right, but you know how some of y'all can roll over after some good lovin' and get what you want? Yeah, uh, I can do my best toe-curling tricks and this ninja is still a mule!!! If I hold out, he's still a mule.

The only way I can move him is if I tell him that someone else is doing something for me that he would normally feel he should do.

Nah. I don't get what I want from DH through sex, the sex is a bonus. It's more the way I treat him and talk to him.

 

[Southernbella.]

Right, but you know how some of y'all can roll over after some good lovin' and get what you want? Yeah, uh, I can do my best toe-curling tricks and this ninja is still a mule!!! If I hold out, he's still a mule.

The only way I can move him is if I tell him that someone else is doing something for me that he would normally feel he should do.

You really have to appeal to their sense of loyalty and integrity. Like if they say they love you, then of course they would move heaven and earth for you. How dare you believe otherwise? But I think deep down there's a bit of insecurity so they NEED for you to believe in their love and loyalty and responsibility. When you don't, it makes them question themselves.

It took me awhile to learn this.

What's funny is that dd, who is only 8, has figured some of this out. When she deals with her little brother, she appeals to his need to impress dh (help me do xyz...remember daddy said you're supposed to be a gentleman?). With dh, she knows to appeal to his logical side but also to his need to be a family man and his guilt about travelling a lot. It's really fascinating and I'm mad she's better at analyzing people than I am.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[kweenameena]

You really have to appeal to their sense of loyalty and integrity. Like if they say they love you, then of course they would move heaven and earth for you. How dare you believe otherwise? But I think deep down there's a bit of insecurity so they NEED for you to believe in their love and loyalty and responsibility. When you don't, it makes them question themselves.

It took me awhile to learn this.

What's funny is that dd, who is only 8, has figured some of this out. When she deals with her little brother, she appeals to his need to impress dh (help me do xyz...remember daddy said you're supposed to be a gentleman?). With dh, she knows to appeal to his logical side but also to his need to be a family man and his guilt about travelling a lot. It's really fascinating and I'm mad she's better at analyzing people than I am.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

It's amazing to me how well you have him figured out and you don't even know him. The one thing he is always yapping about is "loyalty". He values that he's loyal and he values people who are loyal to him. I just haven't figured out how this looks in action. I do realize that I don't have the expectancy that he's supposed to take care of stuff in the way that his sister and female cousins do. His sister will call and say "I need you to pay my phone bill" and it's done. But my approach is different because I don't know how to ask for things and I don't deal with him in a way that makes him feel that I expect him to take care of things. He's told me that he doesn't know how to do nice things for me or when he wants to he overthinks it and talks himself out of it. I was offended by that. But he explained that I kind of have this "I can take care of everything myself" air about me. And I realized within that conversation that he has a need to feel needed. And he also needs to have an outlet to prove that he's loyal. I find that he fits his myers-briggs personality type which is ENTJ. OMG he fits it sooo well. And I'm an INFP. So our dynamic is an interesting puzzle.

My daughter has figured out how to wrap him around her finger though

 

[PrissandPrim]

They are rude, blunt, arrogant LOL But they balance that rough exterior with being romantic secretly. On the surface they seem aloof but they love deeply and take very good care of you. They are really masculine men.

ETA: JayZ is a Sag and I love him too

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

I have found this to be true about Sag men.
Zaynab
How do you deal with his ruff side (bluntness, rude, arrogant, etc...)? Do you try to correct his behavior or act indifferent to it (not responding)?

 

[Zaynab]

I have found this to be true about Sag men.
Zaynab
How do you deal with his ruff side (bluntness, rude, arrogant, etc...)? Do you try to correct his behavior or act indifferent to it (not responding)?

It doesn't bother me. But I have been with DH for 14 years. The arrogance/confidence is double sided, its a good and bad quality depending on when its being displayed. When he's being obtuse i ignore him. He's always right of course but he honestly usually is if that makes sense. You cant win an argument with them so I don't bother. But they are just confident masculine men, thus they like very feminine women. But for all their arrogance, in private they are very loving. There is no controlling them. And its said they are hard to commit, which is true but when they finally DO they latch on and you can't get rid of them. A sag man truly in love won't let you go. Trust me I have tried to get rid of DH

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[LiftedUp]

Only tip I have is that my mother cooks a big pot of food before going on a shopping spree.

She'll be like "I cooked some food and baked a cake, liftedup and I are going to pick up some stuff"

He hears "Food... going to the grocery"

Works for her and I hope that it works for me in the future lol.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

It doesn't bother me. But I have been with DH for 14 years. The arrogance/confidence is double sided, its a good and bad quality depending on when its being displayed. When he's being obtuse i ignore him. He's always right of course but he honestly usually is if that makes sense. You cant win an argument with them so I don't bother. But they are just confident masculine men, thus they like very feminine women. But for all their arrogance, in private they are very loving. There is no controlling them. And its said they are hard to commit, which is true but when they finally DO they latch on and you can't get rid of them. A sag man truly in love won't let you go. Trust me I have tried to get rid of DH

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

uhm uhm uhm

 

[SophieDulce]

Only tip I have is that my mother cooks a big pot of food before going on a shopping spree.

She'll be like "I cooked some food and baked a cake, liftedup and I are going to pick up some stuff"

He hears "Food... going to the grocery"

Works for her and I hope that it works for me in the future lol.

LOL!!! I love this