That's seems easier, I tried the childlike anger stuff and it just never works!! I always feel so silly.
I am bad and unfair in arguing, so I just wait and reflect.
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That's seems easier, I tried the childlike anger stuff and it just never works!! I always feel so silly.
Now, my question is what do you do or say when he disappoints you? I'm not talking about cheating or anything serious of that sort, before people jump to conclusions.
I'm the type to express my feelings to DH right away and I used to be harsh in my delivery... Now I am gentle but some things still don't get done unless I start badgering him.
I want to let go and let him take care of me, but I'm afraid to do that. It's not about being independent or doing it my way, because I always consult DH before I do something. It's more about the certainty that things will get done in time if I do them myself.
This marriage thing is confusing...
It's about planting the seed. You mention something you'd like to do then come up with your own reasons why it wouldn't work. Then he feels compelled to make it work himself.
Me: I'd like to remodel the kitchen. I want new countertops and floors.
DH: Why? It's fine.
Me: It's so outdated. I want an update.
DH: That's a lot of money. We said we were going to save.
Me: Yeah. You're right. It's expensive. We don't have it like that right now.
(meanwhile, HGTV is always on and we just happen to visit friends with
nicer kitchens)
DH: I'm tired of looking at this kitchen. It's just raggedy.
Me: It's okay. We'll do it in a few years.
DH: Remember Jerry and Tracy's kitchen? That was nice. He gave me the
name of the contractor.
Me: The contractor? Oh, my God! That must have been expensive! We
can't afford that!
DH: It's not going to be that much. And it'll just cost more a few years from
now. You need to stop worrying about everything.
Me: Okay. I guess we could get an estimate(pulls decorating magazines from
their hiding place)
Coffee Without putting our business out there, I was disappointed when we made financial plans and he didn't do his part. He's taking care of business, pays the bills and always on time but when it comes to savings, it is difficult for him to do it without me checking in.
We plan to buy a house next year so he knows the deadline. I need to try a different approach. I could handle his money myself because I have access to his accounts but I don't want to treat him like a child.
It's about planting the seed. You mention something you'd like to do then come up with your own reasons why it wouldn't work. Then he feels compelled to make it work himself.
Me: I'd like to remodel the kitchen. I want new countertops and floors.
DH: Why? It's fine.
Me: It's so outdated. I want an update.
DH: That's a lot of money. We said we were going to save.
Me: Yeah. You're right. It's expensive. We don't have it like that right now.
(meanwhile, HGTV is always on and we just happen to visit friends with
nicer kitchens)
DH: I'm tired of looking at this kitchen. It's just raggedy.
Me: It's okay. We'll do it in a few years.
DH: Remember Jerry and Tracy's kitchen? That was nice. He gave me the
name of the contractor.
Me: The contractor? Oh, my God! That must have been expensive! We
can't afford that!
DH: It's not going to be that much. And it'll just cost more a few years from
now. You need to stop worrying about everything.
Me: Okay. I guess we could get an estimate(pulls decorating magazines from
their hiding place)
Is there a way you could say or express to him that you're better with the finances and to let you handle them? I was always raised the woman handles the money so I do for us. Most men are typically fine with that I think. It's the approach. Since this is something important for the two of you.
Zaynab I think he wouldn't mind letting me handle the finances. The problem is I created an overzealous budget for him and he said it was too restrictive. I scared him off.
Reading this thread made me think that I should tell him "Baby, I want to remove the burden of taking care of our finances off your shoulders." How does that sound?
Yeah you gotta sandwhich it, like say "you work so hard for us (don't laugh) But I swear if you tell a man how hard he works for you and how much you appreciate it, those are like magical words I swear. Anyway and just be like I know you're working so hard and paying bills and I really want to see how I can take some stress off of you with saving extra $$ for our house. Because I know you are working now so we can have this later". You gotta be all sweet with it And do YOU THINK it would help YOU if I took over some management of some of the money/bills?"
@Coffee Without putting our business out there, I was disappointed when we made financial plans and he didn't do his part. He's taking care of business, pays the bills and always on time but when it comes to savings, it is difficult for him to do it without me checking in.
We plan to buy a house next year so he knows the deadline. I need to try a different approach. I could handle his money myself because I have access to his accounts but I don't want to treat him like a child.
I'm a fan of old videos and this scenario completely reminds me of this video from '55. It's about a wife wanting a new kitchen. It differs in that the wife goes on a trip and doesn't prepare food etc, so the husband has to do it all and realises that their kitchen sucks.
Their friend's kitchen is also used as an example of a better kitchen. Nary a trace of nagging. 11:50 onwards more or less sums it up.
Lucie, you said it! I'm a Cancer who is married to a Cancer so I just lurk these threads giving my silent support.
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Lucie and Southernbella
I don't know how to be anything but direct. I want _____ and it would be great to have it by ____ date. Then after I get it, I thank him and brag on him, but what makes him happiest is knowing how happy I am -- he loves seeing me happy and at peace, and knowing he can take credit for my joy makes him proud and happy. When I thank him for things he does for me and/or our daughters, he always says, "That's my job." And I believe it is his job to not be stubborn about most things.
Lucie and Southernbella
I don't know how to be anything but direct. I want _____ and it would be great to have it by ____ date. Then after I get it, I thank him and brag on him, but what makes him happiest is knowing how happy I am -- he loves seeing me happy and at peace, and knowing he can take credit for my joy makes him proud and happy. When I thank him for things he does for me and/or our daughters, he always says, "That's my job." And I believe it is his job to not be stubborn about most things.
Cancer men succccccccccccccccccccck
Southernbella. said:*report*
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