Ladybelle
New Member
I will say that I am not married by choice....there was a point in my life where i was looking for the guy who DIDN"T want to get married...options for marriage material men (as in what most people deem marriage material) or men who would like to get married are always available if that is what one is looking for
I spent years not knowing what i was looking for and it wasn't marriage in the traditional sense or security from a man or anything like that... thats why I passed it up more than a few times in my life...it wouldn't be fair to me or to him to just settle when i knew in my heart its not what i wanted
even with my last ex if I could of been sure I could marry him or promise him some sort of forever he wouldn't of been as scared as he was of love but i couldn't give him that guarantee and he didn't want to take a chance and get "caught out on a limb" as he put it...
at that point I decided to figure out myself...what is goin on with me and it took me a few years to redefine my own ideas of love, commitment, marriage and now i know the reason why i was never gung ho to get married its because what i really feel all of that is about doesn't align up to what most other people feel it is about ....and now i am completely open to marriage in the way i see it and men who see it that way are poppin up all over the place...and its about me being me and attracting those who align up to me....when I was still thinking of marriage the way most people see it as, even though i didn't want that, i attracted men who wanted marriage in that way...they are still around, just now men who think like i do presently are attracting to my field of choice
if marriage is what one wants have faith marriage is what you will get
trying to get and keep people shows you have a lot of fear in "losing" somebody vs having faith that somebody will want to be with you
I think I understand what you're saying and you do bring up some very valid & interesting points. It's almost as if we're going from one extreme to another.
Let's just take one example/analogy. I'll use coloring. If I'm understanding it correctly,
you say that if one likes to color all the time, you should just be yourself. Don't hide it, don't cover it up, don't limit your desires & you will attract someone who loves you for you and your love of coloring.
I say, although one might like to color all the time - it might be better to control yourself until you are in a steady, long-term relationship with someone (at minimum) to completely let go of all of your inhibitions. And, I say that most men don't want to marry women who've been coloring with everybody.
Is that it?
I do agree with the bolded, while I also think there are certain standards one must meet, maintain & establish in order to have a healthy relationship.