A classmate posed the question: Ladies would you help your man financially?

I think it would kill the attraction. If we're dating, regardless of how serious the relationship is, it would scare me if a man had to ask me for money. No emergency fund? No other close friends or relatives to ask? It would prolly cause a shift in the relationship. I have no problem with having my man's back but um not financially, I'm not the ride or die type.
 
Depends on the circumstances.

I've seen all sorts go down during the recession.

I have not helped out a man financially, but I would never say never in a 40 year marriage. It would have to be something crazy and unexpected. Also it would have to be a rare occurrence and his absolute last resort.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Lol to the whole thread. For the ladies that responded, what is your reasoning behind it? Or is this just one of those things you really don't have reasoning for?
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To be completely honest... and this is definitely no shade to anyone in this thread... but, the type of men that I date don't need financial help.

And, no... I am definitely NOT a gold digger.

Take, for instance, my current SO. My annual salary is more than his. However, his savings is on a whole other level compared to mine. I can't do anything for him... and that's just the way I like it.
 
It depends on how long we have been together and his financial situation. I agree with the OP that I will help him which I have done for a ex with his resume, with searching for a new job and when he shaped his mouth to ask me for money and I saw how he was financially I as like a big NO and plus we had only dated for a couple of months, and that was like 2 or 3 years ago so check on him now and he's in the same situation probably worse off because he got rid of the roommate. Heck he used credit cards majority time to pay for even fast food and he would eat out at least 99% of time the 1% is if I cooked and invited his greedy behind over or if he was mooching off his family or friends for a plate.

I would feel the same exact way. I would never shape my mouth to ask him for money.

I had another dude that I dealt with for over 6 years and I never asked him for money as long as we were on and off with each other he never asked me and I never asked him. He mentioned it a couple of times and I basically told him I knew his situation with his daughter and taking care of her and why would I ask for money or depend on him like that. I rarely even asked for gas money and that was ONLY if I had to.
 
PureSilver said:
These responses just make me nauseous to think.......I just can't deal.
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At the same time, it's real life and reality that explains the state of the black male as a perpetual man-child and black women as strong independents as providers of their family.

I'm like you, I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I've never lent my SO, brothers, male friends and male cousins a dime. if you have to give up something so I can have it so be it. I dont have broke male problems. :look::lol:
 
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barbiesocialite said:
At the same time, it's real life and reality that explains the state of the black male as a perpetual man-child and black women as strong independents as providers of their family.

I'm like you, I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I've never lent my SO, brothers, male friends and male cousins a dime. if you have to give up something so I can have it so be it. I dont have broke male problems. :look::lol:
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giphy.gif
 
I did in my 20s and today at the age of 38 he is still in the same situation I left him in over 10 years ago. Living/mooching off his parents.

I understand the economy left alot of people strapped for a living. But IMO, broke men shouldn't date, if they can't afford to date.

It amazes me, how men can boldly ask their gf's for money. It's like they feel no shame. You want sex and my money. Oh heck no!

I dated one guy that was unemployed (which was fine) but I made sure he understood that I don't give financial support to men. Never heard from him again.....lol!

I'm closer to the 40 range so my expectations of men are alot different. I'm not supporting a "boyfriend" or "fiancee".
 
No.:look::nono: For one, the men I date seriously don't need financial help like that. Second, I've grown up with my father bringing in money and seeing it as his duty to take care of his family. I rarely pay for anything when I'm out with him and if I do (which he hates) he makes sure to pay me back and usually gives me extra. I expect that from a man I'm dating (not the extra part.) Which is why it would destroy any attraction on my end.:look:

Now if we're married then it's different because what's mine is his and we've taken a vow of for richer or poorer and all that.:rolleyes: But dating? Hell naw.:nono:
 
This reminded me. I was actually asked once by a guy I was talking to when I was 16.

He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was in a (popular) footwear store on payday and he asked me if I was going to get him something.... He had no shame at all.

Funny I don't even think it's as simple as whether someone is broke. There's plenty of men who struggle, or lose their business, but still could never ask a woman.

My bff just told me that her husband doesn't pay for anything. When they go for meals he makes her pass him money under the table so people don't know he's not paying. This dude has money in the bank too. I'm in shock.
 
barbiesocialite said:
At the same time, it's real life and reality that explains the state of the black male as a perpetual man-child and black women as strong independents as providers of their family. I'm like you, I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I've never lent my SO, brothers, male friends and male cousins a dime. if you have to give up something so I can have it so be it. I dont have broke male problems. :look::lol:
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Lol, you done hurt some feelings with that one.

No to the question. I don't even attract that sort of foolishness into my life.
 
Sumra said:
This reminded me. I was actually asked once by a guy I was talking to when I was 16.

He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was in a (popular) footwear store on payday and he asked me if I was going to get him something.... He had no shame at all.

Funny I don't even think it's as simple as whether someone is broke. There's plenty of men who struggle, or lose their business, but still could never ask a woman.

My bff just told me that her husband doesn't pay for anything. When they go for meals he makes her pass him money under the table so people don't know he's not paying. This dude has money in the bank too. I'm in shock.
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This happens alot more than you think. I am divorced/single in my early 40's....you would be surprised at how many women are carrying households while the men are able bodied with good incomes and savings. My eyes have been open in the past few years....some men are beyond selfish and have no problems watching women struggle to handle finances.
 
SlimPickinz said:
Wait...husband doesn't pay? Her husband?? & then the wife passes him the cash under the table??
.
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Yup. He paints himself as traditional alpha male family man in public. She said he doesn't pay for the house, or utilities either :/.

He has definitely makes money so I don't understand it.

I personally think there has to be some beliefs under there that enable a man to act this way. My SO's all had breadwinner fathers, so they haven't grown up seeing women paying for anything. Guys who grew up with single mothers can be hit and miss. I think they are much more likely to feel ok asking a woman to be more independent, or to help them out.
 
A little OT,
But lately its been bothering me when needy strangers who are men ask me for money.

I feel disgusted that a man would approach a woman and ask her for money. But I also know they do it because we women tend to be more sympathetic and willing to give but I find it disrespectful. Don't ask me for $.50 for bus fare, don't ask if I can spare some change. Ask another man! It used to just be lightweight annoying but now I am bothered by the principle being violated.

To answer the OP, I would need to know the circumstances surrounding it. Has to be an anomaly and he has exhausted other resources (and we've been together long enough for me to know his character).
 
It really depends on the situation. When DH graduated from undergrad, he was still looking for a job. I was interning, so I could afford to pay for dates during the 1-2 months that he was looking for work. He never asked me for anything; I offered because I knew it was a unique situation that would soon pass. I remember one day his car was in the shop and he got called to go to a job interview. I had no problems taking him to his interview. So yeah, it really just depends on the guy and the situation. That one summer I helped him out has no comparison to what he's done for me over the years and how he continues to provide financially. I get to persue my dreams while he holds down the fort. I'm glad I didn't dump him when he was down.

Nothing wrong with helping a man who truly needs it and who you know isn't taking advantage of you. I guess you just have to know the guy. The "Bae, I need money" types are usually the ones complaining about golddiggers when they don't even have any gold to dig, and ain't nobody got time for those types.
 
Priss Pot said:
It really depends on the situation. When DH graduated from undergrad, he was still looking for a job. I was interning, so I could afford to pay for dates during the 1-2 months that he was looking for work. He never asked me for anything; I offered because I knew it was a unique situation that would soon pass. I remember one day his car was in the shop and he got called to go to a job interview. I had no problems taking him to his interview. So yeah, it really just depends on the guy and the situation. That one summer I helped him out has no comparison to what he's done for me over the years and how he continues to provide financially. I get to persue my dreams while he holds down the fort. I'm glad I didn't dump him when he was down.

Nothing wrong with helping a man who truly needs it and who you know isn't taking advantage of you. I guess you just have to know the guy. The "Bae, I need money" types are usually the ones complaining about golddiggers when they don't even have any gold to dig, and ain't nobody got time for those types.
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I agree. A lot depends on your stage of life. I got married when I was young; I was 24 and he was 26. When we were dating he was in graduate school and I was working. He never asked me for money, but I contributed more to activities because I had more disposable income. But I knew it was a temporary situation. He's very driven. Thirty years later he makes more than most college educated, two income couples combined and I have a comfortable life.
 
Not being funny but why is she still married to him? She's doing the same with him that she would be doing without. :ohwell:


Sumra said:
Yup. He paints himself as traditional alpha male family man in public. She said he doesn't pay for the house, or utilities either :/.

He has definitely makes money so I don't understand it.

I personally think there has to be some beliefs under there that enable a man to act this way. My SO's all had breadwinner fathers, so they haven't grown up seeing women paying for anything. Guys who grew up with single mothers can be hit and miss. I think they are much more likely to feel ok asking a woman to be more independent, or to help them out.
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I'm actually baffled by both of these storiessss baffled..like really perplexed

I've heard of women taking care of a man who's unemployed hence the no financial contribution to the house

but I've never heard or witnessed an able bodied man who works and receives a payheck-living in a house with a woman and kids not contributing financially---

like how does that even work?:blush::blush:




lexi08 said:
[/B]

This happens alot more than you think. I am divorced/single in my early 40's....you would be surprised at how many women are carrying households while the men are able bodied with good incomes and savings. My eyes have been open in the past few years....some men are beyond selfish and have no problems watching women struggle to handle finances.
Click to expand...

Sumra said:
Yup. He paints himself as traditional alpha male family man in public. She said he doesn't pay for the house, or utilities either :/.

He has definitely makes money so I don't understand it.

I personally think there has to be some beliefs under there that enable a man to act this way. My SO's all had breadwinner fathers, so they haven't grown up seeing women paying for anything. Guys who grew up with single mothers can be hit and miss. I think they are much more likely to feel ok asking a woman to be more independent, or to help them out.
Click to expand...
 
lux10023 said:
I'm actually baffled by both of these storiessss baffled..like really perplexed

I've heard of women taking care of a man who's unemployed hence the no financial contribution to the house

but I've never heard or witnessed an able bodied man who works and receives a payheck-living in a house with a woman and kids not contributing financially---

like how does that even work?:blush::blush:
Click to expand...



IDK.....i guess that's how the man wanted it and the women accepted the terms. Some women want a husband so badly or want to save face that they will allow a man to take advantage financially. I was shocked when I found out about the situations I know of personally.
 
probably not. i dont have it, i have my own financial problems, and as a solution to that im not going to compound the issue by also dating a man who has financial problems.

HOWEVER... earlier this year i stumbled into sort of dating this guy who was working lots of odds and ends unstable jobs. i dont know what his savings/life situation was like otherwise but i know as far as the jobs he was working he wasnt bringing in a regular full salary like i was. i never, ever paid when we went out. he went out of his way to pay for all of our dates. when he didnt have a lot of money to spend we stayed home or hung out for free :lol: he wouldnt let me pay. and i wouldnt have minded because i knew he was going out of his way to be "the man" even though he couldnt really afford it. to be honest, i think it was kind of stupid because he was wasting a LOT of money taking me out all the time, but i think he assumed i wouldnt have hung out with him if he could take me out :rofl:

i dont think i would date a man that needed financial help. its hypocritical because obviously i need financial help but so what :look:

by the way i remember when i was younger a couple of the guys i dated (am thinking of two specifically) would "joke" about me buying them a new pair of shoes or something. i hope to god grown men arent still doing that kind of stuff.
 
i dont really have a verbal reason for why. its probably not even something i would think about consciously :lol: just, why would i give you money? :lol: idk my last boyfriends family had money and the bf before that was financially responsible so i figure each guy i date is going to be in a better financial situation than the last one :lol: i guess that means the next one is going to be rich. *stares at watch and waits* but no, i dont even have a reason other than "why". it just does not compute.

i will say that i always used to think money would not be a big issue in relationships for me, and i was wrong about that. the financially responsible bf i think he eventually grew to resent that i was not financially responsible. i think it bothered him that i expected him to pay for dinners, movies, whatever. i suspect he was more used to a natural off on taking turns thing, and i wasnt doing that. i felt like he was in a better position than me financially so why shouldnt he pay when he could afford it? it eventually began to hurt my feelings that he wasnt very willing to help lighten my load.

i do feel now that i was in the wrong about that in the sense that i wasnt managing my money well and it was wrong of me to expect him to pick up the slack. but i still learned from that experience that i cant date a stingy guy because it feels selfish to me and not the kind of love i need from a partner. like im sleeping with you and you want to count pennies over who paid for dinner last week? never again not me.
 
I've done it once during one relationship but it's not something I'd do often.
I was babysitting my younger cousins a while back while my aunt was out of town. My boo came over late and we ended up falling asleep on the couch. When we woke up his car was gone. My aunt lives in a gated community and everyone needs an access pad and parking pass. I totally forgot you needed a parking pass to park or your car will get towed. I called my aunt to figure out where his car was taken to. She gave me the info and told me she was on her way back home. I'm thinking cool, my aunt is going to give you a ride to pick up your car. Nope! :lol: my aunt hates my bf so she told him where he could get his car from and told him to be on his way.:nono: I called a cab for him but he didn't have anything on him; wallet, cash, cell phone id, etc. everything was in his car. I only had $46 on me at the time and luckily the cab was only $45
 
Bumping up this thread.

No. I wouldn't. My ex has asked me a few times, and every time I said no. He needs to be able to hold his own.
 
See...the thought of giving a dude money, helping to pay for a meal etc vexes me to no end. It's a natural reaction of mine. No dude can expect me to respect him and ask me for money or complain about the price of something.
 
Twenty something me would've. And it didnt end positively. As a matter of fact, it has never ended positively for any woman I've seen do it.

I'm currently watching it again--the perpetually jobless, Louis Vuitton Don got a great job. A few weeks into the new, great job, he and allllllll the LV she bought him done left her.

Dont fund men!
 
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