Spin-off: Are you married without the paper???

Are you married without the paper?

  • Never

    Votes: 99 64.7%

  • Yes I am currently shacking up but we have (almost have) a wedding date

    Votes: 12 7.8%

  • I am currently shacking up but we never even discussed marriage in the future

    Votes: 5 3.3%

  • I don't want to get married

    Votes: 6 3.9%

  • He doesn't want to get married

    Votes: 4 2.6%

  • Other

    Votes: 27 17.6%
  • Total voters
    153
  • Poll closed .
bimbabe

bimbabe

Well-Known Member
This is a spin-off of Doll-baby's thread.

How many of us LHCFers are married without the paper ...i.e. shacking up/ living with an SO.

Why aren't you married yet?

Is marriage coming soon?

If you don't want to get married what are your reasons?

If your SO doesn't want to get married what reasons have they given for their position on marriage?
 
Come on...I know Doll-Baby isn't the only one of us living with a man and not married to him!

To answer my own question...no I do not currently live with a man...BUT if I were to move in with a man our wedding date would have to be set to some date within the next year.
 
You know you're all kinds of wrong for this. lol

I'm currently dating, and living in my own house. Thanks very much. I'm not even going to lie. I have considered shacking in the past to get financial help. My sister 'shacked' for a year after she got engaged, and I would consider that if that came up. idk
 
So Ediese...is your sister married now?

In the Caribbean (where I live)..."shacking up" is so much the cultural norm that after a few years (5 in Barbados) a common-law wife has equal status to a legal wife...there is not as much fuss about it as on this board....People live with each other for YEARS without marriage on the horizon.
 
I shacked, and fully planned on doing so - after I got a ring AND a wedding date. And he tried to get salty after we were engaged because I pushed - and pushed hard for a date. I straight up told him - if you can't commit to a date, you ain't commited to getting married. Period. I was trying to play with that 'yeah, we engaged, but we don't know when we are getting married' ****. Hell nawh.
 
I got papers on him!

(why isn't that an option?)

I guess us legal folks aren't supposed to be up in here. :lachen:

Why do I feel like this is going to end up like a "are you a baby mama" thread?
 
bimbabe said:
So Ediese...is your sister married now?

In the Caribbean (where I live)..."shacking up" is so much the cultural norm that after a few years (5 in Barbados) a common-law wife has equal status to a legal wife...there is not as much fuss about it as on this board....People live with each other for YEARS without marriage on the horizon.
Click to expand...

I definitely know what you're talking about because I'm from the Caribbean too. I was just thinking that it's funny how even though my grandparents got married and are still married 50+ years later, the rest of my family still 'shack' back home.

My sister did live with her fiance for a year prior to marriage, but they got married on the date that was set (before moving in). It wasn't one of those shady type of thing that I see a lot of now. (We're engaged, but the date still hasn't been set 10 yrs later). lol She's been married now for about 11 yrs.
 
Never ever EVER!

My SO and I are planning on waiting until we are married to have sex, but early on in our realtionship we talked about him moving to my city in the future. He initially wanted us to live together. I told him that I don't play faux wifey. I could only live with someone either a month or less before the wedding or after we are married.

I also don't understand people who live with their SO telling me that you HAVE to live with someone before you marry them. NO YOU DON'T! My cousin, who recently moved in with his gf of 5 years, told me that he's learned so much about her. He never knew that she was messy, or spent alot or that wasn't good with paying bills. My reaction was :huh:. It takes you over 5 years to learn that about your SO!?!?!? GTFOOHWTBS!!!! Living together isn't a requirement to know this! How about indept communication!

My SO and I already have discussed finances, both currently, together as a couple, and in the future as a married couple. We've talked about of wide range of important matters that one needs to know before marriage and then some, so I don't want to her this crap of its "mandatory." I'm real heated :lachen:
 
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JustKiya said:
I shacked, and fully planned on doing so - after I got a ring AND a wedding date. And he tried to get salty after we were engaged because I pushed - and pushed hard for a date. I straight up told him - if you can't commit to a date, you ain't commited to getting married. Period. I was trying to play with that 'yeah, we engaged, but we don't know when we are getting married' ****. Hell nawh.
Click to expand...

Very smart

Please send LaLa and co(engaged for 50 years crew) the memo
 
Being married with no paper is like driving with no license. When things hit the skids, you only have yourself to blame.
 
I have shacked annnnd I'm a baby mama! However I learned my lesson and I won't do it again. I want the papers first and I won't settle for less! LHCF taught me well..
 
zenith said:
Being married with no paper is like driving with no license. When things hit the skids, you only have yourself to blame.
Click to expand...

600px-Yes_check.svg.png
 
I don't believe in shackin'. Maybe it's my Christian upbringing, but I won't be doing it. If you're good enough to live with, then you're good enough to marry. If we need to live together for financial reasons then we can just skip on down to the courthouse and sign the documents real quick and THEN go sign the lease.

Thank goodness I have the support of my parents who said I don't have to leave until I get married.
 
Bachelorette said:
Very smart

Please send LaLa and co(engaged for 50 years crew) the memo
Click to expand...

:lachen: Girl, they ain't trying to hear me.

ETA: And I'm deeply amused that according to the poll, ain't nobody shacked up. Really y'all?

Denial is a killa.
 
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In Kenya people used to shack all the time, and you became common law spouses. You couldn't just walk out (you could, really) because everyone treated you as married. The entire community and the law as well after some years.

It's not the same in this generation and the states because people have started taking family and community out of their relationship, which is good and bad.
 
JustKiya said:
:lachen: Girl, they ain't trying to hear me.

ETA: And I'm deeply amused that according to the poll, ain't nobody shacked up. Really y'all?

Denial is a killa.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure if they understand that it's anonymous. lol

I remember the first and last time I 'shacked' when I was 20. In the beginning, I thought it was so fabulous. We were in love, and living together just made sense. The guy that I was seeing was 28 at the time. I remember him losing his security guard job, and I had to do everything to support the both of us.:perplexed:ohwell::wallbash: He was still getting money from his parents to buy stupid things that I refused to support (ie. playstation game system). :wallbash::wallbash:

I remember coming home from work early once, and I saw him in the living room chilling with his homeboy that would come over on his lunchbreak from his JOB. These fools would be playing his playstation, and using up MY gotdang AC. I was livid. Let's just say...I kicked his butt out, and refused to EVER put myself back in that situation. You live and you learn...Actually, my sister warned me, but I chose to move out of her place, and move in an apartment with my man that I 'loved' so much. lol I don't think anyone could have talked me out of it. Sometimes you have to experience things on your own to finally get it.
 
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awwww now who is going to come in here and own up to being married w/o paper after that other thread? ! :lachen::lachen: really, that's just asking for it lol


btw...i'm quite single and living quite alone :look:
 
I shacked with my ex DH but we were engaged and had a date set (not that it makes it any better). I don't plan on shacking again, been there done that, not for me...
 
doll-baby:bighug:

im not sure what you mean by papers but i am religiously married...got married in a masjid (mosque) and I have papers for that but never got it "legal" as far as the state goes. my grandmother said to me once that god doesnt accept a marriage unless its done legally lol by the way she's yt.
 
I would never shack with a guy. We can live together after we sign that marriage certificate. I'm way too practical, especially when it comes to my money, and I don't believe in mingling money with someone who you don't have a legal tie with.

All my friends that shacked before they got married told me to never do it. They said if they could do it over they wouldn't have lived with their now-DH's.
 
ANUBIS said:
doll-baby:bighug:

im not sure what you mean by papers but i am religiously married...got married in a masjid (mosque) and I have papers for that but never got it "legal" as far as the state goes. my grandmother said to me once that god doesnt accept a marriage unless its done legally lol by the way she's yt.
Click to expand...


Now that is interesting.

I don't know if you're religious but if you are, does your religion (I'm assuming Islam) not require you to get married the legal way? I know for Christians if you don't have that legal certificate, you're still shackin' and sinnin'.
 
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