So he tells me it's not 'good'

*5+5

*5+5

New Member
Last night my SO and I stayed up late talking about a variety of things and we got on the topic of 'becky', for lack of acceptable terms and he told me my performance wasn't the best.

I told him that he knew coming into the rlshp that I did not have a lot of experience in that area and I asked him to show me what he liked. He said he is not comfortable with coaching me b/c that takes the thrill away and make it feel like work.

I'm glad to know how he feels but I'm a lil' crushed and embarrassed. He told me that it's not a big deal to him and that he can be happy without it and I don't believe that.

I know he likes it and I wish I could snap my fingers and be better but I think that knowing how he feels I show up to the job with a self-defeated attitude. I just don't know what it is, I think he/I both need to hit the refresh button on the ‘becky' idea and start anew.

My being a tyro and trying to improve is prolly not a turn on for him. I woke up this morning with a weight of unresolved feelings, I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. Although he claims he is good, it doesn't ease my conscious to know that I'm not pleasing him in that area or could prolly never will.

I think all the skill enhancing tips at this point will not do me much good considering I doubt I could lose the inhibition to have fun with it to satisfy him.

Thanks for listening,
 
But see, if you were extremely good at it, then he probably would think you had lots of practice and were a "freak," and he can't think of possibly wifing up a freak. :rolleyes:

(Sorry, I might just be reaching there... but that was the first thing that came to mind.)

I don't like how he handled that. You don't tell someone something and then just say, "Oh, but I won't tell you how to make it better though. You should just know."

I'd be keeping my eyes open...


Oh, on a different note, how did the term "Becky" end up getting applied to that action? I know about the song (by Plies, right?), so is that where it came from? And I don't get the connection... something to do with a white chick?

Maybe I'm just overanalyzing where I don't need to! :lol:
 
my thing is...if you came onto the scene with a lot of experience and were a pro, he would probably have a problem with the fact that you had to go through so many experiences to become a pro..if that makes sense without me getting too graphic. my suggestion is to simply watch porn and pick up techniques...i can def understand where he is coming from and you as well but i just say get a few flicks a toy and practice...yeah a toy wont give you a gold star for better performance but its a start..never been bad and dnt have a lot of experience either if that isnt TMI but thats what i would do...hope that helps while not making me look bad at the same time..
 
It seems like his intent was to give you "unresolved feelings." I don't know for sure, but I think that there are plenty men who are willing to 'teach' and part of being intimate I assume is open communication with your partner as to his/her preferences since everyone isn't the same.

I hope this becomes resolved. Try not to think that something is inherently wrong with you. Everyone has different preferences/likings and majority are willing to be a guide and talk about it through. Trust your instinct , when he says its not a big deal. Why would he bring it up then? Also, I hope you find someone that is willing to be expressive with you and guide you through. Not everyone is experienced in that area and its NOTHING to feel bad about.
 
I had a similar problem and I just got to online coloring sites and watched and tried things that I saw. Also a good failsafe is to try this when aunt flo comes to visit because you won't be tempted to just forget it and try what old faithful.:grin:
 
My issue with it is this:

Why would he even mention it if it's not important to him.:rolleyes: You seem like the type than wants to please your man, so he had to know that telling you that would cause you to have lingering thoughts. He needs to tell you what you're doing wrong. It could be something as simple as: making sure that your teeth don't come in contact with the crayon too roughly or either using more saliva when doing it (just gave you 2 tips!) :yep: , but whatever the problem is, you need to know.

I just don't believe him when he says it's not important to him and neither should you. :nono:
 
I agree that if I was a pro it would be a problem, I've heard him mention before how he gave certain women the side eye, the how many guys have you done that to look.

He offered a lil' feedback after I kinda push for it, he said he felt as tho' I treated it like a chore and that it lacked passion.

That's where I'm worried b/c I'm turned on enough to initiate it, I choose to do it b/c I thought it was pleasure for the both of us.
 
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I don't think it's fair that he told you it was lacking but then won't give you any tips or specifics on what he likes. Saying "it takes away the thrill" is an excuse IMO. If you aren't enjoying it..it's not gonna be thrilling on either side.
 
Stop doing it and see what he'll have to say then. He doesn't like it but doesn't offer tips on how to make it better....That's odd.

IF you get back to the point where you want to have fun with it again, watch some movies for tips.
 
*5+5 said:
I agree that if I was a pro it would be a problem, I've heard him mention before how he gave certain women the side eye, the how many guys have you done that to look.

He offered a lil' feedback after I kinda push for it, he said he felt as tho' I treated it like chore and that it lacked passion.

That's where I'm worried b/c I'm turned on enough to initiate it, I choose to do it b/c I thought it was pleasure for the both of us.
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see the bolded is the most important...in order to be good at it you have to want to do it because body language will bite you in the butt and serve as a tell all because they will know...

and even tho he didnt present the issue in the best way, at the end of the day you still want to be with him i'm assuming and he still wants to be with you so just take that extra step to please him...i love knowing that my man is pleased because of what i did...thats the best feeling...and def take advantage of aunt flo's visits....
 
why the hell is it called "becky", are they the only ones who go down?

Im co confused lmao.

If that's what he's referring to then he should tell you what he likes.

The whole "i should have to tell you" shyt is BS. Not everyone started "coloring" at 12.

You could read up on a technique but what if he's not into that one? After all not everyone likes the same thing.

Rubbish.
 
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That was really lame of him to say that then not to offer some input.

He must be very particular. From overhearing guys talk about that, all of it is good except when teeth are used or if the woman isn't doing it at all. For the most part they are happy that you are visiting that part of town.

Is he controlling in other ways? IMHO that sounds like a control issue.
 
ThickHair said:
That was really lame of him to say that then not to offer some input.

He must be very particular. From overhearing guys talk about that, all of it is good except when teeth are used or if the woman isn't doing it at all. For the most part they are happy that you are visiting that part of town.

Is he controlling in other ways? IMHO that sounds like a control issue.
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That's what I thought.
 
I think its a mistake to assume that he intended to leave you with unresolved feelings as was suggested by a few posts. It sounds to me like the two of you were having a tender moment and he shared something that was unpleasant. He may have picked up on your disappointment or negative body language and just backed away from the whole subject by saying it wasn't that important to him and he can do without it. That most likely is untrue but his backing away may have sincerely been an attempt to spare your feelings.

The part about passion vs treating it like a chore is a real concern. I read in a men's magazine years ago that a woman's excitement is a big part of a man's enjoyment. If you've ever seen a video, you'll notice that they are enthusiastic about it. Almost like they haven't had water in days and they finally found the well. Nothing will stop them once they get started.

I think you need to sit him down and just talk frankly about this. Tell him that its important to you and you are willing to take the initiative. I can't imagine he will refuse the offer. Maybe you can watch videos together and he can show you on the video exactly what he likes.

If its really important to you then I wouldn't just let it go. It sounds like its already affecting your self confidence in that area.
 
deltadreamland said:
My issue with it is this:

Why would he even mention it if it's not important to him.:rolleyes: You seem like the type than wants to please your man, so he had to know that telling you that would cause you to have lingering thoughts. He needs to tell you what you're doing wrong. It could be something as simple as: making sure that your teeth don't come in contact with the crayon too roughly or either using more saliva when doing it (just gave you 2 tips!) :yep: , but whatever the problem is, you need to know.

I just don't believe him when he says it's not important to him and neither should you. :nono:
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Oh I don't believe him that's why it's an issue for me. He told me that he has felt this way for awhile and he chose not to mention it b/c he didn't want to hurt my feelings or cause me to worry.

Actually I think I'm responsible for bringing up a topic that lead to the 'becky' discussion and I believe he felt the time/discussion was fitting to express his feelings...


deltadreamland said:
I get what he's saying here, but can't really expound without TMI. :ohwell:
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Feel free to PM me. :look:

ThickHair said:
Is he controlling in other ways? IMHO that sounds like a control issue.
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My SO kinda likes what he likes and if he doesn't get it he doesn't protest about it, he'll just accept it as a lost instead of taking 85% out of an 100, he'll leave it instead.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
The part about passion vs treating it like a chore is a real concern. I read in a men's magazine years ago that a woman's excitement is a big part of a man's enjoyment. If you've ever seen a video, you'll notice that they are enthusiastic about it. Almost like they haven't had water in days and they finally found the well. Nothing will stop them once they get started.
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I'm going to dispute this part about the videos here... yes, the women look enthusiastic, but porn is one big male fantasy. All the women look "enthusiastic" about performing seven zillion sex acts with multiple men, but again, it's acting.

Most former porn stars frequently talk about how drunk or high they had to get before a porn shoot to act like they were 100% into everything that they were supposed to be doing. Although I think someone can get good "technique" tips from porn or other videos, I think people need to stop thinking that the woman's expressions of pleasure are all realistic and that porn "coloring" is how "coloring" goes down in real life... nah, it doesn't happen that way.

I do agree though with the general sentiment that it helps when a woman doesn't act like it's a chore and gets into it though.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
what? we are? They have taken and changed "BECKY" to mean fellatio now? :mad:
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That's what I'm trying to figure out!

I heard the song once and I thought Plies was talking about how much he loved some white girl!

But then I listened again (and lost 1 million brain cells in the process) and realized what he was really talking about.

But still... why BECKY????
 
Bunny77 said:
That's what I'm trying to figure out!

I heard the song once and I thought Plies was talking about how much he loved some white girl!

But then I listened again (and lost 1 million brain cells in the process) and realized what he was really talking about.

But still... why BECKY????
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:That sounds likes something I would do.
 
Bunny77 said:
I'm going to dispute this part about the videos here... yes, the women look enthusiastic, but porn is one big male fantasy. All the women look "enthusiastic" about performing seven zillion sex acts with multiple men, but again, it's acting.

Most former porn stars frequently talk about how drunk or high they had to get before a porn shoot to act like they were 100% into everything that they were supposed to be doing. Although I think someone can get good "technique" tips from porn or other videos, I think people need to stop thinking that the woman's expressions of pleasure are all realistic and that porn "coloring" is how "coloring" goes down in real life... nah, it doesn't happen that way.

I do agree though with the general sentiment that it helps when a woman doesn't act like it's a chore and gets into it though.
Click to expand...

Of course it's an act but when copied I'm assuming that it makes for great 'becky'. I think they were stating that men like that type of contrived enthusiasm that the pornstars portray on film.
 
sorry if this is too personal, but I couldn't help wondering... is he good? does he please you? :look:
 
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