Did He Stop Talking To Me Because I Borrowed Money?

[Damaris.Elle]

I was thinking that if my son/brother came to me with this story I would've been like woosah! His girlfriend/wife, ok, a girl he just met asking to borrow money and other surrounding issues, I'd tell him to leave that alone. Men are human beings too.

Exactly.

 

[sj10460]

He could always find himself a boyfriend

don't know why when women are having conservations, women with actual vaginas stay trying to see things from his side. Men know or should know whats expected of them when they get involved with a woman, simple as that

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[JerriBlank]

It's the same men coddled by women implying everyone is fast and after tjheir money that end up like the trash we see. Ed and them. hvaing women run and fight on their behavior.

Ugh, seriously! My son will never be that **** made! He'll know that the right type of woman will be expecting him to be a provider. He can use his own discernment if he feels like he is being "taken advantage of. " Having a son doesn't mean picking and choosing women for him, based on how much they expect from him. Eww, way too involved! My adult son should never be having these conversations with me anyway. I don't need to know about every single time you open your wallet for a woman that you're dating. That's creepy.

 

[Iwander]

I don't get the disdain for this dude. The way i see it he extended himself to you...continued to pursue you and you blew him off till it was good for you. I don't think either of you did anything wrong. Yall were just not that into each other...no need to force it.

 

[Ganjababy]

I cannot breath

You are all over the board with this!!! Is you clownin or is you bein silly?

 

[vevster]

I don't get the disdain for this dude. The way i see it he extended himself to you...continued to pursue you and you blew him off till it was good for you. I don't think either of you did anything wrong. Yall were just not that into each other...no need to force it.

He could have met someone he liked better.

The tale reminds me of a strategy this guy used to have with people. Start borrowing, paying back promptly to get folks comfy with giving him $. Then blow them off.

I posted about this a while ago, dude had nerve to ask me to go to the atm for him. I actually did and the guy took weeks to return it only after I demanded the money back.


I don't want me nieces thinking they can ask a guy they just met for money. That is what their family is for.

 

[Crystal22]

Meh, who cares. The op is young and learning. I'd much prefer a young woman thinking men should help her out and make her life easier, turning down dates because she's tired, versus idolizing some random man just because he owns a business and feeling like she has to prove herself worthy of his time and attention. OP don't you dare change completely or doubt yourself. Make a few tweeks here and there, finish school, and do you. *** these men. He'll be ok.

Ok, theres an argument for that and theres an argument for showing a little bit more interest...that is, if she truly was interested, and apparently she was cuz she tried to contact him later....

This guy seemed like a genuine guy as far as what the op wrote about him...i guess she just wasnt that into him.

 

[PrissiSippi]

He could have met someone he liked better.

The tale reminds me of a strategy this guy used to have with people. Start borrowing, paying back promptly to get folks comfy with giving him $. Then blow them off.

I posted about this a while ago, dude had nerve to ask me to go to the atm for him. I actually did and the guy took weeks to return it only after I demanded the money back.


I don't want me nieces thinking they can ask a guy they just met for money. That is what their family is for.

Yup I wish my niece would. I would give them my last before I want them asking a man for something monetary. That's why I mad sure her college fridge stayed stocked and she kept some petty money on her. And she doesn't have a car but if she did, that's what her daddy and uncles are for.

 

[hopeful]

Ok, theres an argument for that and theres an argument for showing a little bit more interest...that is, if she truly was interested, and apparently she was cuz she tried to contact him later....

This guy seemed like a genuine guy as far as what the op wrote about him...i guess she just wasnt that into him.

My point is we don't really know if this guy was genuine. He could be married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. He could be a jerk. Who really knows? A new broom sweeps well, you know? And she turned him down once, once, and he disappeared. So I stand by my comment, meh, who cares.

 

[Miss_C]

Somehow on this board it always seems to come down to, what about the men's feelings. But why? Men like, never consider the entire population of women in their dating strategy. They compartmentalize and arent that considerate of women unless they are trying to get the v or already in love. They don't always even treat their own female family members with a ton of empathy. So why on earth do we always feel the need to carry on about them in these kinds of conversations.

Op, the only thing you did wrong was borrowing instead of keeping. And there is nothing wrong with asking for $ to get your hair and/or nails done too, if you want to in the future. That guy doesn't deserve much more of your thought, I'd let it go.

 

[PrissiSippi]

If he knows in the beginning that he wants to pursue a serious relationship with her and he has the money and wants to help, who am I to say how my son spends his hard earned money? And besides I wasn't a stranger, I was his future wife and he saw that. We got married within a year. I don't plan to raise a stupid or sucker for a son, so I'm not worried about women taking advantage of him.

Key word was FUTURE WIFE! That indicated that you too did things that showed him that you really loved him and were invested with him. I sure with him helping you with money you also helped him with things such as your time and etc. On the other hand, OP. If this was my son....I would tell him RUN because he's in danger of being taken advantage of or emotionally hurt (I mean they haven't even been on the first date yet!). It's a strong possibility that this girl will be the damsel in distress type every week for SOMETHING. That's not a good look in my opinion.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Ok LHCF my friend and I are having a difference of opinion on a topic and I need to know if I was wrong in the decision I made. So, I met this guy about a month and a half ago. He is attractive, smart and comes across as a gentleman. He owns his own business which is how we met. I came to his establishment to make a purchase and met him not knowing I was talking to the owner just thought I was flirting with a cute employee. He helped me make my purchase and our conversation kept going so I had him walk me outside to my car. The window on my car does not work and we talked about that he laughed and said he could fix it. I told him I would hold him to that and took his number to set up a time for him to fix the window.

I called him later that week and he told me he would come to me to fix the window. He fixed my car then we went and ate chatted and had a nice time. From that point, he contacted me daily either via text or call. About two weeks into us talking I asked to borrow $250.

Let me explain, I am a student, which he knows, and I needed $250 to complete a project. I asked my brother for the money but he could not get it to me in time. I told my homegirl that I was going to ask the guy I was talking to for the money and she told me I shouldn't because we had only known each other for a couple of weeks. I felt differently so I asked him for the money and let him know I would pay him back the following day. He gave me the money and I paid him back the next day as promised.

He continued to contact me and we talked regularly. We set up a date for Friday but I ended up having some car trouble and was not able to make the date. I told the guy what was happening with my car and he asked if I needed him to come help me out I told him it was all good my brother was coming to help me but I was not in the mood to go out that weekend. He seemed cool about it. The next week he contacted me a few times and then he stopped hitting me up. After a few days I reached out to him and he did not contact me back. We have not spoken since. My friend says he gave me the slow fade because I borrowed money from him. I don't think it had anything to do with the money I borrowed I thought he just lost interest.

So, what do you think was it me borrowing the money from him or was it just him losing interest?

No, I don't think it was money. He wanted to help you. It seems like you did the slow fade on him first and he didn't think you were interested after the canceled date.

DH was helping around my house early on and bought me a new cell phone (off contract) after I complained about my old one. We had been dating like 2 - 3 weeks at the time, Christmas.

 

[Iwander]

My point is we don't really know if this guy was genuine. He could be married, engaged, or in a serious relationship. He could be a jerk. Who really knows? A new broom sweeps well, you know? And she turned him down once, once, and he disappeared. So I stand by my comment, meh, who cares.

Or he could have been a wonderful man that could have provided her with a great future, who knows. From what she posted it doesn't seem like he was a jerk, it seemed like he was interested in her. Whatever his reason, it didn't work out. I think the op cared otherwise there would be no need for a thread. But I do think she got some good advice from whichever camp you're in.

 

[tru4reele]

Key word was FUTURE WIFE! That indicated that you too did things that showed him that you really loved him and were invested with him. I sure with him helping you with money you also helped him with things such as your time and etc. On the other hand, OP. If this was my son....I would tell him RUN because he's in danger of being taken advantage of or emotionally hurt (I mean they haven't even been on the first date yet!). It's a strong possibility that this girl will be the damsel in distress type every week for SOMETHING. That's not a good look in my opinion.

Ok

 

[beingofserenity]

Key word was FUTURE WIFE! That indicated that you too did things that showed him that you really loved him and were invested with him. I sure with him helping you with money you also helped him with things such as your time and etc. On the other hand, OP. If this was my son....I would tell him RUN because he's in danger of being taken advantage of or emotionally hurt (I mean they haven't even been on the first date yet!). It's a strong possibility that this girl will be the damsel in distress type every week for SOMETHING. That's not a good look in my opinion.

I agree with you. I don't understand the general sentiment on this forum that a man should just be investing significant amounts of money in a woman regardless of how invested or interested she is in him. Any man who would allow himself to be used by a woman like that sounds like a chump and I wouldn't be interested in dating him.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I think the op cared otherwise there would be no need for a thread.

I personally don't think the OP cared. I think she was just thrown off by the sequence of events- I get the feeling this is something she isn't used to happening I think it's most important that she doesn't doubt herself or put some unnecessary significance on this dude. If you're not into him enough that you're already blowing him off, don't invent feelings and a connection just because he isn't feeling it now too. Luckily, the OP sounds fine. Cause she wasn't all that into him

Somehow on this board it always seems to come down to, what about the men's feelings. But why? Men like, never consider the entire population of women in their dating strategy.

So true. I'm not saying his feelings can't be discussed. But in the context of this conversation, the person who matters is her. Maybe she did hurt his feelings. Ok. He stood up for his right to not go forward with the relationship. Good for him! But she didn't really do anything wrong. She just met someone who wasn't buying what she's selling.

He's lucky he met the OP and not someone versed in the art of financial vampirism. He sounds primed and ready. Maybe the OP can pass along the store name to one of y'all ladies to take the game over. 30/70 split on profits

 

[Damaris.Elle]

I agree with you. I don't understand the general sentiment on this forum that a man should just be investing significant amounts of money in a woman regardless of how invested or interested she is in him. Any man who would allow himself to be used by a woman like that sounds like a chump and I wouldn't be interested in dating him.

I don't understand that sentiment either...it's like all common courtesy that's generally used when dealing with other people doesn't apply anymore when that person is a man. Don't get me wrong, men don't always use common courtesy and of course some men oddly expect you to do wife-type s*** right away. But to stay on topic: how is it ever normal, acceptable and courteous to ask/expect a person you JUST met to loan you money? I'm not against accepting help. If you are venting about something and he offers to help you, great. Accept his help if you really need it and feel comfortable accepting it. But to ask for it/expect it right away before even having a relationship, simply because he is a man is just odd. (Not trying to pick on you OP, just my opinion)

Somehow on this board it always seems to come down to, what about the men's feelings. But why? Men like, never consider the entire population of women in their dating strategy. They compartmentalize and arent that considerate of women unless they are trying to get the v or already in love. They don't always even treat their own female family members with a ton of empathy. So why on earth do we always feel the need to carry on about them in these kinds of conversations.

It does seem like a lot of the time we think about men's feelings more than they think about our feelings.
But I think it's just part of being a woman...we tend to be more focused on being in-tune with our and other people's emotions than men are and as a result when things don't go the way we imagined they'd go, we sometimes want to try and figure out how the man may have been feeling during the situation. I think this becomes a problem only if a woman starts to put men's feelings above her own and "works" to make sure her man's feelings don't get hurt while not paying attention to her own feelings.