Did He Stop Talking To Me Because I Borrowed Money?

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Yes but you need to be a bit more strategic in the damsel role though lol

But seriously, she's not playing the role of damsel in distress. She's a real damsel in distress While it's not my style to be that forward, she paid him back on time. I mean it had only been 2 weeks so it probably assured him she wasn't just going for his pockets. Which was going to open them even wider

On another note, I think every young, attractive woman who is used to men falling over them eventually gets to that ego-tamping experience when she realizes you cannot in actuality do whatever you want. Not every man will waste his time sniffing after you for months on end no matter what you do. Many, but not all. I believe it can be a disconcerting and confusing experience for some women.

 

[Kindheart]

Y'all continued to talk after borrowing the money so I believe the money wasn't the main/only reason...but like others said..the combination of borrowing the money, your window not working, and the car problems which led to you not making the date probably made him decide it wasn't worth it. Especially if he's older than you.

Men will talk to women they re not intersted with for an ego boost . As long as she s into him he'll keep her around .

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Men will talk to women they re not intersted with for an ego boost . As long as she s into him he'll keep her around .

she said was still reaching out to him and he never contacted her back. And she hasn't spoken since to him since. So I'm not sure how what you're telling me is relevant to her situation since it appears he choosing not to keep her around.

Unless you were just trying to share a dating tip with me. If so...ill pass this information on those it may help.

ETA: I see where you went back and bolded my quote for emphasis. But I believe he may have actually been interested at first. Especially since he offered to help her fix her car so she could go on the date. If he wasn't actually interested he wouldn't have offered. He would've been like "let me know when you get it fixed" and kept it moving. The ego in him would've been waiting for her to hit him up like "okay my car is fixed! Do you want to go out?"

 

[sj10460]

@giigii613

So do you like him or are you interested?

seriously, are you upset because there was legit interest and now he's moved on or are you just mad that you didn't end things?

Men like to help and be the knight in shining armor

You let them!!!

and to be all the way honest I see no issue with the money part
I would've executed it differently
As I've accepted all types of gifts and money from men I was dating not in a relationship but just dating

How would you have handled things differently?

 

[TayMac]

Men like to help and be the knight in shining armor

You let them!!!

and to be all the way honest I see no issue with the money part
I would've executed it differently
As I've accepted all types of gifts and money from men I was dating not in a relationship but just dating

I agree but asking to borrow money is different to me. Words like borrow, reimburse should not even be part of the conversation.

 

[ladysaraii]

I agree but asking to borrow money is different to me. Words like borrow, reimburse are not even part of the conversation.

I agree. If she was venting and he offered, that's one thing. But to ask, I think that's a different matter. But then again, I'm not a man so they might feel quite differently.

 

[hopeful]

Meh, who cares. The op is young and learning. I'd much prefer a young woman thinking men should help her out and make her life easier, turning down dates because she's tired, versus idolizing some random man just because he owns a business and feeling like she has to prove herself worthy of his time and attention. OP don't you dare change completely or doubt yourself. Make a few tweeks here and there, finish school, and do you. *** these men. He'll be ok.

 

[Browndilocks]

@giigii613

So do you like him or are you interested?

You are all over the board with this!!! Is you clownin or is you bein silly?

 

[LiftedUp]

The op is young and learning. I'd much prefer a young woman thinking men should help her out and make her life easier,

He didn't "help her out", it was borrowed money that he gladly took back. OP is left wondering what has happened when he's living his life as usual. Definitely a learning situation.

 

[Theresamonet]

I don't think he's not answering her phone calls anymore because he thinks she's not interested. In my experience, men don't operate this way. They'll go along with your program until THEY aren't interested anymore. Most men like the chase, and a woman not being all that into them is barely an obstacle.

I think he disappeared because the op appears to be a mess at the moment. I don't think this guy is a captain save-a-hoe, because if he were, op wouldn't have had to ask to borrow the money. After telling him the situation, he'd have offered the money. And he wouldn't have accepted repayment. To most men, $250 is nothing towards building a relationship with a woman they're pursuing. This is where his lack of interest first shows itself.

With that said, I agree that the op didn't sound that pressed to date him either. Neither party was all that into the other, so call it a wash. Op, in the future, refrain from borrowing money from men you're dating...ever. Tell them what you need, and let them give. I'd wait a bit longer that 2 weeks to roll out my list of needs though. Lol

 

[sj10460]

You are all over the board with this!!! Is you clownin or is you bein silly?

it was seriously the funniest thing I ever heard

I apply it to life as much as possible.

 

[lux10023]

pretty much...

in this scenario i would've just mentioned i am handling a problem and wouldnt be able to see him until resolved, at that point he would've inquired and i would explained to him what was occurring and the cost of the repairs would've came up because that is the root of the issue..at that point he wouldve/shouldve/couldve then suggested he would take care of it..not just one part the entire thing...

no tricky or nothing magical needed..hey this is whats going on, hey okay cool, i can help you in this way...simple...i dont think stuff like this is difficult at all
and in the event that he didnt help, he would've reached out to her again and stated hey hows everything at that point i wouldve stated i am handling the situation with "insert another guys name" he was so helpful and xyz....

the $250 is not a ton of money imho...and the other aspects of the issue he couldve handled which he did attempt to....

lol i wouldnt have needed to ask because any man i was dating wouldve offered and if he didnt i would explain the same thing to the next dude..hence having a rotation/starting line up of sorts..if your dealing with a few guys someone let alone all should be decent enough to offer help in some way..if not monetary than their time and resources

i wouldve let him help me in every aspect of this situation lmaoooooo i do not turn down help from a man who can actually help...

women think to much lol...oh i dont wanna appear as this oh i dont want him to think this..ummmmm he likes you just go from there!!!!

im a 24/7 356 damsel in distress...lmaoo it has worked for men in all facets of life...work, home, family, etc

OP fine tune your approach but the only thing is i wouldve let him help me thru all of the things you stated...


black women have a way of not accepting any help,, we dont wanna appear as if we cant handle or manage or take care of something..we work to exhaustion and have mental health and emotional and physical health related issues due to this weird strong blk woman phenomenon..strength is preserving oneself and the only way to preserve thyself is to allow ppl to make your life easier by accepting help in some way...men could care less...pardon the right man wouldn't judge her about the stuff, she is a single college student, she had a few nuances and just so happen all at the same time....men love to help women..they like to earn points with women..i dont get why adult blk women dont get that at this point...every time i talk to a man whether its his wife,,, gf or etc they are actively trying to impress or do something to help said woman

Meh, who cares. The op is young and learning. I'd much prefer a young woman thinking men should help her out and make her life easier, turning down dates because she's tired, versus idolizing some random man just because he owns a business and feeling like she has to prove herself worthy of his time and attention. OP don't you dare change completely or doubt yourself. Make a few tweeks here and there, finish school, and do you. *** these men. He'll be ok.

 

[FelaShrine]

black women have a way of not accepting any help,, we dont wanna appear as if we cant handle or manage or take care of something..we work to exhaustion and have mental health and emotional and physical health related issues due to this weird strong blk woman phenomenon..strength is preserving oneself and the only way to preserve thyself is to allow ppl to make your life easier by accepting help in some way...men could care less...pardon the right man wouldn't judge her about the stuff, she is a single college student, she had a few nuances and just so happen all at the same time....men love to help women..they like to earn points with women..i dont get why adult blk women dont get that at this point...every time i talk to a man whether its his wife,,, gf or etc they are actively trying to impress or do something to help said woman

any man who would avoid a woman he started liking cause she has car troubles or whatever and "cant deal with such mess" is gay.

stop dealing with young women if issues like that are too much for you imo

 

[hopeful]

He didn't "help her out", it was borrowed money that he gladly took back. OP is left wondering what has happened when he's living his life as usual. Definitely a learning situation.

He did help her out. Loaned her $250. She paid him back but he was under no obligation to give her anything but he did. He came over and fixed her car window after meeting her only once. My point is who really knows why he dipped and honestly he's not worth fretting over. Unless she asks him directly and he answers honestly we really don't know because she don't really know him like that. As far as I am concerned he is still pretty much a stranger. He could be married or have a serious gf who saw texts between them. Who knows? Who cares? Maybe she asked for too much too soon. Maybe not. With a few tweeks op will be fine. Men come and go for all types of reasons, and often it has nothing to do with what the women did or didn't do.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I've had dudes spend a lot of money on me starting at 19, the difference is that I never asked to borrow money, and I've never had to pay anything back ..that's the part that's cringeworthy to me.

 

[sj10460]

I've had dudes spend a lot of money on me starting at 19, the difference is that I never asked to borrow money, not have I ever had to pay anything back ..that's the part that's cringeworthy to me.

everyone aint able (not a dig at OP) just saying in general.

I don't see anything wrong with asking for money because men aren't afraid to ask for some cuddy.

I just would have went about it differently.

 

[greight]

Meh, who cares. The op is young and learning. I'd much prefer a young woman thinking men should help her out and make her life easier, turning down dates because she's tired, versus idolizing some random man just because he owns a business and feeling like she has to prove herself worthy of his time and attention. OP don't you dare change completely or doubt yourself. Make a few tweeks here and there, finish school, and do you. *** these men. He'll be ok.

Basically. Now to move this thread forward, we should discuss ways in which you get your needs met without asking to borrow anything and then stroke the ego afterwards so it keeps going.

Car issues are perfect. I know nothing about cars so any time my car has an issue, my brother either helped me or a friend/man that I was dating did. I whine and complain about how such and such is blinking - what do you think this is? Or "I wish I could get this fixed but I don't know where to start. Do you know?"

"''My brother says I need x,y,z but he is in another state. Can you help me?"

I had one friend who had a man she met a week before help her move. "I'd like to go out but I need to move out of my place. Do you want to come over and help?" No sex involved

Some of y'all should spill so we can help OP and others in her position.

 

[giigii613]

@giigii613

So do you like him or are you interested?

seriously, are you upset because there was legit interest and now he's moved on or are you just mad that you didn't end things?




How would you have handled things differently?

Lol I could have been interested if we dated a lot longer, I suppose, but when I hit him up and when he didn't reply I let it go. My friend asked about him and when I told her I hit him up and he didn't hit me back she said it was because I borrowed money and I just didn't think that was it. Now that I have reviewed the responses I see that it was a combination of those so she and I are both right which answered my overall concern.

 

[giigii613]

I don't think he's not answering her phone calls anymore because he thinks she's not interested. In my experience, men don't operate this way. They'll go along with your program until THEY aren't interested anymore. Most men like the chase, and a woman not being all that into them is barely an obstacle.

I think he disappeared because the op appears to be a mess at the moment. I don't think this guy is a captain save-a-hoe, because if he were, op wouldn't have had to ask to borrow the money. After telling him the situation, he'd have offered the money. And he wouldn't have accepted repayment. To most men, $250 is nothing towards building a relationship with a woman they're pursuing. This is where his lack of interest first shows itself.

With that said, I agree that the op didn't sound that pressed to date him either. Neither party was all that into the other, so call it a wash. Op, in the future, refrain from borrowing money from men you're dating...ever. Tell them what you need, and let them give. I'd wait a bit longer that 2 weeks to roll out my list of needs though. Lol

Lol thanks for the advice. I'm very much a closed mouths don't get fed type of person so typically I'm very vocal when I want something or want someone to do something so this is a hard pill to swallow but I will keep it in mind as I move forward in dating.

 

[giigii613]

Basically. Now to move this thread forward, we should discuss ways in which you get your needs met without asking to borrow anything and then stroke the ego afterwards so it keeps going.

Car issues are perfect. I know nothing about cars so any time my car has an issue, my brother either helped me or a friend/man that I was dating did. I whine and complain about how such and such is blinking - what do you think this is? Or "I wish I could get this fixed but I don't know where to start. Do you know?"

"''My brother says I need x,y,z but he is in another state. Can you help me?"

I had one friend who had a man she met a week before help her move. "I'd like to go out but I need to move out of my place. Do you want to come over and help?" No sex involved

Some of y'all should spill so we can help OP and others in her position.

Right. I borrowed the money because that was my mind frame when I was going to get the money from my brother but if anyone can tell me how I could have gotten it without having to pay it back I'm all ears. Lol

 

[giigii613]

Yeahhhhh if I was a guy I would assume it's always gonna be something new with you...like that Neyo song men like a girl that "she got her own".

I wouldn't ask men for money/favors so early in the game. It looks bad or thy might think your entitled to give them something in return other than conversation.

I understand what you are saying but my mommy told me when someone does something for you the only thing you owe them is a thank you. So, he could have expected more than conversation and would have gotten a long conversation lol

 

[giigii613]

Men like to help and be the knight in shining armor

You let them!!!

and to be all the way honest I see no issue with the money part
I would've executed it differently
As I've accepted all types of gifts and money from men I was dating not in a relationship but just dating

@lux10023 I saw no issue with the money part either it wasn't like I was asking him to get my hair or nails done and on top of that I paid him back. To me it was like what's the big deal my issue was solved and he got his money back. I also got to see that he would invest in my dreams early on in us getting to know each other and that didn't seem like a bad thing to know.

 

[giigii613]

pretty much...

in this scenario i would've just mentioned i am handling a problem and wouldnt be able to see him until resolved, at that point he would've inquired and i would explained to him what was occurring and the cost of the repairs would've came up because that is the root of the issue..at that point he wouldve/shouldve/couldve then suggested he would take care of it..not just one part the entire thing...

no tricky or nothing magical needed..hey this is whats going on, hey okay cool, i can help you in this way...simple...i dont think stuff like this is difficult at all
and in the event that he didnt help, he would've reached out to her again and stated hey hows everything at that point i wouldve stated i am handling the situation with "insert another guys name" he was so helpful and xyz....

the $250 is not a ton of money imho...and the other aspects of the issue he couldve handled which he did attempt to....

lol i wouldnt have needed to ask because any man i was dating wouldve offered and if he didnt i would explain the same thing to the next dude..hence having a rotation/starting line up of sorts..if your dealing with a few guys someone let alone all should be decent enough to offer help in some way..if not monetary than their time and resources

i wouldve let him help me in every aspect of this situation lmaoooooo i do not turn down help from a man who can actually help...

women think to much lol...oh i dont wanna appear as this oh i dont want him to think this..ummmmm he likes you just go from there!!!!

im a 24/7 356 damsel in distress...lmaoo it has worked for men in all facets of life...work, home, family, etc

OP fine tune your approach but the only thing is i wouldve let him help me thru all of the things you stated...


black women have a way of not accepting any help,, we dont wanna appear as if we cant handle or manage or take care of something..we work to exhaustion and have mental health and emotional and physical health related issues due to this weird strong blk woman phenomenon..strength is preserving oneself and the only way to preserve thyself is to allow ppl to make your life easier by accepting help in some way...men could care less...pardon the right man wouldn't judge her about the stuff, she is a single college student, she had a few nuances and just so happen all at the same time....men love to help women..they like to earn points with women..i dont get why adult blk women dont get that at this point...every time i talk to a man whether its his wife,,, gf or etc they are actively trying to impress or do something to help said woman

@lux10023 solid advise thank you. I agree that strong black woman is a problematic notion to subscribe to unless by strength you mean having the strength to share the burden. I am not the strong black woman hear me roar type I'm more of the we got a spill on aisle three and I'm going to need some help on clean up type lol

 

[tru4reele]

He wasn't sh*t. Later for him girl. DH paid my overdue bills within a couple weeks of dating. I needed his help and he is a born provider. I don't have an issue with women asking for help when they need it.

 

[giigii613]

But seriously, she's not playing the role of damsel in distress. She's a real damsel in distress While it's not my style to be that forward, she paid him back on time. I mean it had only been 2 weeks so it probably assured him she wasn't just going for his pockets. Which was going to open them even wider

On another note, I think every young, attractive woman who is used to men falling over them eventually gets to that ego-tamping experience when she realizes you cannot in actuality do whatever you want. Not every man will waste his time sniffing after you for months on end no matter what you do. Many, but not all. I believe it can be a disconcerting and confusing experience for some women.

So, you think I could ask him for some more money? j/k I'm not one of those people who believe I should be able to do whatever I want. IMHO everyone has a right to have standards and limits I was just curious what the board thought the limits were.

 

[PrissiSippi]

He wasn't sh*t. Later for him girl. DH paid my overdue bills within a couple weeks of dating. I needed his help and he is a born provider. I don't have an issue with women asking for help when they need it.

So if this was your son you would want him to consistently foot the bill for strangers? What the heck does he have to prove to these women that have done nothing to earn his kindness and generosity. I'm all for helping somebody. But that could easily set a man up to be somebody's sucker.

 

[FelaShrine]

So if this was your son you would want him to consistently foot the bill for strangers? What the heck does he have to prove to these women that have done nothing to earn his kindness and generosity. I'm all for helping somebody. But that could easily set a man up to be somebody's sucker.

He could always find himself a boyfriend

don't know why when women are having conservations, women with actual vaginas stay trying to see things from his side. Men know or should know whats expected of them when they get involved with a woman, simple as that

 

[tru4reele]

So if this was your son you would want him to consistently foot the bill for strangers? What the heck does he have to prove to these women that have done nothing to earn his kindness and generosity. I'm all for helping somebody. But that could easily set a man up to be somebody's sucker.

If he knows in the beginning that he wants to pursue a serious relationship with her and he has the money and wants to help, who am I to say how my son spends his hard earned money? And besides I wasn't a stranger, I was his future wife and he saw that. We got married within a year. I don't plan to raise a stupid or sucker for a son, so I'm not worried about women taking advantage of him.

 

[LiftedUp]

So if this was your son you would want him to consistently foot the bill for strangers? What the heck does he have to prove to these women that have done nothing to earn his kindness and generosity. I'm all for helping somebody. But that could easily set a man up to be somebody's sucker.

I was thinking that if my son/brother came to me with this story I would've been like woosah! His girlfriend/wife, ok, a girl he just met asking to borrow money and other surrounding issues, I'd tell him to leave that alone. Men are human beings too.

 

[FelaShrine]

It's the same men coddled by women implying everyone is fast and after tjheir money that end up like the trash we see. Ed and them. hvaing women run and fight on their behavior.