So Black Men Really Don't Care if My Hair Is Nappy

[I *Am* Not* My* Hair]

Ok...so after the Oprah show I just had to interview my DD regarding this question and he concured that no honey I really don't care if your hair is Nappy....and if most men were honest, they don't care either... Nice hair is just well, an added bonus...nothing more!

But side bar: I do care about cellulite and flabby arms way more than a nappy head...WOW...to know him is to love him!!!

 

[msa]

Is this your DH that said that? If so, that's great.

I don't find it to be true in my experience though. But you've found a good one!

 

[divinempress]

Everytime I tell a guy friend that I really want to go natural, the response I get is: "wow, u gonna look like a poodle."
Ignorance is bliss i guess.

I'm so gonna drag them to see Chris Rock's "Good Hair!"

 

[GreenD]

LOL, cute!! My hubby doesn't seem to mind the naturalness of my hair, but he has questioned why? what for? what am I going to do with it now? That type of stuff. He thinks I'm probably going through a phase or something. I don't think he'll fully understand until he sees my hair straightened at my 1 year anniversary to understand that I was going for longer, thicker and healthier hair. I think it will make sense to him why I cut it all off and am natural then.

He likes my curly wash and go look too, but he told me when it was getting "too big" in his opinion. But other than that he doesn't seem to mind.

My neighbors and the black men that have seen my wash and go's really like them alot, and wonder why in the world I wear a wig. They really like the curly/natural look!! One even said that if we weren't friends (and I wasn't married) he'd want to run his hands in it and pull and.....I think you know where I'm going with this.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think there comes a point where some women are doing their hair to look cute to other women rather then men's tastes. Men don't need us to go so over the top super elaborate with our hair like so many women do.

I have no issues with the dating game weather I'm rockin my fro or my silky straight look. If you walk around completely self-conscious and feeling unattractive, you'll emulate that, and people won't be as likely to come up to you. If you walk around with your coils like I'm fly like a kite, I'm tae-kwon-dope, you'll emanate that and people will gravitate toward you. Period. I've had no issues in corporate America either because at the end of the day your reputation and credentials will speak for themselves.

I'm also a firm believer in the notion that your man should be able to touch your hair and feel your scalp if he so pleases. Whenever I'm dating a black guy he seems to savor touching my hair and scalp telling me how they rarely get to do this. Of course we all do protective styles here and there but I think its ridiculous to never allow anyone to touch your hair/scalp because it feels like some scraggly train tracks 24/7 thats a mess!

I prefer to refer to my hair as coily or kinky rather than nappy though.....but thats another story lol

 

[msa]

If you walk around completely self-conscious and feeling unattractive, you'll emulate that, and people won't be as likely to come up to you. If you walk around with your coils like I'm fly like a kite, I'm tae-kwon-dope, you'll emanate that and people will gravitate toward you.

I wish it was that simple, but it's not. I've seen it time and time again.

 

[ceebee3]

My DH loves my nappy hair or nappy hair period. He really hates the fact that I'm relaxed.

 

[araceli2418]

I wish it was that simple, but it's not. I've seen it time and time again.

I think I have to agree with MSA on this one. I only recently BC but I've heard many derogatory things from black men about natural hair and particular women with natural hair and, no, it wasn't about her. It was about her hair specifically. So I don't know about that one.

 

[lashannasmall]

I am married and my hubby doesn't care either way but I got way more attention from men in general when my hair was weaved up then I do with my hair natural

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Sometimes, I really wonder if it has anything to do with location. I don't think I've heard too many negative things since going natural nor have I had trouble finding men attracted to me.

I also noticed that natural hair is becoming more common here in Detroit. If women are not actually natural, they're wearing styles that emulate natural hair. What is the hair scene like where you live?

I think I have to agree with MSA on this one. I only recently BC but I've heard many derogatory things from black men about natural hair and particular women with natural hair and, no, it wasn't about her. It was about her hair specifically. So I don't know about that one.

 

[msa]

Sometimes, I really wonder if it has anything to do with location. I don't think I've heard too many negative things since going natural nor have I had trouble finding men attracted to me.

I also noticed that natural hair is becoming more common here in Detroit. If women are not actually natural, they're wearing styles that emulate natural hair. What is the hair scene like where you live?

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

 

[GreenD]

I think there comes a point where some women are doing their hair to look cute to other women rather then men's tastes. Men don't need us to go so over the top super elaborate with our hair like so many women do.

I have no issues with the dating game weather I'm rockin my fro or my silky straight look. If you walk around completely self-conscious and feeling unattractive, you'll emulate that, and people won't be as likely to come up to you. If you walk around with your coils like I'm fly like a kite, I'm tae-kwon-dope, you'll emanate that and people will gravitate toward you. Period. I've had no issues in corporate America either because at the end of the day your reputation and credentials will speak for themselves.

I'm also a firm believer in the notion that your man should be able to touch your hair and feel your scalp if he so pleases. Whenever I'm dating a black guy he seems to savor touching my hair and scalp telling me how they rarely get to do this. Of course we all do protective styles here and there but I think its ridiculous to never allow anyone to touch your hair/scalp because it feels like some scraggly train tracks 24/7 thats a mess!

I prefer to refer to my hair as coily or kinky rather than nappy though.....but thats another story lol

LOL, so funny you said that in the bold. My hubby went to touch/grab my hair right after I finished my wash and go, and I stopped him right in his tracks and had to explain to him that if he touched it I'd have a fro and that's not the look I was going for at the time. LOL!! As I said before he doesn't get it. However, when it's not styled I'll tell him touch and feel it, but it's all still foreign to him. But I completely agree with you. A scalp massage or wash from the hubby would be lovely.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Chris Rock is smoking crack, because this has in the past been a major issue for me and my hubbie (who is actually white).

I also have spoken to about 4 women at work who would like to go natural but their husbands wouldn't like it, so they don't. I believe most men have a preference.

 

[Loves Harmony]

My husband loves my natural hair. When i went back naturalo he was pissed, so i went back natural( which im happy i did). I just love my DH.

 

[Junebug D]

If they like the whole package, the hair will not get in the way. But they DO pay more attention to a woman who fits whatever stereotyped image of beauty; be that long hair, Loose curly "good hair", straight hair or whatever.

My SO acted semi-funky about my natural hair for a minute, but then he said he preferred it and didn't want me to relax. But now I've relaxed it and he likes it as well. So he acted funky, but in his actions, he doesn't seem to care at all.

But does he still turn his head when he sees women with long, straight hair (even if it's obviously fake to me)? Yep.

I think they initially pay more attention to a woman whose hair fits that profile, but once they like the overall package, they tend to not care. That's been my experience anyway. No guy I've been with has made a big deal out of my hair. even when I shaved it, the guy I was with at the time was giving me advice about maintaining it.

 

[chebaby]

my SO didnt care when i cut my hair. i asked him does he think i should cut it and he said "its your hair". he really doesnt care. but one day i was getting tired of my hair and said i may get a weave and he was like oh no youre not.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

Wow, I'd think with the arts scene there, it would be more like New York where you're like coveted when you wear your textured hair out and seen as unique and exotic and given more respect for being natural and unprocessed.....thats really interesting.

You may notice a difference when your fro gets over the top huge too. I feel like if your style is on point, you're in shape, makeup is tight and you're rockin a fierce fro why wouldn't people gravitate to you? I don't know what its like to live in a place where Natural hair isn't embraced and I have definitely noticed that there is a distinct regional difference. That must suck, could it be different in a different neighborhood in LA?

 

[skegeesmb]

I do think location has a lot to do with it.

I live in Los Angeles...the land of silky straight booty length weaves. A woman with natural hair that is type 4 is not seen as dating material. That's just the way it is.

Los Angeles, I have heard that quite a few men there are NOT natural friendly. My husband doesn't care about my natural hair though either. He just likes it shoulder-length natural or longer. He said when its too short I couldn't do many things to it, or put it up in claw clips.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

DH actually wishes I would wear my hair wild and texturized, but he knows EYE can't deal with it in that state, so he doesn't worry me about it. He comments on it when I do have it out, though, usually right after I do a DC and have combed it out before I bun it.

 

[almond eyes]

Interesting yesterday, I wore my natural hair in its usual ponytail. I have fine kinky curly hair that sticks up in the front no matter the amount of gel or pomade and despite my looking fierce with the make-up and dress, he told me that my hair looked unkempt and not done. To some men your hair only looks done if its straight and lying smooth. It was shocking because no one had ever said that to me before and I think like some African dudes natural hair unless it is twa looks sloppy. He met me when I wore extensions while I was in East Africa earlier in the year. I could only laugh, what a fool? I see many African women literally slicking their edges with relaxer every two weeks even if they wear naturals just so they don't hear complaints and yes their hair lines are almost gone.

So, I thought that Chris Rock's assertion was not absoutely honest. But I think he could'nt admit it especially if he is trying to teach his girls that their hair is beautiful as it is.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[msa]

Wow, I'd think with the arts scene there, it would be more like New York where you're like coveted when you wear your textured hair out and seen as unique and exotic and given more respect for being natural and unprocessed.....thats really interesting.

You may notice a difference when your fro gets over the top huge too. I feel like if your style is on point, in shape, makeup is tight why wouldn't people gravitate to you? I don't know what its like t live in a place where Natural hair isn't embraced and I have definitely noticed that there is a distinct regional difference. That must suck, could it e different in a different neighborhood?

LA wishes it was like NY. But it's not. Everyone here is extremely superficial.

I did a little experiment...went somewhere with my natural hair one week...then went back with a straight wig the next week. The difference in how many black guys wanted to talk to me was crazy (natural hair=0, straight hair=6). And considering I'm overweight and dark skinned (the other two cardinal sins in LA) I was super surprised that the straight hair made that much of a difference.

But it's to be expected. People are conditioned to think a certain look (Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, etc) is beautiful...and that doesn't include type 4 natural hair. That's just the way it is.

 

[GreenD]

Chris Rock is smoking crack, because this has in the past been a major issue for me and my hubbie (who is actually white).

I also have spoken to about 4 women at work who would like to go natural but their husbands wouldn't like it, so they don't. I believe most men have a preference.

You're hubby doesn't like your hair? And I can relate on the second half of your post. My MIL didn't want me to cut my relaxed hair shorter and told me my hubby wouldn't like it either and to leave it long. It was a mess, and the sad part was my hubby used to be pissed when I'd trim it!! I spoke with an older married woman about this same issue and she said to some degree you do have to take your hubby's feelings into consideration when changing your hair.

I told my hubby of my decision to go natural and kept him updated with what I was going to do next and how I was going to transition, etc. so he started suggesting when I should chop and some natural styles to consider. I think because I made him a part of this process and assured him that I'll just go through this for one year and I'll be back on track (length wise) he felt comfortable with it. He's being patient with me and my hair (during the short phase) so I appreciate it. I think his biggest issue is length and not so much curls/kinks/naps, etc.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

LA wishes it was like NY. But it's not. Everyone here is extremely superficial.

I did a little experiment...went somewhere with my natural hair one week...then went back with a straight wig the next week. The difference in how many black guys wanted to talk to me was crazy (natural hair=0, straight hair=6). And considering I'm overweight and dark skinned (the other two cardinal sins in LA) I was super surprised that the straight hair made that much of a difference.

But it's to be expected. People are conditioned to think a certain look (Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, etc) is beautiful...and that doesn't include type 4 natural hair. That's just the way it is.

oh my gosh wow I'm so sorry to hear that I must say you have a very strong spirit and character to go natural despite all of that ignorance

 

[CurleeDST]

Can you say this again? I think THIS is the root of the issue and what women do and do not attract!!!!

If you walk around completely self-conscious and feeling unattractive, you'll emulate that, and people won't be as likely to come up to you. If you walk around with your coils like I'm fly like a kite, I'm tae-kwon-dope, you'll emanate that and people will gravitate toward you. Period. I've had no issues in corporate America either because at the end of the day your reputation and credentials will speak for themselves.

 

[mswoman]

I think the folks in LA need to start a natural trend..... it will catch on once a group of women get together and go on a weave strike!!! Ha, Ha!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

^^^I think thats a brilliant idea mswoman!!! We gotta be the first examples of what we think is beautiful.....I really hope LA changes to being more embracing of diversity

 

[msa]

oh my gosh wow I'm so sorry to hear that I must say you have a very strong spirit and character to go natural despite all of that ignorance

Well I've always been natural. Here in la a lot of women are naturals, they just wear their hair pressed (we have the BEST presses, looks better than most relaxed heads). Growing up, I either wore my hair pressed or in braids and it wasn't till halfway through college that I stopped.

Doing the experiment just proved what I already knew. But there's nothing I can do but wear my hair how I like it and keep it moving. If guys are talking to me because of it, then I guess I'll just be single until I find someone who does like it. It's funny, my ex-so loves my natural hair...he's from NY so I'm not surprised he's more accepting of it.

 

[Stormy]

Well my hubby doesn't mind. He just loves my natural twa. As it's growing out I say I'll be glad when I'm ready to press it and wear it straight and he says "just don't go back to puttin' those chemicals in it" talking about relaxing it. Or "you know those chemicals can get in your skin" bla, bla,bla... he's one of my biggest supporters. Really though his biggest thing is "but it's all yours!" He said this when I was relaxed too. He just hates weaves and extensions. When I used to wear braids he didn't like that, but understood I was doing it to give my hair a break. Now that I just wear my own natural hair in corn rows, he likes that a lot more.

 

[msa]

I think the folks in LA need to start a natural trend..... it will catch on once a group of women get together and go on a weave strike!!! Ha, Ha!

A number of women in la do wear their own hair...but it's straight. As long as it's straight, it's acceptable, whether short or long. I don't think that will ever change.

 

[GreenD]

LA wishes it was like NY. But it's not. Everyone here is extremely superficial.

I did a little experiment...went somewhere with my natural hair one week...then went back with a straight wig the next week. The difference in how many black guys wanted to talk to me was crazy (natural hair=0, straight hair=6). And considering I'm overweight and dark skinned (the other two cardinal sins in LA) I was super surprised that the straight hair made that much of a difference.

But it's to be expected. People are conditioned to think a certain look (Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, etc) is beautiful...and that doesn't include type 4 natural hair. That's just the way it is.

MSA, you're crushing me over here. It hurts me to hear you talk/type like this. I wish there were something I could say to erase the things you've been through. From the comments you post on here you really seem cool, down to earth, very intelligent (as if I'd expect anything less from the women on here) and genuine. Whatever you do, don't get your spirits down. You look EXACTLY how you're supposed to look for the man/men/people you're meant to attract.

Plus the idiots who don't think you're dating material are only doing you a favor. Find the blessing in this. From what I've seen and read you have a lot to offer (especially with hair care)!! You don't know how God may be moving your Prince Charming from NY out there to find you. So rock on lady!!