*Single Ladies*: What Are We Doing to Attract Love In 2014??

[Crystalicequeen123]

[***DISCLAIMER: Before anyone jumps down my throat lol , there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being single, or NOT wanting to be in a relationship, or ever wanting to be married. ]

But for those of us who DO want to be in a relationship this year, or would like to eventually get married in the FUTURE, what are WE doing in 2014 in order to ATTRACT that love??

There's supposedly a saying that if you want to be in a relationship strongly enough, you WILL end up in a relationship. Now, Idk how true that is, or if that's just some LOA mumbo jumbo lol...but I figured, hey....why not try it out? I'm not talking about "pursuing" a guy, or acting desperate...NO, this is something different.

For me personally, I don't know if I'll actually end up in a relationship this year or not, but for me...However, I DEFINITELY know that I want things to be totally DIFFERENT for me this year.


Just some small things I hope to accomplish this year...
-Getting out more
-Meeting new people :eyebrows2
-Quitting cold-turkey the "woe is me" syndrome
-Smiling even MORE
-Having an OPEN mind and a more alluring personality
-*MOST Importantly: Staying POSITIVE regardless of what my "status" is

 

[sweetvi]

the biggie for me....

getting out the darn house lol

 

[Smiley79]

Now that's a topic that leaves me at a loss for words. I haven't done anything, lol. Great thread.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

No looking back for me. They are ex's for a reason and getting out of the house might help also.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Now that's a topic that leaves me at a loss for words. I haven't done anything, lol. Great thread.

Well, this year just began, so there's still time!!!

No looking back for me. They are ex's for a reason and getting out of the house might help also.

GOOD point...

Right when this year started, I made a pact with myself to stop even talking about, or referring to that one ex in the past who broke my heart years ago. Of course I'm SO over him now , but I was finding that I would still sometimes bring him up in conversations with friends, or even when telling ppl about my "lessons learned" in previous relationships...etc.

At the beginning of the year it was almost like I woke up and realized that it was time to let GO, and refrain from even speaking about him....that stuff happened so long ago....besides...I know he's not thinking about me...So why waste head space thinking about (or even referring back to) him?

It was like something clicked!

You can't move forward if you're always looking back in (or referring to) the past!

 

[TopShelf]

Getting out more. In the past 6 months I have been going out more frequently and I have definitely been meeting men. Now, there has been no love connection made just yet but I do see it on the horizon.

My g/f went on numerous dates in a two year period about two years ago, I mean she sometimes went on a date on Sat and Sunday. and she is now in a satisfying relationship. She definitely kept going when I would have given up.

 

[Nelli04]

I know I don't go out enough, which is something I am working on. But that's not the biggest problem. I can go out all I want and not meet anyone because I don't make myself approachable. So finding ways to improve my approachability.

I am also trying to put more effort into how I look, I don't want to wear more makeup or anything, I just want to look more polished. For me that means: my hair has to look nice, my nails need to look nice, and my outfit needs to be well put together, but not over the top.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Hmmmmm good question! I recently signed up for POF but other than that I haven't done anything. I agree with getting out of the house though, I spend a lot of time in the house doing nothing.

 

[TopShelf]

Nelli04 when you go out do you focus on your phone a lot? Do you give any eye contact?

 

[Bublin]

I know I don't go out enough, which is something I am working on. But that's not the biggest problem. I can go out all I want and not meet anyone because I don't make myself approachable. So finding ways to improve my approachability.

I am also trying to put more effort into how I look, I don't want to wear more makeup or anything, I just want to look more polished. For me that means: my hair has to look nice, my nails need to look nice, and my outfit needs to be well put together, but not over the top.

I could've written this post myself.

I rarely get approached. I could write out all the reasons but it's still a fact.
All I know is this single life WILL end in 2014.....no more negative thoughts.

One thing I must do is be more open. Stop looking for the male unicorn because it ain't gonna happen. Stop being so judgemental and just enjoy the moment. I take dating waaay too seriously.

 

[Nelli04]

Nelli04 when you go out do you focus on your phone a lot? Do you give any eye contact?

I do look at my phone and don't make eye contact. I think I started doing this a few years back because I hated unwanted attention and I am realizing by doing this I am not only turning off guys I don't want attention from, but also guys I do want attention from. So I know it is something I need to work on, but it is not going to be easy.

I miss my oblivious days where I would just go places without any concern about the guys around me. I would get approached a lot, but at least some of the guys were actually guys I would like. Now I am too hyper-aware of everyone around me and I don't look at anyone, so I feel like I am repelling guys now.

 

[sunnydaze]

I get out quite a bit, not really my issue. One of my goals for this year is to go out doing things out of my comfort zone to meet different types of people.

Also to be open to meeting men through other people. I've yet to really put that out there.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yay!! I'm glad we're all setting goals for ourselves.

Sometimes, just doing something NEW for a change in the new year can help turn your mindset around.

I am also trying to put more effort into how I look, I don't want to wear more makeup or anything, I just want to look more polished. For me that means: my hair has to look nice, my nails need to look nice, and my outfit needs to be well put together, but not over the top.

Nelli04
I should have added this to my list also because I've been thinking about doing this for the new year also! I look at older pictures and I feel like I've slacked off SOME in that department, so I'm going to try to put more of an effort in making sure my HAIR, makeup, and DRESSING is on point. Nails, skin, teeth, etc.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

IDK if any of you know of Dr. Wayne Dyer, but eHarmony did this interview with him, and I felt that some of what he said was pretty interesting...


Here's an excerpt....

eH: What would you say to someone who is single but wanting a relationship and having a rough time finding someone. What is their best course of action?

WD: Whatever it is that I want from a relationship, I would say, “Be that.” If what you are looking for in a relationship with another person is an exquisite sense of love, then be that. Extend that out. I think what I learned from St. Germain when he talked about the miser’s love for gold is that it isn’t from gold that you get love, it is the outpouring of love toward it. It isn’t in a Mercedes that you are going to find great happiness. It is in the feeling that you have about it; the outpouring of love for it. The same is true in a relationship.

Somebody else coming into your life isn’t going to give you what you feel is missing. What I would urge you to do is be in a constant state of love for everything and everyone. Put your attention on being that and staying in that incredible state of joy, peace and not thinking that you are incomplete. Somehow people who are searching for something, relationships especially, think that that is going to complete them. If you already feel you are complete, the universe has an incredible way of offering you what it is you are already living.

I have often said, “You do not attract into your life what you want. You attract what you are.” If you are coming from a complete state of loving everything and everyone you encounter, you will find people showing up in your life who will want to relate to you in a closer way.

eH: What is one mistake you see many singles make in regards to dating/relationships?

WD: Feeling that somehow they are incomplete if they don’t have it. I believe the same thing that I believe about the recovery movement: It is really about letting go and letting God. Let go of your desire to have somebody there and constantly evaluating your happiness based on whether or not you are with that person.

[Cont.]

Source

 

[Sarophina]

^^^^Good article! For me, I have learned to walk with more confidence. I've also learned to smile at men I'm attracted to. This may not seem like a big deal, but now men give me the second glance, rather than just keep it movin. I'm hoping this is my year. I've also changed my make-up routine. I've adapted a better, more natural look and it seems to be working. I want to attract the simple type of guy, so I figured I should tone down the make-up a tad or two.

 

[sounbeweavable]

My strategy:
1) Being myself
2) Looking my best
3) Going to more events that correlate with my interests
4) Going to every party I'm invited to unless I'm sick

 

[okange76]

Going out sometimes feels weird to me. I feel awkward and out of place because I'm in my late 30s and even if I go to a "grown folks" place, most of the people in my age group are coupled up or I'm way older than a lot of the single people I ran into. I'm also introverted. I'm OK with general socializing but socializing with the aim of meeting a man throws me totally off balance.

 

[ryanshope]

Ways that I am "attracting" love in 2014:

1. I am on two dating sites--OKCupid and Zoosk. I was meeting nothing but losers on POF and my ex is on there(I saw his profile so I don't want to be bothered).

2. I make sure to keep my self "fine" ---aka hair done(I have spent a small fortune on wigs) and my makeup simple but not over done(eyebrows, mascara and nude lips)

Since I got "focused" on dating in November--I have been on too many dates to count--at least 20 or so. I was telling my GFs I can usually score two or three dates before things go south---either we don't have a connection or lose interest--but I am very optimistic. Most have been nice guys---in the beginning. Then some turn to jerks or there is just no compatibility--regardless I am resolute about my expectations---some guys are eager; other guys aren't. The biggest lesson I have learned about dating is that ALOT of women are settling or making things unnecessarily easy for guys when you don't have to---any man that is SERIOUS about you will acquiesce and give you EXACTLY what you want. Period. And everytime. If you are with a man that has no desire to give you want you are looking for--WALK. There is a difference between compromising and settling--and ALOT of women are settling(please stop it.)

 

[ryanshope]

Also I spent the summer reading tons of books on relationships, from Audrey Chapman's "Getting Good Love", a book on the Seven-levels of intimacy, Gary Chapman's "Love Language" book and Dr Alduran Tartt's "Ring Formula".

The insight and information from these books has been extremely valuable to keep me encouraged, spark up conversations and to assist me with expressing my expectations without sounding "aggressive" or "diggerish". I don't know how I came across before(I was with my ex for 12 years) so I needed direction and some tools to make sure I am dating with a purpose and not just for free meals and polite conversation---so my fingers are crossed and I am quickly coming up on 50 "first" dates----I think I need to start blogging.

 

[Lenee925]

Great idea for a thread [USER]Crystalicequeen123 [/USER]

I will be realigning my mindset on 'finding a husband' and my approach to men in general and answering some questions I have been asking myself:

* Taking time to think about my "brand". Every woman has a brand...what is mine and how does that affect the way I approach dating or men in general? How am I physically representing this brand? Would my ideal mate be able to visually pick up on it?

* Take a more direct and deliberate approach to dating. Will it be quality over quantity? Or do I just want to enjoy male company? If so, what are the deeper motivations for entertaining men merely for my own shortlived amusement? Do I even want to 'date' at all?

* Am I marriage material for the type of man I would want to marry?

* How would I want to meet my ideal mate? What would I want to bump into him doing?

* Is sexual/physical chemistry/infatuation more important than a man who can be faithful, pay bills on time and be a devoted father?

* Do I really need to read another book or blog on how to understand the western man, or do I really just need to cultivate the characteristics that would help me to understand just one?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

It's so nice to read all of these tips/goals/responses!

Idk about the rest of you, but I'm just TIRED of sitting and waiting idly around while all my other girl friends get engaged and married lol! I'm tired of being a "passive bystander", so therefore this year I'm getting PROactive!! Even if I don't get a SINGLE date in 2014, at LEAST I can say that I'm TRYING, and I'm getting one step closer to what I want, as opposed to just sitting around at home, twiddling my thumbs, wishing for "Prince Charming" to come my way lol

I have to be even MORE proactive now, because I just moved to a new state and I don't have my old social network of friends anymore in my homestate... erplexed So I'm definitely trying to do more strategizing, and I'm having FUN getting to know new people, trying new things, and getting out MORE!!

^^^^Good article! For me, I have learned to walk with more confidence. I've also learned to smile at men I'm attracted to.

Sarophina Interesting!!! Any tips you can give us?? I figure maybe we can all help each other w/different tips!


Yea, I've found that just SMILING more at men helps a WHOLE lot. I used to just be in my "own world" most of the time, not giving men (or ANYBODY really lol) the time of day while going out and about, but this year I think I'm going to make a conscientious effort to be more "aware" of my surroundings

My strategy:
1) Being myself
2) Looking my best
3) Going to more events that correlate with my interests
4) Going to every party I'm invited to unless I'm sick

Yep, those are two things I'm working on this year also.

Nothing really major, just wanting to be more "aware" of my appearance, and if there's anything I feel I can improve in myself this year, then I'll work on that also.

Going out sometimes feels weird to me. I feel awkward and out of place because I'm in my late 30s and even if I go to a "grown folks" place, most of the people in my age group are coupled up or I'm way older than a lot of the single people I ran into. I'm also introverted. I'm OK with general socializing but socializing with the aim of meeting a man throws me totally off balance.

okange76 Hmmm....yea, I understand how that can be a challenge.

Is there any way you can perhaps EXPAND your social circle somewhat??


I've also read in some "relationship" books that some women who are single worked on "dating themselves" every once in a while so that they got comfortable just being happy with their own company. They found that when they did little things alone by themselves (maybe going to a movie, going out to dinner, going to a lounge, etc.), not only did they find that men were more inclined to approach them, but they also started feeling more COMFORTABLE with themselves and being out (regardless of who was around/what age bracket/social crowd) and that "energy" seemed attract more attention.

Idk...any other ladies have any other suggestions??

 

[NGraceO]

No looking back for me. They are ex's for a reason and getting out of the house might help also.

AMEN!!!

NGraceO

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Since I got "focused" on dating in November--I have been on too many dates to count--at least 20 or so. I was telling my GFs I can usually score two or three dates before things go south---either we don't have a connection or lose interest--but I am very optimistic. Most have been nice guys---in the beginning. Then some turn to jerks or there is just no compatibility--regardless I am resolute about my expectations---some guys are eager; other guys aren't. The biggest lesson I have learned about dating is that ALOT of women are settling or making things unnecessarily easy for guys when you don't have to---any man that is SERIOUS about you will acquiesce and give you EXACTLY what you want. Period. And everytime. If you are with a man that has no desire to give you want you are looking for--WALK. There is a difference between compromising and settling--and ALOT of women are settling(please stop it.)

ryanshope
SOOOOO True!! Good point!

I've also heard that joining online dating sites (like you've been doing) drastically increases your chances

I'm going the "old-fashioned route"....(online dating just freaks me out lol), so it may be a little more challenging, but I'm definitely being more PROACTIVE this year.

Just last night I was out w/friends to dinner and one of them has a date next Friday w/this really nice guy that she met around New Year's, and we were all just talking. We were all just talking about relationships and stuff, (they know I'm new to the area), and one of them piped up and said that they could hook me up but that they didn't want to assume because that could be awkward for me lol.

Well, the OLD me would have shied away and brushed off a "hooking up" idea thinking it was soooo "beneath me", but last night I just said what the heck....I'm new here! So I told them that I was open to being 'hooked up' as long as the guy was nice. I'll give a guy at least a chance at a meeting lol

So....who knows...maybe I opened Pandora's box lol, but at least I'm glad I'm getting OUT of my comfort zone and trying something new on for size

Great idea for a thread Crystalicequeen123

I will be realigning my mindset on 'finding a husband' and my approach to men in general and answering some questions I have been asking myself:

* Taking time to think about my "brand". Every woman has a brand...what is mine and how does that affect the way I approach dating or men in general? How am I physically representing this brand? Would my ideal mate be able to visually pick up on it?

* Take a more direct and deliberate approach to dating. Will it be quality over quantity? Or do I just want to enjoy male company? If so, what are the deeper motivations for entertaining men merely for my own shortlived amusement? Do I even want to 'date' at all?

* Am I marriage material for the type of man I would want to marry?

* How would I want to meet my ideal mate? What would I want to bump into him doing?

* Is sexual/physical chemistry/infatuation more important than a man who can be faithful, pay bills on time and be a devoted father?

* Do I really need to read another book or blog on how to understand the western man, or do I really just need to cultivate the characteristics that would help me to understand just one?

I LOVE this Lenee925!!!!

I especially love your points in bold. Those are some REALLY good questions to ponder. I've especially been pondering the one you posted about whether or not I am marriage material for a guy that I personally would want to attract?? I've been asking myself that question ever since the beginning of the year. And with that interview that Dr. Dyer gave, his words: "you don't attract what you want, you attract who you ARE" have been resonating with me ever since.

That's so DEEEEEEEEP.....

 

[Sarophina]

Sarophina Interesting!!! Any tips you can give us?? I figure maybe we can all help each other w/different tips!


Yea, I've found that just SMILING more at men helps a WHOLE lot. I used to just be in my "own world" most of the time, not giving men (or ANYBODY really lol) the time of day while going out and about, but this year I think I'm going to make a conscientious effort to be more "aware" of my surroundings

I'm usually not the one to engage in my environment as well, but a friend pointed out to me how this may be offputting to men. So, now I try to look around every environment I enter and when I walk in, this may sound silly, but I walk like I'm a model on the runway, lol. I walk with assuredness (although at that moment I may not be feelin it on the inside

 

[Sarophina]

ryanshope
SOOOOO True!! Good point!


Just last night I was out w/friends to dinner and one of them has a date next Friday w/this really nice guy that she met around New Year's, and we were all just talking. We were all just talking about relationships and stuff, (they know I'm new to the area), and one of them piped up and said that they could hook me up but that they didn't want to assume because that could be awkward for me lol.

Well, the OLD me would have shied away and brushed off a "hooking up" idea thinking it was soooo "beneath me", but last night I just said what the heck....I'm new here! So I told them that I was open to being 'hooked up' as long as the guy was nice. I'll give a guy at least a chance at a meeting lol

So....who knows...maybe I opened Pandora's box lol, but at least I'm glad I'm getting OUT of my comfort zone and trying something new on for size

Good for you!!! I've heard a lot of stories about people finding the right one through a blind date.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm usually not the one to engage in my environment as well, but a friend pointed out to me how this may be offputting to men. So, now I try to look around every environment I enter and when I walk in, this may sound silly, but I walk like I'm a model on the runway, lol. I walk with assuredness (although at that moment I may not be feelin it on the inside

Sarophina
Get it girl!!!

That doesn't sound silly to me at all. In fact, I'm a firm believer in the "fake it till you make it" mantra.

I've done the same thing before lol. I think it helps, especially in situations where you're not feeling your most confident self.

Good for you!!! I've heard a lot of stories about people finding the right one through a blind date.

Thanks! I don't even know if they will find someone to hook me up with or not lol, but just the very fact that they were so willing and eager to try to hook me up as a newcomer to the area was very nice. At the dinner they were already consulting each other saying: "should we hook her up with Bobby? How about Steve?"

Like I said,I usually don't even go for people trying to hook me up unless they are my close friends lol , but as I mentioned, I'm trying something new on for size this year in 2014! Plus, I'm new to this area and I can't be stingy with getting to know new people. They already seem like cool women to hang out with, so I trust them.

Doesn't hurt to try right?

 

[Fine 4s]

I need to be more flirty.....ugh! So not me....unless I'm drunk or dancing.
Also need to work on me more.
Might do some online joints too......

 

[PretteePlease]

putting it out there that i'm looking in full force
expressing gratitude
being positive
making sure i'm the total package
losing weight
staying ready so I don't have to get ready

 

[sapphire74]

I haven't started yet but I plan on:
-getting myself out of the house
-attend as many events as possible to get me out of my shyness
-make sure I look put together every time I step out of the house even to run around the corner to the store
-set up a dating profile on one or two of the dating sites

 

[LovelyRo]

Co-ed Flag football is really big here so, my best friend and I are going to to attend a few games when the season starts... One of her girls plays.