What are you doing in 2009 to get the relationship you want?

For me, I just need to open my options and better myself.

I am not shy, but I can be perceived that way. I just am very cautious of what I say and how I say it, I also have a soft voice. So one of my goals for 09 is just to not care so much about what others think and be more true to myself.

Also, I want to dress better and just carry myself better. I always buy cute clothes, but I choose not to wear them because I dont want to stand out...So I definitely need to get over that. I also fell off with keeping my hair right and my eyebrows plucked and whatnot, lol. So I am going to make sure I am always on top of that.

Lastly, I am opening my options lol. I always get approached by guys who are not black, I do not know why...but I always just brush them off because they are not black. But now I am thinking, why not give it a try??? So, yea I am opening my options....

I think that is about it...
 
If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism...

I think it's commendable and necessary to make personal changes to get the relationships that we all want. But I do not see too many ideas or suggestions of placing yourselves in situations where you can actually meet these people.

We can all work on ourselves and do self-improvement. But even people in relationships are imperfect and need improvement. So you don't have to be perfect to have a great relationship.

So if I may up the challenge by asking that we do one thing that could put us in a place to at least meet someone that is mate potential. This could be attending a social event, hanging out with other people more, traveling, etc. Not only will this bring about self-improvement but it may bring a pleasant surprise in the form of companionship...after all that's the subject of this thread! :grin:

Just my .10....
 
arr1216 said:
If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism...

I think it's commendable and necessary to make personal changes to get the relationships that we all want. But I do not see too many ideas or suggestions of placing yourselves in situations where you can actually meet these people.

We can all work on ourselves and do self-improvement. But even people in relationships are imperfect and need improvement. So you don't have to be perfect to have a great relationship.

So if I may up the challenge by asking that we do one thing that could put us in a place to at least meet someone that is mate potential. This could be attending a social event, hanging out with other people more, traveling, etc. Not only will this bring about self-improvement but it may bring a pleasant surprise in the form of companionship...after all that's the subject of this thread! :grin:

Just my .10....
Click to expand...

RIGHT! :)

I don't know if this is possible, but sometimes I think we "over" focus on ourselves... seriously, most of us in this thread seem to be halfway normal :lol: so it's not like we are THAT screwed up that we need to spend all this time "working on ourselves." I mean, what does that really mean anyway? :lol:

Okay, here's something I did last November. I gave money to a political candidate to get invited to one of her VIP events. While there, I met a lady who invited me to join an Executive Women's Golf Club. Now, mind you, this is a women's group, but if I learn to play golf, suddenly a whole lot more doors will be open to me in terms of meeting men.

Just today, I got an invitation from the candidate (who won her election) inviting me to her inauguration ceremony. Hey, it's no Obama inaugural, but now I'm on the mailing list for her events, and who knows who might be there! :)
 
Please indulge the married lady :duck: but what are these meetup groups you all are talking about? I'm an introvert and I really need to work on putting myself out there socially more instead of going to work, school, church and then camping out on my couch. :perplexed
 
Butterfly08 said:
Please indulge the married lady :duck: but what are these meetup groups you all are talking about? I'm an introvert and I really need to work on putting myself out there socially more instead of going to work, school, church and then camping out on my couch. :perplexed
Click to expand...

www.meetup.com

Go to your city, and there should be a list of "meetups" in your area. There are some for married women who want to get out and meet other married women... or just women who want to meet other women for friendship, activities, lunch, etc.

Also there are social groups based on interests... pretty much anything you can think of!
 
Bunny77 said:
www.meetup.com

Go to your city, and there should be a list of "meetups" in your area. There are some for married women who want to get out and meet other married women... or just women who want to meet other women for friendship, activities, lunch, etc.

Also there are social groups based on interests... pretty much anything you can think of!
Click to expand...

Cool, that sounds wonderful. Thanks! :yep:
 
Bunny77 said:
RIGHT! :)

I don't know if this is possible, but sometimes I think we "over" focus on ourselves... seriously, most of us in this thread seem to be halfway normal :lol: so it's not like we are THAT screwed up that we need to spend all this time "working on ourselves." I mean, what does that really mean anyway? :lol:

Okay, here's something I did last November. I gave money to a political candidate to get invited to one of her VIP events. While there, I met a lady who invited me to join an Executive Women's Golf Club. Now, mind you, this is a women's group, but if I learn to play golf, suddenly a whole lot more doors will be open to me in terms of meeting men.

Just today, I got an invitation from the candidate (who won her election) inviting me to her inauguration ceremony. Hey, it's no Obama inaugural, but now I'm on the mailing list for her events, and who knows who might be there! :)
Click to expand...

This is EXACTLY what I'm referring to....great!!!!!!

I think it's other women and society that makes us think we need to become a recluse to "fix" ourselves or "focus" on ourselves. I agree that you have to do like Susan Taylor says and "give to yourself before you give yourself away." But that doesn't mean you have to become a hermit or cease even dating to do so.

It truly can be both/and, not either/or....
 
arr1216 said:
If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism...

I think it's commendable and necessary to make personal changes to get the relationships that we all want. But I do not see too many ideas or suggestions of placing yourselves in situations where you can actually meet these people.

We can all work on ourselves and do self-improvement. But even people in relationships are imperfect and need improvement. So you don't have to be perfect to have a great relationship.

So if I may up the challenge by asking that we do one thing that could put us in a place to at least meet someone that is mate potential. This could be attending a social event, hanging out with other people more, traveling, etc. Not only will this bring about self-improvement but it may bring a pleasant surprise in the form of companionship...after all that's the subject of this thread! :grin:

Just my .10....
Click to expand...



Lol, this is what I figured out in 2008. I spent the year fixing myself up, and doing things I never thought i'd be able to do... including vacationing in Cancun by myself... but most of the time i was home...improving.

I've realized that just because i'm fly doesn't mean a thing if i'm camped out in my house all the time. (unless i'm seriously trying to date the pizza delivery guy):ohwell:

So... 2009 is about getting out of my house more and mingling...
 
Focus more on me internal and external. My daughters father and I have been on the rocks for awhile. More so because of me. When I was pregnant with her he wasn't thinking about marriage. (that was almost five years ago). Mother day 08 he proposed..I turned him down because I wasn't sure. I had my eyes on other men thinking marriage wasn't in my future with him and we were to become eternal co-parents. I said this year I would give myself an opportunity to see if him and I would work. Plus I don't want to string him any further. I really want to try with him and without the distraction of other men to sway my decision. He is a good man, a great father, but I want to make sure that the feelings I feel are real and lasting and not just because no one else is around.
 
arr1216 said:
If I may offer a bit of constructive criticism...

I think it's commendable and necessary to make personal changes to get the relationships that we all want. But I do not see too many ideas or suggestions of placing yourselves in situations where you can actually meet these people.

We can all work on ourselves and do self-improvement. But even people in relationships are imperfect and need improvement. So you don't have to be perfect to have a great relationship.

So if I may up the challenge by asking that we do one thing that could put us in a place to at least meet someone that is mate potential. This could be attending a social event, hanging out with other people more, traveling, etc. Not only will this bring about self-improvement but it may bring a pleasant surprise in the form of companionship...after all that's the subject of this thread! :grin:

Just my .10....
Click to expand...

Girl, you hit it! I've been thinking so hard about what I need to get out and do that I think myself right out of it! :lachen:I already decided this year that I'm making a change. Next week I'm joining a young professionals group in my city for networking and social purposes. I've been wanting to join this group for the past 2 years and just haven't done so. :look: This year I'm going to be doing instead of just talking.
 
I went out last night with a friend. It was a bar I've never been to and it was a cool crowd. It was a nice change from the downtown club scene.
 
Bunny77 said:
Okay, here's something I did last November. I gave money to a political candidate to get invited to one of her VIP events. While there, I met a lady who invited me to join an Executive Women's Golf Club. Now, mind you, this is a women's group, but if I learn to play golf, suddenly a whole lot more doors will be open to me in terms of meeting men.

Just today, I got an invitation from the candidate (who won her election) inviting me to her inauguration ceremony. Hey, it's no Obama inaugural, but now I'm on the mailing list for her events, and who knows who might be there! :)
Click to expand...

Excellent. :yep: This is some Ginie Polo Sayles level of strategizing :lachen: Now another woman might have thought, joining a woman's club would not be beneficial to her cause. But you rightly realize that 1. sometimes it's the women that hold the keys and can introduce you the available men and 2. Golf is an excellent way to meet men. I wish I had the time to learn, but I have so much on my plate right now. :nono: I've read before that political campaigns are an excellent way to meet successful single men. I think networking is so HUGE in the search for a mate. The wider your network is, the more people that can potentially introduce you to your future husband.
 
My goal for 09 is to go out at least 1 x a month, hopefully sometimes 2 x a month. A part of that is me finding a sitter for my daughter that I know she is safe with from any harm including molestation and other things. Once I find this I will feel better about going out and enjoying myself.
 
I am working on loving ME the way that I want. If I'm not giving the love that I want to me first, then I can't expect someone else to come along and provide it for me.

I'm also willing to now walk away when my terms are not met.

I'm also going to make them chase me more. Not that I haven't done so before, but now all bets are off.

I also am going to make sure that I'm more open to people. Sometimes I'm not always receptive and stay inside my shell. I'm going to work on that more.
 
i'm working on eating alot more healthier than i have been lately. I am going to excercise more as well. I use to jog 3x's a week and stopped. will incorporate some type of excercise into my week.

i have some personal careers goals that need to be met.

I've been doing pretty well with my hair and will continue to do so. Makes me very happy about my appearance. i want to she a couple of pounds starting now.

get out more. i've joined a couple of associations at the top of december that are working out well.

Lastly, i've gotten rid of the negative folks and non-progressive people from my circle.

that's pretty much it.
 
I actually don't want any relationships this year! I really need time to get myself together. The last time I was single was 9 years ago.
I want to work hard on my career and financial state.
 
I want to become more social this year but for me it's easier said than done. I have been in such a rut for the last year its hard to motivate myself to get out there.
 
I'm taking a break this year!!! My motto this year is falling in love with life. I have a LOT of stuff i need to deal with internally. And also getting my career and finances on point. I feel like I've been in this same cycle with my dealings with men for quite some time now and its not realy fun anymore:nono:. So I'm going on hiatus and working on some things.






We'll see how well i stick to this when some fine chocolate thang walks up on me :drunk::look:
 
....I AM CUTTING OFF ALL CONTACT WITH MY EX....I had to put it that way because it is a daily task. Most days are no problem, others I get all mushy and crap:wallbash: I know that I have to let the memory die. If he gets it together for the next chick Hooray for them.:look:
 
Last edited:
Belle Du Jour said:
I guess I tend to believe that a relationship doesn't necessarily fall in your lap. And I'm not saying you have to be perfect in every single area of your life, but working towards becoming the very person you want to attract. :yep: So, what are you doing differently in 2009 to call in the one?
Click to expand...

I'm not looking for him anymore, He will find me and i will let him chase to make sure he isn't playing.

I will not write off every man if he isn't as fyne as i have fantasized about.

I am focusing on ME and MY over all well-being.:yep:

I am making sure I am financially stable and that I am keeping God first.

No. DRAMA.:wallbash:

Giving school my all I have about 1 year left for my bachelors.
 
Not too bad! A few first dates here and there... some calling for second dates... so we'll see who's serious!
 
Bunny77 said:
Not too bad! A few first dates here and there... some calling for second dates... so we'll see who's serious!
Click to expand...

This is about where I am too. Trying to see if anything pans out.

I'm going to a Bridal show next weekend. If you will it to be, then it will COME!:lachen:

That's what I'm telling myself anyway.:look:
 
I am having fun living the single life right now.

I am dating, but that's it - just having lots of fun with no strings/seriousness attached.
 
MizAvalon said:
This is about where I am too. Trying to see if anything pans out.

I'm going to a Bridal show next weekend. If you will it to be, then it will COME!:lachen:

That's what I'm telling myself anyway.:look:
Click to expand...

Good plan! Law of Attraction baby! :thumbsup:

I might do some bridal mystery shops for the same purpose. :D
 
Bunny77 said:
Good plan! Law of Attraction baby! :thumbsup:

I might do some bridal mystery shops for the same purpose. :D
Click to expand...

OK!! I saw a commercial on tv for it and they mentioned that they're having a fashion show so I figured what the heck? I'm not engaged yet but I WILL be so might as well get some good ideas.:yep:
 
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