Why do you REALLY think your still SINGLE?

[softblackcotton]

1)How long have u been single?

All my almost 25 yrs of life. I've never been married.

2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....)

Never had a SERIOUS relationship. I consider a serious relationship as one gearing towards marriage.
ETA: Ok..Ok I admit I was talking to a guy since last year, is he the best guy I've ever encountered in my very short dating history in terms of respectability, drive, niceness, politeness, and he has a plenty of good qualities BUT the chemistry was week from the get go We like each other, but it's an ephemeral kind of like. I keep going back and forth with him because I not really feeling him emotionally. I think we will stop talking for good this year very soon.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break?

Yes. I need to put more effort into my social life and stop being such a nerd living in the library and lab all the time. I need to stop thinking every single man who approaches me only wants to get in my pants. However from my past experience 9/10 times I've been right.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that you think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general?

I need to work on my general appearance. I tend to be sweat pants, sneaks, hair messy type of girl. I admit I carry quite a sloppy appearance. I also need to work on deeper things such as self-esteem and confidence and such. I also don't feel comfortable when I find out that a guy likes me because I'm not at my best right now. Despite my sloppy appearance some still do. Plus I don't have sex or do sexual things with men who are not my husband at all. That has scared a lot bastards away. Good riddance!

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?

I want to be right now, so I could work on myself plus I live in Atlanta plus I want to be courted and not dated. I purposely do things to sabotage potential disasterships until I fix myself.

 

[Almaz]

I have absolutely nothing to contribute but I just wanted to say that this is a great thread

 

[southerncitygirl]

1)How long have u been single?

Most of my life.

2)How did ur last relationship end? Never had a serious relationship, after 6 months its normally over.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? In the past I settled cause I was lonely and longed for companionship. Not realizing my power as woman( we call the shots and control the situation more than we realize).
4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that you think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? Oh, the reasons are neverending:
Yep, I'm intelligent and men love airheads, I think men get disappointed when they see I'm more than some arm candy.

I also don't hestitate to speak my mind.
I will wear my hair however I like (wig, natural, or flatironed) and its my hair, so you telling me how to wear it will not fly!

I don't consider places like TGIF, Chili's, Ruby Tuesdays,Red Lobster,all-you-can-eat buffets, and Applebee's to be the epitome of 5 star dining.

I despise cornrows on men over the age of 25 (loc your damn hair!!) and don't like baggy pants with underwear showing.

I have a mastery of the English language so I'm perceived as uppity(No,I don't know what you're saying).

I also enjoy music other than neo-soul, R&B, and think hip-hop is in a sorry state right now (do i have to be like a white girl cause I like Coldplay, Oasis, Natalie Merchant,Nirvana, Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac,etc.)

I don't respond to psst, Hey girl, Eyyy Eyyy gurl, shawty, Hey Slim, "What yo name is?", or "Damn you got a fatty".

Ahhh....alas no wonder I'm single, I'm adisagrace to to my race...sigh


5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? Cause I wanna be, I'm not settling and I'm working on being the best I can be mentally, physically and emotionally so when the right one comes along I'll be ready

 

[Skiggle]

1)How long have u been single?

Most of my life.

2)How did ur last relationship end? Never had a serious relationship, after 6 months its normally over.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? In the past I settled cause I was lonely and longed for companionship. Not realizing my power as woman( we call the shots and control the situation more than we realize).
4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that you think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? Oh, the reasons are neverending:
Yep, I'm intelligent and men love airheads, I think men get disappointed when they see I'm more than some arm candy.

I also don't hestitate to speak my mind.
I will wear my hair however I like (wig, natural, or flatironed) and its my hair, so you telling me how to wear it will not fly!

I don't consider places like TGIF, Chili's, Ruby Tuesdays,Red Lobster,all-you-can-eat buffets, and Applebee's to be the epitome of 5 star dining.

I despise cornrows on men over the age of 25 (loc your damn hair!!) and don't like baggy pants with underwear showing.

I have a mastery of the English language so I'm perceived as uppity(No,I don't know what you're saying).

I also enjoy music other than neo-soul, R&B, and think hip-hop is in a sorry state right now (do i have to be like a white girl cause I like Coldplay, Oasis, Natalie Merchant,Nirvana, Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac,etc.)

I don't respond to psst, Hey girl, Eyyy Eyyy gurl, shawty, Hey Slim, "What yo name is?", or "Damn you got a fatty".

Ahhh....alas no wonder I'm single, I'm adisagrace to to my race...sigh


5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? Cause I wanna be, I'm not settling and I'm working on being the best I can be mentally, physically and emotionally so when the right one comes along I'll be ready

Goodness, I feel like
I just wrote this.

 

[Bunny77]

This is a good thread. Although I'm in a relationship now, I'll post to share my thoughts about my looooong period of singleness! Plus, it helps keep me on my toes.

1)How long have u been single?
Believe it or not, my longest stretch of singleness was 10 years. I'm defining singleness as not having someone I called a boyfriend. I honestly didn't realize it had been that long at the time because there were a few 3-year periods where I deliberately didn't want a boyfriend (because of career and school reasons), then other times when I was having little 3-month things here, and 4-month things there. I was always dating through those 10 years though. I'm actually a pretty good single person -- I don't desire a relationship just for the sake of one. Finally though, when I reached the point where I got tired of being by myself all the time, I started pursuing relationships.

2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....) I let go of the college boyfriend because I felt we weren't moving in the same direction. With the last boyfriend I had (who ended the 10-year streak), it also ended because he was not going in the direction that I wanted to go. Which was marriage... he said he wanted at least 3 years. Sorry buddy, not happening.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? (only dating jerks, men who just got out of a relationship, trying to get a bf out of a bootycall, already involved men, players,....etc)The worst habits I had was spending too much time on unavailable men. That could be men who just got out of relationships (that was a big problem) or men who liked me as friends, but weren't interested in a serious relationship. I took bad advice from people (usually women) who often read more into a man's flirtation with me and told me I should pursue or nudge him, or wait him out while he "got himself together." What a waste of time and energy... all of those dudes I gave chances to and how many boyfriends came out of it? None.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? (too naggy, picky, insecure, too much attitude, sleeping with them too soon, being too nice that they walk over u, etc....)Believe it or not, no. I'm pretty secure in myself and generally don't think that there's much wrong with me that would prevent me from being in a good relationship -- especially when I see stone-cold beyotches who follow no rules end up with a man. The one thing I think did interfere in the past was my focus on career/school/my own life and not making any time or room for a man to be in my life.

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?I was single by choice for some periods -- simply because I had some goals that were musts for me to accomplish and I didn't want that focus to be questioned because I met a man and he had a different plan. This was the period in which I didn't care if I had a man or not. Later, I stayed single because I had no concrete plan as to why I was dating and why I was spending time with certain men. If I wanted marriage (and I didn't yet admit that to myself), I was doing a poor job of getting to it with the types of dudes I was dating. So I was not with men with the same mindset.

 

[serendipity]

Here's an interesting thread I found about the plight of a single woman.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/859677-i-dont-really-get.html

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

1)How long have u been single? 4 years going 5 years

2)How did ur last relationship end? I ended because he was an idiot and I didnt want o marry that.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? Yes I have had a daddy complex and I was trusting that a man would really make me happy.I also now seem to be to distant in being a woman and allowing a man to even get close to me.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? I have been hurt beaten and abused and I have alot of growing to do in that area..Im also very cold and indepedant which makes it very hard for any man to get too close

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single I do believe that I Fallen Angel have stayed in bondage of my thoughts too long to the point that I may have forever ruined my chance for dating and marriage..maybe as I grow I will regain confidence that I am worth a man in spite of being bigger,not having alot of money,not having more advanced degrees etc.

 

[DrC]

1)How long have u been single? 6 YEARS 2 MONTHS

2)How did ur last relationship end? I ISSUED A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM, BCZ HE WAS ABUSIVE

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT DATING IS!! LOL.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general?
YES. I'M USUALLY AFRAID BCZ I HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE DATING/RELATIONSHIP ASPECT FOR SO LONG THAT I FEEL I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP OR EVEN WITH DATING SOMEONE.


5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? I'M JUST AFRAID: THE LAST GUY I DATED BASICALLY SAID HE DIDNT SEE ME AS MORE THAN A FRIEND, SUBSEQUENT TO US DATING AND HIM TAKING ME OUT AND SPENDING TIME LIKE COUPLES DO. IN ADDITION IPUT MY FEELINGS OUT ON THE TABLE FOR HIM. I'M SO SCARED.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

1)How long have u been single? 1 yr 9 months
2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....) We were not meant to be...I was graduating and he stayed and thought a relationship would be too stressful (translation: he wanted to explore). We actually went back and forth for a while after that...I picked the scab...made it bleed, puss up n get infected...smdh
3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? (only dating jerks, men who just got out of a relationship, trying to get a bf out of a bootycall, already involved men, players,....etc) I have diff bad habits in each situation...sometimes its trying to hard...others it may b forcing a situation that I kno is not 4 me or lowering my standards.
4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? (too naggy, picky, insecure, too much attitude, sleeping with them too soon, being too nice that they walk over u, etc....) I am not sure...I'm trying to be as honest as possible...but I really don't know what the issue with me is. I can say I dont have any of the listed issues.
5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? I am trying really hard to establish standards...i.e. not "chillin" in some negro's house...if u want to see me...you need to take me out (at least at first). Also, I am not giving up the panties...this is an issue for many men...hell if I care.My tendency to ignore texts is also an issue...my pet peeve is guys who only text and in my age range...that's all they do! I can't forget to mention that I was walking aroung heart broken for a very long time...I wasn't myself..Id be out on dates wondering what HE is doing...I had the "talk about the ex" syndrome...my broken heart made me lose the spunk that makes me attractive. Another reason I'm single is because I barely leave the house...I go 2 work...2 school...then sit my tail @ hm...smh...I am forcing myself to go out w/the girls AT LEAST 1 per month...I am 2 young 2 b such a house loving bum...

Thanks OP, I really needed to answer these questions to realize a few things.

 

[Preezie]

I can't force someone to marry me.

 

[Nelli04]

1)How long have u been single? A looong time
2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....) mutual
3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? (only dating jerks, men who just got out of a relationship, trying to get a bf out of a bootycall, already involved men, players,....etc) No. I don't even date
4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? (too naggy, picky, insecure, too much attitude, sleeping with them too soon, being too nice that they walk over u, etc....) I think I am too picky and too insecure.
5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?
I have made sooo many excuses about me being single for so long, but in all reality, I am to blame. First, I felt it was because I live in a mostly white area and I have no interest in white guys. Second, it was the fact that the guys who approached me were never 'good enough.' But the real truth is, I am not ready for a real relationship. I need to let my guard down, stop being so shy and just practice dating. I am single because I am not comfortable in my own skin so therefore I wouldn't be comfortable being in a relationship with anyone. I hope to kill this, this year and finally get passed it. I think my insecurities, lack of ability to hold interesting conversation, and shyness keep me from getting into a real relationship. I've passed up a lot of nice guys because of it.

 

[ParagonTresses]

1)How long have u been single?

For about 3yrs

2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....)

He went to prison. We tried, correction, I tried to make it work for about a year after his incarceration before I realized he needed to focus on himself, not us.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? (only dating jerks, men who just got out of a relationship, trying to get a bf out of a bootycall, already involved men, players,....etc)

I had a "type" of guy I was looking for, and if a man I met didn't fit that mold 100% I broke it off...I had unrealistic and unreasonable expectations

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? (too naggy, picky, insecure, too much attitude, sleeping with them too soon, being too nice that they walk over u, etc....)

I am cynical and suspicious of most guys I meet. Also, I tend to have that independent, I-don't-need-no-man-for-nothin attitude with new men I encounter.

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?

I decided a while back (over a year or so now) not to be in a relationship for now. I needed time to process/figure out what I truly want from the opposite sex, from God's perspective. I am starting to date alil, just taking it easy and not rushing into anything...we'll see...

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

1)How long have u been single? All my 23 years although I have dated a little. No serious relationships though.

2)How did ur last relationship end? I didn't like the guy and only dated him because my mom pushed me to. I was 17 at the time. When I was 19-21 there was a guy I wanted to date who liked me too but we live in different states. We're both in grad school now so it seems an impossible relationship, at least on his end. Because the type of guys I like has changed I'm not even sure I like him anymore.

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? I need to be more patient and not freak out if there's no chemistry right away and give it a chance to develop. I expect sparks to fly right away and that's unrealistic.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? I'm slow to warm up to people. It doesn't stop me from getting approached though. I'm picky but I don't think I'm unrealistic. Every time I consider relaxing my standards I'm reminded why I am so picky.

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?
Law school and finishing my Masters is my life right now. I barely see my family and I still live at home. If I'm not studying I'm sleeping. It's very rare that I go out and when I do I'm trying to relax and spend time with my family so if I'm approached I'm not going to respond.

I'm pretty old-fashioned when it comes to dating. I don't date to figure out if I like someone but rather to find out if I can have a future (i.e. marriage and kids) with someone I already do like and am on the same page on the important things. I'm more into courting/chivalry rather than dating and guys my age and even older aren't like that.

 

[TheGrimPhreaker]

1)How long have u been single?
I've single for about 3 or 4 years now
2)How did ur last relationship end? (cheating, mutual, lost of interest,....)
He cheated on me. With a 17 yr old.
3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? (only dating jerks, men who just got out of a relationship, trying to get a bf out of a bootycall, already involved men, players,....etc)
I do not love myself enough. I'm emotionally unavailable especially since I was just seeing someone who woo-ed me, had sex with me, then finally came to the decision that I have all the traits that he wanted...except that I wasn't white. So I'm very, very shattered and I have trust issues.
4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? (too naggy, picky, insecure, too much attitude, sleeping with them too soon, being too nice that they walk over u, etc....)
I show my personality in spurts, but for some reason it makes them chase after me more, sense it translates as mysterious to them. However, I have a problem with not following up..it's almost like I don't put my heart into really trying to nurture the relationship.
5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single?
I'm scared to get hurt. I'm an attractive female, I have so much going for me, but my heart is too weak right now...

 

[jupitermoon]

1)How long have u been single? I've been single all of my life.

2)How did ur last relationship end? n/a

3)Do u have a bad dating habits u think u need to break? Never dated anyone.

4) Do u have actions/traits about ur persona that u think interferes with a guy wanting a relationship or just meeting men in general? Yes, I'm very shy and uncomfortable around guys. I tense up and don't know what to say. I tend to look down and avoid eye contact too. I think guys tend to interpret this as meanness. I've offended men with my shyness.

5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? I'm just not a likable person. It doesn't matter how nice I am or how much I smile there is something "off" about me. I almost can't blame men for not liking me.

 

[Kimdionneca]

.......
5) FINALLY....Why do u really think ur still single? I'm just not a likable person. It doesn't matter how nice I am or how much I smile there is something "off" about me. I almost can't blame men for not liking me.

CelinaStarr, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I just don't believe you are not likable, please don't hate on yourself like that. I don't know you but Ive read your blog and seen some of your pics, I haven't seen your face but you seem like you would be very attractive, your hair is gorgeous!!!! You seem to have a lot going for you. I know it's cleche' but its true "you have to love yourself first and then love will come to you" If you want it. And the right man won't let your shyness keep him away.