*Single Ladies*: What Are We Doing to Attract Love In 2014??

[kandake]

Co-ed Flag football is really big here so, my best friend and I are going to to attend a few games when the season starts... One of her girls plays.

That's a great idea. I used to date I guy that played. Went to most of his games last spring/summer. There are A LOT of nice looking men out there... players and spectators. I kinda hate that they associate me with him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I know it may sound silly to some, but I've recently been making some vision boards online at Oprah's OWN website.

It's pretty fun! I'm making one for what I want to accomplish this year, as WELL as, a separate board for the type of guy I want to ATTRACT, and the sort of relationship that I want to have in the near future.

I love choosing the pictures and writing in the captions of what I want. Hey, I don't know if it will work or not lol, but it is fun to do and it will be cool to print it out and post it up somewhere as a reminder. It's positive and fun!


Here's the link in case anyone is interested.
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/O-Dream-Board-Envision-Your-Best-LifeTM

I need to be more flirty.....ugh! So not me....unless I'm drunk or dancing.
Also need to work on me more.
Might do some online joints too......

Fine 4s
Oh I know what you mean! I think I suck at flirting... I just feel so uncomfortable doing it...OVERTLY flirting I mean. Idk...maybe it's just my imagination, but I'm just not forward w/guys like that.

Probably why I'm still single...

Co-ed Flag football is really big here so, my best friend and I are going to to attend a few games when the season starts... One of her girls plays.

All4Tris Awesome!! Way to go girl! There's nothing like a game of sports to bring guys and girls together for a "love connection" lol. I'm serious!! Adventurous, or physical activity tends to be a GREAT "opener" to future love prospects. Must be the pheromones or something lol.


My new roomie has invited me to 2 parties in the next couple of weeks that she's attending (she's basically dragging me out of the house lol )....a line dancing party..., and a Superbowl Party!

So...we'll see!!! Even if I don't meet any "prospects" there, it will be nice to get to meet some new guys, meet some new people, and spend some nights OUT of the house lol...especially since I'm new to the area

 

[sapphire74]

How are we doing ladies? Any updates?

 

[okange76]

Spending a whole lot of time in the gym. I feel more confident when I am slimmer. I have a very round face and fat round face is not cute. Once I've toned down a bit, I'll be ready to put myself out there more.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Spending a whole lot of time in the gym. I feel more confident when I am slimmer. I have a very round face and fat round face is not cute. Once I've toned down a bit, I'll be ready to put myself out there more.

Yay! Me TOO!!! Gym rats unite lol!

I've been hitting the gym more and just trying to eat healthier because I look and feel better when I'm a few lbs lighter and toned.

How are we doing ladies? Any updates?

Well, one thing I've been doing is getting out of my comfort zone and striking up conversations with guys... Nothing out of the ordinary or "pursuey" or anything like that....just maybe asking a question or acknowledging something about the guy. Basically, I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone and be more "aware" of my surroundings. I'll let the guy do the rest if he happens to be interested.

 

[kinky curlygenie]

I have been going out of my comfort zone a lot lately. A home girl knew I wanted to learn Portuguese so we went to a meet up where there was a few native speakers it was fun informal and I enjoyed myself. A couple of the guys were really nice. I have been on a couple of dates with this persian guy I used to wirk with fibers crossed ey.

As far as flirting I'm not really a flirty type unless I am comfortable with someone lol
I suck at dating so I'm relieved that this persian guy had known me previously from work, when had no make up on n through the rough days so no pressure lol

 

[Country gal]

Great thread ladies. The point is to get comfortable in your own skin. Focusing on yourself so you can attract the right guy.

 

[LovelyRo]

Bump... Super Bowl parties single ladies!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Lately I've also been reading/brushing up again on some Self-Help books about relationships and improving your dating life, or just your inner self in general.

I figure that if I'm really going to be SERIOUS about meeting my future husband, or being more proactive about just meeting more men in general to date, then I better start brushing up on my dating/relationship skills and improve on a few things...


I've been reading on my Kindle some of these books.... Some I've read before, but others were completely brand new to me!



"Not Your Mother's Rules"

Summary: When The Rules was published in 1995, its message was straightforward: be mysterious. But for women looking for love today, it's not quite so simple. In a world of instant messaging, location check-ins, and status updates, where hook-ups have become the norm and formal one-on-one dates seem a thing of the past, it's difficult to retain the air of mystery that keeps men interested.

Now, with help from their daughters, the original Rules Girls Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider share their thoroughly modern, fresh take on dating that will help women in today's information age create the happy love lives they want and deserve. Whether you're a 20-something dating for the first time, a 30-something tired of being single, a 40-something giving advice to your daughter, or a 50-something getting back in the dating game, this book has the answers you've been waiting for.


My Take: So far, I am LOVING this book! I'm almost finished with it, and I think it's awesome in the fact that it is a little more updated and more modern compared to the original book "The Rules". Times have changed, and this book does a great job (imo) in helping women remain a "mystery" while living in the world of texting, facebooking, sexting, and Twitterville lol .




Powerful and Feminine: How to Increase Your Magnetic Presence and Attract the Attention You Want

Summary: When a woman embodies her feminine essence, her whole life is transformed. She becomes attractive, grounded, and sensual. When she walks into a room, everyone appreciates the glow of her feminine radiance. Men notice her, including the healthy, loving, masculine ones she desires. She does not need to project a powerful persona to attract the respect she wants. A forced sense of masculine power is nothing compared to the ecstasy, empowerment, and effortless magnetism that are released when a woman activates her feminine essence.


My Take: I JUST started reading this book, and I cannot put it down! At first when I started reading this book I was like at some of the advice (especially in Chapter 5 lol ), but the more I've been reading and doing the exercises suggested in the book, the more I feel so much more "in tune" with my femininity and sensuality as a woman. WOW.... This book might be a little too "new agey" for some, but it's definitely worth a skim or a sample....

This book is FINALLY answering the question for me why SOME women walk into a room and seem to have a "presence" and men flocking to them...and it has NOTHING to do with looks.




Why Men Love *****es: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Summary: Do you feel like you are too nice? Sherry Argov's national bestseller Why Men Love *****es delivers a unique perspective as to why men are attracted to a strong woman who stands up for herself. With saucy detail on every page, this no-nonsense guide reveals why a strong woman is much more desirable than a "yes woman" who routinely sacrifices herself. The New York Times bestselling author provides compelling answers to the tough questions women often ask:

• Why are men so romantic in the beginning and why do they change?

• Why do men take nice girls for granted?

• Why does a man respect a woman when she stands up for herself?

My Take: I have always LOVED LOVED LOVED this book!! I've read it plenty times before, but I'm re-reading it again to sort of "brush up" on my skills :eyebrows2 . The author is hilarious, and this book is a fun read.



Enjoy Ladies!!

 

[Lenee925]

Great thread ladies. The point is to get comfortable in your own skin. Focusing on yourself so you can attract the right guy.

Girl this happened tonight. Don't think anything will come of it but I was just trying to do more of what you posted about and I got some results

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Girl this happened tonight. Don't think anything will come of it but I was just trying to do more of what you posted about and I got some results

I agree, getting comfortable within your own skin helps tremendously.

 

[VelvetRain]

Nada. Love found me in November 2013. Just be yourself and cultivate activities you enjoy.

 

[girlonfire]

the biggie for me....

getting out the darn house lol

Lawd this is me! I don't go anywhere!! and you know what every guy I've ever talked to was a friend of a friend so maybe I need to start making my own independent friends you know? what I am extremely socially awkward. also but I always feel like I look like a hot mess doesn't help you know what they say if you look good you feel good and feeling good would help me get out and meet you guys!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ladies.... Have any of you all read THIS book???

Get The Guy

It's been getting rave reviews on Amazon.com.

I like Matthew Hussey, and I've seen quite a few of his videos on YouTube. I like the fact that his relationship advice to women isn't brash, focusing on women's looks, or telling women what they're doing wrong......like so many OTHER relationship books written by MEN tend to do...


I like his style of speaking, and I read an excerpt of his book last night and so far I like it!

 

[DreamLife]

Well my plan to meet guys from September 2012 until October 2013 was online dating. I was new in town and didn't know many people to go out with. I went on tons of dates, met one guy I'm still semi cool with and was in a 4 month relationship (my shortest relationship ever). This year I'm deciding to give online dating a break and get out the house. I've met one guy randomly at a restaurant but it's not really going anywhere. Also I need to focus on my career and weight loss right now.

 

[Lenee925]

Right now I got a new job at a huge company and I work with a lot of men. I normally am totally against meeting people at work but I am more open to it now if done with professionalism and common sense. I have been smiling and wearing some makeup everyday and not hiding my shape so much. I try to say hello to men and women and introduce myself when I can.

So far I have had a few guys come in to my lab and introduce themselves, a lunch invite and some stares in meetings here and there haha. I'm focused on my job performance right now but I try to make sure my energy is warm and inviting.

FYI, I do not online date whatsoever, so I force myself to look better and be more engaging while I am in public.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Right now I got a new job at a huge company and I work with a lot of men. I normally am totally against meeting people at work but I am more open to it now if done with professionalism and common sense. I have been smiling and wearing some makeup everyday and not hiding my shape so much. I try to say hello to men and women and introduce myself when I can.

So far I have had a few guys come in to my lab and introduce themselves, a lunch invite and some stares in meetings here and there haha. I'm focused on my job performance right now but I try to make sure my energy is warm and inviting.

FYI, I do not online date whatsoever, so I force myself to look better and be more engaging while I am in public.

@Lenee925 Way to go girl!!! They say a woman's smile is the deadly secret weapon to attract a guy....seriously! :eyebrows2


I need to get out more...... I have been a hermit for the past few weeks. erplexed It's hard when you're new in a new area and don't really know anybody....

BUTTT I know that's not a good enough excuse....lol

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Ladies.... Have any of you all read THIS book???

Get The Guy

Btw.....
Am I the ONLY one who's heard of Matthew Hussey???

I find that hard to believe lol.


Anyway, for those of you who don't know him, here's his YT Channel. I like his way of speaking and how he comes across. He seems like he's really trying to give women helpful advice.


So far I'm just LOVING his book!

This part of the book REALLY stood out to me....... It's like, I've heard it said before by women authors, but the WAY he wrote and described this really drove home the point for me. #ahamoment


He writes:

"You may have once believed that being compliant is appealing to men because it is a quality that won't intimidate them. But the truth is that nothing snuffs out attraction quicker than when a guy picks up on uncertainty. When he senses that you are doing something out of character just to try to please him, he will sense it is because you feel unworthy of him. Being "nice" will not compel him to choose you over other women in the room. Confidence trumps compliance every time. Here's why: if you are certain of your self-worth and you are speaking with him, then he feels special. So your self-confidence becomes a mirror for his sense of self. This is true of most interactions with other people, but it is especially true of romantic interactions between men and women.

Women are better at reading body signals, better at sensing the mood of the room, better at interpreting pretty much all nonverbal cues, but a guy can always sense when a woman is uncertain of herself. He can feel insecurity a mile away. Generally speaking, a confident and secure man will lose interest in a woman if he senses insecurity. Don't give him reasons not to be interested. Save your self-doubt for a therapist.

A woman who is certain knows what she is looking for in a man and never settles for less than her highest standards. She thinks, if a guy can't meet my needs, he's not right for me. When a guy is around this kind of woman, he wants to bring his A-game, knowing she wont accept less. He wants the woman who already knows that she is good enough for him."

--"Get the Guy", By Matthew Hussey

 

[MzSwift]

Yup, I've heard of him.

 

[Lenee925]

@Lenee925 Way to go girl!!! They say a woman's smile is the deadly secret weapon to attract a guy....seriously! :eyebrows2


I need to get out more...... I have been a hermit for the past few weeks. erplexed It's hard when you're new in a new area and don't really know anybody....

BUTTT I know that's not a good enough excuse....lol

Yup the million dollar smile was bringing them in....another blond lol. He was attractive though; cool personality..but I don't need to give my number out to every cute guy who asks and buys me my Scotch.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yup the million dollar smile was bringing them in....another blond lol. He was attractive though; cool personality..but I don't need to give my number out to every cute guy who asks and buys me my Scotch.

Lol...So you attract the blondies I see?? Hey, nothing wrong with that. I always say women should try going where they are appreciated instead of trying to make guys who may not be checking for them interested. Just go where you're wanted lol (within reason of course lol) Give the guys who you're not usually inclined towards a chance every once in a while. You might be pleasantly surprised at times.

And if some cute guys are buying you alcohol, why NOT give them your number if they ask and don't look crazy . Hey, it's all a numbers game out here. I definitely agree with Matthew Hussey on that point. Meet and date more MEN!!! Keep a steady rotation until you're exclusive. This year my whole mindset has changed. I'm all about equal opportunity this year lol. You might get some dates out of it. And even if it doesn't work out, at least you got a free dinner, and you're one step closer to that special guy.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

BUMP....


Any updates ladies????

The year is almost half over. Any success stories? Any Stories of growth and personal improvement? Opening your heart for love? Anything???


I know for me personally, lately my roommate is helping me by not only trying to introduce me to new guys in the area, but she's also helping me to be a little more "OPEN" with my body language and tips on flirting w/guys (ie. "giving the eyes...", smiling, open body language, etc.), since apparently (from what I've seen) she's a guy magnet lol.

Trust me...I'm taking notes....

I never realized how closed my body language can be at times, or how I tend to clam up whenever I'm around a guy I could potentially be interested in until she mentioned it to me the other day. erplexed It's very interesting how the way people on the OUTSIDE view you can be completely different from how you view YOURSELF. My mom used to always say this about me, but I always chalked this up to mom being...well....mom... But I'm guessing it MUST be true if others are saying it. erplexed I think I tend to get nervous around guys I like...

So...I'm working on it lol. This would DEFINITELY finally explain why it always seemed like guys who I'm NOT interested in (ie. guy friends, guys I don't find attractive, etc.) always ended up liking me, but guys who I'm actually INTO don't really end up liking me. erplexed THAT would explain a LOT actually lol....


We'll see how it goes! The year is still young. Nothing may come out of it, but at least I'm excited about the prospect of meeting some new guys (I'm new in the area) and trying out my new-found "flirting skills" lol.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I am filling up my calendar for August and September. I realized that going to 1-2special "singles events" a year isn't cutting it. I need to be consistent. One author said she got to "I do" by going out up to 6 days a week at one point. That's too much for me but I think 1-2x/week is more than reasonable. By attending more events, I'm creating more opportunities to meet someone with potential.

Besides being intentional when going out, I do think there is something to be said for meeting people anywhere. This is a skill I am also working on.

 

[Country gal]

I am a little disappointed because my horoscope said I would meet a new love in July.

I worked really hard to get in shape. I now see men checking for me. I want to meet a really nice and established guy.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I am filling up my calendar for August and September. I realized that going to 1-2special "singles events" a year isn't cutting it. I need to be consistent. One author said she got to "I do" by going out up to 6 days a week at one point. That's too much for me but I think 1-2x/week is more than reasonable. By attending more events, I'm creating more opportunities to meet someone with potential.

Besides being intentional when going out, I do think there is something to be said for meeting people anywhere. This is a skill I am also working on.

GOOD for you!! I'm doing the same thing. It really does help a LOT.

You just never know who you will meet, or who you will meet that will put you in TOUCH with someone who could be your potential new beau. My roomie and I would always go to sing karaoke once a month with this huge group of people (some we knew, others we didn't), and now she's dating one of the guys that we met there!

So you just never know!!!

I am a little disappointed because my horoscope said I would meet a new love in July.

I worked really hard to get in shape. I now see men checking for me. I want to meet a really nice and established guy.

Hmmm....well, technically, the month of July still isn't over....

Personally for me, I don't read horoscopes, and I wouldn't rely on them to dictate my life, so if it were me I would say just continue to be OPEN, inviting, APPROACHABLE, and friendly with EVERYONE! Your getting in more shape has definitely upped your chances , and you are also noticing that men are checking you out more. That's already a plus!! Plus, you never know, maybe you already HAVE met the guy in this month, but he's not going to make a move until later on. SOmetimes things don't always happen boom boom boom instantly. I know of some friends who knew a guy for YEARS and they were just casual acquaintances or just "friends" for YEARS, and then later on they moved towards being MORE than just casual acquaintances.

SO, you just never know. Just stay open and positive!

 

[sapphire74]

I have been getting out of the house, but have not gotten a date or approached by any men. I think I need to find some activities to do that have a larger group of men in attendance. The events I have been attending have been with a meetup group and only about 2 or 3 guys show up if that sometimes no guys at all show up. I think I will do some research on events going on in my city this weekend.

 

[missjones]

Working on losing weight to feel better about myself.

 

[girlonfire]

I'm working on disassociating "hello" with marriage proposal. Getting out of my house ALONE.
I've gotten so much better about looking at my phone I almost forget it's there most times.
Calming myself when in close proximity with a guy I'm attracted to.
Also i want to work on my dreams so i have something interesting to talk about if i ever do get invited out on a date.
I want to be more approachable. I've been told that my tone is snarky and i hold people hostage emotionally.

 

[jade998]

Calming myself when in close proximity with a guy I'm attracted to

Yes. THIS!

Not sure why that happens. Need to remember they are only human too.

My lesson this year.
Best to check those that are checking you. No point checking out the 'Michael Ealy' guy, if he isn't trying to talk to me. Best sticking to the 'Martin Lawrence' guy that has been trying to get to know me. Not settle, but be realistic.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Soooooo.....any UPDATES ladies?? :eyebrows2

@kandake @sapphire74 @okange76 @kinky curlygenie @Country gal @Belle Du Jour
@missjones @jade998 @Lenee925

It's October!!! Whew! Time flies fast.

So....any results? Any self-reflections? Anything?

I know for ME personally....
I'm not dating anyone.....YET. BUT, ever since September I literally stopped LOOKING for someone. I think I just gave up lol. I didn't give up in the hope that I will find someone....oh no.... ....I KNOW I will eventually find someone. But I just gave up the "search".

And you know what? I actually feel VERY relieved! For the first time (in a LONG time) I actually feel FREE. I just left it up to God basically.

I still go out, hang out with friends, go to singles events where I know a bunch of guys are going to be there, and I still allow my roomie to try to hook me up with guys lol , but in my heart of hearts I'm no longer feeling "pressed" or "pressured" to be in a relationship right now. I healed my heart of all of the previous baggage, and starting in September I just told myself that for the rest of the year I'm just going to FOCUS ON ME. And that's exactly what I've been doing!

I've been working out more during the week, and I'm starting to slim down some nicely, I've been trying to eat a little more healthy, working on my skin care, my hair, my clothes, finding flattering things to wear, pampering myself more, etc, and just focusing on having FUN!

I'm not giving up on finding someone, I'm just not putting as much pressure on myself. I'm still working on my confidence level around guys, and also my flirting techniques :eyebrows2, but I'm not feeling like I HAVE to make something happen like I was in the beginning of the year. Honestly? I feel happier. I've made it more into a game and less into a "MUST".

My goal is to be as happy in my life NOW, and I sense that someone will come into it eventually. Usually in the past, I ended up in relationships when I wasn't even looking/thinking about it. Guys just came out of the wood work lol.


ETA: Oh! I also have some updates! I have a formal later on this month that I may go to, and ANOTHER formal late next month that I'm DEFINITELY going to, so I'm sure to meet some new people at those events. In the meantime, I've been meeting new friends, going to beach bonfires, going salsa dancing :reddancer:, hanging with friends, and just enjoying life! I honestly feel a little happier and less anxious about finding someone lol.