Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[nathansgirl1908]

I just had a GREAT! talk with a friend today about relationships in terms of Christianity. I have never had a boyfriend and am abstinent. And I always wondered why I was never presented with the opportunity for a relationship and as I talked to her about things like emotional baggage and being boy crazed and letting relationships take all of your time and especially being in a relationship where you know you will not marry the person, I began to realize that I am actually very grateful and happy to have yet to be in a relationship.

I feel like I have been able to concentrate on so many other things, but also observe the relationships around me and in high school, I saw girls dumbing themselves down because of guys, letting a relationship take up all their time when they should be studying, and letting a boy determine their self worth. And now at almost 19, I feel like I really did not need that in high school and my friend was telling me that she really wish she would have made better choices in terms of relationships. And she compiled a list of all the things she wants in a man so she knows she is not settling in terms of men. My other close friend has constantly told me that when the time is right it will happen and I always want the time to be now, but it doesn't work like that. But from being single for so long I feel like I have so much self worth and the last thing I would do is settle for less than I deserve. When it is time for me to be in love and have a husband, i will come ready and baggage free and ready for a real commitment. And at 18, hey I have time, I should enjoy myself. God knows when the time is right, if I have been single this long, what is a little longer.

Well said. The things you stated above are some of the main reasons I do not want a relationship right now. Loving a man can be an emotional roller coaster and I don't have time or energy for that. It can affect you in was that are detrimental to your education, your career, and many other things. I prefer being able to think clearly about things. I too believe that when the time is right, if a woman is meant to be married, she will be. I tend to tell people to ignore these statistics about the ratio of men and women, the divorce rate, and the statistics about how many Black women are married. It doesn't matter.

And you are right, at 18 you have plenty of time. Enjoy your freedom.

 

[julzinha]

^^^^ I know. Talking to my friend like that was the first time in my life I had ever connected the dots in my brain in terms of relationships. I always saw girls with boyfriends and they look so happy and I wanted that, but I ignored the fact that happiness is just one part of a relationship, it truly is an emotional roller coaster. And instead of rushing myself and ending up with a person that I know I won't marry or put me on this roller coaster I can wait.

 

[ToyToy]

It's hard to say. I just felt it in my spirit. Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me. The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will. Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband. Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me. It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone. My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.

I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc. I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday. But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.). I think it has more so to do with my history with God. I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating. I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.

Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb. A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first. We'll see.

Gosh, I haven't been around in a while.

I understand what you are saying. It's not something that can't be explained. It's just something you know. That doesn't mean it is wrong to meet someone at a speed dating event- it just means that it is not something God wants *for you*.

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

Gosh, I haven't been around in a while.

Me too! It's a shame b/c a lot of encouragement and support can be drawn from this thread.

I share a lot of the same sentiments you ladies that have written in the thread recently. I bounce around between the desire to just have male companionship and attention, a serious relationship, and a God-ordained marriage. It is really hard man. And it's a daily struggle. I don't like to talk about it because I feel like a lot of women in my church look up to me as an example of independent single Christian woman. But internally I'm a dying for that pure partnership of love and friendship.

I'm unsure of whether this is healthy or not but I'm currently trying to not even dwell on the aspect of my future mate. If these thoughts come to my mind or if I begin to place males in my circle within the "what-if-he-is-my-husband" scenario I immediately refocus my thoughts on something else and pray about my desires.

I also liked what nicole? I believe said. He wouldn't put such a strong desire in my heart if He weren't going to fulfill it. So I'm just gonna trust Him and hold on a little while longer. I'm going to keep every woman in the thread in my prayers as well.

 

[Nicole9]

Me too! It's a shame b/c a lot of encouragement and support can be drawn from this thread.

I share a lot of the same sentiments you ladies that have written in the thread recently. I bounce around between the desire to just have male companionship and attention, a serious relationship, and a God-ordained marriage. It is really hard man. And it's a daily struggle. I don't like to talk about it because I feel like a lot of women in my church look up to me as an example of independent single Christian woman. But internally I'm a dying for that pure partnership of love and friendship.

I'm unsure of whether this is healthy or not but I'm currently trying to not even dwell on the aspect of my future mate. If these thoughts come to my mind or if I begin to place males in my circle within the "what-if-he-is-my-husband" scenario I immediately refocus my thoughts on something else and pray about my desires.

I also liked what nicole? I believe said. He wouldn't put such a strong desire in my heart if He weren't going to fulfill it. So I'm just gonna trust Him and hold on a little while longer. I'm going to keep every woman in the thread in my prayers as well.

I definitely feel you. All we can do is pray and thank God for our answer.

 

[foxee]

How's it going ladies?

 

[loolalooh]

Thanks for bumping this. It's been difficult but I'm hanging in there. Last week was what would've been the 3-yr anniversary of my ex and I. It's been crazy because it was also the week where I noticed a lot of couples that reminded me of us (physically speaking). It was too creepy. In some ways, I think the enemy was trying to get at me. That's a whole other story but the point is it was pretty bad. I even had a dream about him too.

Each time he entered my mind, I reminded myself that I'm better off here than there ... That he was not the one intended for me ... That I'm happier drawing closer to Him than away from Him.

It's weird because I don't miss his spirit. I miss having the companionship, the jokes, the things we did together, but not his spirit. When I realize that much, it becomes even more clear what I want in a future husband. I want to be drawn to his spirit ... and the way I'll be drawn is if he loves God so much it's enticing.

Whooo, that was a long post. Yea, it's been difficult, but I'm staying strong and the moment is passing.

How are you and everyone else doing?

 

[foxee]

Thanks for bumping this. It's been difficult but I'm hanging in there. Last week was what would've been the 3-yr anniversary of my ex and I. It's been crazy because it was also the week where I noticed a lot of couples that reminded me of us (physically speaking). It was too creepy. In some ways, I think the enemy was trying to get at me. That's a whole other story but the point is it was pretty bad. I even had a dream about him too.

How are you and everyone else doing?

I'm doing pretty well. I briefly hit a rough patch last week, but I got over it. It's wedding season and it seems like I can't look anywhere without seeing the words marriage, wedding, or engaged! It's like those words and images are haunting me daily!

As previously posted, I am basically keeping these frustrations to myself, with the exception of my LHCF sisters of course.

I'm temporarily in my hometown until I move to a new city this summer and all of my friends are married - the exact opposite of all of my friends back in Atlanta. I'm getting all of the usual questions - why am I'm not married yet, am I dating someone special. I have to admit it's a little awkward and overwhelming at times.

On a more positive note, I am looking forward to getting out there and dating again once I move. I've been praying and reading my Bible first thing the morning before I do anything else. I'm enjoying my daily conversations with the Lord.

 

[julzinha]

So far so good! I keep reading what I wrote in my post to remind me of what I need to be focused on. Sometimes it does get hard because I always think that I am perfectly normal, but what is so wrong with me that I have never been in a relationship, but everyone else around me has. But I am getting rid of that mentality because it brings so much self loathing and negativity, it just is not my time yet and I accept that and hopefully when it does come I will be ready emotionally.

 

[loolalooh]

I'm doing pretty well. I briefly hit a rough patch last week, but I got over it. It's wedding season and it seems like I can't look anywhere without seeing the words marriage, wedding, or engaged! It's like those words and images are haunting me daily!

As previously posted, I am basically keeping these frustrations to myself, with the exception of my LHCF sisters of course.

I'm temporarily in my hometown until I move to a new city this summer and all of my friends are married - the exact opposite of all of my friends back in Atlanta. I'm getting all of the usual questions - why am I'm not married yet, am I dating someone special. I have to admit it's a little awkward and overwhelming at times.

On a more positive note, I am looking forward to getting out there and dating again once I move. I've been praying and reading my Bible first thing the morning before I do anything else. I'm enjoying my daily conversations with the Lord.

Thanks for the big ole hug.

Yea, the wedding season alone can be haunting. I feel you.

Conversations with the Lord certainly do help. Otherwise, I think I would've cried my eyes last week. Lol. It's good that you're looking forward and not allowing the married/dating questions in. That's one thing I'm realizing about us all ... we can't let what the world thinks/says affect us. He will bring us the right husband in His time.

So far so good! I keep reading what I wrote in my post to remind me of what I need to be focused on. Sometimes it does get hard because I always think that I am perfectly normal, but what is so wrong with me that I have never been in a relationship, but everyone else around me has. But I am getting rid of that mentality because it brings so much self loathing and negativity, it just is not my time yet and I accept that and hopefully when it does come I will be ready emotionally.

Yes, yes. Stay strong, girl. Stay positive and focused.

 

[Natural Love]

I am so glad that I am not alone in the way that I am feeling. Weddings, engagements, strong relationships are all around me but avoiding me like the plague. And the best part, my best friend went to Vegas this past weekend and got married. The bad thing is that when they got together, she rarely had time for me. So now, I've lost a best friend in the process of everything else. I had a breakdown and you do start to feel unworthy. I am just trying to stay focused and realize that God knows what's best for me and I have to have patience. It gets really, really hard and discouraging at times.

I will keep all of you in my prayers!!!

 

[Queen314]

Thank you for this thread.





I can relate to both of you. My relationship lasted around 4 years and ended last summer. We were engaged, but I prayed to the Lord about it, to show me what to do. He answered. It's difficult because I just didn't want to start over again. But it was a blessing! God is good.

My prayer is that we all let God lead us.

This is my situation now. We were friend then we dated. After about six years we got engaged, went through marriage counseling with our pastor, then now.....no longer engaged. It hurts.....it really hurts bad. I'm having a difficult time with this. He still wants the sister/brother in church relationship. But I can't hear that right now. Wow....just a lot of hurt.

Oh sorry, of this feels intrusive. I feel like this thread is an answer to some prayers. I've subscribed, and would like to join.

 

[Queen314]

This has been posted here before but I will post again. Not limiting our discussions to marriage but I know that is something some people desire...
Knowing God’s Plan for You Regarding Marriage
Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my desire to find a godly husband (wife). Lord, I trust in, lean on, rely on and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or be disappointed; let not my enemies, the spirits of rejection, hurt, inferiority, or unworthiness triumph over me (Psalm 25).
Heavenly Father, it is written, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you”, says the Lord, “thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 29:11-14 amp)
Heavenly Father, I am looking for Your plan, Your answer for my life. It is my desire to be married. But I must be sure in my decision that I am living as You intend and than I am accepting whatever situation You have put me into. According to Your Word, marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.
Lord you weigh the spirits, the thoughts and the intents of the heart (Proverbs 16:2), therefore, I give them wholly to You. I ask that You cause my thoughts to become agreeable to Your will, and so shall my plans be established and succeed. Because You Lord, are my Shepherd and I have everything I need! I trust to You my life, Lord, that You will let me rest in the meadow grass and lead me beside the quiet streams. You will give me new strength and help me do what honors and glorifies You the most. Heavenly Father, help me to not be afraid, and to know that You are close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way as I seek Your will for my life. Lord teach me to always pray and not to faint, lose heart, or give up that I may know Your will for my life. I ask You Lord to give me strength to accept Your will even if that means that it is not Your will for me to be married at this time (Luke 18:1). In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN!

WOW!
That really spoke to me right now! I should have continued to read before the last post. Thanks Prudent1

 

[nathansgirl1908]

marriage will bring extra problems that I may not need to face at this time in my life.

This is why I'm so content right now about not being married, and to be honest, this is why I wonder if I really WANT to get married.


There's that saying, be careful what you pray for. I think people need to be mindful of that.

Thanks for posting that prayer. I missed it the first few times I posted in here.

Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test. Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them? Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you? Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons. And I have found it to be reality. When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it. And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.

 

[foxee]

T

Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test. Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them? Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you? Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons. And I have found it to be reality. When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it. And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.

The thanks button was not enough! You're so right, it really is a test. There is a thread around here somewhere, I think in the relationship forum, about engaged ladies holding back their happiness for the sake of their single friends. I would hate to be viewed as one of these women. Not only is it bad for a friendship but jealously and envy are sins according to the Bible.

My time will come!

 

[misstobz]

This is my situation now. We were friend then we dated. After about six years we got engaged, went through marriage counseling with our pastor, then now.....no longer engaged. It hurts.....it really hurts bad. I'm having a difficult time with this. He still wants the sister/brother in church relationship. But I can't hear that right now. Wow....just a lot of hurt.

Oh sorry, of this feels intrusive. I feel like this thread is an answer to some prayers. I've subscribed, and would like to join.

Im so sorry you are going through this. Breakups are very difficult. Welcome to the thread :Rose:

 

[Angelicus]

Checking,

It's not easy, but I am thankful that I am not alone. Thank you for this thread. For the past week I had a pang of loneliness. I currently attend ministry school and learning more about God's character, in addition to his love for us. I am overwhelmed by how much he cares for us in our time of want and trouble.

I pray everyday that I become the person He wants me to be. Everything else will come soon. Thank you for your prayers.

 

[BrandNew]

Hi sisters,

I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.

I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.

 

[foxee]

Hi sisters,

I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.

I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.

Wow, the used copies are really cheap! I'll definitely pick up a copy. Thanks!

 

[dr.j]

This is why I'm so content right now about not being married, and to be honest, this is why I wonder if I really WANT to get married.


There's that saying, be careful what you pray for. I think people need to be mindful of that.

Thanks for posting that prayer. I missed it the first few times I posted in here.

Also, be mindful that being surrounded by weddings and relationships is also a test. Are you going to be happy for those people and rejoice with them? Or are you going to be bitter and question why them and not you? Joel Osteen talked about this in one of his sermons. And I have found it to be reality. When there is something you desire, while you don't have it, it will seem like everyone else around you has it. And you have to really fight that urge to be bitter or upset.

Very true at the bolded. I don't remember the preacher who said something like this: Imagine you are line for your blessing (e.g., marriage). We need to rejoice when God blesses others because that means the line is moving! So whenever I hear the news of an engagement, I praise God because that means the line is moving and I'm getting closer to my blessing. A woman at my church actually changed her license plate to read STY N LNE (Stay in Line).

Stay in line ladies!

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Very true at the bolded. I don't remember the preacher who said something like this: Imagine you are line for your blessing (e.g., marriage). We need to rejoice when God blesses others because that means the line is moving! So whenever I hear the news of an engagement, I praise God because that means the line is moving and I'm getting closer to my blessing. A woman at my church actually changed her license plate to read STY N LNE (Stay in Line).

Stay in line ladies!

I love it!!

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

This thread is really a blessing. A friend of mine just got married, I know I'm young but I can't help but to feel a little anxious about the future, my future husband, etc. I'm also a major planner so that isn't helping.

While I was in church today, I felt a voice tell me that I need to go into my prayer closet to tell everything to Jesus, every last thing that is on my mind. That is what I plan to do.

Thanks for re-posting the prayer Queen314.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

While I was in church today, I felt a voice tell me that I need to go into my prayer closet to tell everything to Jesus, every last thing that is on my mind. That is what I plan to do.

Work it girl! The prayer closet is a beautiful thing.

Be blessed!

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Hi sisters,

I was watching this thread for a while and scared to post. Even though I just started dating I still consider myself single.

I don't know if this book was mentioned before but I'm reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It is truly an amazing book and helping me to lay the foundation for the kind of Godly relationship I am trusting God for. I highly recommend it!! I'm reading it with my best friend and I think it would make a good book club read if anyone is interested.

I love that book!!!

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

I'm doing okay. I've been challanged recently in my singlehood to be obedient. This has meant confessing and repenting continuously to God about my insecurities, my feelings, my sin, my desires, everything and all of it. I've had to limit or eliminate conversations with certain male friends because it leaves me in a bad place and I start to justify my sin.

I've found that staying involved in ministry, talking and praying with friends has definitely helped put things in perspective. I hosted a Christian slumber party this past weekend and it was just such a blessing to have numerous single women of different backgrounds, ages, etc just share verses of encouragement, discuss, and pray together. I know I can't stay too busy or I'm just ignoring my struggles which isn't healthy either. I'm working on putting myself back into that contented single Christian woman mindset despite the marriages, engagements, courtships, etc. I am becoming happier each day. Thank God!

 

[loolalooh]

I'm doing okay. I've been challanged recently in my singlehood to be obedient. This has meant confessing and repenting continuously to God about my insecurities, my feelings, my sin, my desires, everything and all of it. I've had to limit or eliminate conversations with certain male friends because it leaves me in a bad place and I start to justify my sin.

I've found that staying involved in ministry, talking and praying with friends has definitely helped put things in perspective. I hosted a Christian slumber party this past weekend and it was just such a blessing to have numerous single women of different backgrounds, ages, etc just share verses of encouragement, discuss, and pray together. I know I can't stay too busy or I'm just ignoring my struggles which isn't healthy either. I'm working on putting myself back into that contented single Christian woman mindset despite the marriages, engagements, courtships, etc. I am becoming happier each day. Thank God!

This is an amazing idea! I wish there was something similar in my area.

Glad to hear that you are trying to stay focused. Hang in there!

 

[nubiennze]

It is an amazing idea...I'm thinking I'm going to host one myself.

This is an amazing idea! I wish there was something similar in my area.

Glad to hear that you are trying to stay focused. Hang in there!

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

The funny thing about our slumber parties is that it started innocently. One night we all went out to go eat and it was getting late and it was a 45minute drive back home so one of the girls invited us to stay over, there were like 7 of us. We started talking about various issues and problems and one girl was telling us about her recent courtship and premarital class. We stayed up talking all night about different issues as single Christians and the book Emotional Purity that some of us were reading for a book club. It was so great to just share with Christians and form deeper relationships with women.

It just became a once a month thing from there on out. It's not always so structured but it is always a blessing to just have a night with the Ladies. It doesn't feel right if we don't get together. It has grown in number with each month as we bring in new friends from our church. This month I hosted a big slumber party with 18 of us. Everyone enjoyed it and had a good time, eating, talking, getting to know each other and worshiping the Lord. I'm looking forward to next month.

 

[loolalooh]

It is an amazing idea...I'm thinking I'm going to host one myself.

True. Maybe I'll get up the nerve to suggest this to the women's ministry. Hmm.

The funny thing about our slumber parties is that it started innocently. One night we all went out to go eat and it was getting late and it was a 45minute drive back home so one of the girls invited us to stay over, there were like 7 of us. We started talking about various issues and problems and one girl was telling us about her recent courtship and premarital class. We stayed up talking all night about different issues as single Christians and the book Emotional Purity that some of us were reading for a book club. It was so great to just share with Christians and form deeper relationships with women.

It just became a once a month thing from there on out. It's not always so structured but it is always a blessing to just have a night with the Ladies. It doesn't feel right if we don't get together. It has grown in number with each month as we bring in new friends from our church. This month I hosted a big slumber party with 18 of us. Everyone enjoyed it and had a good time, eating, talking, getting to know each other and worshiping the Lord. I'm looking forward to next month.

Wow, I was reading this and living vicariously through the post. It's great that you all have that community and commitment.

 

[Natural Love]

Work it girl! The prayer closet is a beautiful thing.

Be blessed!

Oh yeah...I was in the closet last night. Might just have to go in there again.