Single Christian Women's Support Thread

Welcome Vonnieluvs08.

I hear you. I am 40+ and I was just telling one of my dearest friends (who will soon be getting engaged) that I feel as if I will be alone for the rest of my life. She reminded me that she waited for 5-6 years for her man and I had to remind her that she is only 30 (25 at the time) and I am 43. I went on to tell her that men my age want women who are in their 20s and are up for anything...not some mature and a Christian as I am.

I have joy in my heart knowing that God sees what I am going through and that he has a plan for me. I don't know if it includes getting married but I am trusting and believing in him that no matter what, He will do exactly what I need done in my life in His timing. In the meantime, I continue to pray for my friend's relationship and everyone else that may need a touch from God. I stay focused on Him and doing His work and when it's all said and done, I can go to bed knowing that I did what I believe was right.

It gets hard sometimes but there is a God who is here for us to comfort us in our darkest places.

Stay uplifted and know that all of us on this board is here to support you.
 
Natural Love said:
Welcome Vonnieluvs08.

I hear you. I am 40+ and I was just telling one of my dearest friends (who will soon be getting engaged) that I feel as if I will be alone for the rest of my life. She reminded me that she waited for 5-6 years for her man and I had to remind her that she is only 30 (25 at the time) and I am 43. I went on to tell her that men my age want women who are in their 20s and are up for anything...not some mature and a Christian as I am.

I have joy in my heart knowing that God sees what I am going through and that he has a plan for me. I don't know if it includes getting married but I am trusting and believing in him that no matter what, He will do exactly what I need done in my life in His timing. In the meantime, I continue to pray for my friend's relationship and everyone else that may need a touch from God. I stay focused on Him and doing His work and when it's all said and done, I can go to bed knowing that I did what I believe was right.

It gets hard sometimes but there is a God who is here for us to comfort us in our darkest places.

Stay uplifted and know that all of us on this board is here to support you.
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It is hard for me being 30+. Last week my dad told me that at my age I could no longer be picky and I should take what I can get :nono:. However, the Lord keeps sending people my way to let me know that waiting on God and his timing is the only way to go. The only thing that scares me is that it seems that when God is ready he moves quickly. I know one woman over 35 who went to a church concert, met and married her husband in 6 months and was expecting with twins before her first anniversary. After being single for so long that was alot to adjust to so quickly. She passed a message on to me to not be discouraged about my age or lack of prospects. When God moves, he moves fast! Good luck to you and I will pray that God strengthens you for whatever he has in store for you.
 
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ToyToy said:
I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?
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deleted post. I didn't know N&W had already posted this. I'm trying to get caught up on this thread. Sorry.
 
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authenticitymanifesting said:
deleted post. I didn't know N&W had already posted this. I'm trying to get caught up on this thread. Sorry.
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Habakkuk 2:1-4

1 I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

2 Then the LORD replied:
"Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald may run with it.

3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it will certainly come and will not delay.

4 "See, he is puffed up;
his desires are not upright—
but the righteous will live by his faith
 
dicapr said:
It is hard for me being 30+. Last week my dad told me that at my age I could no longer be picky and I should take what I can get :nono:. However, the Lord keeps sending people my way to let me know that waiting on God and his timing is the only way to go. The only thing that scares me is that it seems that when God is ready he moves quickly. I know one woman over 35 who went to a church concert, met and married her husband in 6 months and was expecting with twins before her first anniversary. After being single for so long that was alot to adjust to so quickly. She passed a message on to me to not be discouraged about my age or lack of prospects. When God moves, he moves fast! Good luck to you and I will pray that God strengthens you for whatever he has in store for you.
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This phrase keeps coming to me in various forms. I do believe it's true. :yep:
 
Nice & Wavy said:
I am a married woman, but would like to share my thoughts.

Then the LORD answered me and said: ”Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. ” Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith. Habakkuk 2:2-4

Believing God for a mate is a good thing. Writing down what you desire in a mate is biblical.:yep:

Once you do this...trust that God will bring you to him..the man that you are suppose to be with.

Praying for all of you ladies!
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yes. you can do a vision board too. the scripture and quote about are exactly what LOA does.

just remember, just b/c it is in the bible does not mean it applies to the reader.

when reading scripture, KIM who wrote it, why it was written, who is being spoken to or addressed and the purpose of that passage.

in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.

but the question is, did God directly and specifically give you a vision of your future mate and give you the specific instructions to document that vision? if not, does this scripture apply to you and if you emulate it what results will you reap?
 
1star said:
yes. you can do a vision board too. the scripture and quote about are exactly what LOA does.

just remember, just b/c it is in the bible does not mean it applies to the reader.

when reading scripture, KIM who wrote it, why it was written, who is being spoken to or addressed and the purpose of that passage.

in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.

but the question is, did God directly and specifically give you a vision of your future mate and give you the specific instructions to document that vision? if not, does this scripture apply to you and if you emulate it what results will you reap?
Click to expand...

I think most/all of us realize that the passage from Habakkuk 2:4 was not about writing down a vision to get a mate, but I do believe that scripture can take on much more than their literal meaning, and that verse can be applied to much more than the prophet's situation at that time. :yep:
 
I hope all you lovely ladies are doing great in the season your in.I know it such a bad thing but I so yearn to be desired by a male as much as I tell myself I'm not worth of a man.I even get a bit jealous of my 43yr old roomate who is getting wined and dined and sexed up by a former married coworker while she was still on paper married..It like me and her are not as close anymore bc she talks to him so much like a highschool whore..I get really perplexed and a bit angry that she who is a christian is doing such idiotic things..I know who am I to judge her..Im no one..but it makes me feel you really can't have female friends bc when dick gets involved you are no longer valuable..vent over
 
1star said:
in Habakkuk 2:2-4 this is specifically for the prophet & his specific situation. God gave him a vision for that specific time and he was told to document it. this scripture does not apply to getting a mate.
Click to expand...

I agree. I actually used to use that scripture for that purpose when I wanted to marry that particular man I was referring to earlier. Looking back now I know that was not how it was meant.

I have been pondering some things lately, and I told my friend some things that I would like to share here. This is not directed at anyone specifically.

I personally don't think everyone is meant to be married. Most people WANT that, but it doesn't mean that it is in their plan. But for those who are destined to be married, I think sometimes they try too hard to rush the process or they get too focused on the wrong thing. We should be focused on the One who is doing the sending. Not the one who is being sent. God is not going to send anyone a mate if there is that possibility that they will begin to "worship" that mate and place him before God.

At any rate, I'm sorry to see that some of you are hurting this way over your lack of a mate. It will come in due time if it is meant to be. Age really isn't relevant. I know women who didn't get married for the first time until their late 40's. They all have very strong marriages. To be honest they seem to have stronger marriages than the people I know who got married at relatively young ages. I think there is something to be said for getting married later in life.
 
ToyToy said:
I always wondered, is it OK to make a list about the qualities we want in our future husbands? I always hear conflicting messages...
I used to have a list (not a shallow one), but just the qualities I desire in him, but I stopped doing it because there were so many messages against it. What do you ladies think?
Click to expand...

I think that it is okay.

I have a friend who prayed when she was 16 for all the characteristics she wanted in her husband. She wanted a man who loved the Lord. She wanted a man who was kind, loving, generous. And she wanted a husband who was a doctor so he could take care of their family and so she could be a stay-at-home mom. She wrote it down in her prayer journal. People scoffed at her for 1)writing it down like that; 2) for the latter request about him being a doctor. She ignored them because that was what she wanted. She prayed that prayer ONE time and left it alone.

Not she just turned 40 and her husband is everything she prayed for him to be, including a doctor. And she is a stay-at-home mom.
 
All4Tris said:
^ I'm conflicted on this as well. A Pastor that I know of stated that we need to specifically ask God what we want in a mate (Godfearing, financially stable, attractive (yes, he said this). However, I feel like you aren't truly putting it in God's hands (surrendering YOUR desires so that HIS Will will be done). God knows what we need. Do we not trust God to pick the "perfect" mate for us?
Click to expand...

Chances are the desires you have in a mate will be desires that are pleasing to God.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
I think that it is okay.

I have a friend who prayed when she was 16 for all the characteristics she wanted in her husband. She wanted a man who loved the Lord. She wanted a man who was kind, loving, generous. And she wanted a husband who was a doctor so he could take care of their family and so she could be a stay-at-home mom. She wrote it down in her prayer journal. People scoffed at her for 1)writing it down like that; 2) for the latter request about him being a doctor. She ignored them because that was what she wanted. She prayed that prayer ONE time and left it alone.

Not she just turned 40 and her husband is everything she prayed for him to be, including a doctor. And she is a stay-at-home mom.
Click to expand...
Wow!!!! Thank you for sharing this!!!
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
I agree. I actually used to use that scripture for that purpose when I wanted to marry that particular man I was referring to earlier. Looking back now I know that was not how it was meant.

I have been pondering some things lately, and I told my friend some things that I would like to share here. This is not directed at anyone specifically.

I personally don't think everyone is meant to be married. Most people WANT that, but it doesn't mean that it is in their plan. But for those who are destined to be married, I think sometimes they try too hard to rush the process or they get too focused on the wrong thing. We should be focused on the One who is doing the sending. Not the one who is being sent. God is not going to send anyone a mate if there is that possibility that they will begin to "worship" that mate and place him before God.

At any rate, I'm sorry to see that some of you are hurting this way over your lack of a mate. It will come in due time if it is meant to be. Age really isn't relevant. I know women who didn't get married for the first time until their late 40's. They all have very strong marriages. To be honest they seem to have stronger marriages than the people I know who got married at relatively young ages. I think there is something to be said for getting married later in life.
Click to expand...

I am glad I decided to pop into here today, as I have been wrestling with the bolded. I also agree that not everyone is destined to be married, another important point raised whilst conversing with a single christian friend is do they want to marry. There is alot to think about ladies and in order to get it right the first time around we need to be clear and honest about what we want. God bless
 
I went to a panel discussion on Singlehood & Relationships this weekend. The panel consisted of married women in different stages of marriage (20yrs+, 10yrs+, 5yrs or less) and a group of 30yr and under single females.

We spoke about: Accountability in relationship/courtship
Kissing/Holding hands
Male Friendships
Crushes
Believers & non believers
Qualities in future husbands
Discipleship
Pursuing God 1st and always
Being a Biblical wife/woman

It was a very convicting and enlightening time. It confirmed some things I had been wrestling with in my life and relationships. The sense of God's love and our love for one another was so strong. I appreciated all that the panel shared about their lives & struggles as well as the other attendees.

This night confirmed again why I am not ready for marriage. I showed me how much more I need to grow in Christ and love him first and foremost before loving a man as a husband. How easily it is for single women to start idolizing marriage and worshiping husbands and stop honoring God through marriage and worshiping Christ. It made me realize that my pursuit of Christ was not as strong as it should have been and how much more involved in God's work I need to be as a Christian. My prayer is more focused on doing the will of God and not waiting on a husband and letting God's work be busy work to fill the void. I feel a new sense of empowerment.
 
Thanks for starting the thread. I am still trying to work on my patience. I know that my life is in God's hands and everything will work out for my best:yep:.
 
Vonnieluvs08 said:
I went to a panel discussion on Singlehood & Relationships this weekend. The panel consisted of married women in different stages of marriage (20yrs+, 10yrs+, 5yrs or less) and a group of 30yr and under single females.

We spoke about: Accountability in relationship/courtship
Kissing/Holding hands
Male Friendships
Crushes
Believers & non believers
Qualities in future husbands
Discipleship
Pursuing God 1st and always
Being a Biblical wife/woman

It was a very convicting and enlightening time. It confirmed some things I had been wrestling with in my life and relationships. The sense of God's love and our love for one another was so strong. I appreciated all that the panel shared about their lives & struggles as well as the other attendees.

This night confirmed again why I am not ready for marriage. I showed me how much more I need to grow in Christ and love him first and foremost before loving a man as a husband. How easily it is for single women to start idolizing marriage and worshiping husbands and stop honoring God through marriage and worshiping Christ. It made me realize that my pursuit of Christ was not as strong as it should have been and how much more involved in God's work I need to be as a Christian. My prayer is more focused on doing the will of God and not waiting on a husband and letting God's work be busy work to fill the void. I feel a new sense of empowerment.
Click to expand...


Do you have more details to share? :circle:
 
Thank you ladies for such a great thread. Since August of 2009, I have been feeling a bit awkward about being single because I'm so used to at least having a "friend" that I spend time with. It's come to the point where men have been avoiding me like the plague. They don't even approach me or even look at me anymore. I was at the grocery store yesterday and this very attractive man passed by me. He glanced at me for a second but then he put his head down and kept walking like I had a 'keep away' sign on my forehead. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I feel in my spirit that God is protecting me from hurt and pain. I feel lonely sometimes, but realized that I have so much more time to spend in prayer, reading the Bible and building my relationship with Christ.
 
hair_rehab said:
Thank you ladies for such a great thread. Since August of 2009, I have been feeling a bit awkward about being single because I'm so used to at least having a "friend" that I spend time with. It's come to the point where men have been avoiding me like the plague. They don't even approach me or even look at me anymore. I was at the grocery store yesterday and this very attractive man passed by me. He glanced at me for a second but then he put his head down and kept walking like I had a 'keep away' sign on my forehead. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I feel in my spirit that God is protecting me from hurt and pain. I feel lonely sometimes, but realized that I have so much more time to spend in prayer, reading the Bible and building my relationship with Christ.
Click to expand...

This is so true and I feel the same way at times.
 
I've felt the same way and it really is God protecting you from mess. I wish I had continued that thought process after high school. God shielded me from so much until I decided to listen to others. As I come back to myself and my beliefs, I realize that these people don't live with me everyday nor see my struggles. They are not going to be with me when the times get rough. They will not pay my bills. They will not ensure my success in life. They are not God. So why would they care so much about how I choose to live my life, although boring and clean, when there are much more pressing things to be concerned about? Kids who don't have proper role models. People who don't have enough to eat nor a place to sleep. You have let some things become water under the bridge.
 
Man Lord I hate to come off as a bitter young hag but it really hurts to hear the enjoyment of others sexually when I really want to stay pure and clean..I hear it all the time well we grown folks and we do grown folk activities like that justifies your actions..I guess Im not grown bc I don't want to do such activities.Lord search my heart that it's not judgmental but to do what's right and pure
 
Accountability in relationship/courtship-We are grown folks, but it is highly suggested. It can be an older couple that you trust and honor their opinion who can help guide you, check up on you, help you set up boundaries. Accountability even happens when you talk with your friends (christian ones) and they lovingly call you out, etc. These people can even help you figure out if you are ready for a relationship.

Kissing/Holding hands-Kissing is an intimate thing you wouldn't want your husband kissing another woman. And likewise we shouldn't be kissing men. Kissing is what defines good sex if you aren't kissing during the act then you aren't having good sex. It says that it is not good for a man to touch a woman and kissing is touching so you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't hold hands if it makes you feel good in certain places.

Male Friendships- they are beneficial. Men shouldn't be in our inner circle of friends. We should remain emotionally pure with them and treat them as brothers in Christ. Examine your heart as to why this person is your friend because if you like him then you should be careful about being his friend. Your best male friend should be your husband and no other man so it would be wise to re-evaluate a male friendship that is too intimate/deep. Also making sure intentions are known from the beginning.

Crushes- its okay and natural to have a crush. There were two opinions on how to deal with them. One side felt it was okay to make your attraction known but be ready for rejection. The other side was that you shouldn't let him know since the male should be pursuing the female. Remain prayerful about the situation and seek God on how to handle your attraction and to not let it become a focal point (making sure he can see you, inviting yourself places he will be, etc)

Believers & non believers-the consensus on this was it is not possible to marry/date a nonbeliever. It may cause you to stumble as a Christian because you adapt his ways. You can't go in thinking well I can change him he can become a believer. As a Christian woman we want spiritual leadership in the home but its not possible with a non-believer as a spouse.

Qualities in future husbands-its okay to want certain qualities in a husband but are your desires of the flesh (tall, dark, handsome) or of the spirit (godly, active in church ministry, financially stable (Amen!),etc). God is going to give you a man that will fit what you NEED not what you WANT and someone you can be married to for 20, 30, 50yrs.

Discipleship-is important to spiritual growth. How you are discipled (one on one, group, bible study) is not important but that you walk with someone/community and in turn disciple someone else. Even peer disciplining is a way of walking with some one. A person is proud or idolizing ones self if they believe that they don't need to be discipled as a Christian.

Pursuing God 1st and always-this should be our goal as a Christian, not getting a husband. We should be worshiping God and not marriage. Examine you reasons for wanting to marry: will you marrying honor God. Can you or do you know how to honor God by being a good wife? Are you going to Church to find a husband or to pursue God? Are you active in your church? These were questions that they brought up in this section. We should be spending time with the Lord in prayer, praise, worship, and studying his word.
 
Vonnieluvs08 said:
Qualities in future husbands-its okay to want certain qualities in a husband but are your desires of the flesh (tall, dark, handsome) or of the spirit (godly, active in church ministry, financially stable (Amen!),etc). God is going to give you a man that will fit what you NEED not what you WANT and someone you can be married to for 20, 30, 50yrs.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing. I don't agree with this particular portion. God will give you a man who fits the physical attributes you want. He may not fit ALL of them, but God takes all of your desires into consideration as far as a mate.



I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives. I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first." Then these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives. I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first." Then these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.
Click to expand...

Excellent point! I agree, we as single Christian ladies should all be mindful of this. I've seen women get closer to God only to put Him on the back burner once they get married. It reminds me of using a good friend to get what we want and then tossing them to the side.

Have any of you ladies had difficulty expressing your desire to get married while speaking with family and friends? It seems that when I bring this up to people close to me like my mom or my cousin, they cut me off and say things like "Don't worry, it'll happen" or "What's the rush? You have time." Well, I'm not in a rush and I do know it's going to happen. I don't think it's all that unusual for a 33 year old woman to desire a mate, or is it?

Oh and in case you're wondering, I'm not approaching them with a "woe is me" attitude or sob story. I'm just trying to express how I feel and it's not going over very well. For now, I've decided to stay in prayer and keep it to myself.
 
This pastor is growing on me. Here's a video on Why He's Not Married:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub

I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.

Here's what really caught my ears: "If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...", then yes marriage is something he wants.

It's not about my future husband. It's not about me. It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God. Serving God.
 
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loolalooh said:
This pastor is growing on me. Here's a video on Why He's Not Married:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub

I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.

Here's what really caught my ears: "If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...", then yes marriage is something he wants.

It's not about my future husband. It's not about me. It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God. Serving God.
Click to expand...

I enjoy watching his videos, he's hilarious too!
 
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