Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!

Hi again, @Maracujá. I've been thinking about your post and I thought I'd write again. I hope this is useful and not overstepping. I would have sent a PM, but this might help someone else.

Maracujá said:
I on the other hand have never had a healthy romantic relationship in my life. It's not so much the being single that hurts, it's the not knowing whether it might ever happen: should I prepare? Should I just live my life?
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If you're putting your life on hold because you don't know whether or not you'll ever be married, you're not really living the life God wants for you. Jesus said that He came that we might have abundant life (John 10:10). It doesn't matter whether we're unmarried or married, life in Christ should be abundant and full of Him and His love. Please pray about the things you might be holding yourself back from doing, if there are any.

In my opinion, too many people are trying to prepare for an earthly marriage to an imperfect mate when it is ultimately God's will that we prepare for our eternal marriage with our perfect Lord (2 Peter 3:11-12). The Lord wants us to be like Jesus. He has promised that if we seek His Kingdom and righteousness first, all other things will be added (Matthew 6:31-34, Luke 12:29-32). If we abide in Him, and let His word abide in us, the rest will follow (John 15:1-12).

That word, simple, is one I'm trying to incorporate into every aspect of my life. It has become a magical word for me.
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We're on the same page. For me simplicity and peace go well together.
When Christ died on the cross, we who have accepted His sacrifice died with Him (Galatians 2:20-21). The more we allow Christ to live His life through us, the more peace our lives will have. He is the Prince of Peace. As we become more like Christ, allowing Him to live through us, we will automatically become better employees, children, siblings, parents, spouses, citizens, etc, because He is living through us. There is no fruit of the Spirit that will not improve our relationships in this life (Galatians 5:22-23). Combine that with The Spirit's discernment, and God's got us covered. Growing in our relationship with God is the best way to prepare for marriage.

Most of the relationships I've had were abusive in some way: emotionally, financially, verbally,...etc. But on the outside, I look just like any other young woman. Been working on myself for aeons, to figure out why I keep attracting such men. I always come up with nothing. Now I'm so afraid of even opening my heart up again: back then I was not in a church community. Right now, should things not go right again, I have the eyes of little girls and young women on me. Plus, I'm just tired of getting my heart broken every time.
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Romans 12:1-2 says that if you allow God's Word to renew your mind, you will be able to know what is God's will and John 8:31-32 says that if we continue in Christ's word, we will know the truth. Basically, knowing and believing God's Word improves our discernment. It helps to guard your heart, too (Proverbs 4:23).

Please ask the Lord for the ability to receive His love, and the grace to forgive yourself for past mistakes and sins. He has forgiven you for Jesus's sake - forgive yourself. Ask God for the grace to stop looking back, and to walk with Him into the glorious future He has prepared for you. Break every association you have made (knowingly or not) with the spirit of rejection and fear, and receive His acceptance, boldness and peace.

Sorry for the sermon, I just hate to see people (usually women) putting their lives on hold because they don't have a man. As Christians, we have the best man ever! He loves you more than you know. God bless you.
 
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/i-never-knew-you

I wanted to share this article because it had such a jarring affect on me. When I read this, the first thing I felt was fear LOL! But fear can become introspection . Either way, God's called me back to Him and He is hitting the message home. I haven't read my Bible in months and the first thing I read is 1 John where he talks about obeying Jesus's commands. Then I happen to go to that site, which I haven't been on in who knows how long, and the article posted today is also about love, faith and obedience. When I left God and the Church, I left because I didn't want to be like the Pharisees. I was showing outward displays of religion but my heart was so far from God. I had been changed enough by the Spirit that I couldn't fake it. My faking it turned into resentment and full on hatred at times.

But here I am ready to learn to love God all over again.
 
ckisland said:
@blessedandfavoured Thank you so much for responding. I know that your post wasn't directed towards me, but it encouraged me tremendously!
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Oh yes, it got me through my day on Thursday and increased my faith. It's so easy to forget about the Blessor and focus on the blessings, even while going to church. But her post brought me right back to where I prefer to be...with my First Love :cloud9:.
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Although this isn't specific to Christian women, I do think many Christian women fall into the chronically single trap. I am posting this with love because I don't believe God desires his daughters to languish away in singledom: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/chronically-single/id1372248881?i=1000429917688
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@Belle Du Jour Thank you for posting this. It has been so very insightful. I am going to ask for God’s guidance on how to apply it in my life. I have shared it with my other chronically single friends.
 
Rumbii said:
@Belle Du Jour Thank you for posting this. It has been so very insightful. I am going to ask for God’s guidance on how to apply it in my life. I have shared it with my other chronically single friends.
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Thank you! That podcast was a wake up call for me and shifted everything. “Chronically single” is no longer my identity. It took some work but I’ve come a long way. Good luck with everything!
 
Hope this will put a smile on your faces. Remember when Tim Tebow was bing ridiculed and dumped for not putting out, well God ALWAYS DELIVERS! Isaiah 55:11
so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.





As always YouTube comments are lit
 
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blessedandfavoured said:
Leaning on the everlasting arms!
How about you, @Maracujá? Hope you're well. I hope we're all well.
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I'm OK. Prolonged singleness has me taking a closer look at my finances, have neglected them for the longest. Right now I'm almost confined to living in studio apartments, as the city I live in is super expensive. But I don't have a permit so I can't really move to the suburbs. It's a catch 22.
 
EXAMINE YOURSELF

Has any woman met the man for whom she is worthy to be called his helpmate? Go and examine the scriptures to learn how a husband is to treat his wife. Once you understand the qualifications of a husband, then you will be ready to receive what God wants for his daughters and stop settling for these imposters.
 
I’ve been listening to Christian relationship speakers and secular ones. Heres some points I found both secular and Christian men complaining about that they would t say in mixed company or forums. I think that women really need to listen to and if necessary make changes. The top of the men’s list was
1. Physical Attractiveness (the secular men were more harsh) 2. Feminine soft warm kind compassionate 3. Classy 4. Respectful 5. Low body count ie the less she’s slept around the better being a virgin is a plus for men not always a requirement. Just like university degrees a plus not required. But most men wont say this out loud for fear of being destroyed for telling their truth.
Solutions These are possible solutions I know three are more these are just some brief ones I’ve listed.

1. Modern women (even church girls) no longer listen and the number one pet peeve of men women who pop off at the mouth with a lot of disrespectful lip because they don’t care about a mans opinion, don’t care what a man thinks and ultimately don’t respect men either overtly or covertly. Not even if the man is her Fiancé or Husband.
Problems this causes: Difficultly dissatisfaction and strife in the relationship. A real masculine man not an effeminate male will tell you ONCE maybe twice either directly or by suggestion that you should be doing this or that differently. Ex. Honey I really liked how you wore your hair at the party last weekend. Let’s go hiking biking jogging to the gym together. (Take the hint already and we say men don’t get it) Or how come you don’t wear that dress I like (the dress you may or may not still fit into). The real masculine not fluffy types will just put it out there real blunt. These are simple but a lot of women resist, are rebellious and don’t want to submit and give her husband what he wants even if it’s honey I like you with longer hair then she cuts it off and has a knee jerk reaction every time he looks at other women with long hair. Really ??? Are we this blind? Yes, we are.
The unspoken rules that we all know but don’t practice. What you did to get him or better how you were physically and how you treated him made him feel- when you met him are those same things you need to do to keep him.

Solution: All women have to do to solve this is really listen to his wants and needs he will tell you especially if he’s you husband fiancé please no comments, no hmm hmm, don’t cut him off don’t interject your own opinion just let the man speak.

2. Christian Feminism (those 2 words should not be in the same title because it’s an oxymoron emphasis on the moron j/k sort of). :rollseyes:

It’s just the same old secular rhetoric repacked and sprinkled with some Bible verses to make it “Christian”. Well there’s nothing Christian about feminism I could go into it but that deserves its own blog post or thesis but moving on. Mary Jesus’ mother was not a feminist she new her place, played her position and acted accordingly she never came out of pocket with Joeseph. Joeseph said get on this donkey were gong to Bethlehem. Mary: Crickets she got up on the donkey 9 months pregnant and went.

Just to be brief feminism states I don’t want a man don’t need a man because I can do it all without a man and do it better than a man because I am better than a man. (Even though every comfort and natural resource I have at my disposal is because of men who have conquered it for us) The feminist delusion* is real.

Problems this causes: Well if you’re in your masculine mode (knowingly or not) and negative about all men even in the smallest degree then how can you expect a real masculine man of God to even approach you. Just the masculine spirit and the spirit of rejection (ie the I don’t need a man talk) will repel him.
Ex all men are dogs
I only attract married or unavailable men - if you repeat this long enough you will believe it and it will become a self fulfilling prophesy.
I’m not blank I’m not blank enough or I’m negative blank.

Remember life and death in the power of the tongue. If you speak defeat over yourself your circumstance and your life as pharaoh said so it is written so shall it be. You are essentially cursing yourself and your own life. That’s why it’s extremely important to arrest those negative thoughts from go because not all thoughts suggested in your mind actually came from you. Let that simmer for a while.

Solution: Look at yourself listen to your inner recordings what messages are you repeating in your brain. Take custody of your mind and tongue in Jesus name. Don’t just come into agreement with any random idea that pops into your head or that you hear or heard somewhere.

3. Do the Work.
Its not enough to just identify the problem and find a solution. Talking about it, thinking about it and venting about may help but that alone will not solve your problems. You need to take action this part especially is not an option.
Let me say again for those in the back.
You MUST DO.THE.WORK!!!!
Faith without works is dead. Figure out those areas that need to be polished up, softened etc... and work on them diligently like your studying for the SATs.
You should have faith that God has a husband for you if that’s His will but if you want a Boaz you have to be a Ruth if you want a King you must be an Esther, a Proverbs 31 woman. You must exude that energy walk the walk and talk the talk. That only comes from actually being that Prov 31 woman not pretending not half way there you must BE that woman.

Problems: If you don’t do the work then you’ll be forever stuck in a vicious cycle of sometimes identifying your issues correctly, sometimes looking for some solutions, but never carrying out the plan to improve yourself No follow through ladies is a non starter, literally.
Ex. You’re overweight or obese but you buy into body positivity run amok. There’s nothing wrong with loving the person you are yourself inside and out. But if you’re actually unhealthy and lying to yourself and it’s not going to be beneficial to you or anyone around you who loves you.

Problems: Health issues sooner or later, Men looking you over because their not attracted to big girls. (*Men are hard wired to be visual) Not facing the facts that you may be pre or full blown diabetic, hypertensive, early onset arthritis, bone issues organs working overtime all the time just to do the everyday stuff, infertility issues high risk pregnancy, and a host of other health problems not to mention the psychological repercussions depression low self esteem etc....

Solutions: Praise and walk, pray and lift, pray and squat!
Take a cold hard look at yourself and your choices or lack thereof and if you don’t like what you see DO something about if you think nothing needs to be done, sis I’m waving the red flag here, can you see it?
Look no one is saying be a size 2 that’s not for everyone but being obese not only is not healthy but it is not honoring Gods temple ie YOU!
It is also keeping you from fulfilling Gods best for you on all levels and keeping you from fulfilling Gods mission for you the way he intended for you to be healthy and whole. If you’re cut down on your prime to diseases secondary to obesity then you can’t start or finish Gods mission for you. If your focus is on failing health health issues mental physical then the enemy has succeeded in distracting you from the goal and derailing you from your mission. This is a demon you must wrestle to the floor by any means necessary. There groups Christian counseling personal trainers etc.... Don’t think that you can come as you are and you will be accepted. Jesus said that but that won’t work on an earthly man even if he’s Godly. (Just look at Joshua Eze’s and Joel Osteen’s wives both are gorgeous women on the outside as well as the inner qualities to be pastors wives.

So this post is long enough I will post more details later in my blog.
 
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^^^^^^This is a topic I discuss ad nauseam, both on and offline, within my circle of friends and acquaintances. As Millennials, we want ready mades. People who have worked so much on themselves that they are…perfect. No need to do anything anymore. Let's just glide this one. Hence the reason why we're marrying so late. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. The last things to grow on a tree are always…fruit. If someone is perfect then…when will you show them grace?

As a young Christian, I tend to read the Bible with rose colored glasses. A Congolese pastor did a 4-day special on each male and female character in the Bible, showcasing their flaws and I was just floored. It had never dawned on me: Abraham didn't take financial care of Ismael (read: didn't pay alimony) - Moses overworked himself, paying little to no attention to his wife - David was a murderer and a philanderer. Our generation keeps expecting to bypass all these hurdles, just so we can floss on FB about having found the right person 'cause we're so prayerful. It's not working. At all. The result is an influx of studies upon studies and webinars upon webinars on how to be a husband / wife. It ends up paralyzing you and still leave you with expectations that have nothing to do with reality.

Anyone who is past the age of 30 and is still looking at the outside to choose a spouse, is not someone I would even consider. As Michelle McKinney-Hammond said: "It's not about what you want the person to look like. But rather: what do you want the relationship to look like?" I could go on and on about this topic. But honestly, I've gotten so tired of the theories, it's not even funny.

This is a meal I cooked in 2019:

54377072_1092603394262343_4993390632585134080_o.jpg

This is a meal I cooked in 2020:


102429181_1456920624497283_8684729845982167040_o.jpg


What's the difference? Patience, perseverance and growth. Give people time and the benefit of the doubt. Look beyond what you can see. I'm willing to bet that if I were married last year and cooked something like that for my DH, that would be grounds for divorce. But look at what he would be missing in 2020? :look:.

My mom went through something like this: a man she was dating a few years back, left her, because she had scars all over her back, from an allergic reaction years prior. Fast forward to now, I was watching her change blouses and noticed the scars were gone. It really got me thinking. We miss out on blessings simply because we are so superficial!
 
Lucia said:
I’ve been listening to Christian relationship speakers and secular ones. Heres some points I found both secular and Christian men complaining about that they would t say in mixed company or forums. I think that women really need to listen to and if necessary make changes. The top of the men’s list was
1. Physical Attractiveness (the secular men were more harsh) 2. Feminine soft warm kind compassionate 3. Classy 4. Respectful 5. Low body count ie the less she’s slept around the better being a virgin is a plus for men not always a requirement. Just like university degrees a plus not required. But most men wont say this out loud for fear of being destroyed for telling their truth.
Solutions These are possible solutions I know three are more these are just some brief ones I’ve listed.

1. Modern women (even church girls) no longer listen and the number one pet peeve of men women who pop off at the mouth with a lot of disrespectful lip because they don’t care about a mans opinion, don’t care what a man thinks and ultimately don’t respect men either overtly or covertly. Not even if the man is her Fiancé or Husband.
Problems this causes: Difficultly dissatisfaction and strife in the relationship. A real masculine man not an effeminate male will tell you ONCE maybe twice either directly or by suggestion that you should be doing this or that differently. Ex. Honey I really liked how you wore your hair at the party last weekend. Let’s go hiking biking jogging to the gym together. (Take the hint already and we say men don’t get it) Or how come you don’t wear that dress I like (the dress you may or may not still fit into). The real masculine not fluffy types will just put it out there real blunt. These are simple but a lot of women resist, are rebellious and don’t want to submit and give her husband what he wants even if it’s honey I like you with longer hair then she cuts it off and has a knee jerk reaction every time he looks at other women with long hair. Really ??? Are we this blind? Yes, we are.
The unspoken rules that we all know but don’t practice. What you did to get him or better how you were physically and how you treated him made him feel- when you met him are those same things you need to do to keep him.

Solution: All women have to do to solve this is really listen to his wants and needs he will tell you especially if he’s you husband fiancé please no comments, no hmm hmm, don’t cut him off don’t interject your own opinion just let the man speak.

2. Christian Feminism (those 2 words should not be in the same title because it’s an oxymoron emphasis on the moron j/k sort of). :rollseyes:

It’s just the same old secular rhetoric repacked and sprinkled with some Bible verses to make it “Christian”. Well there’s nothing Christian about feminism I could go into it but that deserves its own blog post or thesis but moving on. Mary Jesus’ mother was not a feminist she new her place, played her position and acted accordingly she never came out of pocket with Joeseph. Joeseph said get on this donkey were gong to Bethlehem. Mary: Crickets she got up on the donkey 9 months pregnant and went.

Just to be brief feminism states I don’t want a man don’t need a man because I can do it all without a man and do it better than a man because I am better than a man. (Even though every comfort and natural resource I have at my disposal is because of men who have conquered it for us) The feminist delusion* is real.

Problems this causes: Well if you’re in your masculine mode (knowingly or not) and negative about all men even in the smallest degree then how can you expect a real masculine man of God to even approach you. Just the masculine spirit and the spirit of rejection (ie the I don’t need a man talk) will repel him.
Ex all men are dogs
I only attract married or unavailable men - if you repeat this long enough you will believe it and it will become a self fulfilling prophesy.
I’m not blank I’m not blank enough or I’m negative blank.

Remember life and death in the power of the tongue. If you speak defeat over yourself your circumstance and your life as pharaoh said so it is written so shall it be. You are essentially cursing yourself and your own life. That’s why it’s extremely important to arrest those negative thoughts from go because not all thoughts suggested in your mind actually came from you. Let that simmer for a while.

Solution: Look at yourself listen to your inner recordings what messages are you repeating in your brain. Take custody of your mind and tongue in Jesus name. Don’t just come into agreement with any random idea that pops into your head or that you hear or heard somewhere.

3. Do the Work.
Its not enough to just identify the problem and find a solution. Talking about it, thinking about it and venting about may help but that alone will not solve your problems. You need to take action this part especially is not an option.
Let me say again for those in the back.
You MUST DO.THE.WORK!!!!
Faith without works is dead. Figure out those areas that need to be polished up, softened etc... and work on them diligently like your studying for the SATs.
You should have faith that God has a husband for you if that’s His will but if you want a Boaz you have to be a Ruth if you want a King you must be an Esther, a Proverbs 31 woman. You must exude that energy walk the walk and talk the talk. That only comes from actually being that Prov 31 woman not pretending not half way there you must BE that woman.

Problems: If you don’t do the work then you’ll be forever stuck in a vicious cycle of sometimes identifying your issues correctly, sometimes looking for some solutions, but never carrying out the plan to improve yourself No follow through ladies is a non starter, literally.
Ex. You’re overweight or obese but you buy into body positivity run amok. There’s nothing wrong with loving the person you are yourself inside and out. But if you’re actually unhealthy and lying to yourself and it’s not going to be beneficial to you or anyone around you who loves you.

Problems: Health issues sooner or later, Men looking you over because their not attracted to big girls. (*Men are hard wired to be visual) Not facing the facts that you may be pre or full blown diabetic, hypertensive, early onset arthritis, bone issues organs working overtime all the time just to do the everyday stuff, infertility issues high risk pregnancy, and a host of other health problems not to mention the psychological repercussions depression low self esteem etc....

Solutions: Praise and walk, pray and lift, pray and squat!
Take a cold hard look at yourself and your choices or lack thereof and if you don’t like what you see DO something about if you think nothing needs to be done, sis I’m waving the red flag here, can you see it?
Look no one is saying be a size 2 that’s not for everyone but being obese not only is not healthy but it is not honoring Gods temple ie YOU!
It is also keeping you from fulfilling Gods best for you on all levels and keeping you from fulfilling Gods mission for you the way he intended for you to be healthy and whole. If you’re cut down on your prime to diseases secondary to obesity then you can’t start or finish Gods mission for you. If your focus is on failing health health issues mental physical then the enemy has succeeded in distracting you from the goal and derailing you from your mission. This is a demon you must wrestle to the floor by any means necessary. There groups Christian counseling personal trainers etc.... Don’t think that you can come as you are and you will be accepted. Jesus said that but that won’t work on an earthly man even if he’s Godly. (Just look at Joshua Eze’s and Joel Osteen’s wives both are gorgeous women on the outside as well as the inner qualities to be pastors wives.

So this post is long enough I will post more details later in my blog.
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IMO, low body count should only be a preference if he's offering the same. Good health should only be a preference if he's offering the same, not looking for a nurse, lol. I'd hope a Christian man was respecting God by respecting women, among other things.
Water finds its own level.
Proverbs says that God hates unjust weights and balances.
God bless, ladies. That's all from me. :abducted:
 
Watched this video not too long ago and it hit home:




A lot more pastors are starting to talk about the very practical side of marriage: who will pick up the children from school? who will cook? how will you maintain your physique? how will y'all spend the day? who will carry which load? how will you make sure you look presentable all of the time? what about the cleaning schedule?

Even heard a pastor complaining about the proverbial scarf Black women sleep with :lol: thought it was so funny. My bil also spoke about getting the finances in order :yep: . Not just fantasizing and thinking about it all day, but really getting to the nitty gritty :yep:.
 
Please don’t quote.

Recent events have reminded me of how lonely I am. I can’t help but to wonder why God doesn’t feel I deserve healthy romantic love. I’ve tried having faith, I’ve tried prayer, crystals, subs, leaving things to the universe, manifesting, vision boards...

I don’t think he wants this for me. I am surrounded by good news. I just want to move somewhere and actually be alone since I am so lonely anyway.

I keep asking why. Still waiting for an answer. I don’t think I will ever get one. I still have so many decades of life left. So many decades for me to spend it lonely.

It’s crazy, years ago I told God I want the next man I date to be my husband. Haven’t dated anyone since. Depressed.
 
^^^^^^

Sorry to hear you feel this way, I have my days too, believe me :lol:

Best advice I've ever received, came from David Burrus: "Be OK with if it never happens." Once you grasp this concept and adopt this mentality, you actually relax and exude another type of aura. Which coincidentally, may actually land you the romantic relationship you've always dreamed of. Often times we look at some boring couples, who have always had the idea of marriage but not the practicality of it, and think it could never be us. But that's not true.

Get busy building a life. So many of us women wrap and center our whole life around the men in our lives. God is trying to change that in this season. Been single for roughly 16 years now, tend to be in my feelings sometimes too. But I've matured so much. Was talking to my sister who has been married for as long as I've been single + has 3 beautiful girls. She told me: "You may as well get married and have children, you already live like that anyway." :lol:

She was talking about the level of maturity I've gained over the years, simply by living by myself. I'm now able to hold a conversation with almost anyone, on any topic. That is a gift. I'm also able to recalibrate fast, with my cat reflexes: lost my job during this pandemic, three weeks later I had landed another job :yep:. Over the years I've been able to tailor my cleaning schedule, to fit my lifestyle. So that now, I'm much better able to carve out time for me...and a future SO/spouse, should there ever be one.

Though I have a mental and a physical illness, most people can barely tell. Been managing both for aeons and they're under control. Lastly, don't glance over this nugget of wisdom: everything you're doing right now, while you are alone, could mean the difference between having a fulfilling relationship later on vs. spending your days & nights arguing with your DH. Simply because you didn't accumulate enough pleasant experiences that turned into memories, that you in turn are able to share with your spouse during your union.
 
Dear @TwoSnapsUp, thanks for posting - I was thinking about you last week, wondering how you're doing.
@Maracujá has spoken truth, but I have two questions:
1. Do you love God because He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, to save you from your sins and from eternal damnation?
2. Do you like yourself?

I don't need to know the answers to these questions but I think if you can come to the point where you can answer 'yes' to both, it will be positive for you.
May God richly bless you with more of Himself and any other good thing He has for you, amen.
 
Right now I feel nothing when it comes to your first question. I grew up loving God, giving myself to God. ( grew up in a religious household) Being a “good woman”. All to feel what I am feeling now. All of that faith and positivity has slowly disappeared this last decade. Do I like myself? Yes, which is why I don’t understand why I am still single at 40. People around me are on their second and third child. When will I have my first? I feel that I am somehow cursed or blocked.

And I am not sitting around doing nothing. Everyone around me thinks I have a fulfilling life. None of them know that I am trying to fill a void. None of them know I would give it all up just to have a loving family of my own.

blessedandfavoured said:
Dear @TwoSnapsUp, thanks for posting - I was thinking about you last week, wondering how you're doing.
@Maracujá has spoken truth, but I have two questions:
1. Do you love God because He sacrificed His Son, Jesus Christ, to save you from your sins and from eternal damnation?
2. Do you like yourself?

I don't need to know the answers to these questions but I think if you can come to the point where you can answer 'yes' to both, it will be positive for you.
May God richly bless you with more of Himself and any other good thing He has for you, amen.
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TwoSnapsUp said:
Right now I feel nothing when it comes to your first question. I grew up loving God, giving myself to God. ( grew up in a religious household) Being a “good woman”. All to feel what I am feeling now. All of that faith and positivity has slowly disappeared this last decade. Do I like myself? Yes, which is why I don’t understand why I am still single at 40. People around me are on their second and third child. When will I have my first? I feel that I am somehow cursed or blocked.

And I am not sitting around doing nothing. Everyone around me thinks I have a fulfilling life. None of them know that I am trying to fill a void. None of them know I would give it all up just to have a loving family of my own.
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There's a lot to unpack here, and I think the church has a lot to answer for, but for now I hope this article helps you. I'm sure others wiser than me can give you more encouragement.

Have You Left Your First Love?
Darkness is never so dark as when a redeemed soul isn’t satisfied in God. The richness of the Scripture has no taste. The preacher’s sermon deflects off fleshly armor. Prayers seem to be stamped, “Return to sender.”

Distractions intrude the best attempts to have quiet moments with God. Your heart sighs. Memories of blazing intimacy with Christ make the soul now shiver. “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it” rings truer than other lyrics. You may even fear that, after all of this time, you aren’t really his.

Darkness Deepens

I have experienced several of these seasons during my decade as a Christian. It is a valley of the shadow of death, a desert wilderness in which Satan comes to tempt and deceive.

During these times, I’ve wanted to blame God for where I ended up and double down on my rebellion. But the haunting question God asked his spiritually callous people shoots down all my excuses, “What wrong did you find in me that you went far from me?” (see Jeremiah 2:5). When we find ourselves far from God, he is never the one to blame.

And this makes the darkness darker. I know that spiritual dullness often results from my treating God like a pigeon in the park to whom I leisurely throw the crumbs of my leftover devotion after a long day of caring about other things. In such seasons, God allows my joylessness to snap me out of treating him as a hobby, to learn afresh to seek his face as if he was, well, God.

I have even dressed up my desertion in religious robes. I might refuse discipline by calling it legalism; refuse God’s presence, calling it freedom; refuse to commune with him, calling it salvation by grace. Christ’s blood becomes that which was shed so that I might safely ignore him.

Of course, I overbook my schedule to hide my negligence. Like a criminal mastermind, I premeditate alibis to exonerate myself from spiritual complacency. When questioned, like those other guests who also wickedly excused themselves (Luke 14:16–24), I keep my calendar close at hand to justify not attending my Master’s banquet. I write off the whole bit about loving Jesus above everything or I can’t be his disciple, calling it rhetorical hyperbole.

Even though I love Jesus, my love threatens to grow cold when the familiar becomes taken for granted and neglected.

Leaving Your First Love?

Despite Satan’s insinuations, you are not the first to experience this paralyzing lack of happiness in God. After commending the church at Ephesus concerning their patient endurance, intolerance of evil, suffering for Christ’s name, and exposing of false apostles, Jesus confronts them. Although this church looked amazing on paper, he turns to one central issue, “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4).

They had a zeal for orthodoxy, but they had lost their love for Jesus. They showed up for Bible studies and debated the heretics, but lost their pure love for their Lord. They stood against evil in their midst, but tolerated a sluggish love towards Jesus and each other.

They privately were abandoning Christ in their public crusade for truth about Christ. They were exchanging Christ himself for theological images of their Savior. It is a scary reality that the road to hell is not only paved with good intentions, but good deeds and theological precision as well.

And Jesus was going to remove their lampstand if they continued to sled down the hill that Matthew warned against: “Because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:12–13).

But Jesus loves his church and has compassion towards his faintly burning wicks. So, Jesus counsels them, and us, in three ways:

“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” (Revelation 2:5)
Click to expand...
1. Remember

The first step God calls us to may be surprising: remember. This is not some great feat for spiritual giants. It is merely the act of a child looking back upon former days.

Do you remember when God first awakened your soul? Do you remember the excitement you had when he plucked you out of darkness? How joyful did you dance, from an orphan to a son, a dead sinner to a resurrected saint, an enemy with God to his beloved? Do you remember?

Did you once run to prayer, not to take your daily dose of spiritual medicine, but because your Great Love waited for you there? Did you ever sing in the silence with the psalmist, “There is nothing I desire besides you” (see Psalm 73:25)? Did you stay up late to undress your soul before him? Did you rise up early to put on heavenly attire? Do you remember?

Remember quiet mornings of choosing the good portion as you sat at his feet. Remember the glory that you saw and the Savior that you sang to when you were filled with “joy unspeakable.” Remember the time you invested in eternity when you met with other believers to worship him. Remember.

2. Repent

From the conviction that comes from realizing where you once stood, repent. You have left Jerusalem for Egypt; the Promised Land for Canaan. Don’t just try to do better next time. Don’t just feel guilty and hide behind the bushes of good intentions. Go to your Savior in the blood of his Son and cry out for mercy, confessing your coldness to him and asking him for grace.

Tell him you’ve grown cold. Tell him you’ve entertained other loves. Repent to your God for not loving him as he deserves. He stands ready to forgive and restore. Your High Priest will sympathize with you, therefore, “Let us come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, KJV).

3. Return

Amazingly, God calls us to return to where we once fell. He does not call us to make up for lost time and be a mile ahead of where we used to be. He calls us back to that fresh fire of love towards him and neighbor. It is a call to action. It is a call to return to the habits of grace. It is a command to keep ourselves in the love of God (Jude 21).

And beyond the standard means of grace, it is worth considering what makes your heart sing for Jesus Christ. Is it long walks in nature, early mornings with your guitar, writing poetry, reading Christ-exalting fiction, diagramming philosophical arguments on the true nature of beauty, evangelizing college students?

What is it in this season? Prioritize it. The door is not locked, the story is not over. You can have a sweet relationship with God in Christ again. He has given you more breath so that you might use it to seek him, cry out to him, wait on him.

Show yourself on the horizon. He will run to you in due time.

Please return to the Lord. Return to earnest, child-like faith in Christ and His death on the cross and His resurrection. Return to prayer, fasting, Bible-reading, praise, worship. Get rid of the crystals and manifesting (that's all counterfeit), put distractions away. Focus on the Lord. Pour out your heart to him (Psalm 62:8) in truth - don't leave anything out, be totally honest with the Lord. Return to Jesus, please, for your own sake. He loves you so much and has already proven that in His death and all the blessing He has given you that you may not be thinking of right now. He has done the most important thing for you. Bringing you and your husband together is a light thing for Him.

Any love you want from any human is a watered-down version of God's perfect love. God IS love (1 John 4:8). All the love you want and need is in Him.

I don't say this to minimize your feelings, it's just that (apart from the truth that God is worthy of all love, honour and fidelity) if you can't receive love from the One who made you for His love, it's likely you won't be able to receive love from a man or that you will make an idol out of that man and the relationship will fail.

The video @Shimmie posted was very encouraging. I hope it helps you.
We're praying for you. God bless.
 
Hey ladies! I'm doing some market research on a new program I'm creating and I'm looking for a few women to complete a short 10 minute questionnaire about dating in exchange for a free 30 minute Love Life Audit. Please send me a DM with your e-mail if you're interested!
 
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