A Single Women's Guide to Marriage Preparation

[Lovie]

After reading Lady in Waiting and Choosing God's Best, I truly believe that to prepare for a godly marriage, you need to prepare by becoming a godly woman. Right now, I am very focused on being the godly woman who God wants me to be.

I've just started reading the book Beautiful in God's Eyes - The Treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman by Elizabeth George. The Bible is definitely my guidebook but I also like Christian self-help to break things down by topics. I can see this book just being one of many that can only help me in learning some of the things the ladies above have mentioned.

ITA with everything you said.
Enjoy this time in your life!! It is fun and exciting time as you prepare. The best of it all is how you and God grow together.

 

[neenzmj]

I held a single women's meeting at my home this past weekend and this is EXACTLY what I recommended to the ladies. There are wonderful things about marriage but there are equally wonderful things being in being single and I think we should all learn to celebrate whatever place we're at in our lives.

I'm married and what I said to the ladies was this: NOW is the time to allow yourself to be a little little selfish (for lack of a better word.) By that I mean, this is the time when you can devote your time to school, career, traveling... anything that you desire that is not outside of God. As a married woman, I cannot just up and decide "hey, I want to take a trip to Paris." I have to consider my spouse in my decisions. I'm now going back to school, but even in that, I have to always be mindful of how much time I devote to school and how much I devote to my husband. Bottom line: my marriage is much more important than any career or any degree. I chose to put school on hold so that I could devote my time and energy to my children when they were young. Well, now they're grown and I can pursue my degree without taking anything away from them.

So, if you're single, take advantage of this season in your life.

ITA with everything you said.
Enjoy this time in your life!! It is fun and exciting time as you prepare. The best of it all is how you and God grow together.

 

[inthepink]

I held a single women's meeting at my home this past weekend and this is EXACTLY what I recommended to the ladies. There are wonderful things about marriage but there are equally wonderful things being in being single and I think we should all learn to celebrate whatever place we're at in our lives.

I'm married and what I said to the ladies was this: NOW is the time to allow yourself to be a little little selfish (for lack of a better word.) By that I mean, this is the time when you can devote your time to school, career, traveling... anything that you desire that is not outside of God. As a married woman, I cannot just up and decide "hey, I want to take a trip to Paris." I have to consider my spouse in my decisions. I'm now going back to school, but even in that, I have to always be mindful of how much time I devote to school and how much I devote to my husband. Bottom line: my marriage is much more important than any career or any degree. I chose to put school on hold so that I could devote my time and energy to my children when they were young. Well, now they're grown and I can pursue my degree without taking anything away from them.

So, if you're single, take advantage of this season in your life.

The world needs more women like you!

I remind myself of this all the time. That I should relish in being able to make decisions on my own like taking a trip or whatever it is. When I'm married, I can't do that. (Of course, there are two sides to everything b/c sometimes I wish I had a spouse to help me make a decision.) When I have these "fun" decisions come up, I remind myself that it is a benefit of being single that I can make the decision for myself and it really doesn't affect anyone else.

 

[momi]

I held a single women's meeting at my home this past weekend and this is EXACTLY what I recommended to the ladies. There are wonderful things about marriage but there are equally wonderful things being in being single and I think we should all learn to celebrate whatever place we're at in our lives.

I'm married and what I said to the ladies was this: NOW is the time to allow yourself to be a little little selfish (for lack of a better word.) By that I mean, this is the time when you can devote your time to school, career, traveling... anything that you desire that is not outside of God. As a married woman, I cannot just up and decide "hey, I want to take a trip to Paris." I have to consider my spouse in my decisions. I'm now going back to school, but even in that, I have to always be mindful of how much time I devote to school and how much I devote to my husband. Bottom line: my marriage is much more important than any career or any degree. I chose to put school on hold so that I could devote my time and energy to my children when they were young. Well, now they're grown and I can pursue my degree without taking anything away from them.

So, if you're single, take advantage of this season in your life.

Sound advice. I have been contemplating something similar in my home, there is just so much I want to cover. I am praying about where to start... single women, married women, biblical womanhood/femininity...
Can you share more about how you started this ministry? Is it something that will take place on a regular schedule?

 

[neenzmj]

momi:

I started in part by reading some of the posts on LHFC and partially because of the many misconceptions about marriage that I hear from single women I talk with. My husband and I have a marriage ministry and we're passionate about spreading the good news about marriage (the way God intended it.)

I polled the ladies and they all unanimously agreed that it was something that they were very interested in being a part of on a regular basis. I'm also considering doing some type of video conferencing for those who want to be a part of it, but don't live in this area (that may be down the road, though.)

Sound advice. I have been contemplating something similar in my home, there is just so much I want to cover. I am praying about where to start... single women, married women, biblical womanhood/femininity...
Can you share more about how you started this ministry? Is it something that will take place on a regular schedule?

 

[momi]

momi:

I started in part by reading some of the posts on LHFC and partially because of the many misconceptions about marriage that I hear from single women I talk with. My husband and I have a marriage ministry and we're passionate about spreading the good news about marriage (the way God intended it.)

I polled the ladies and they all unanimously agreed that it was something that they were very interested in being a part of on a regular basis. I'm also considering doing some type of video conferencing for those who want to be a part of it, but don't live in this area (that may be down the road, though.)

Thanks for the reply. My husband and I are passionate about marriage as well. I will continue praying about this.

 

[chicacanella]

Great question:



First of all, you have to have something to work with. If we really knew what marriage was all about many of us would chose differently. Personally, I believe gender roles are important in any strong relationship. A man is already a man and should posess certain qualities ie. protection, provision, and spiritual maturity. A real man is not looking for a woman that posesses all of these qualaties as they should already have them.



Learn how to embrace your feminie role. The man God sends you to will need your help. That is why you are called a helpmeet. Begin to train yourself in things that will make you a proper help. He doesnt need you to pay the bills - he should already be doing that. He doesnt need you to be the spiritual covering in the home, he should be prepared to be that. Not with the things God has required him to do. This is not a popular idea, but I believe it is God's idea. Does this mean a large part of your efforts will be home-centered? It should. If you work outside the home make sure you learn how to leave that role in the garage and come home to be "wife". If you are a student, pursue a degree that will allow you flexibility necessary to make certain your husband and children are cared for. He should not have to compete with your career.


Many women make the mistake of taking on their husbands role which usually causes them to become lazy and not accomplish all God wants to accomplish through them.


I have much more to say, but I am certain many of you think I have said enough already.

No, I totally agree. Alot of 21st women find it odd that I would want to take care of my husband (future) and future household? But it's something innate in me that makes me a giver. And I think again, as it always seems I blame alot of Western concepts on the enemy (aka the debil) but it's true. Feminism has reduced women or distorted the role of womenhood/wives/motherhood and how we should take pride in our God-given assignment.

Provers 31 talks about a virtuous women. This is not a woman that is just sitting at home watching soap operas y'all; even though the world/feminists would make it seem so. She is out handling business for her household in order to be a...you guessed, help-meet.


10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 

[phynestone]

Pretty-

Thanks for starting this thread. It has been so helpful.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

What do you ladies have to say about being specific about what you ask God for in a husband?

Yay or Nay? What did you ask God for and what did you receive?

 

[Lioness]

Thanks to all of the contributors in this thread. The advice I have received just reading through the pages is invaluable... Lord knows I needed it.

I know my temper needs improvement, but not unil I read this thread did I realise how such traits could impact on a marriage. God bless you who have imparted knowledge here. I don't know where else I would have gotten such good Godly advice.

What do you ladies have to say about being specific about what you ask God for in a husband?

Yay or Nay? What did you ask God for and what did you receive?

I also would like the answer to this question! I have written a list of qualities I would like my husband to possess, but I wonder whether I am perhaps being too controlling by writing a specific list of attributes my husband should have- should we, so to speak, let go and let God?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Thanks to all of the contributors in this thread. The advice I have received just reading through the pages is invaluable... Lord knows I needed it.

I know my temper needs improvement, but not unil I read this thread did I realise how such traits could impact on a marriage. God bless you who have imparted knowledge here. I don't know where else I would have gotten such good Godly advice.




I also would like the answer to this question! I have written a list of qualities I would like my husband to possess, but I wonder whether I am perhaps being too controlling by writing a specific list of attributes my husband should have- should we, so to speak, let go and let God?

I also think of this but the bible does say write the vision and make it plan. In life I notice I often get what I ask for good, bad, or indifferent. If I have no set standards or expectations, does that leave me open to accept anything?

 

[inthepink]

What do you ladies have to say about being specific about what you ask God for in a husband?

Yay or Nay? What did you ask God for and what did you receive?

I like this idea. I am working on my own "list" (for lack of a better term) and plan to keep it near my bible so that I can remember to pray on it.

I don't think it's a bad idea. So, God knows that I have the desire for a husband even before I pray for him. I still pray for him anyway. So, I also have a desire for someone I'm attracted to - nothing wrong with me praying for that either. That's how I see it anyway.

 

[Lovie]

What do you ladies have to say about being specific about what you ask God for in a husband?

Yay or Nay? What did you ask God for and what did you receive?

I asked for God to use me to do his will. I gave him full permission to choose the mate that was best for me. I said something along the lines of, "Dad, you know me better than anyone, and you know I want to be the person you purposed me to be. Choose the mate, I give you permission to choose him for me - and prepare me to be the wife that is everything that he searches for too. Make us compatible in the key areas that are important in relationships. And as a bonus, make him understanding, affectionate, compassionate, honest, reliable, and committed to your principles above everything else."

I could go on and on - but meanwhile my husband was praying the same prayer for me in another part of the country. When we met, neither he nor I held ALL of the traits we asked for. Beautifully enough, that grew in time through our friendship, we actually helped each other unintentionally become better in Christ. Additionally, if you're doing any good youre going to grow. And growing means changing. How many people change over a year or two, then "outgrow" their relationships? Sometimes we're fortunate to have friends that walk with us for a lifetime. But many relationships are seasonal.

A marriage is a LIFETIME committment. You dont know where your life is going, you just have a vision that God has placed in you. Well, your husband has a vision too, and your best bet is to make sure that the mate you are bound together and yolked with is one who is a part of the plan that God has for you...because then your vision is one in the same, and you stand in agreement with power and strength beyond measure.

That what love is about - giving of yourself CONSTANTLY, even when it hurts, not trying to find fulfillment. You do well alone - but you have the optimized situation when you are together because you compliment each other. You are also under severe attack because the enemy truly wants to take away the power of agreement with everything. Divorce is NOT an option as a child of the King. We hurt him and disgrace the new covenenat in a bloodline that has never existed before in the Kingdom of God.

My husband and I, we both sowed into each other in so many ways while taking our individual walk. Then, over time, the Lord opened our eyes to the possibilities that lay between us if we walked in his will. Once we began to grow, the exciting thing was, there is no fear of outgrowing each other. Everyone changes, its supposed to happen. But having God choose your mate can guarantee that he is the one who will have the qualities you want now...and the ones you will want in 10 years.

 

[Lovie]

PS: Be careful what you ask for! You just might get it. My husband and I were laughing the other day because he said, "I always wanted a "girly girl" who enjoyed being feminine. I meant to ask God for a girly girl who enjoyed being feminine and loved sports."



What can I say, I am trying.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Boy I forgot about this thread. Its really helping me right now. Thank you ladies again and if anyone wants to contribute more please do.

 

[LoveisYou]

LOVE this thread, and I enjoyed that crosswalk article!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

This thread I believe just revealed I may never get married under a christian view point. I would never give up my career for a man nor would I expect a man to give up his.I often feel my life is more so for me to enjoy and build wealth and it would be nice to have some one to share that with but with all the extras this thread reveals Im not pretty enough or danity enough to be married like some of those who have posted.

Maybe I need to think about just doing a long term dating or be ok with never feeling a man again bc this is utter disturbing.

 

[dicapr]

This thread I believe just revealed I may never get married under a christian view point. I would never give up my career for a man nor would I expect a man to give up his.I often feel my life is more so for me to enjoy and build wealth and it would be nice to have some one to share that with but with all the extras this thread reveals Im not pretty enough or danity enough to be married like some of those who have posted.

Maybe I need to think about just doing a long term dating or be ok with never feeling a man again bc this is utter disturbing.

Don't give up hope. I'm sure there are some christian men who feel the same way. What one person's "ideal" marriage is not anothers. To be married to someone who does not share your value system, ie career goals, is to be in an unequally yoked relationship. I know christian couples where one or both of the spouses are career minded. One couple decided not to have children because of their career goals. You just have to find someone with your value system.

 

[LovelyRo]

Great Thread!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

You're post is a bit confusing.

Where do you see that you have to give up your career for your man?

It is common (Christian or not) that being a wife requires sacrifice and one of those sacrifices may be making sure your ambitions dont cause you to neglect your man. But you can insert children, ministry, volunteering, etc. in that category. Your husband should always come first on this earth and you should always be first with him. Marriage is the most intimate bond you will share with any one person on this earth.

So pursue your ambitions (even aggressively) but dont let your ambitions cause you to lose the more important things in your life. If you two talk on the issue ahead of time, he will understand your goals and support your dreams.

Where does it say you have to be "pretty enough" to be married?

I've seen all kinds of women get married. The most beautiful and the most plain. I've also seen all kinds of women not get married. The most beautiful and the plain. Looks have little to do with the marrying process. As long as your man likes it, who is anyone to complain?

Alot of men like feminine women. This is no surprise because most women want a masculine man. But that doesnt mean you have to be a "princess" or "helpless" or "a copy-cat" of any other women out there. Just be yourself but be a lady.

If you are a Christian christ-following woman, there is an understanding that every must be done in decency and order. If you want to do it your way completely, thats fine. But if you want God's best, you have to seek him and biblical counsel on what a godly woman should do to prepare for a godly marriage. Thats your choice.

This thread I believe just revealed I may never get married under a christian view point. I would never give up my career for a man nor would I expect a man to give up his.I often feel my life is more so for me to enjoy and build wealth and it would be nice to have some one to share that with but with all the extras this thread reveals Im not pretty enough or danity enough to be married like some of those who have posted.

Maybe I need to think about just doing a long term dating or be ok with never feeling a man again bc this is utter disturbing.

 

[Aviah]

A Virtuous Woman In the Eyes of God
by Pastor Jim Feeney, Ph.D.



Sermon Summary: Many Christians’ definition of a “virtuous woman” would center on prayer, Bible study, and spirituality. But God’s Scriptural portrait of the virtuous woman is surprisingly different.

The Bible speaks of the “virtuous woman”. Who is she? How does God in His Word describe her? Does she pray faithfully each day? Is she used in the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Does she consistently do daily Bible study and have regular devotional times? The answer? — None of these traits is listed in God’s most extensive Scriptural description of the virtuous woman.

Now please understand me, there is no doubt that the excellent attributes listed above are valuable aspects of the lives of every Christian woman (and man). However, God devotes almost an entire chapter of the Bible to His description of the “virtuous woman”. And the favorable traits that God lists are, surprisingly to some readers, of a substantially different nature. Please go with me to the Bible’s grand description of the virtuous woman in the eyes of God — that is, Proverbs 31:10-31, quoted from the NIV and, where so noted, from the King James Version (KJV).

Proverbs 31:10, KJV Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

•• Thanks to the Lord, I found my virtuous woman in 1968 in Anchorage, Alaska. She witnessed to me and led me to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Four years later we were married and have now celebrated our 35th anniversary.

• Her worth has consistently proven to be “far above rubies”. I would describe my wife as “priceless!” I would readily suggest her as an illustration of the admirable traits that God lists in the following verses.

Vs. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

•• A virtuous woman inspires absolute confidence in her husband. He can “safely trust in her” (KJV). She is not impetuous, scatterbrained, or unpredictable. Rather, she can be trusted. Her husband can be confident in her. She will never deliberately let him down.

•• The husband of a biblical, virtuous woman “lacks nothing of value”. That is illustrated by some of her remarkable traits in the succeeding verses.

Vs. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

•• The virtuous woman “brings him good” — that is, her husband. She is not a “liberated” woman as defined by modern feminists. She is God-fearing (vs. 31) and husband- and family-oriented. And these are seen throughout this chapter as positive traits.

• Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.

•• She brings him good. There does seem to be biblical wisdom in the modern-day axiom that “behind every good man stands a good woman”. She is an asset to her husband. She will never intentionally bring harm his way.

Vs. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

•• She is skilled and capable in working with fabric. The modern counterpart would be skill in things like quilting and sewing.

•• And notice that “she works”. There is no hint of laziness in this woman who is praised by God.

•• And she “worketh willingly with her hands” (KJV). She is “willing to get her hands dirty”, as the old saying goes. She is no prima donna! She is not “above” manual work.

Vs. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

•• She understands that the duties of a wife and mother include ensuring that her family is well fed.

• A virtuous woman, may I suggest, will excel in this area. She will not only go about to learn the necessary cooking skills, but she will study sound nutrition and will ensure that her family is fed nutritiously, not with a high proportion of out-of-the-box junk food.

Vs. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

•• This virtuous woman is not given to “sleeping in” in the mornings. No! Rather, she is up before dawn to make sure that her household is well fed.

• I cannot recall a single instance during our child-raising years when my wife left me and our four children to fend for ourselves at breakfast. She was always up early enough to send us off with a nutritious breakfast.

Vs. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

•• Amazing! This woman is no wimp! She has the intelligence and business sense to evaluate a piece of property and to buy it. She has her own “earnings”, with which she buys the field and plants a vineyard.

• In 1989 my wife was driving down a road near our rented home in Oregon. She spotted a vacant field for sale and came home and told me about it, recommending that we buy it. We went back together, looked it over, and did buy it. We then built on it the house in which we raised our four children over the next 15 years.

Vs. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.

•• The virtuous woman is not afraid of physical work. I recall one day in Alaska when we had 30 cubic yards of good topsoil dumped in our backyard. Our task was to spread it by wheelbarrow before planting our lawn. After some time I took a break to lie down exhausted, and my wife and a friend were still out there shoveling dirt!

Vs. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

•• Like the bible’s virtuous woman, many modern women have their own home-based businesses. The woman in Proverbs 31 seems to have been a seamstress who sold garments and sashes (vss. 19, 24).

•• She apparently did her business well, working well into the evening, because “her trading [was] profitable”.

Vs. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

•• The virtuous woman learns domestic skills. My beloved maternal grandmother was an excellent seamstress. Widowed with seven children at home, her skills at making clothing were essential to keeping her children well clothed.

• My wife is an exceptionally gifted quilter. Our home is decorated in just about every room with the products of her skills. She made me personally a warm flannel quilt in a manly pattern that I treasure.

Vs. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

•• Her home-based skills have earned her a profitable income. She is ever willing to share this blessing with the poor and needy.

• I am reminded of stories told about America's Great Depression of the early 20th century, when millions were jobless, hungry, and sometimes homeless. Virtuous women by the thousands were known for their unflinching decision: "I will never turn a hungry person away from my door!"

Vs. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

•• She is fully aware of the priority of her family in her life over other things that might sidetrack her from her domestic responsibilities. She is an excellent illustration of the charge to younger women in Titus 2 (verse 5) to be “busy at home”.

Vs. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

•• Not only do her skills earn her an income from the merchants, she also makes sure that her own home’s needs are well cared for. The bed coverings referred to here could be similar to the quilts that my wife and many other virtuous women so painstakingly create.

•• This woman does not neglect her own appearance. She uses her skills to provide attractive clothing for herself.

I really do not mean to put a downer on this thread, but what is wrong with a grown man making breakfast for himself and his children?

And is it really imperative for a woman to learn how to sew just to be a wife?spinning:

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

You're post is a bit confusing.

Where do you see that you have to give up your career for your man?

It is common (Christian or not) that being a wife requires sacrifice and one of those sacrifices may be making sure your ambitions dont cause you to neglect your man. But you can insert children, ministry, volunteering, etc. in that category. Your husband should always come first on this earth and you should always be first with him. Marriage is the most intimate bond you will share with any one person on this earth.

So pursue your ambitions (even aggressively) but dont let your ambitions cause you to lose the more important things in your life. If you two talk on the issue ahead of time, he will understand your goals and support your dreams.

Where does it say you have to be "pretty enough" to be married?

I've seen all kinds of women get married. The most beautiful and the most plain. I've also seen all kinds of women not get married. The most beautiful and the plain. Looks have little to do with the marrying process. As long as your man likes it, who is anyone to complain?

Alot of men like feminine women. This is no surprise because most women want a masculine man. But that doesnt mean you have to be a "princess" or "helpless" or "a copy-cat" of any other women out there. Just be yourself but be a lady.

If you are a Christian christ-following woman, there is an understanding that every must be done in decency and order. If you want to do it your way completely, thats fine. But if you want God's best, you have to seek him and biblical counsel on what a godly woman should do to prepare for a godly marriage. Thats your choice.

Reading things here and things I have observed for many years for a woman to marry nicely a good christian man whatever your defintion is one has to look a certain way.Society makes it very hard for someone like me to date so marriage is almost not a option even though I want it to be.

In the relationship thread I put I want a man I can serve and was told I was in essence nuts.Society and religious life makes it very perplexing.I'm not the right size,color,soci-ecnomic status.I dont posses the right features or graces some like many of the ladies here who posted.

I try to be the domestic but I'm still very driven.I'm very perplexed about marriage I want it but it doesn't seem to align when I can't even get a date.

 

[Prudent1]

I really do not mean to put a downer on this thread, but what is wrong with a grown man making breakfast for himself and his children?

And is it really imperative for a woman to learn how to sew just to be a wife?spinning:

LOL. There's nothing wrong with a man cooking for himself and the kids no more than anything wrong with mom doing it. I think his point was that was something she wanted to do, was happy to do, not out of obligation. For example, when I cook I feel happy. I like to see ppl enjoying the fruits of my labor. I like knowing that I am serving tasty nutritional meals to my family and loved ones. It is a part of me loving them just as much as hugs and kisses. Likewise, I think the sewing analogy was something his wife did b/c she likes/enjoys it. For others it may be singing, writing, etc. that causes their hubby's chest to swell. When you are loved in a marriage and understand that pleasing your spouse brings you even more pleasure, you don't feel threatened or obligated while doing 'whatever'. Perfect love casts out fear. The fear that you will be taken for granted, that things might not work out, or you might end up looking foolish dissapates.
[FONT=Times New Roman,Times New Roman][FONT=Times New Roman,Times New Roman][/FONT][/FONT]Since this was just a glimpse and the wife didn't get to weigh in we don't know. Perhaps he and the kids offered many times to help out but that was her thing and she declined smiling the whole time? He IMO, was trying to paint a picture of selflessness as displayed by his wife. When a man feels that good about you, you can ask him for anything and he'll break his neck to get it for you. The key is balance and whatever that couple have prayerfully decided on as workable for them. It is usually women (and men) who have never really seen a loving marriage IRL who adopt a "I ain't doing x,y,or z" standpoint. The ridiculous things done under the banner of marriage has gotten so far out of control until many ppl have no idea what a real marriage looks like. It' slike everything else you hear on the news- all doom and gloom. Let someone try to run a feature story on godly couples who are happily married the producers would be like next.... Misery, fear, panic, those things sell.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Reading things here and things I have observed for many years for a woman to marry nicely a good christian man whatever your defintion is one has to look a certain way.Society makes it very hard for someone like me to date so marriage is almost not a option even though I want it to be.

In the relationship thread I put I want a man I can serve and was told I was in essence nuts.Society and religious life makes it very perplexing.I'm not the right size,color,soci-ecnomic status.I dont posses the right features or graces some like many of the ladies here who posted.

I try to be the domestic but I'm still very driven.I'm very perplexed about marriage I want it but it doesn't seem to align when I can't even get a date.

I dont know what this is about because marriage is about serving and sacrifice from a Christian prespective. You my lady, can not receive the advice or prespectives of everyone but I will say this...

Right, shape, color, social-economic status has no bearin on whether you will get married. Trust me, I have seen ALL walks of life in the church get married and I go to a very big church so I see all kinds of people. You getting married or even getting a date has little to do with the way you look. It has to do with your confidence level and belief system. You do not have the confidence that you are enough all by yourself and therefore not "worthy" enough for marriage. I will tell you, thats bull and a lie from Satan himself.

Two, you believe a good Christian man will not want to marry you. You believe that because you think you have to be something you do not want to be. The advice in this thread are for those that can receive it but many women have not read a word like this and have walked down the aisle. Honey, you need to understand what you believe about yourself makes up your life. If you believe without doubt that marriage is for you, you can be married.

Take some time to evaluate why you believe these things and STOP looking at the media or others around you for confirmation about what your future holds for YOU. Look to Jesus only...pray to him and ask him to show you what the world can not.

 

[Ladybelle]

I didn't read all of the responses, so I don't know if this has been said already.

But, one of the things IMHO that women must do to be prepared for marriage is to be ready to be absolutely selfless, be ready to serve your husband. For a successful marriage, I think a wife must go into it with the mentality of what she is going to do for her husband, what she has to offer him vs what he's going to do for her.

Another thing I would mention is to learn humbleness & meekness. They are as important as the willingness to be selfless. Good wives make good husbands, we have so much control over our husbands actions with our own actions. (noticed I said actions, not words.)

Above all, I think the woman has to be very selective in whom she chooses to marry. It can be very difficult to have a serving,humble mentality if your dh is trifling, lazy, disrespectful or etc.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This guys interpretation isnt gospel because some men like to cook and prefer to be the cook in the house.

I dont ever see myself making clothes but i want my kids and husband to always look nice and if something needs to be stitched together, I doubt my husband will be doing it.

I really do not mean to put a downer on this thread, but what is wrong with a grown man making breakfast for himself and his children?

And is it really imperative for a woman to learn how to sew just to be a wife?spinning:

 

[Aviah]

LOL. There's nothing wrong with a man cooking for himself and the kids no more than anything wrong with mom doing it. I think his point was that was something she wanted to do, was happy to do, not out of obligation. For example, when I cook I feel happy. I like to see ppl enjoying the fruits of my labor. I like knowing that I am serving tasty nutritional meals to my family and loved ones. It is a part of me loving them just as much as hugs and kisses. Likewise, I think the sewing analogy was something his wife did b/c she likes/enjoys it. For others it may be singing, writing, etc. that causes their hubby's chest to swell. When you are loved in a marriage and understand that pleasing your spouse brings you even more pleasure, you don't feel threatened or obligated while doing 'whatever'. Perfect love casts out fear. The fear that you will be taken for granted, that things might not work out, or you might end up looking foolish dissapates.
Since this was just a glimpse and the wife didn't get to weigh in we don't know. Perhaps he and the kids offered many times to help out but that was her thing and she declined smiling the whole time? He IMO, was trying to paint a picture of selflessness as displayed by his wife. When a man feels that good about you, you can ask him for anything and he'll break his neck to get it for you. The key is balance and whatever that couple have prayerfully decided on as workable for them. It is usually women (and men) who have never really seen a loving marriage IRL who adopt a "I ain't doing x,y,or z" standpoint. The ridiculous things done under the banner of marriage has gotten so far out of control until many ppl have no idea what a real marriage looks like. It' slike everything else you hear on the news- all doom and gloom. Let someone try to run a feature story on godly couples who are happily married the producers would be like next.... Misery, fear, panic, those things sell.

This guys interpretation isnt gospel because some men like to cook and prefer to be the cook in the house.

I dont ever see myself making clothes but i want my kids and husband to always look nice and if something needs to be stitched together, I doubt my husband will be doing it.

Thanks guys. I do like to cook for my family, and SO, and I would love to learn some sewing tricks from my mom. Growing up we were always so skinny clothes never fit us properly. It was a real convenience she could make them shorter, take in the waist, etc. I just don't want that to be my job.

SO and I are looking at marriage and I'm looking at these threads trying to get what God wants us to do, and separate it from "Christian Culture". For example, back in Jesus's days there were so many things that became common practice that God originally didn't want. The same way many things have become part of culture in Christianity, when God didn't call for it- you know what I mean?

Of course the Word is our guide, but it's nice to see how it works in practice.

 

[Prudent1]

@Aviah,
^^^ Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!! I hope you and SO find some good godly premarital couseling. It is priceless! Here are a few books I recommend and often purchase IRL as gifts for those about to be wed.
Making Marriage Work- https://shop.joycemeyer.org/eStore/Products/JMM/PID-BK69.aspx
The Successful Family- Creflo Dollar Ministries - The Successful Family
Anything by Gary Smalley. Check out his website. It is FULL of martial info.The Official site of Gary Smalley, Michael and Amy Smalley, and Greg and Erin Smalley! | Expert advice on dating, marriage, and parenting from a name you trust - Smalley!
I especially like this book- Before You Plan Your Wedding, Plan Your Marriage Before You Plan Your Wedding...Plan Your Marriage
Also look at Focus on the Family- www. family.org
Ok, I'll stop now. I am dead serious about biblical marriage though...

 

[phynestone]

I feel as if I have been preparing for marriage for several years. Improving my finances, staying on top of my appearance, helping my family and friends, furthering my education, but most important, strengthening my relationship with God. I don't know if I'm going through a cocooning stage, but I spend a lot of time on my own and sometimes I wonder if God is protecting me from bad elements and people. Or perhaps I'm just not ready. It is a desire of mine and while it is not my place to judge others or where they are, sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me when I am doing all of the "right" things.


This is a great thread, btw.

 

[makeupgirl]

I believe I've been in preparation for years too. I've been learning to cook, clean properly (yeah my mom had to teach me how to properly wash dishes...sad), of course, paying bills and attempting to improve my credit history. I will have to say that I'm not good at all and have already confess this to the Lord that I'm not good with Finance and hope that hubby is. What he may be good in, I'm not and vice versa. My pastor and his wife told us during bible study that he doesn't cut the grass because his wife is good at it and now she's afraid to drive and he has taken over the responsiblity. But together they sit down and go over the bills.

Good news is that I'm learning to curve my handbag/shopping habit.