Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[misstobz]

Excellent point! I agree, we as single Christian ladies should all be mindful of this. I've seen women get closer to God only to put Him on the back burner once they get married. It reminds me of using a good friend to get what we want and then tossing them to the side.

Have any of you ladies had difficulty expressing your desire to get married while speaking with family and friends? It seems that when I bring this up to people close to me like my mom or my cousin, they cut me off and say things like "Don't worry, it'll happen" or "What's the rush? You have time." Well, I'm not in a rush and I do know it's going to happen. I don't think it's all that unusual for a 33 year old woman to desire a mate, or is it?

Oh and in case you're wondering, I'm not approaching them with a "woe is me" attitude or sob story. I'm just trying to express how I feel and it's not going over very well. For now, I've decided to stay in prayer and keep it to myself.

This reminds me of a book I read by Larry Crabb-Shattered Dreams. There is a chapter where he says that too many people use God as a means to and end. Once you do this you are definitely headed in the wrong direction and have totally missed the point.

 

[Raspberry]

This pastor is growing on me. Here's a video on Why He's Not Married:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGUD0oWr4ik&feature=sub

I know it's from a male perspective, but it was worth my watching and hopefully be worth yours.

Here's what really caught my ears: "If joining with [his future wife] will SPEED UP THE WORK OF GOD ... advance the Kingdom of God ...", then yes marriage is something he wants.

It's not about my future husband. It's not about me. It's not about romance, curing loneliness, fulfilling the fantasy of being married, etc. It's all about God. Serving God.

That was an excellent vid Thanks for the link...

 

[softblackcotton]

Thanks for making this thread. Subscribed!

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

Thanks for sharing. I don't agree with this particular portion. God will give you a man who fits the physical attributes you want. He may not fit ALL of them, but God takes all of your desires into consideration as far as a mate.



I liked the last part that you wrote about checking your devotion and your motives. I think too many women get into a mold of saying, "well God is sending my husband but He wants me to draw closer to Him first." Then these women set about trying to build that relationship, but the truth is that in the back of their mind, they are really thinking about how this is just getting them closer to their goal of getting a mate.

About the physical desires. I do remember there being some dissention about this. One of the married sister's told about how she had expressed that her physical desires for a husband were the exact opposite what God had planned for her. They didn't feel that having certain physical desires were wrong, but they shouldn't be the driving force or only things that you desire in a husband.

As far as the 2nd part- I think many women do this knowingly or unknowingly. I can honestly say that when I first came to know the Lord I was hoping that the Lord would give me a husband since he had saved me from marrying the wrong man. I know that I serve him first and desire to help spread the Gospel. I do hope that along the way he will send me a husband but it is not my main focus. I think some of us have the best intentions but the flesh is human and has human desires, wants and is powerful enough to overcome the spirit especially when we feel that time is not on our side when it comes to marriage and children. If you truly want to honor God then you will married or single.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

So I'm feeling sad and convicted. Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers. All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ. Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men. I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).

It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony. Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly. I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping. I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit. I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith. I really do feel like I'm the only one at times. That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

^^^^ Wow you seem so deep in you walk the fact you can even see certain things.I wonder why some like yourself can be so deep in the Lord but can't get the mate you deserve.I understand someone like me who isn't deep in God (love/hate)relationship at times not being able to get looked at in a way that is appealing at all by any man..esp not a man of God..

 

[phynestone]

So I'm feeling sad and convicted. Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers. All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ. Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men. I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).

It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony. Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly. I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping. I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit. I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith. I really do feel like I'm the only one at times. That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.

I hear you loud and clear. I'm fighting a similar battle right now. Let me tell you, your friends have their own struggles as well. It's tough for single Christian women but we can do it.

I've been writing about a guy in my blog on this site and that I really like him. I've been waiting for him to make a move, but he sends me mixed messages. We have quite a bit in common, however, he partakes in activities that are less than desirable. I have decided to put him in the 'friend' category. I have a lot of struggles and I don't need anyone else tempting my flesh around me.

Don't know if any of you have experienced this, but this guy and others, have straightened up themselves whenever they are around me. Like, they may curse, drink and party it up with other women or men, but they are 'clean' when in my presence. Like I'm such a dainty, precious flower. I don't know how to take it b/c you shouldn't have to be two different people in general, know what I mean?

 

[milaydy31]

Hi everyone,

I need to vent a little.

For several months, it has been hard for me not to think about my celibacy. For the past weeks, I felt better because I was determined not to think about it. By praying, I managed to recover my confidence and my patience and I have to admit that when I try to stay closer to God I feel so much better.

But, those past days have been hard for me. I don't know for you in the US but I comming from the french west indies and there, people usually celebrate their union during summer (july or august). So since a couple of weeks, several friends that are my age announced their wedding for this summer. I am so ashamed to admit that it hurt me so bad.
I mean that as I am happy for them, I am also soooo jealous (I can't help it). We are all the same age and everything seems to be so easy for them, and me I am here with nothing, not even a "suitor". I don't know how to explain it but I feel that all the efforts that I make to be a good christian, a good woman in general are vain because at the end, everybody finaly find someone and I am alone. I am not as happy as I want for my friends because it hurt me so much that I am still waiting for my turn.

I cant stop making comparisons, I know that I must stop but... I can't help but keep on doing it. For exemple, I have this friend who is about to celebrate her wedding by the end of this year. She was the kind of girl that "burns the candle at both ends", she was doing things that a woman shouldn't do (christian or not). Then recently she accepted god in her life and she found her husband. When I think about it, I have to admit that I think it's a little unfair (I know this sound so childish but that's the way it is). I have never be the one that have a "crazy" life, that go with guys... but I end up to be the one that have to wait for everything.

Sometime I try to go ahead but now I feel really desperate, a forgotten one. I am used to fight for everything I want in my life because it has always been like this. But I whish it could be easier for me to find someone (or I must say that I wish it could be easier for my husband to find me). I don't know if I am strong enought to fight for that one and be more patient.

Last week, I was with some schoolmates for my graduation day and there was this guy that I like. He was talking to me and another friend (a girl). He told her that she seems to be the kind of girl that like to go to parties, draw the attention on her and bla bla bla. And then he looked at me and he said that I am "a wise girl". I know that he wasn't thinking bad when he said this but it hurted me 'cause everybody think the same about me and I think that's why I am still a single lady.

I don't like to talk about this with friends because they always say that I am only 25 and one day will come and bla bla bla. I know that I have to be patient but it's hard when no one seems to be interested in me.

Just wanted to complain!

Milaydy

 

[phynestone]

Sometimes I wonder if those men just see "work" when it comes to women like us. Not saying your friend or other party girls are bad, but appearances can be deceiving. I think it works both ways.

I'd like to get married too one day, but I'd rather wait and be with the right person than do deal with a bunch of knuckleheads and losers in the process. God was protecting you from potential drama.

 

[misstobz]

This weekend I have two of my best friends call me.

1. Friend 1 was telling me about how her friend is going through a divorce and living with her.
2. Friend 2 was telling me about 4 of her friends who have divorced/separated from their husbands who were emotionally/physically abusive and cheating on them.
I know most of these people from teenage social circles and it really made me so sad considering very young children are involved. These women are only 27/28 years old and are already divorcees and single mothers.

While the state of marriages these days appears to be rather dismal, I have to remember who I serve. Our Father is almighty, all-powerful and all-knowing. His ways and timing and different from than those of the world's. I will keep my focus on Him and not lean on my own understanding, for He promised that if I do this he will make my paths straight :Rose:

 

[misstobz]

So I'm feeling sad and convicted. Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers. All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ. Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men. I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).

It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony. Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly. I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping. I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit. I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith. I really do feel like I'm the only one at times. That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.

I was talking to my friend about your post and the first question she had was where are you getting all these men from... haha. I reminded her that she is missing the point of what I was telling her and she needs focus!!!

I was listening to one of Mark Driscoll's sermons on marriage and the first thing he said that you should be looking for a Christian spouse. This is part of being obedient to God and of course anything that God requires of us is always for our good. A man who is not a Christian can not love you with Christlike love-love that is unconditional, pure and selfless. But it definitely is hard seeing all these men who are appear to have a lot going on for them who we have to reject and move on relationship wise. We want men who have a lot going on for them in God's view-A God fearing man who seeks to please God and his perfect will/purpose. A man who lives to give God glory and honor and all he does.

 

[aribell]

So I'm feeling sad and convicted. Sad because in the last 2 weeks or so I've had to tell 4 different men (3 friends, 1 someone new) that I couldn't pursue a relationship with them because they are unbelievers. All 4 of these men are motivated and driven career men whether working towards advanced degrees or just doing it big at their present job, but not one of them is a follower of Christ. Then I go back to my school for a conference this past weekend where I meet the 4th man as well as see many successful black males of different ages and such who all are doing well for themselves and it just makes me mad because they are either married, engaged, or just not Christian men. I have lots of time to think as I ride in the car and just get mad and upset that there aren't any of this type (successful, motivated, handsome, tall) men but God-fearing in my immediate community (church).

It really had me feeling convicted because I was thinking if I wasn't a Christian I could find one of these types of men, but then what kind of marriage would I have since God wasn't in the equation other than the ceremony. Then just the attention you get from these men that make you feel special and just plain womanly, which is refreshing for someone like me who wears scrubs 4 days a week and works with only 2 men (both are homosexual) and works mostly weekends so you can't make many professional functions and you are supposed to not encourage your brothers in Christ to stumble so you can't wear something that is too womanly. I know we are to trust in the Lord to provide for all your needs, but this really had me tripping. I mean I just burst into tears thinking how I am "ye of little faith" and am living in my flesh and not in the spirit. I guess it's easy to live for God especially as a single woman when you aren't tested in your faith. I really do feel like I'm the only one at times. That my friends have it together when it comes to this whole Christian singleness.

I've had very similar experiences and thoughts.

The Lord understands your sacrifice. Luke's gospel says, "...Peter said, 'See, we have left all and followed You.' So He said to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life." (Luke 18:28,29)

We do walk a road of sacrifice with the Lord and sometimes have to walk away from things that we would have otherwise had. But God does understand, He sees it and notes it, and promises that not only will you receive a reward in heaven, but you will also receive many times more in this present time. And he said there was no one who has sacrificed for the Kingdom who would not be rewarded both today and in the life to come.

Does this mean husbands for everyone? I think it means abundance of community, of love, affection and support. As the Psalmist says, "The Lord sets the solitary in families." (Psalm 68:6) He will be faithful to do just that.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

^^^^ Wow you seem so deep in you walk the fact you can even see certain things.I wonder why some like yourself can be so deep in the Lord but can't get the mate you deserve.I understand someone like me who isn't deep in God (love/hate)relationship at times not being able to get looked at in a way that is appealing at all by any man..esp not a man of God..

Honestly I am not even a year old in my walk. I just had a lot of time to think about what was going on. I have been struggling with finding a balance in my own walk with being able to have fun but not step outside of my walk with the Lord. What has helped with this is my disciple group. It has really helped me focus on my walk with the Lord and help me deal with these types of problems and how i need to evaluate them and put them before the Lord.

I want a man of God but I did have a life before coming to know Christ. A lot of my male friends are from that point since I just moved to where I am now. Since it's not appropriate to just go up and start convos with males esp in the church I don't have many, if any Christian men I hang out with even in social situations. Since my Church is majority college age students and young "professionals" (not many are actually professional) it is a good environment of people who love the Lord. However many of the men (& women) in my church are unemployed or not in career jobs, which is frustrating to someone like me who has a professional degree and wants someone who is motivated and financially stable. I do pray that the Lord plants in my heart acceptance of any man no matter what is lot in life as long as he can be a biblical man who will love the Lord and provide for his family.

 

[misstobz]

Honestly I am not even a year old in my walk. I just had a lot of time to think about what was going on. I have been struggling with finding a balance in my own walk with being able to have fun but not step outside of my walk with the Lord. What has helped with this is my disciple group. It has really helped me focus on my walk with the Lord and help me deal with these types of problems and how i need to evaluate them and put them before the Lord.

I want a man of God but I did have a life before coming to know Christ. A lot of my male friends are from that point since I just moved to where I am now. Since it's not appropriate to just go up and start convos with males esp in the church I don't have many, if any Christian men I hang out with even in social situations. Since my Church is majority college age students and young "professionals" (not many are actually professional) it is a good environment of people who love the Lord. However many of the men (& women) in my church are unemployed or not in career jobs, which is frustrating to someone like me who has a professional degree and wants someone who is motivated and financially stable. I do pray that the Lord plants in my heart acceptance of any man no matter what is lot in life as long as he can be a biblical man who will love the Lord and provide for his family.

From reading your post I wouldn't have thought you are less than a year in your walk. God definitely has his hand on you .

 

[Natural Love]

Hi everyone,

I need to vent a little.

For several months, it has been hard for me not to think about my celibacy. For the past weeks, I felt better because I was determined not to think about it. By praying, I managed to recover my confidence and my patience and I have to admit that when I try to stay closer to God I feel so much better.

But, those past days have been hard for me. I don't know for you in the US but I comming from the french west indies and there, people usually celebrate their union during summer (july or august). So since a couple of weeks, several friends that are my age announced their wedding for this summer. I am so ashamed to admit that it hurt me so bad.
I mean that as I am happy for them, I am also soooo jealous (I can't help it). We are all the same age and everything seems to be so easy for them, and me I am here with nothing, not even a "suitor". I don't know how to explain it but I feel that all the efforts that I make to be a good christian, a good woman in general are vain because at the end, everybody finaly find someone and I am alone. I am not as happy as I want for my friends because it hurt me so much that I am still waiting for my turn.

I cant stop making comparisons, I know that I must stop but... I can't help but keep on doing it. For exemple, I have this friend who is about to celebrate her wedding by the end of this year. She was the kind of girl that "burns the candle at both ends", she was doing things that a woman shouldn't do (christian or not). Then recently she accepted god in her life and she found her husband. When I think about it, I have to admit that I think it's a little unfair (I know this sound so childish but that's the way it is). I have never be the one that have a "crazy" life, that go with guys... but I end up to be the one that have to wait for everything.

Sometime I try to go ahead but now I feel really desperate, a forgotten one. I am used to fight for everything I want in my life because it has always been like this. But I whish it could be easier for me to find someone (or I must say that I wish it could be easier for my husband to find me). I don't know if I am strong enought to fight for that one and be more patient.

Last week, I was with some schoolmates for my graduation day and there was this guy that I like. He was talking to me and another friend (a girl). He told her that she seems to be the kind of girl that like to go to parties, draw the attention on her and bla bla bla. And then he looked at me and he said that I am "a wise girl". I know that he wasn't thinking bad when he said this but it hurted me 'cause everybody think the same about me and I think that's why I am still a single lady.

I don't like to talk about this with friends because they always say that I am only 25 and one day will come and bla bla bla. I know that I have to be patient but it's hard when no one seems to be interested in me.

Just wanted to complain!

Milaydy

I can sooooo relate to this today and yesterday and last week. I have a friend who has found love (and she is so happy; they are talking about marriage), another friend who got married this oast weekend, another co-worker who is planning her wedding and 2 girlfriends whose exes made all the appropriate changes to be with them and a girlfriend who signed up with a dating website who is getting all the attention. As for me.....nothing, nothing at all. It is a very trying time. My bf left and never looked back. My ex husband is with a woman who makes him miserable but he stays with her because "she loves him." I guess my love wasn't good enough for him to stay with me, even after we had a child and bought a home. I honestly feel as if I am no longer loveable, desirable and that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. The other day I just had a melt down but how can you talk to your friends about you being alone when they have their men tripping all over them to make sure that they have everything that they need/want. It does seem unfair and I am trying (Lord knows that I am) to keep the faith that God has something for me that I will be beyond my wildest dreams.

I need some motivation.....

 

[southernstyle]

I can sooooo relate to this today and yesterday and last week. I have a friend who has found love (and she is so happy; they are talking about marriage), another friend who got married this oast weekend, another co-worker who is planning her wedding and 2 girlfriends whose exes made all the appropriate changes to be with them and a girlfriend who signed up with a dating website who is getting all the attention. As for me.....nothing, nothing at all. It is a very trying time. My bf left and never looked back. My ex husband is with a woman who makes him miserable but he stays with her because "she loves him." I guess my love wasn't good enough for him to stay with me, even after we had a child and bought a home. I honestly feel as if I am no longer loveable, desirable and that I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. The other day I just had a melt down but how can you talk to your friends about you being alone when they have their men tripping all over them to make sure that they have everything that they need/want. It does seem unfair and I am trying (Lord knows that I am) to keep the faith that God has something for me that I will be beyond my wildest dreams.

I need some motivation.....

Hello Natural Love,

I read the above, I immediately said a prayer for you. I've been where you are. I'm in a relationship for the first time in over a decade (please don't let THAT make you sad, this was needed for my journey; our walks are all different). I just want to encourage you to hold on; our Father does know and want what's best for us, and He'll grant it to us in His perfect timing. Talking from experience, it IS difficult when we see love surrounding us and we're without. While yes we're happy for our friends, it does make us more aware of our deep desires. During those times for me I was just always there for my friends encouraging them as best I could while continuing to hold on and and believe God that if it was His will then there would be love for me too in His timing. Natural Love, I would encourage you to hold on. God will come through for you, and when He does, it will be worth the wait (I'm can attest to this too)! I would encourage you to take this time to draw closer to God to really allow Him to fill those unmet desires as only He can. God does has someone that he is preparing just for you (and He is preparing you just for him) and in His perfect timing you two will be presented to one another. In the meantime we're all here to encourage you!

 

[mz tracy 25]

Hello everyone. I'm so glad to see a network of single christian sistas like myself. I will continously keep all of you in my prayers and I pray that you do the same for me.

 

[dr.j]

What God has for you, it is for you

 

[loolalooh]

Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some. I need to reread it all this weekend. Here's where my mind is at right now:

CHECKING IN:
*Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer. I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened. I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word. It is not my time and I am at peace with that. I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.

*Turning away men who are not for me according to God. I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past. However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion. At first I thought it a stupid move. But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me. He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody). Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now. He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.

 

[phynestone]

Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some. I need to reread it all this weekend. Here's where my mind is at right now:

CHECKING IN:
*Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer. I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened. I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word. It is not my time and I am at peace with that. I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.

*Turning away men who are not for me according to God. I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past. However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion. At first I thought it a stupid move. But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me. He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody). Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now. He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.

Sometimes I struggle with this as well. I have done things "of the world" b/c it's been popular, so many do it, but my spirit just doesn't have peace about it. So I've learned to stop. Glad you paid attention.

 

[misstobz]

Wow, much of what's been said in the last couple of posts resonates with what I am feeling + some. I need to reread it all this weekend. Here's where my mind is at right now:

CHECKING IN:
*Annoyance with the "wedding season" coming up this summer. I know of at least 2 weddings coming up and 1 that just happened. I'm handling it okay, though; the annoyance isn't overtaking me so long as I stay in the Word. It is not my time and I am at peace with that. I just have to stay strong and focus on the bigger picture -- strengthening my relationship with God so that I can better serve Him.

*Turning away men who are not for me according to God. I went to a speed dating event last Friday and met a lot of guys, two of which I would've given the time of day in the past. However, my spirit didn't feel right, so I let these guys go into oblivion. At first I thought it a stupid move. But then I was at peace because my decision was rooted in what God wants for me. He does NOT want me to pursue my husband at a speed dating event (no offense to anybody). Moreover, He does not want me to meet my husband now. He wants me to increase my absorption of the Word and catch up.

If you dont mind me asking how did you come to this conclusion?

 

[southernstyle]

Hello everyone. I'm so glad to see a network of single christian sistas like myself. I will continously keep all of you in my prayers and I pray that you do the same for me.

Thanks, mz tracy 25,

it's wonderful knowing that there are people out there praying for me, and I will continue to keep you all in my prayers as well

 

[loolalooh]

If you dont mind me asking how did you come to this conclusion?

It's hard to say. I just felt it in my spirit. Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me. The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will. Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband. Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me. It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone. My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.

I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc. I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday. But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.). I think it has more so to do with my history with God. I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating. I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.

Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb. A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first. We'll see.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

It's hard to say. I just felt it in my spirit. Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me. The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will. Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband. Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me. It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone. My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.

I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc. I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday. But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.). I think it has more so to do with my history with God. I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating. I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.

Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb. A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first. We'll see.

I understand what you are saying. But to be honest, very few people know how God intends for them to meet their mate if they are destined to have a mate. I don't think you should view the accident in a bad light. It's not like you were being disobedient. There is no harm in going to a speed dating event just to have fun.

 

[Nicole9]

I think we all feel somewhat discouraged at times, but we all have to remember to keep our faith in God. He would not have put such a strong desire in our hearts if he was not going to fill it. Psalms 37:4 says "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart". I know my brother just got engaged and even though he is five years older me, I did feel a pand of jealousy. I had to repent and remember my time will come. Hang in there everybody!

 

[misstobz]

It's hard to say. I just felt it in my spirit. Speed dating isn't a bad thing, but I felt like it wasn't the right thing for me. The whole time I was at the speed dating event I felt like I was out of His will. Like that was not the way He intended me to meet my future husband. Then after the event, as I was driving home, someone rear-ended me. It made me wonder if that was God knocking on me ... telling me I shouldn't have gone. My last car accident was definitely the result of me stepping outside of God's will ... so I immediately wondered if this was yet another instance.

I haven't figured that out yet, but I just keep praying for God to draw me closer to Him, for spiritual discernment, etc. I know I can't expect my future husband to find me if I'm either at home or work all day everyday. But at the same time, I do feel in my bone that I am not supposed to meet him via certain means (e.g., speed dating, etc.). I think it has more so to do with my history with God. I have never left it up to Him when it came to dating. I have never trusted Him and have always been worried, especially given the "worldly" stats.

Now I want to leave it up to Him and it seems that involves kicking some of my "I'm in control of this" methods to the curb. A picture comes to my mind of me and my future husband meeting as friends first. We'll see.

Thanks for expanding on this. I just wanted to know how God was communicating to you. I have to come to understand that having a strong intimate relationship with Him including a pure heart and mind is key.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

here is a song that touched my heart the first time I heard it: The One He Kept For Me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sE40VAIpfI

 

[Natural Love]

Hello Natural Love,

I read the above, I immediately said a prayer for you. I've been where you are. I'm in a relationship for the first time in over a decade (please don't let THAT make you sad, this was needed for my journey; our walks are all different). I just want to encourage you to hold on; our Father does know and want what's best for us, and He'll grant it to us in His perfect timing. Talking from experience, it IS difficult when we see love surrounding us and we're without. While yes we're happy for our friends, it does make us more aware of our deep desires. During those times for me I was just always there for my friends encouraging them as best I could while continuing to hold on and and believe God that if it was His will then there would be love for me too in His timing. Natural Love, I would encourage you to hold on. God will come through for you, and when He does, it will be worth the wait (I'm can attest to this too)! I would encourage you to take this time to draw closer to God to really allow Him to fill those unmet desires as only He can. God does has someone that he is preparing just for you (and He is preparing you just for him) and in His perfect timing you two will be presented to one another. In the meantime we're all here to encourage you!

Thank you so much for this. I know that God's will is best. Speaking from past experiences when I 'helped' God out by finding my own mate, I ended up in a worse predicament than if I had just stayed single. I pray and am there for my friends and stay busy for when they are out with their men. But like you said, it can be a challenge. I need to pray for patience during this time because that's where I feel I am lacking. If I had patience, then it probably wouldn't bother me as much being alone during this time.

I will continue to pray for all of you, too.

God bless.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I think we all feel somewhat discouraged at times, but we all have to remember to keep our faith in God. He would not have put such a strong desire in our hearts if he was not going to fill it. Psalms 37:4 says "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart". I

I think the best way to avoid being discouraged is to not focus on it. My mother always said a watched pot never boils. I have to agree. Sometimes I think we place a different priority on our desires than what God has placed.

 

[julzinha]

I just had a GREAT! talk with a friend today about relationships in terms of Christianity. I have never had a boyfriend and am abstinent. And I always wondered why I was never presented with the opportunity for a relationship and as I talked to her about things like emotional baggage and being boy crazed and letting relationships take all of your time and especially being in a relationship where you know you will not marry the person, I began to realize that I am actually very grateful and happy to have yet to be in a relationship.

I feel like I have been able to concentrate on so many other things, but also observe the relationships around me and in high school, I saw girls dumbing themselves down because of guys, letting a relationship take up all their time when they should be studying, and letting a boy determine their self worth. And now at almost 19, I feel like I really did not need that in high school and my friend was telling me that she really wish she would have made better choices in terms of relationships. And she compiled a list of all the things she wants in a man so she knows she is not settling in terms of men. My other close friend has constantly told me that when the time is right it will happen and I always want the time to be now, but it doesn't work like that. But from being single for so long I feel like I have so much self worth and the last thing I would do is settle for less than I deserve. When it is time for me to be in love and have a husband, i will come ready and baggage free and ready for a real commitment. And at 18, hey I have time, I should enjoy myself. God knows when the time is right, if I have been single this long, what is a little longer.