Single Christian Women's Support Thread

I see a few people were interested in the book discussion. I will try and pull something together and either post here or start a new thread. Thanks :yep:
Belle Du Jour- I am also interested in this...please keep me posted

I John 5:14-15 And we have this confidence in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours.

Psalm 62:8-9 My deliverance and honor are with God, my strong rock; my refuge is with God. Trust God at all times my people! Pour out your hearts to God our refuge.

*ETA: the words I bolded jumped out at me

Here are the rest of the myths from the same blog that Christian singles must resist:

Myth #1 Other people are getting away with sin/sex is Consequence-free

Myth #2 God has forgotten about me

Myth #3 Something is wrong with me

Myth #4 Men/Women are defective

Myth #5 Attraction is Physical

Myth #6 I Am Too Picky

Myth #7 I Can Change Him/Her

Satan is a liar. She will go through each of these weekly or biweekly. :yep:

Had to quote the above because Thanks just didnt seem like enough:yep:
 
I think the prayer line is a great idea and am interested too. :yep:

I know it's getting old, but don't give up. Hold fast to your dreams of your husband and "chocolate dot" :) I mean, I don't have any other wisdom or insight because it's day by day for me too. Just get the encouragement where you can and do everything you can to stay in line with God's word. That's the best place you can be. I believe that even if my dream never manifests, the world has NOTHING to offer me that I would want more than Jesus. Nothing. As you are experiencing, these secular men aren't worth it, not even a little. :nono:


I will see if I can get a line set up for the prayer/chat line. My thoughts were prayer to start and end then in the middle actually chat about things that we are going through and include scripture. I find actually being able to talk helps alot. No more than 1hr or little over once a week. It can help keep us all accountable. I would like to do it in the New Year.

I am trying my best to stay focused on making myself better and also growing. It will all make sense one day.
 
I think the prayer line is a great idea and am interested too. :yep:

I know it's getting old, but don't give up. Hold fast to your dreams of your husband and "chocolate dot" :) I mean, I don't have any other wisdom or insight because it's day by day for me too. Just get the encouragement where you can and do everything you can to stay in line with God's word. That's the best place you can be. I believe that even if my dream never manifests, the world has NOTHING to offer me that I would want more than Jesus. Nothing. As you are experiencing, these secular men aren't worth it, not even a little. :nono:

Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.
 
Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.

Her veil theory makes a lot of sense to me. Leslie Ludy also talks about being "set apart" for your future spouse but more importantly for Jesus Christ. Although I'm not an attention seeker in general, I think it's natural to want your looks, personality, etc to be validated, usually by the opposite sex. I guess when the right man comes along (or maybe even a few counterfeits along the way who aren't the one), he will see what all the others couldn't before.

Ringing in NYE in Paris sounds lovely. :yep: This will be the first year in probably forever that I am not making any resolutions or "declaring" that "this is my year for love" because I have surrendered that area to God and it isn't for me to say when it's time.
 
Don't quote me on this, but I keep hearing in my spirit (or head) that I won't meet my future husband until two years from now. Sometimes I hear from God correctly, and sometimes I don't. It's a work in progress, but I keep on hearing two years. Even now, I just left the "Please Share How God Answered Your Marriage Prayers" thread and read a testimony from a woman who went on a 2-year dating sabbatical before meeting her husband. I really feel like that is what I'm called to do (even before reading her story).

There's a lot of purging that I need to do. It's not necessarily so that I can "prepare" for my future husband, should I be blessed with one. It is more so that I can "remove" the buildup and "fix" the damage from all the previous dating that I have done. I am really filthified (just made up that word) ... more than I thought. Even if I don't get married in this life, this purging will help me be a better, stronger, more grounded, more PURE person.

Also, I've put reading "Finally the Bride" on hold to finish reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". It just seems like a more logical step for me to read that latter first. Also, I need to return the latter to my acquaintance soon; I own the former on Kindle.

What sticks out to me from the book so far are the differences in dating God's way vs. the world's way AND loving someone God's way vs. the world's way. Though the book essentially discusses the topic of dating for marriage, which is something many of us already know and are possibly already practicing, the way the author marries it with various Scriptures and insight is refreshing. The book delves WAY beyond saving oneself (i.e., one's body) for marriage. There's discussion on how we hurt others if we date selfishly (i.e., we are not displaying the LOVE of Christ), on awakening intimacy and emotions before commitment, on wasting valuable time we could be using to develop spiritually and serve the Lord, on the real meaning of LOVE (i.e., God's love), and MORE. I really like the read so far. Granted, I'm barely halfway through the book, so there might be more than what I've already discussed ... including more than dating for marriage.

Officially quoting myself on this ...

I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical. (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)

I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years. Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually. I'm starting today. No more dates.
 
Yup that's what it is for me too. After reading what was written on the blog you posted yesterday about 'why he hasn't called you' and praying about it this morning I had a lightbulb moment: the blogger says that the reason why other men are not into you is because you are 'veiled' and only the one who is intended for you will see past that 'veil'. And then it got me thinking: where does my confidence come from? How do I assert that I am attractive? Well up until now it was based on how other men responded to my looks and persona, I say no more of this. And I get what you're saying GoddessMaker, I've been single for nearly 7 years aswell, I no longer dare say it to others but I've decided to enjoy my life. Not that I didn't do so before, I did, but I stopped about three years ago. Got all caught up in the 'when will it happen for me' ordeal, NO MORE! I plan to spend more time here, work on not falling for men or dating them (hard one) and enjoy myself. Already planned to spend NYE with Him in Paris, journaling and praying.

Love the Paris idea with Him! :)
 
Officially quoting myself on this ...

I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical. (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)

I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years. Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually. I'm starting today. No more dates.

Follow what the spirit is telling you. I know someone who felt God was asking her to give up this dream for THREE years. She was like :nono: She was in her late 20s at the time and as we all know, the world says a woman is past her expiration date over 30 so taking herself out of the dating game for 3 years would be a foolish and risky move to everyone else. :rolleyes: Anyway, she finally decided to heed what she was hearing. Well, literally after 3 years on the DOT, she met her future husband. He proposed in 8 months and they married 4 months after that. One year and a few months later, they had a son. God's timing is PERFECT! I have not heard such a timeline for myself. What I hear tends to be "soon" or in the past I have felt "he's coming" but we all know God's idea of soon could be many many years. :look: Just ask Abraham :lol:
 
Follow what the spirit is telling you. I know someone who felt God was asking her to give up this dream for THREE years. She was like :nono: She was in her late 20s at the time and as we all know, the world says a woman is past her expiration date over 30 so taking herself out of the dating game for 3 years would be a foolish and risky move to everyone else. :rolleyes: Anyway, she finally decided to heed what she was hearing. Well, literally after 3 years on the DOT, she met her future husband. He proposed in 8 months and they married 4 months after that. One year and a few months later, they had a son. God's timing is PERFECT! I have not heard such a timeline for myself. What I hear tends to be "soon" or in the past I have felt "he's coming" but we all know God's idea of soon could be many many years. :look: Just ask Abraham :lol:

LOVE this!! Thank you for sharing. And oh how I remember Abraham and Sarah's story. :lol:

Also, thank you for encouraging us all in this thread, Belle Du Jour! I really appreciate each and every one of your posts.
 
Officially quoting myself on this ...

I'm officially beginning a 1-year dating sabbatical. (It may later extend to 2 years, but right now, I feel called to do 1 year at the minimum.)

I am not going into this with expectations of meeting my husband after 1 or 2 years. Rather, I'm going into it for purging and to refocus myself spiritually. I'm starting today. No more dates.

This is great. I too made myself the commitment of not even thinking about dating until 2014. And that was before I came in here and saw your post. I felt the need to step back and focus on myself and my walk.
 
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This is great. I too made myself the commitment of not even thinking about dating until 2014. And that was before I came in here and saw your post. I felt the need to step back and focus on myself and my walk.

Oh wow! That's amazing. May the Lord help us to use this time wisely. I'm glad I won't be doing this on my own. :)
 
So the day after I begin my dating sabbatical, I get invited on a pseudo-date. Satan works fast.

Sigh.

Happened to me also. Turned them down. It's actually a huge relief to take this break. I was hesitant at first as I'm in my mid 30's, but I got over it. Now I'm happy for the freedom and break.
 
I'm right along with you all. No dating in 2013. I actually decided this in late August of this year, but I ended up back with my ex. We moved in together two months ago, and since then it has been a lot of fights, arguments, me moving out and in, and me feeling like I was settling, and doing things that wasn't of my character (weed, cigarettes, and too much alcohol). It was just a mess. We had our good times, but most of the time I was doubting the relationship. I guess sometimes we as women choose to be with Mr. Right Now, instead of Mr. Right.

Before I got back together with him, God told me not to. Twice. He told me that the little arguments that we had would only grow bigger and more aggresive (which they did) and that I shouldn't be unequally yoked with a nonbeliever (he's a non-practicing muslim). Another major factor is that he cannot provide for me, let alone himself. So many red flags was there. But I liked the feeling of being in love, and being with someone who I felt needed me, and possibly loved me more than he loved himself. Those are two very dangerous qualities because that means that person has nothing to lose..you become their everything. And if you decide to walk away, it can be dangerous.

After a lot of thinking and praying, I finally packed all my things, and moved back home today. I feel so free. I have yet to tell him that it's officially over because I wanted as little drama as possible while I packed up. I plan on telling him by phone in a couple of days. So ladies..it is sooo much better to wait for that man of God, your husband, than to be with someone just because and go through uneccessary drama. It's not worth it. It's a waste of your time and energy.

Single in 2013!! Looking forward to getting to know me better, and doing my Master's will.
 
I'm going to do a self-guided retreat in a couple weeks using this book:
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I feel like I need some answers/clearer direction in this area of my life, but I have some decisions in other areas coming on the horizon in 2013 so I need guidance overall. I know there is no guarantee I'll hear from God directly, but I guess asking is better than not asking.

"The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you." Kari Jobe
 
From blog 6 stone jars:

How Finding Love is Like Going to a Garage Sale

…from a distance it looks like it could be interesting, but up close, it’s just a ton of crap you don’t need.

These are the words from something I found on Pinterest, minus the profanity (though you have to admit, it’s the right choice of word). I laughed, of course, at first because I can totally relate to the garage sale concept of spending a lot of time rummaging through stuff in hopes of finding something interesting, but typically ending up wasting time over stuff you really don’t need.

What makes us laugh even more is the feeling behind this sentiment when it comes to dating. Who can’t relate to having the feeling of “I don’t need this in my life” or “Why should I put up with this crap?”

Funny thing about garages sales, though. Every once in awhile, you come across a real treasure among that rubble. Something the owner decided was no value to them, but you’ve been searching for a long time. And the more garage sales you go to, the more likely your chances of finding something very valuable.

We all want a good deal. We all want to discover something really special that no one else has. Many will tell you that finding a good deal and discovering something no one else has means making the effort and exhausting all possibilities to make it happen.

Many feel this way about finding love and getting married; that it takes getting out there to a lot of garage sales and exhausting all your opportunities if it’s going to happen at all.

I completely agree that men and women must make the effort to get out there. But finding a good deal and discovering love is so much more about God’s hand than it is our effort. I’ve said before: love is a mystery. It cannot be determined by us.

Because God is love, finding someone special and falling in love is, in a very mysterious and intangible way, about two people moved by God Himself toward each other, sometimes without even realizing it or understanding why.

We are not items at a garage sale that we notice and say “Ah ha! You are the love of my life. I’ve been looking for you at every garage sale imaginable, and now you’re mine.” It doesn’t work that way.

For many couples, love happens, rather than it is found after searching. When we are hunting for love, very rarely do we find what we’re looking for. The treasures people discover at garage sales are the product of luck, not determination. God allowed them to find it for some unknown reason. Why they found it, rather than someone else, cannot be answered. It certainly cannot be attributed to determination or the will to find it.

It’s like lottery tickets. Some people are so desperate to win that they spend hundreds of dollars on tickets because they believe it increases their chances. Then they find out someone who bought just one ticket for the heck of it wins the lottery, and they’re thrown into angry disbelief.

The expression “lucky in love” is kind of good. Luck is where our efforts meet God’s generosity. You don’t get what God wants to give unless you make some effort. But effort, in this sense, is not determination to achieve. It’s simply a normal pursuit of living life to the fullest as the person we are created to be. God has a way of providing for our every need. That includes getting lucky in love.

Love happens as we live life normally and without trying to force relationships or putting the pressure on ourselves and others to get married. Love happens when we least expect it because we are busy living a healthy, happy, productive life.

Yes, we need to get into environments that make sense to meet quality single men and women so God is able to influence the people who enter into our life. We cannot just sit at home doing nothing, nor can we be loners and anti-social. We have to increase our social skills, if needed, and persevere in motivation and effort to be social.

We cannot decide how God is to work in bring love into our lives. We must be open to however God wants it to happen, and be observant about the people who come along in our everyday life. You just never know when that person will come along.

Whatever your approach, you’re not going to avoid dealing with things you’re rather not deal with. Love between two persons joyfully and willingly deals with the rough spots that can easily be interpreted as crap you don’t need. You might not need it, but the person you love needs you to work with them through it, just as you need them to work with you.
 
From blog 6 stone jars:

How Finding Love is Like Going to a Garage Sale

…from a distance it looks like it could be interesting, but up close, it’s just a ton of crap you don’t need.

These are the words from something I found on Pinterest, minus the profanity (though you have to admit, it’s the right choice of word). I laughed, of course, at first because I can totally relate to the garage sale concept of spending a lot of time rummaging through stuff in hopes of finding something interesting, but typically ending up wasting time over stuff you really don’t need.

What makes us laugh even more is the feeling behind this sentiment when it comes to dating. Who can’t relate to having the feeling of “I don’t need this in my life” or “Why should I put up with this crap?”

Funny thing about garages sales, though. Every once in awhile, you come across a real treasure among that rubble. Something the owner decided was no value to them, but you’ve been searching for a long time. And the more garage sales you go to, the more likely your chances of finding something very valuable.

We all want a good deal. We all want to discover something really special that no one else has. Many will tell you that finding a good deal and discovering something no one else has means making the effort and exhausting all possibilities to make it happen.

Many feel this way about finding love and getting married; that it takes getting out there to a lot of garage sales and exhausting all your opportunities if it’s going to happen at all.

I completely agree that men and women must make the effort to get out there. But finding a good deal and discovering love is so much more about God’s hand than it is our effort. I’ve said before: love is a mystery. It cannot be determined by us.

Because God is love, finding someone special and falling in love is, in a very mysterious and intangible way, about two people moved by God Himself toward each other, sometimes without even realizing it or understanding why.

We are not items at a garage sale that we notice and say “Ah ha! You are the love of my life. I’ve been looking for you at every garage sale imaginable, and now you’re mine.” It doesn’t work that way.

For many couples, love happens, rather than it is found after searching. When we are hunting for love, very rarely do we find what we’re looking for. The treasures people discover at garage sales are the product of luck, not determination. God allowed them to find it for some unknown reason. Why they found it, rather than someone else, cannot be answered. It certainly cannot be attributed to determination or the will to find it.

It’s like lottery tickets. Some people are so desperate to win that they spend hundreds of dollars on tickets because they believe it increases their chances. Then they find out someone who bought just one ticket for the heck of it wins the lottery, and they’re thrown into angry disbelief.

The expression “lucky in love” is kind of good. Luck is where our efforts meet God’s generosity. You don’t get what God wants to give unless you make some effort. But effort, in this sense, is not determination to achieve. It’s simply a normal pursuit of living life to the fullest as the person we are created to be. God has a way of providing for our every need. That includes getting lucky in love.

Love happens as we live life normally and without trying to force relationships or putting the pressure on ourselves and others to get married. Love happens when we least expect it because we are busy living a healthy, happy, productive life.

Yes, we need to get into environments that make sense to meet quality single men and women so God is able to influence the people who enter into our life. We cannot just sit at home doing nothing, nor can we be loners and anti-social. We have to increase our social skills, if needed, and persevere in motivation and effort to be social.

We cannot decide how God is to work in bring love into our lives. We must be open to however God wants it to happen, and be observant about the people who come along in our everyday life. You just never know when that person will come along.

Whatever your approach, you’re not going to avoid dealing with things you’re rather not deal with. Love between two persons joyfully and willingly deals with the rough spots that can easily be interpreted as crap you don’t need. You might not need it, but the person you love needs you to work with them through it, just as you need them to work with you.

The bolded is what I've come to believe now and it has helped me in how I view things.

Thank you! I'm seeing a lot of good Christian blogs out there that are championing good old family values, chastity, etc. :yep:

Yes me too and I love it!
 
Hello everyone...I kind of forgot about this thread. So I stopped dating throughout my early 20s... Basically four years to just focus on my career and God and NO ONE new came along, just guys from my past who would be present here and there, and we just would waste each other's time. Thought I was ready to date and have been since September and some things that I thought I had dealt with over those 4 years came back up. I'm like God are you serious? I'm still dealing with this and that? What were those lonely years for? At the end of the day, I feel like I want security even more than love. But I need to realize that I am already secure in Christ alone. It's just kind of hard. Its also hard when literally almost everyone you work with has had the flow of career marriage children so seemingly effortlessly (although you never know one's story) it's just like ugh. Lol. There's my little vent. God is still good regardless, that's what I have to tell myself.
 
I think Christians need to understand sexuality from God's perspective, which is radically different from what the world teaches. However, the puritanical view of sex is an extreme in the opposite direction and just as wrong. I highly recommend reading Theology of the Body or one of the books that breaks it down (I'm reading Christopher West's TOB For Beginners) because it really gives you a clearer understanding of why sex is good but only in the context of marriage. People really don't understand what they are doing when they sleep with so many different people and it goes beyong STDs, risk of pregnancy, etc. There is a spiritual dimension to sex and most people are blissfully (no pun intended) unaware of it.
 
Okay ladies, something strange is going on. Over the past 2 weeks at least 3 friends and a couple folks I don't know well have claimed I am going to meet "the one" in 2013. One person (who I just met) had the nerve to actually predict the exact week. :lol: It's funny because I'm not even discussing marriage with these people but they're going out of their way to share their thoughts with me. I'm not trying to read into it too much but it is a funny coincidence.

I was in a relationship a few months ago and it got pretty serious, but after I called it quits I've been kinda nonchalant about the whole dating thing. It would be nice but I'm certainly not stressed about it.
 
A quick reminder to guard your heart: I have a Congolese co-worker with whom I get along great. During my leave of absence earlier this year I went to visit her at her place and she kept telling me about an Angolan man who had been having problems with his wife (with whom he has two children) and was ready to leave her. She said this man was ready to get in another relationship with somebody else as he was tired of the way his wife treats him. My co-worker was pushing this man on me, saying he is a good guy, Christian, makes a good living,...etc. My radar went off, I was like: he's ready to get into another relationship this fast? And she was like: yeah, he doesn't like being alone, he's not used to that anymore. A few weeks after that I was again at my co-worker's place and this Angolan friend was there too, so he was like: I would like to get to know you better,...etc. I was like: aren't you married? He said no I'm single. I was like: :ohwell:. Now the red flag in this case is very adamant, nonetheless if this was back in the days, naive as I was, I would've probably invested emotionally in this guy, like: someone actually is interested in me, yay me. Not now though. Fast forward to today and this Angolan friend of hers is back with his wife, my co-worker told me about it (several times actually) and I just could not care less. The lesson I got from this is twofold: guard your heart from so called friends who are trying to set you up too. This co-worker of mine thinks that any woman without a man must be miserable, that's just not the school of thought I ascribe to. So she tried to set me up with a married man who in her eyes is a good man but certainly not to me. I want a man without children to begin with...
 
A quick reminder to guard your heart: I have a Congolese co-worker with whom I get along great. During my leave of absence earlier this year I went to visit her at her place and she kept telling me about an Angolan man who had been having problems with his wife (with whom he has two children) and was ready to leave her. She said this man was ready to get in another relationship with somebody else as he was tired of the way his wife treats him. My co-worker was pushing this man on me, saying he is a good guy, Christian, makes a good living,...etc. My radar went off, I was like: he's ready to get into another relationship this fast? And she was like: yeah, he doesn't like being alone, he's not used to that anymore. A few weeks after that I was again at my co-worker's place and this Angolan friend was there too, so he was like: I would like to get to know you better,...etc. I was like: aren't you married? He said no I'm single. I was like: :ohwell:. Now the red flag in this case is very adamant, nonetheless if this was back in the days, naive as I was, I would've probably invested emotionally in this guy, like: someone actually is interested in me, yay me. Not now though. Fast forward to today and this Angolan friend of hers is back with his wife, my co-worker told me about it (several times actually) and I just could not care less. The lesson I got from this is twofold: guard your heart from so called friends who are trying to set you up too. This co-worker of mine thinks that any woman without a man must be miserable, that's just not the school of thought I ascribe to. So she tried to set me up with a married man who in her eyes is a good man but certainly not to me. I want a man without children to begin with...

:nono: So she really thought this married man was a good catch for you? SMH. Guarding your heart is so important because friends and families unwittingly step on your dreams. Also, saying you're "allowing God to choose" is such a foreign concept for many people. I just keep my business to myself. Some friends will set you up with quality guys, though. So it may not be a bad idea to let people know you're ready to be found. :grin:

Now, I was reading something in the Ludy book about involving your family and I agree with that up to a point. I mean, maybe if you're young (20s or younger) then you need a very traditional courting relationship where the families meet, and the dad approves, etc. At my age, "ain't nobody got time for alla dat." :lachen: I also don't believe in just bringing random dudes home to mom. Nope, if I bring someone home, she will know it's serious. Sorry, I went off on a tangent. . .:look:
 
My dating sabbatical is going okay, but today I wished I had my own family (i.e., my own hubby and children) to stay with for the Holidays. Just relax and enjoy the time.

Usually, I go home (i.e., to my parents) during this time, and I actually wouldn't mind it so much if it was just them. However, one of my sisters is there and she is "drama" right now. Like serious drama. To be around her would be bad for my spirit (and I seriously mean that).

It would be nice to have an alternative for the Holidays. I really don't want to spend it by myself (or with strangers), but it might have to be that way. I'll see if she calms down before I head home.
 
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