Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[phynestone]

^^^^^That tells you everything you need to know. There will be someone else better for you.

 

[luthiengirlie]

^^^^^That tells you everything you need to know. There will be someone else better for you.

you're right

 

[momi]

I admit. I am noticing something. The closer I grow to Adonai, Men treat me diffrently. I'm meeting a diffrent caliber of men. Men who love Adonai, Men who are respectful and funny. Men who come to me and say.. Something special about you.

When I didn't know my worth I constantly dealt with men who just wanted my body, they would leer at me and be so disrespectful.

I don't deal with that now.. I don't tolerate it now. I even find myself checking men cussing around me(which is strange because I used to be a cusser).
I find myself checking men for calling women B's and H's. I find myself saying, this is what I'm willing to put up with..what I'm NOT. I guess..in a sense, I'm FINDING myself. I'm not where I need to be as far as friendships/relationships with men go. But I can definetly say I am very very very far from who I used to be. I didn't even really notice these changes. I am comfortable with the Christian men I'm friends with. They are funny but they are respectful...wow.

awesome

 

[explosiva9]

Hello,

Well this is my first time posting on this topic, I think... lol. I have been single for some time and I don't like it but I don't hate it. I'm ok because I have so many things going on and quite frankly I am enjoying my time with God. Right now, He is the love of my life. I do miss having a mate sometimes but I'm so confident that God has someone amazingly spectacular that the patience to wait is naturally occuring. My only plan of actions is to be outdoors more. That's it.

God Bless

 

[Mis007]

So I've been lurking around for a few days, and I'm finally deciding to post. Right now I am at the point where I am exhausted and drained about thinking about my singleness. Last year I was obsessed for some reason for "making it happen" through my own might...what a joke! Losers came my way left and right....left and right! This year I decided I wouldn't focus on it but its like weddings, the talk of marriages, the why are you single ? conversations are following me!

I don't feel comfortable around my extended family because they are all married and I feel that they are looking at me with a "I feel sorry for you" look, and making comments/questions about When are you getting married? So I try to limit my time with the family as a whole unit even though I love them, I feel like I'm so separated as a single that there is nothing to talk about (husband/wife trips, kids etc).

I'm tired of my single friends who sit around and talk about the statistics of black single women in America, which perpetuates or triggers a fear of being single forever.

I'm sick of going to church by myself, listening to the sermon and having the pastor tell people "Go home and enjoy family" when I go back home to my lonely apartment.

I'm at the point where I'm not ready for a mate but I do want some fellowship from Christian people in general. And the dilemma is that I am in a medical program where I don't have time. So its a never ending, I wish I could do this and that but I have school, work, career obligations. So I am just sad, thats all. I always come up with a plan to what I will do (socially) for the next semester or quarter but then whatever I am in at the moment is more demanding than originally thought. Like right now I'm planning to attend a church service/bible study or some activity once a week (besides sunday) so I can get back in the Word as well as meet and fellowship with people. I pray to God to help me get this schedule together but its like I'm crying out to the wall. I just don't know.

@ the bolded my single christian friends and I have made a pact not to engage in chatter about the state of black single women and marriage we are all about proving statistics wrong .

 

[Kimbosheart]

So.. Dude didn't show. Disappointed but not suprised. Men never keep their word. Always been that way and I should b used to that by now.

I'm sorry he didn't show did he confirm saying he would come? Anyway, God's already picked out the best person for you and he'll come at the right time. I wouldn't ding him to hard for this, we've all said we would be somewhere and not shown up. Its not just about the right person, it's about the right time and that goes for both you and him.

 

[foxee]

"Mission: Better Me" has been in effect for a little over 24 hours and I already met someone. A guy at the car lot today asked for my number. Who knows if he'll call or not. I think the "new in town" angle is really working in my favor. I also met an attractive neighbor today . . . but I am NOT going there.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I'm sorry he didn't show did he confirm saying he would come? Anyway, God's already picked out the best person for you and he'll come at the right time. I wouldn't ding him to hard for this, we've all said we would be somewhere and not shown up. Its not just about the right person, it's about the right time and that goes for both you and him.

He confirmed several times. Even the day before. I admit a part of me was hoping hed break that pattern I've been seeing in men since I was I child. Promise but never follow through I meant a black man. Yet I stll desire to love a black man. Strange

 

[phynestone]

I know you have to work with this guy in the deaf ministry if I'm correct, but if I were you, I'd limit my interaction with him.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Imma have to do that. I think he's catchin feeling

 

[ToyToy]

My Daughter,

You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than what I choose. A man pursuing...a girl refusing, these are not necessarily the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both parties to follow as I, and I only lead.

You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together” or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition, statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me; even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move outside of my plan.

I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed, you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you; about how blessed I know he will be to have you!

Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs--- so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion was meant to serve in his life.

I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.

Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses, from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to my Word...even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews 11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)

Stay in my will and I will show you the way---a way that leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband will restfully await you.

I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do.

Your Heavenly Father
©Shellie R. Warren/2008

Thank you so much for posting this!!!! You have no idea how timely this is!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I feel some real conviction about my life right now..the stuff in the dark type stuff..even if I don't ever get a mate I want to be a pure vessel for God sexual impurity is a bad fruit of the spirit that I don't want in me..I love this youtuber called Lady D she gives some on point tough to swallow words..but I know its growing me

 

[milaydy31]

I ladies,

I hope everyone is ok.
I am here to ask for some support. I feel miserable these days. I am in a phase where I ask myself if I can endure more than that.
I feel lonely. Everybody in my entourage has someone, they marry, they have children, they go on holidays with their mate and I am still the same one, the eternal single me.
I feel all the more lonely than I don't talk about it to anybody because I always have the same answers: "You better take advantage of your singleness to have some fun and bla bla bla, I wish I could be like you and bla bla bla..." I really hate when people make answers like that.
I don't go out much because when I am with my friends the only thing they talk about is their mate and sometime it's ok but sometime it's enough.
So as I don't talk about it to anyone I am always the one they come to when they have problems with their soul mate. At the beginning it wasn't a big deal because I have to be there for my friends but now it's starting to bother me.
I don't like to be with them anymore, sometime I don't even answer to my phone when they call and I cancel some rendez vous. I can't explain why but it's like that.
At the beginning I tried to make some efforts to go out and meet people, to dress well because you never know, but now I feel like it's a waste of time.
Today at work, the only thing that I wanted to do was crying.
Plus, at my office, there is this guy that I really like. He is handsome, nice and very cultured. But he doesn't seem to notice me. He talks to everyone but me. Between us it's only "hello" and "good bye". He only talks to me when it's necessary (for work). So when he sometime look at me I feel ugly and pathetic. What a horrible feeling. I feel that the more my singleness last the more I lose my self confidence.
The most difficult is that even thou I say that I can take it anymore, I don't see what else I can do in order to feel better, it's like it doesn't depending on me, because I can't control this part of my life.
I have never said it before but I really hate to be single.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I ladies,


I am here to ask for some support. I feel miserable these days. I am in a phase where I ask myself if I can endure more than that.
I feel lonely. Everybody in my entourage has someone, they marry, they have children, they go on holidays with their mate and I am still the same one, the eternal single me. .

You are not alone!

 

[luthiengirlie]

REMEMBER when Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion?

I pray Adonai sends hubby soon cause I AM BURNING!!!!!
or pray for me ya'lll

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

REMEMBER when Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion?

I pray Adonai sends hubby soon cause I AM BURNING!!!!!
or pray for me ya'lll

I second that!!!

I am really not feeling this season of my life. No one is attracted to me, no matter where I go no guys approach me. People tell me how beautiful I am but no one is interested. I am believing I am right where the Lord wants me, but I am started give up on a mate being out there for me. Yeah, I am having one of those days. Pray for me!

 

[luthiengirlie]

It is hard Adonai realizes this. Its a period of healing and growth. But I admit there are times I miss being held, hugged and kissed. Touch is my love language and its hard not having anyone to communicate that to.

 

[Kimbosheart]

How is everyone doing? I've been traveling otherwise things are going well. I have to keep reminding myself to patient for God's will to reveal itself. That's been hard. I've also been battling the enemy in other areas of my life. But I really have no complaints and I am doing well. Please post a brief update. Tell us how you've been.

 

[OhmyKimB]

I second that!!!

I am really not feeling this season of my life. No one is attracted to me, no matter where I go no guys approach me. People tell me how beautiful I am but no one is interested. I am believing I am right where the Lord wants me, but I am started give up on a mate being out there for me. Yeah, I am having one of those days. Pray for me!

Not burning I hate to admit that though. (I guess I figure if I feel it we can move this train along) God is giving me the strength to sit still. However the bolded is the story of my life, except with one person....

And that is a mess I am looking to God for...and when I try to get away I can't because my road ends up blocked. And when I try to stay and wait I start to get way to anxious and all over stuff...why can't I just entertain myself for now??!!??

 

[phynestone]

I'm doing well. Just trying to stay focused.

 

[Bella02]

Hi ladies

Just subscribed to this thread. I'm in a really lonely place right now so this is very timely. Going to catch up on the pages to see if I can find some inspiration to keep my head up.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

I'm doing okay. I've spent more time dealing with other people's relationships that it's made me just fed up with them but then at the same time wondering why I'm not in one (though I know the answer to this).

I've been battling "the burning" because random guys from my past keep popping up. None of them are potentials because of different reasons but its hard to not get the "the burning" when someone is finally paying you attention (even tho it's just texts). I've been saying little prayers to make give me strength not to pursue them, call them, text them first. It's been a rough week.

My birthday is less than a month away and I can feel the anxiety of getting older with no prospects wearing me down. My pastor made a good comment about how we think we are strong enough to handle our temptation/sin but how really need to focus on the Lord to bring us through those situations (he said it a lot better). It struck a cord in me because I know I stay away from/dismiss men as a way of fleeing temptation vs letting the Lord strengthen me/my spirit to encounter these situations and not sin.

I'm just bored, lonely and tired. I work too much and don't really go out so it makes one very frustrated. Praying for us all.

 

[phynestone]

Vonnie-

I get that way sometimes. What helps me is staying busy b/c those thoughts tend to creep up when I'm at home doing nothing and remaining bored. I think those guys are coming your way b/c the Devil sees that you're progressing and he wants to remain stagnate and/or regress.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I admit for some strange reason I'm getting the "I messed up baby, I'm almost 40, You're almost 30, Let's settle down and get married, Lemme treat you right" Stuff ad nauseum? WHY? WHY ARE YALL BOTHERING ME! Its funny cuz the old me would have been. REALLY. but now its like.. I DON'T WANNA BE BOTHERED!

 

[aribell]

Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much. More of a practical problem than a complaint. I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim. At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about. But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much. More of a practical problem than a complaint. I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim. At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about. But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration.

I can so agree with this point. I haven't been on a date in over a year but with the people who do try to approach me (from my pass) they just don't get it. I've never been a dater but at this stage sometimes I don't think I would even want to for real. I think the only other way I could be in a relationship or go on a date is with someone who has been watching me and understands who I am, what I am about and the like and is okay with all of it and willing to learn the rest.

 

[aribell]

This week I'm trying to wrap my head not around the promise of God to bring desire to fulfillment (or even my own ability to bring things about in my life), but rather on Jesus' words that we will have to die to our lives in order to live in Him. It's so easy to focus on what we hope God will give us or what we hope to achieve. But I have been challeneged with the question of whether I can accept that walking faithfully with the Lord could ultimately mean that I may not find that man that "gets it." That there will be more suitors who have to be passed on that other women will think are great catches. That where finding a "good man" may not be difficult, that finding a godly one might? Am I willing to keep letting them go? Will I still be able to worship Him 15 years from now as a single? 30? Such a sacrifice may not be required, but that's what it is--a sacrifice of obedience. And if as single women we can be faithful in that sacrifice, we have fellowship with Christ.

 

[foxee]

Hey ladies!

This week I'm feeling . . . okay. Right now I want a relationship but don't want to put up with kissing a bunch of frogs. I'm running low on patience. Since I moved I've been attracting a lot of yougin's, from 18 (yes 18!) to 23. In their defense I look really young for 33, but I want a guy my own age!

I recently reconnected with Sean, who lives in Houston. We've been friends for over a decade. He has decided to make it his job to find me man. He called yesterday and passed his phone over to a man who wanted to speak to me. He seemed nice so we exchanged numbers. Later that day when he called I asked, "So how long have you known Sean?", and he replied, "Oh we just met today!" Matchmaker FAIL! Plus this guy had the audacity to call me 6 times in a row while I was on another call. Immediate turnoff!

 

[luthiengirlie]

I'm recently really interested in someone He seems perfect..... he's understanding and all that but.... something... something something.... I don't know. It feels so intense REALLY intense.

 

[loolalooh]

Continually breaking off or avoiding potential relationships because of spiritual differences is getting to be too much. More of a practical problem than a complaint. I find trying to date to be pointless because the chances that a man is going to take his obedience to God seriously is very slim. At this point, I'm open to being set up by someone who knows me and what my life is about. But otherwise, entertaining the interest of these men just seems to be a point of perennial temptation and frustration.

Thank you for posting this!! Thank you. It really speaks to me as I'm experiencing something similar. It really is beginning to be too much ...