Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[luthiengirlie]

This isn't really about relationships, but I feel very lonely. I haven't made any friends here and it's been a long time since I've really hung out with anyone. Yeah, I talk to my co-workers and people at school, but it isn't the same. Now I enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to have friends that like me for me and don't try to change me. Even when I was back home, I went out by myself, did everything by myself b/c the few friends I did have were busy working or they had other responsibilities. Or they lived far away. How much more "self-improvement" do I need? How much more "spiritual" do I need to be? How diligent do I need to be as a Christian before I am "blessed" with the other things I'd like in my life? I'm not trying to sound ungrateful....I'm very happy with what God has done in my life thus far. But we're also not meant to be an island. I feel very lonely. School is my priority right now, so I think having a boyfriend would take me off track, but I'm feeling very discouraged right now.

Honestly, YHWH led me to this bible verse. It led me to thinking about you, then thinking about me. Then thinking about US as Christian ladies of LHCF who are single.

Psalm 68:7 God places the solitary in families and gives the desolate a home in which to dwell; He leads the prisoners out to prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a parched land. I pray this helps and I think this is one of the families that YHWH places us in

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

@ the bolded and specifically the underlined, please take a look at this link: http://www.boundless.org/girls/pages/GirlsGuide.pdf

This gave me so much encouragement and biblical support for what I'm feeling and how and why it's okay to actually want a husband. It's a quick read and yes some of the ideas may seem archaic at first, but all of us in this forum understand obedience. There is a corresponding link for guys and it makes it quite plain in God's own words that as single women we trust in the Lord by waiting and wanting and theres nothing wrong with that. HTH

Girl, WOW..... I am loving this quick read! Thanks for posting this link!!!!

 

[Kimbosheart]

Girl, WOW..... I am loving this quick read! Thanks for posting this link!!!!

No problem! I hope all on this thread read the link, I think it can help give us some direction on how to go about this. I just feel like the tone in some of the messages, in this forum and others, make it seem as though we should feel guilty for wanting to be married. I'm very happy with my life right now. I am thankful for everything I've been given and I've learned a lot in my past relationships so just because I want to be married doesn't negate the fact that I am a happy single woman in love with God. And I plan on living my life "intentionally" to realize my goal of marriage.

Another thing I really like about the book is that I'm the kinda girl that really likes having a plan. I don't mind hard work so if I have a problem and I can find a plan of action to fix the problem then I'm good. Even if the plan requires hard work. The principles and scripture in the booklet are that plan for me on this issue. I do get lonely but instead of letting that get me down for too long I'm able to look at things the way God wants me to and go about being "intentional" in fixing them. And even though the bottom line is that "waiting" is my action, it makes so much sense now.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Ok..... it's kinda hard to garner support on this journey when no one posts for days at a time. How are y'all doing?

 

[milaydy31]

for my part, I prefer not to post these days 'cause I'm feeling so bad right now.

 

[foxee]

Ok..... it's kinda hard to garner support on this journey when no one posts for days at a time. How are y'all doing?

Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?

 

[ToyToy]

Trying very hard to have faith and believe that God will do what He said He will do. It's not that I don't believe. It's because it just doesn't look like it *right now*. But I know that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that is in us. We can't give up now. We have to hold on and keep on believing. Some of us are very close, and this is when we start to grow weary and tired, but we must hold on. I don't know why I am writing this, but I'm sure this is for someone.

Have a wonderful week, keep smiling, remember past victories and how He got you through, and praise Him!

 

[luthiengirlie]

I got the message that I need to stop obsessing about dating, and that there's no question that my husband would be straight from heaven, Adonai. There would be no confusion, no deception, no sorrow added, no feeling like I'm in a prison and I'm SCREAMING to get out and no one hears me but Him and me. It'll be a peaceful thing. Not a war. Just enjoy every moment with Adonai and those around me and work hard. That's excatly what I intend to do!

 

[Kimbosheart]

for my part, I prefer not to post these days 'cause I'm feeling so bad right now.

Just admitting that you have these feelings and you get discourages supports all of us going through this season right now. Of course you are in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon.

Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?[/QUOTE]

I like the way you think! I agree that obsessing about it is pointless. My plan of action is similar to yours. I have a prospect in sight, he's a godly man and he's going through a real tough time right now. I believe my role is to put my best foot forward in friendship and thats it. Although it's obvious that we both like each other, all I know is that I am his friend and I can pray for more but all the next steps are up to him to make. But in general, I do the same thing as you. I attend social events, I try to look my best and be friendly and be open to God's plan.

Trying very hard to have faith and believe that God will do what He said He will do. It's not that I don't believe. It's because it just doesn't look like it *right now*. But I know that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that is in us. We can't give up now. We have to hold on and keep on believing. Some of us are very close, and this is when we start to grow weary and tired, but we must hold on. I don't know why I am writing this, but I'm sure this is for someone.

Have a wonderful week, keep smiling, remember past victories and how He got you through, and praise Him!

Amen! I know God's working now, I can feel it but I'm hard pressed to see anything working.

Thanks for all the replies, please keep posting. Its such a comfort knowing that I am not the only person feeling this way.

 

[loolalooh]

Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?

The "Thank you" button wasn't enough. Cosign!

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

Hey Ladies.

I was working last week and extremely exhausted so I wasn't even lurking. I am doing a lot better this week. I spent an entire night journaling my thoughts to the Lord it was very freeing. I'm reading some books The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero and Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes as well as some on the go devotionals that have really helped me to see the areas of my life I haven't given to the Lord. If I can't give these areas to the Lord then how can I expect to have/expect an open and honest relationship/marriage to a man? I've always known the Lord had some things to work out in me but now he is forcing me to flesh them out, to look under the surface to the root of the problems and allow him to do his work in me.

I'm trying to get in my Word more. We are going thru Ephesians in Church and looking at the "Who Am I?" answered in this Book of the Bible. This has been a help as well.

My friends and I are trying to not have these men conversations all the time and be encouraging in other facets of spirituality which also is helpful. Funny thing is we really end up saying or thinking the same things over and over again which isn't healthy so it is nice to focus on other areas of our life.

Continuing to be prayerful about our situations and our growing maturity in Christ.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?[/QUOTE]

The bolded and underlined information is what I am addressing. Best wishes on your plan, I pray that you find what you are looking for. Keep us updated on your adventures!!!!

My Plan: After some prayer time ( and pity parties), I am realizing the Lord has me in a little cacoon, and he is making me over into a beautiful butterfly. So I am going to take six months, to really get to know myself. During this time I hope to strenghthen my relationship with my heavenly father and work toward being the woman my future mate will need me to be.
Currently I am reading, Your Knight in Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson. So far it has been a Godsend and I believe there are somethingsin here he wants me to know. The book says no dating for six months, so that's what I am going to do.... Ladies I am praying for you all.

By the way I will do better about posting, even if it is to stop by to let you guys know I love and I am praying for you all. Take care!!! Much love!!!

 

[hair_rehab]

This came in my email today, by Jack Zavada from www.inspiration-for-singles.com :

If you don't fit in, the problem is probably not with you

Do you ever have the feeling that you don't fit in? Do you have that feeling often?
It can be demoralizing. Your first instinct may be to blame yourself. But the hard truth is that more than likely, you are not the one at fault.
As singles, we all have the desire to belong to something. We want to feel that we're part of the group, that we're accepted. But if you'e also a Christian single, you may feel strange and out of place.
When Jesus prayed to his Father for his disciples, he said:

"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)
What exactly did he mean? I think he was asking God to comfort us and strengthen us when we feel that we don't belong.
The King James version of the Bible calls followers of God "peculiar" people, and when you compare our ways to the ways of today's culture, we certainly do seem like oddballs. We're square pegs in round holes. We don't fit in.

Don't get too peculiar
Some Christians seem to take great delight in their "other worldliness," to the point of being abrasive or confrontational. While we're not to compromise with sin, I don't think it helps our witness to be constantly condemning nonbelievers or arguing with them.
Just living an honest, sincere Christian life will guarantee that you don't fit in. But that's about as much peculiarity as most of us can handle. It can hurt to feel alone.
Should you just ignore it?
So we're singles. We don't exactly fit in with married couples. So we're Christian, too. We may not fit in with our co-workers or with our employer.
What are we supposed to do then? Are we just supposed to ignore the feeling that we don't fit in? No, it's too strong to disregard, hoping it will go away.
But it is part of the price we pay to follow Christ. The closer you follow him, the more you're going to stand out.
Throughout your life, you'll be forced to choose. You can go along with the crowd, or you can stay true to your faith. Usually you can't have it both ways.

How other 'peculiar' people can help
If you're in a small group at your church, the other members, especially older people, can give you support and encouragement. It's good to get their reassurance that you're on the right path. They'll help you clarify your thinking and show you how Christian values conflict with modern culture.
When you speak with another man or woman who is committed to Christ, the feeling of kinship is so strong that it's almost--as it was with Paul--that scales fall off your eyes and suddenly you can see clearly. This happened to me in my men's Bible study.
I discovered that I was not alone. I realized that by being true to Christ, it was inevitable that I would stick out in the world.
It's all right that you don't have the world's approval--because you have Christ's approval, and that's what matters most. Having a rock-solid acceptance of that truth will give you courage to stay on the path.
It will help you maintain your purpose in life. And as you continue to compare God's ways to the world's ways, you'll understand why you don't fit in.

 

[luthiengirlie]

This came in my email today, by Jack Zavada from www.inspiration-for-singles.com :

If you don't fit in, the problem is probably not with you

Do you ever have the feeling that you don't fit in? Do you have that feeling often?
It can be demoralizing. Your first instinct may be to blame yourself. But the hard truth is that more than likely, you are not the one at fault.
As singles, we all have the desire to belong to something. We want to feel that we're part of the group, that we're accepted. But if you'e also a Christian single, you may feel strange and out of place.
When Jesus prayed to his Father for his disciples, he said:

"They are not of the world, even as I am not of it." (John 17:16)
What exactly did he mean? I think he was asking God to comfort us and strengthen us when we feel that we don't belong.
The King James version of the Bible calls followers of God "peculiar" people, and when you compare our ways to the ways of today's culture, we certainly do seem like oddballs. We're square pegs in round holes. We don't fit in.

Don't get too peculiar
Some Christians seem to take great delight in their "other worldliness," to the point of being abrasive or confrontational. While we're not to compromise with sin, I don't think it helps our witness to be constantly condemning nonbelievers or arguing with them.
Just living an honest, sincere Christian life will guarantee that you don't fit in. But that's about as much peculiarity as most of us can handle. It can hurt to feel alone.
Should you just ignore it?
So we're singles. We don't exactly fit in with married couples. So we're Christian, too. We may not fit in with our co-workers or with our employer.
What are we supposed to do then? Are we just supposed to ignore the feeling that we don't fit in? No, it's too strong to disregard, hoping it will go away.
But it is part of the price we pay to follow Christ. The closer you follow him, the more you're going to stand out.
Throughout your life, you'll be forced to choose. You can go along with the crowd, or you can stay true to your faith. Usually you can't have it both ways.

How other 'peculiar' people can help
If you're in a small group at your church, the other members, especially older people, can give you support and encouragement. It's good to get their reassurance that you're on the right path. They'll help you clarify your thinking and show you how Christian values conflict with modern culture.
When you speak with another man or woman who is committed to Christ, the feeling of kinship is so strong that it's almost--as it was with Paul--that scales fall off your eyes and suddenly you can see clearly. This happened to me in my men's Bible study.
I discovered that I was not alone. I realized that by being true to Christ, it was inevitable that I would stick out in the world.
It's all right that you don't have the world's approval--because you have Christ's approval, and that's what matters most. Having a rock-solid acceptance of that truth will give you courage to stay on the path.
It will help you maintain your purpose in life. And as you continue to compare God's ways to the world's ways, you'll understand why you don't fit in.

I'm in tears. Wow. I needed to hear this. I always wondered why I never fit in. Why I wasn't pretty enough, why I wasn't... I needed this. Thanks!

 

[Kimbosheart]

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001048.cfm

 

[Kiadodie]

Hey Kimbosheart! I'm doing well. As I mentioned up thread I'm continuing to pray on this area of my life but I refuse to spend another second crying or being depressed about it.

For the sisters who are feeling lonely, what do you plan to do about it? We all know that faith without works is dead. So in addition to praying for a mate, what steps are you taking to place yourself where you can be found? My mom used to tell me, "The man of your dreams is not going to just knock on your door and say, I heard a beautiful single woman lives here." She'd scold me for staying at home on a Friday night and encourage me to get out more. Well it's a new day and I plan to enjoy my life with no regrets! My personal challenge starts 8/1. I'm attending at least one social event every week. Every time I leave the house I will make an effort to look my absolute best.

So instead of throwing ourselves one big pity party, how about some action? Ladies, what are your plans?

I like the way you think . I dont like this, pray and wait it out thing. I"m tired of the pity parties . I think getting out for a social event once a week is a great start! I'm going to do that also.

 

[luthiengirlie]

Ladies,

I need some advice. I'm having my birthday party this weekend(its not my birthday just celebrating early).
I invited this guy. He's Christian, working on his phd. Majoring in finances. And all that he's a frat guy. (Pretty boy type).

Thing is...I'm nervous. He's very straight forward. I'm not trying to push for a relationship or anything. Let the chips fall where they may. I do wanna be friends with him. And friendships and guys make me nervous because with me they tend to be agressive and push for more. Doesn't help that he's very handsome. Ladies, what do I do? How do I be friends?

 

[Kimbosheart]

Ladies,

I need some advice. I'm having my birthday party this weekend(its not my birthday just celebrating early).
I invited this guy. He's Christian, working on his phd. Majoring in finances. And all that he's a frat guy. (Pretty boy type).

Thing is...I'm nervous. He's very straight forward. I'm not trying to push for a relationship or anything. Let the chips fall where they may. I do wanna be friends with him. And friendships and guys make me nervous because with me they tend to be agressive and push for more. Doesn't help that he's very handsome. Ladies, what do I do? How do I be friends?

I'm sorry I'm just now getting to your post. I have a few thoughts on this so I'll try to outline my response clearly.

First: Stop putting the cart before the horse. Based on your post it sounds like you and him are just casual acquaintances right now. Has he been straight-forward with you as far as asking you out? Or is that just a character trait you've picked up on from your dealings with him? Either way right now I wouldn't worry about him pushing for more than a friendship. I think it's good that you've invited him to your bday dinner, it will put you on his radar.

Now onto how to be his friend. Just be natural and treat him like a brother in Christ. Don't worry so much about how he will interact with you. If you treat yourself with respect, kindness and consideration and you treat him that way he will return that. If you're nervous about either one of you moving too fast or being swept up in the moment then hang out in groups until you can trust yourself and him. I find it's easier to hold someone to a standard of behavior when I can enforce that standard on myself. (I hope that makes sense)

About him being "straight-forward", I don't think that's something you want to be wary of. I urge you to read the link I posted about the "girls guide to getting married" It says some interesting things about how men should lead and should know what they want because it's a sign of their faith in God. Thats a good man to have on your side whether its as a friend or more. But speaking specifically to your situation, if he does approach you with the intention of dating you then thats not a bad thing as long as he respects your physical boundaries. In the past I've made the mistake of becoming too emotionally intimate with a guy I call my "friend". That intimacy should really be developed inside of a relationship and marriage. And I'm too the point now where I think the emotional intimacy is just as dangerous as the physical.

But your guy sounds dreamy! Good luck and have a happy bday!! :birthday2

 

[luthiengirlie]

I'm sorry I'm just now getting to your post. I have a few thoughts on this so I'll try to outline my response clearly.

First: Stop putting the cart before the horse. Based on your post it sounds like you and him are just casual acquaintances right now. Has he been straight-forward with you as far as asking you out? Or is that just a character trait you've picked up on from your dealings with him? Either way right now I wouldn't worry about him pushing for more than a friendship. I think it's good that you've invited him to your bday dinner, it will put you on his radar.

Now onto how to be his friend. Just be natural and treat him like a brother in Christ. Don't worry so much about how he will interact with you. If you treat yourself with respect, kindness and consideration and you treat him that way he will return that. If you're nervous about either one of you moving too fast or being swept up in the moment then hang out in groups until you can trust yourself and him. I find it's easier to hold someone to a standard of behavior when I can enforce that standard on myself. (I hope that makes sense)

About him being "straight-forward", I don't think that's something you want to be wary of. I urge you to read the link I posted about the "girls guide to getting married" It says some interesting things about how men should lead and should know what they want because it's a sign of their faith in God. Thats a good man to have on your side whether its as a friend or more. But speaking specifically to your situation, if he does approach you with the intention of dating you then thats not a bad thing as long as he respects your physical boundaries. In the past I've made the mistake of becoming too emotionally intimate with a guy I call my "friend". That intimacy should really be developed inside of a relationship and marriage. And I'm too the point now where I think the emotional intimacy is just as dangerous as the physical.

But your guy sounds dreamy! Good luck and have a happy bday!! :birthday2

THANK YOU. Really needed this! This is new as I'm trying to learn how to deal with men from a godly standpoint. As a person who has expierenced situations where the relationships were all about mental abuse and manipulation. (Ie give me sex and I'll ACT like I care). Now it is lke I want to do relationships Adonai's way. This is the first time I TRULY feel comfortable. But its in a new territory and I'm excited but I don't wanna scream desperate(with my words/behavior) and blow it. So I will print this, study it and all!

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

THANK YOU. Really needed this! This is new as I'm trying to learn how to deal with men from a godly standpoint. As a person who has expierenced situations where the relationships were all about mental abuse and manipulation. (Ie give me sex and I'll ACT like I care). Now it is lke I want to do relationships Adonai's way. This is the first time I TRULY feel comfortable. But its in a new territory and I'm excited but I don't wanna scream desperate(with my words/behavior) and blow it. So I will print this, study it and all!

It is scary dating like your heavenly father will have you date. Before you meet the guy at your dinner, say a little prayer. That's the only advice I can offer, as I am in the same position. Be blessed and have a great birthday dinner!!!!!!!

 

[DreamLife]

deleted this post

 

[luthiengirlie]

I admit. I am noticing something. The closer I grow to Adonai, Men treat me diffrently. I'm meeting a diffrent caliber of men. Men who love Adonai, Men who are respectful and funny. Men who come to me and say.. Something special about you.

When I didn't know my worth I constantly dealt with men who just wanted my body, they would leer at me and be so disrespectful.

I don't deal with that now.. I don't tolerate it now. I even find myself checking men cussing around me(which is strange because I used to be a cusser).
I find myself checking men for calling women B's and H's. I find myself saying, this is what I'm willing to put up with..what I'm NOT. I guess..in a sense, I'm FINDING myself. I'm not where I need to be as far as friendships/relationships with men go. But I can definetly say I am very very very far from who I used to be. I didn't even really notice these changes. I am comfortable with the Christian men I'm friends with. They are funny but they are respectful...wow.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Hello Ladies! How are things? Any new developments after your birthday dinner Luthiengirlie? Any updates from anyone?

 

[luthiengirlie]

the dinner is saturday and I'll update Sunday!!!

i have another issue. I"m in the deaf ministry at my church. Me and this 50 something year old man are the only single people in the ministry. so there's this extreme pressure to date each other. and I think he asked me to dinner... but he's a nice guy and we're good friends.
but I feel awkward being alone with this man.. even if it is JUST dinner. I'd rather go with another married couple who are my friends

is it wrong htat I feel awkward about this or am I being too dramatic?

 

[Kimbosheart]

the dinner is saturday and I'll update Sunday!!!

i have another issue. I"m in the deaf ministry at my church. Me and this 50 something year old man are the only single people in the ministry. so there's this extreme pressure to date each other. and I think he asked me to dinner... but he's a nice guy and we're good friends.
but I feel awkward being alone with this man.. even if it is JUST dinner. I'd rather go with another married couple who are my friends

is it wrong htat I feel awkward about this or am I being too dramatic?

I'm looking forward to Sunday's update from you!

I'm going to share a thought with you that I'm having about my situation. And it won't directly answer your question about the 50 year old but I think you'll see that it applies. Basically, I'm going to to do my best to let God be God in my situation with life. And in some areas, such as family that's easy to do but I have trouble with that in my love life. I am learning about how I've done things wrong in the past. I've tried my way of dating and yes it's true that I'm learning that Biblically there is a better way to approach romance and relationships but in the end no matter what or who God will have his way. He can make ugly situations works of art, he can show us a righteous path and let us walk in peace in this area. Either way he will have His will and I need to rest assured in that. So practically for me this means that I've read the articles and I will continue to read and learn and apply where I can, given my current situation, and keep some things in my knowledge bank. It also means that I can't change the situation I'm in with this gentlemen and I'm fully convicted that I am in this situation because this is where God wants me to be. I'm scared and nervous and anxious and it all seems dumb when I explain why, but I can't let that make me worry. God doesn't want me to worry. I pray on Phillipians 4:6-7. I say thank you for my worries turned positive. For instance if I'm worried about being stuck as "friends" with this guy I say thank you for our loving committed relationship and this period of friendship will only make our future marriage stronger. And I picture this positive outcome and focus on those happy thoughts. Even if the happy thoughts do nothing but stop me from worrying so I can let God work. I just don't want to be a believer in my words and actions, and not a believer in my thoughts. Worrying erases the belief in my thoughts. I need all three to be in harmony in order to stay obedient and in line with God's will for my life so He can bring the blessings into my life. Letting God be God, especially for dating, also means enjoying the moments where you smile and are at peace. Peace is priceless and what's funny is that sometimes we forget that we have control over our own sense of peace at any given moment. Stop comparing yourself or your relationships to others. Some would look into my situation and see how it's not going to work, sometimes I look at my situation and compare it to other successful relationships and I see how my story isn't looking too good. Some people would say a 50 year old is too old for you (didn't you mention that you were in your early 20's) and you yourself mentioned that you feel awkward. I'm telling you there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way about any of it. I'm particularly sharing this with you because you mentioned the guy you've invited to your bday dinner and now this gentlemen in your deaf ministry. You've got everything you need to make sound decisions regarding your love life. You're God's daughter, His princess, you can call on Him in prayer whenever you want, you've asked Him to help you discern what's right and you understand why He has placed certain boundaries between men and women to protect you. Relax and find peace in all that you've got and let God be God on the rest of it. I'm working on this every minute with my situation.

I have found that it's easier for me to be positive when I have prayers in agreement. If you want to PM something specific to be in agreement and go to God with for you please feel free. Anyone can do so on this board, and I hope I can ask the same. Sorry for the rant.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I'm looking forward to Sunday's update from you!

I'm going to share a thought with you that I'm having about my situation. And it won't directly answer your question about the 50 year old but I think you'll see that it applies. Basically, I'm going to to do my best to let God be God in my situation with life. And in some areas, such as family that's easy to do but I have trouble with that in my love life. I am learning about how I've done things wrong in the past. I've tried my way of dating and yes it's true that I'm learning that Biblically there is a better way to approach romance and relationships but in the end no matter what or who God will have his way. He can make ugly situations works of art, he can show us a righteous path and let us walk in peace in this area. Either way he will have His will and I need to rest assured in that. So practically for me this means that I've read the articles and I will continue to read and learn and apply where I can, given my current situation, and keep some things in my knowledge bank. It also means that I can't change the situation I'm in with this gentlemen and I'm fully convicted that I am in this situation because this is where God wants me to be. I'm scared and nervous and anxious and it all seems dumb when I explain why, but I can't let that make me worry. God doesn't want me to worry. I pray on Phillipians 4:6-7. I say thank you for my worries turned positive. For instance if I'm worried about being stuck as "friends" with this guy I say thank you for our loving committed relationship and this period of friendship will only make our future marriage stronger. And I picture this positive outcome and focus on those happy thoughts. Even if the happy thoughts do nothing but stop me from worrying so I can let God work. I just don't want to be a believer in my words and actions, and not a believer in my thoughts. Worrying erases the belief in my thoughts. I need all three to be in harmony in order to stay obedient and in line with God's will for my life so He can bring the blessings into my life. Letting God be God, especially for dating, also means enjoying the moments where you smile and are at peace. Peace is priceless and what's funny is that sometimes we forget that we have control over our own sense of peace at any given moment. Stop comparing yourself or your relationships to others. Some would look into my situation and see how it's not going to work, sometimes I look at my situation and compare it to other successful relationships and I see how my story isn't looking too good. Some people would say a 50 year old is too old for you (didn't you mention that you were in your early 20's) and you yourself mentioned that you feel awkward. I'm telling you there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way about any of it. I'm particularly sharing this with you because you mentioned the guy you've invited to your bday dinner and now this gentlemen in your deaf ministry. You've got everything you need to make sound decisions regarding your love life. You're God's daughter, His princess, you can call on Him in prayer whenever you want, you've asked Him to help you discern what's right and you understand why He has placed certain boundaries between men and women to protect you. Relax and find peace in all that you've got and let God be God on the rest of it. I'm working on this every minute with my situation.

I have found that it's easier for me to be positive when I have prayers in agreement. If you want to PM something specific to be in agreement and go to God with for you please feel free. Anyone can do so on this board, and I hope I can ask the same. Sorry for the rant.

THE 50 year old man is SOMEONE completely different. This is not the man i invited to my birthday party. Two totally separate people I kind of feel guilty for inot inviting 50 year old to my bday party but I feel like, is he gonna wanna hang with a bunch of 20,30 year olds and it will be silly youthful convo...

I don't know. he asked me to dinner so....
and I accepted
and NOw i'm wondering if he as asking me on a date in A roundabout way
because he told people.. I"d marry her because shes nice wonderful and beautiful but... i'm twice her age. then he acts like he wants to take the friendship to the next level. soo I have nothing against older men. I date men 30 and above. but 50.. is kind of puushing it for me. I don't wnat to push away his friendship on one hand but giving him ideas.. I DON'T KNOW i feel CONFUSED!

 

[Kimbosheart]

THE 50 year old man is SOMEONE completely different. This is not the man i invited to my birthday party. Two totally separate people I kind of feel guilty for inot inviting 50 year old to my bday party but I feel like, is he gonna wanna hang with a bunch of 20,30 year olds and it will be silly youthful convo...

I don't know. he asked me to dinner so....
and I accepted
and NOw i'm wondering if he as asking me on a date in A roundabout way
because he told people.. I"d marry her because shes nice wonderful and beautiful but... i'm twice her age. then he acts like he wants to take the friendship to the next level. soo I have nothing against older men. I date men 30 and above. but 50.. is kind of puushing it for me. I don't wnat to push away his friendship on one hand but giving him ideas.. I DON'T KNOW i feel CONFUSED!

I understand that they are 2 different people, didn't you mention the bday boy was a frat boy, still in school? Well I guess they could be the same but I figured they were different. Anyway, that wasn't the point so much of my reply. It was more an answer to you feeling confused more than it was about what to do about a specific guy. Until you find "the one" the guy you're feeling a certain way about may change, so focus on stopping the "confused/awkward/impatient etc..." feeling. I just got it in my spirit that God doesn't want us to feel any negative way. We need to focus on the trust in him because he's given us all the tools we need to do our part in His plans.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I'm going to remain in prayer.. I know my family is not going to go for the idea since they are over protective. But I will see how it goes with 50 year old and frat boy.. This is an interesting turn of events.

 

[Kimbosheart]

My Daughter,

You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than what I choose. A man pursuing...a girl refusing, these are not necessarily the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both parties to follow as I, and I only lead.

You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together” or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition, statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me; even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move outside of my plan.

I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed, you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you; about how blessed I know he will be to have you!

Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs--- so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion was meant to serve in his life.

I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.

Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses, from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to my Word...even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews 11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)

Stay in my will and I will show you the way---a way that leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband will restfully await you.

I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do.

Your Heavenly Father
©Shellie R. Warren/2008

 

[luthiengirlie]

So.. Dude didn't show. Disappointed but not suprised. Men never keep their word. Always been that way and I should b used to that by now.