raising the child of your man's AFFAIR? WOULD YOU?

[trinidarkie1]

Disturbing is so not the word girl. So not the word.

If the man had a lot of money or power, then I could raise a love child for a while. I'd send it to boarding school @ the earliest opportunity. Second wives do this with the children of the 1st wife. Why not bastard love kids?


I chuckled at the conclusion of your story.
You're making it up, right?
Those girls can't use their mom's decision as a point of reference anymore. After the 3rd kid or so, they should have realized their own mistake.

Trini, your story is disturbing. The "messy" behavior of husbands has affected the lives of women in 2 generations. I hope your loyalty yields more long term benefit than your mom's loyalty did.

A man should know how to protect his property and his assets (both generally AND in the context of marriage).
If he has nothing worth protecting, then what's the point of messing with him?
If he has bastard kids, then he probably doesn't value the life we're building together.
Not the type of guy I could trust to protect my interests...

 

[kurlybella]

3. So now that its established that I will be ending my marriage and moving on, I won't have to see money coming out of my household and going into another. None of my hard earned cash would be going to take care of his mistake.

4. I wouldn't care about any children involved except my own. Furthermore, my kids would be sheltered from that outside child until they're adults and wanted to contact the half sibling themselves. Sorry but I couldn't bear to look at a child and wonder what position was he hitting her in when they were conceived!!

you and i are >>>>>>>>>here<<<<<<<<<<<< on the bolded.

can you imagine that ish? say you were getting ready to buy a home and now he can't put up his part because he's now paying child support, so now you got to wait 5 more years to get a home. hells no!!

no matter what your husband is now coming home with 20% less money in his check that he MUST give to ANOTHER WOMAN THAT'S NOT YOU -- BEFORE YOU AND YOUR FIRST BORN KIDS (if you have kids) !!!

NEVER, EVER WILL I DEAL WITH THAT CRAP!

and ha ha imagine if ya'll getting it on after the affair and he says, let me poke you in the butt, now you all ain't never done that, but you now know he got it from that other chick.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

No, I could not/would not raise the child of an extra-marital affair. I would let hubby go and let him be a father to his child.

and there you have it.

 

[Princess4real]

you and i are >>>>>>>>>here<<<<<<<<<<<< on the bolded.

can you imagine that ish? say you were getting ready to buy a home and now he can't put up his part because he's now paying child support, so now you got to wait 5 more years to get a home. hells no!!

no matter what your husband is now coming home with 20% less money in his check that he MUST give to ANOTHER WOMAN THAT'S NOT YOU -- BEFORE YOU AND YOUR FIRST BORN KIDS (if you have kids) !!!

NEVER, EVER WILL I DEAL WITH THAT CRAP!

and ha ha imagine if ya'll getting it on after the affair and he says, let me poke you in the butt, now you all ain't never done that, but you now know he got it from that other chick.

 

[SelahOco]

I'mma be honest and say that if I prayed on it and chose to stay, I would have no problem raising the child--especially if we have a child/ren together already as the child would be my biological children's brother/sister. Yes, I'm serious. My husband and I would certainly be in therapy and fasting and praying up something serious but truth be told, I would never resent a child.

ITA. I think it depends on the man and the circumstances of the affair. It would also depend on the marital relationship and if the husband was in touch with why he did it.

Another thing I'd consider is whether or not he'd do it for me if I'd had an affair resulting in a child. If I thought he could understand and, in time, find a way to forgive me, I'd do the same for him. He would have to be worth it.

 

[JamericanGurl]

You didn't screw him during the separation but his dangalang going up inside someone else bareback during the separation is scary *** helz! Yikes!
To each his own. Helz for all I know my coochie could fall off and die from some oldie but goody lowly kneegrows unknown bareback behavior from way back when. Coochie don't fail me now, please don't fall out while I'm walking up a flight a stairs.

Man u lucky weeze gots new rules up on dis piece cux this is by far the funniest an true-ist *##& I eva read

Can't say what I really wanna

 

[firecracker]

I feel pretty strongly about this one because I am a love child. I think it is selfish and petty to expect a father to walk away from that other woman and child because he was slime. My "dad" had a wife in another country when he moved to the US He hooked up with my mom, an immigrant from another country- and didn't tell her about his wife until she got pregnant. While she was pregnant he brought his wife into the country and proceeded to get her with child. As a young child I had no say over where I had to go and my mom and dad decided I should spend one weekend a month with them.
My father's wife would do everything she could to make me miserable and no one would believe me if I told on her because she knew how to fake the funk when others were around. MY younger brother is horrible to me because I was the bastard and he was legitimate. I no longer even speak to my half siblings. I had to put up with that woman's bitterness and hatefulness until I finally had proof. I have allergies. The first time she "accidentally" fed me something, she got away with it by crying saying she didn't know. The second time my reaction was so severe I had to be rushed to the emergency room and almost died because I couldn't breathe on my own. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to visit again and rarely saw my dad after that.
I share my story just to say that if you ever get into this situation don't become a complete ***** by damaging someone's child. Either leave that man alone and move on with your life or make peace with the fact that accepting his poor choices are now the right thing to do!

Wow! I totally understand where you and Daorginaldiva are coming from as the OTW was bamboozled and lied to. I would be able to forgive the woman and support the child but honestly if the woman knowingly did this sorry she and her child might just be azzed out. I would never be with a man that didn't take care of and was active in their childs life.

 

[firecracker]

Man u lucky weeze gots new rules up on dis piece cux this is by far the funniest an true-ist *##& I eva read

Can't say what I really wanna

erplexedI'm not understanding what new rules have to do with my post. I was talking bout my own ole coochie not anyone elses. I'm going to make myself a coochie catcher to attach to my thong!

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm not a cruel person, but I wouldn't be able to stay with a man that cheated on me and had a child. I would NEVER try to stop that child from having a relationship with their father (my ex-husband) or their half-siblings (assuming I had children with him). In fact, I would encourage my children to have a relationship with their half sibling, b/c I agree with you that it's not their fault. However, I don't know that I would be able to deal with that child's mother. I wouldn't blame the child b/c he or she is innocent. HOWEVER, his/her mother is a different story. I know that there are a few instances (like yours) where the woman doesn't know, but that's definitely the minority IMO. I told a story about my friend (read on another page), and her mother knew he was married. However, I do feel like if a woman is going to take her cheating husband back, she has NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER TO MISTREAT THAT CHILD, AND SHE SHOULD FORGIVE THE OTHER WOMAN. AFTER ALL, HE TOOK VOWS WITH YOU NOT HER, AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO FORGIVE HIM, YOU NEED TO JUST FORGIVE HER TOO

I feel pretty strongly about this one because I am a love child. I think it is selfish and petty to expect a father to walk away from that other woman and child because he was slime. My "dad" had a wife in another country when he moved to the US He hooked up with my mom, an immigrant from another country- and didn't tell her about his wife until she got pregnant. While she was pregnant he brought his wife into the country and proceeded to get her with child. As a young child I had no say over where I had to go and my mom and dad decided I should spend one weekend a month with them.
My father's wife would do everything she could to make me miserable and no one would believe me if I told on her because she knew how to fake the funk when others were around. MY younger brother is horrible to me because I was the bastard and he was legitimate. I no longer even speak to my half siblings. I had to put up with that woman's bitterness and hatefulness until I finally had proof. I have allergies. The first time she "accidentally" fed me something, she got away with it by crying saying she didn't know. The second time my reaction was so severe I had to be rushed to the emergency room and almost died because I couldn't breathe on my own. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to visit again and rarely saw my dad after that.
I share my story just to say that if you ever get into this situation don't become a complete ***** by damaging someone's child. Either leave that man alone and move on with your life or make peace with the fact that accepting his poor choices are now the right thing to do!

 

[cocoberry10]

Very well stated.

--However, I have to say I can't be concentrating on other people's feelings, when my feelings are damaged as well. Could you imagine how humiliating that must have been for his wife?... I agree that we shouldn't mistreat the child. Hell, I would hit the road, so there would be no chance to mistreat the child. --All I'm saying is, its not fair for both parties. The other woman and her child, & the wife. [I feel like there is no right or wrong answer in this situation] erplexed

In response to the bolded, here's how I feel. A LOT of women in this situation DO STAY. I had two friends who were half-sisters, and the wife stayed. Not only did she stay, but she didn't even acknowledge the illegitimate child (nor did her husband, the father), nor did they tell their kids. It was the illegitimate child's friendship with me that brought them all back together. The legitimate daughter went to church with me and was in a Black social organization with me, and that's how it came out. One day my other friend stayed at my house and came to church. This is a reminder that God works in mysterious ways. Imagine being like 13 and finding out you have a sister (who was only a few months younger BTW). How devastating could that have been? I know that this must be a very complicated situation, and I don't pretend to understand it from a personal perspective. But IMO, if you take back a cheating man, especially one that fathered a child with another woman, at the very least, you should not prevent that man from having a relationship with his child!

 

[Honey6928215]

I feel pretty strongly about this one because I am a love child. I think it is selfish and petty to expect a father to walk away from that other woman and child because he was slime. My "dad" had a wife in another country when he moved to the US He hooked up with my mom, an immigrant from another country- and didn't tell her about his wife until she got pregnant. While she was pregnant he brought his wife into the country and proceeded to get her with child. As a young child I had no say over where I had to go and my mom and dad decided I should spend one weekend a month with them.
My father's wife would do everything she could to make me miserable and no one would believe me if I told on her because she knew how to fake the funk when others were around. MY younger brother is horrible to me because I was the bastard and he was legitimate. I no longer even speak to my half siblings. I had to put up with that woman's bitterness and hatefulness until I finally had proof. I have allergies. The first time she "accidentally" fed me something, she got away with it by crying saying she didn't know. The second time my reaction was so severe I had to be rushed to the emergency room and almost died because I couldn't breathe on my own. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to visit again and rarely saw my dad after that.
I share my story just to say that if you ever get into this situation don't become a complete ***** by damaging someone's child. Either leave that man alone and move on with your life or make peace with the fact that accepting his poor choices are now the right thing to do!

Lord, I can imagine what you have gone through. And the thing is your mother had no idea that your father was already married. It's a shame that the wife did this to you. She had no right to do that. I can't believe people would be that evil to a child. Tell me, that your mom wanted to bust a cap in that woman's a**! I would have slap the crap out of the father because HE created this, too. Like they say what goes around comes around.

 

[TracyNicole]

You know some men are just trifling. They really don't care about anyone but themselves. I feel like my background is why I am not married yet. When you know a man can be nasty enough to step out on you and use no protection . . .I mean how to you give yourself to someone. It's like putting your life in their hands.

 

[Honey6928215]

You know some men are just trifling. They really don't care about anyone but themselves. I feel like my background is why I am not married yet. When you know a man can be nasty enough to step out on you and use no protection . . .I mean how to you give yourself to someone. It's like putting your life in their hands.

Do you still communicate with your father? How do his other family act toward you now that you are an adult? You know people tend to forget what they did to you after you grown up and made something of yourself like they are a part of it. Just curious....

 

[TracyNicole]

He showed up to my college graduation and acted like he had played a huge role in my life. Right! He calls every now and then but there really is no connection. I really tried to develop a relationship with him when my fiance asked to be introduced we went to NY to visit and he spent the whole time complaining about my hair and weight. We ended up leaving and wandering the city until we could find a hotel to sleep and head home the next day. I found that after that I answer the calls less and less. I've tried really hard to be a good person and put it all behind me.

Do you still communicate with your father? How do his other family act toward you now that you are an adult? You know people tend to forget what they did to you after you grown up and made something of yourself like they are a part of it. Just curious....

 

[Honey6928215]

He showed up to my college graduation and acted like he had played a huge role in my life. Right! He calls every now and then but there really is no connection. I really tried to develop a relationship with him when my fiance asked to be introduced we went to NY to visit and he spent the whole time complaining about my hair and weight. We ended up leaving and wandering the city until we could find a hotel to sleep and head home the next day. I found that after that I answer the calls less and less. I've tried really hard to be a good person and put it all behind me.

Man, that was mean of him complaining about your weight and hair. It's amazing what front these men will pull like they are a part of something. He needs to be careful of how he treats you because he don't realize when he gets old he will be asking you for help. Just becasue he has legitimate children doesn't mean they will always be around to take care of them. Sometimes the legitimate children treats them worst then the children of OOW. I have seen this with my own eyes. Girl I can tell you some stories.

This woman went through the same thing you have. Her father's family treated her like crap. Now that she's a doctor, they want to jump on the bandwagon and claim her. She wouldn't have it. She even told them off of how they treated her. Now her half-sister came down with cancer and they came crawling to her for help.

 

[carameldiva]

I have an acquaintance that this happened to. From what she told me, her husband was already the controlling type and she is dependent upon him financially. He had an affair and the "mistress" had the child. Now she ( my acquaintance) and her husband are raising this child. She is miserable and contemplates leaving him but again money is her issue. Mind you, they are well passed the required amount of time for her to get half and he is a retired military as well. I think she needs to leave and grab hold of some happiness for herself before it is too late. Her religion- catholic is also an issue her.

 

[oooop2]

Here is another scenerio:

What if the woman (married) has an affair w/ a married man and gets pregnant? What advise would you have for her?

 

[jada1111]

In response to the bolded, here's how I feel. A LOT of women in this situation DO STAY. I had two friends who were half-sisters, and the wife stayed. Not only did she stay, but she didn't even acknowledge the illegitimate child (nor did her husband, the father), nor did they tell their kids. It was the illegitimate child's friendship with me that brought them all back together. The legitimate daughter went to church with me and was in a Black social organization with me, and that's how it came out. One day my other friend stayed at my house and came to church. This is a reminder that God works in mysterious ways. Imagine being like 13 and finding out you have a sister (who was only a few months younger BTW). How devastating could that have been? I know that this must be a very complicated situation, and I don't pretend to understand it from a personal perspective. But IMO, if you take back a cheating man, especially one that fathered a child with another woman, at the very least, you should not prevent that man from having a relationship with his child!

I would leave him and it would be a great many years before I'd want to see the lovechild of his mistress. No, I would not stay with him and take care of the child on HIS weekends.

I don't blame the child nor would I ever do anything to harm said child, but NO. Our relationship would be over. It also means he slept with her without a condom thereby jeopardizing MY sexual health. NO.

I'm just glad I'm not living in a third world country, because then I would have no choice on the matter (about leaving him that is). 80% of the time it's the MAN that makes the money which means turning a blind eye to a great many things (even sexual abuse of your children).

 

[jada1111]

Here is another scenerio:

What if the woman (married) has an affair w/ a married man and gets pregnant? What advise would you have for her?

I'd tell her to have an abortion like I've told a couple of others in REAL life.

WHY on earth in this day and age would you put yourself in that type of situation?

Of course those chicks didn't listen to me. One even went so far as to send pics of the kid addressed to the wife believing it would prompt her to leave him. She didn't. The husband no longer deals with her or the child either. He is paying court-ordered child support though.

The second chick is quite happy being the "mistress". She likes the fact that she's his "vacation" from his "horrible" home life. Yeah, right. Whatever. These women by the way were in their mid-thirties when this crap took place. Desperation knows no age limit.

 

[oooop2]

I hear u on this one!!! But sometimes loves/infatuation makes people do some dumb things..LOL

I'd tell her to have an abortion like I've told a couple of others in REAL life.

WHY on earth in this day and age would you put yourself in that type of situation?

Of course those chicks didn't listen to me. One even went so far as to send pics of the kid addressed to the wife believing it would prompt her to leave him. She didn't. The husband no longer deals with her or the child either. He is paying court-ordered child support though.

The second chick is quite happy being the "mistress". She likes the fact that she's his "vacation" from his "horrible" home life. Yeah, right. Whatever. These women by the way were in their mid-thirties when this crap took place. Desperation knows no age limit.

 

[jada1111]

I hear u on this one!!! But sometimes loves/infatuation makes people do some dumb things..LOL

There is something in the female psyche that believes that a baby is a symbol of some all encompassing love and that the man will act like they do in the movies when they find out about the pregnancy.

Men do NOT think this way. If they want a child from you THEY WILL TELL YOU and vice versa.

What's sad is a lot of women KNOW this and still trip. If you know you're a weekly 4am booty call, WHY on earth would you think the man will start looking at you like a love interest? Then they "accidentally" pop up pregnant and don't tell the guy until it's too late for an abortion to take place. They do this because they KNOW the man wouldn't want a child from them. They don't see the child and child support becomes sporadic.

The mother starts doing desperate moves by sending pics of the child to family members like it's supposed to make a difference. It doesn't. Your baby YOUR problem.

My thing is WHY would you bring a CHILD into your delusional fantasy?

 

[Princess4real]

There is something in the female psyche that believes that a baby is a symbol of some all encompassing love and that the man will act like they do in the movies when they find out about the pregnancy.

Men do NOT think this way. If they want a child from you THEY WILL TELL YOU and vice versa.

What's sad is a lot of women KNOW this and still trip. If you know you're a weekly 4am booty call, WHY on earth would you think the man will start looking at you like a love interest? Then they "accidentally" pop up pregnant and don't tell the guy until it's too late for an abortion to take place. They do this because they KNOW the man wouldn't want a child from them. They don't see the child and child support becomes sporadic.

The mother starts doing desperate moves by sending pics of the child to family members like it's supposed to make a difference. It doesn't. Your baby YOUR problem.

My thing is WHY would you bring a CHILD into your delusional fantasy?

Well said, Bravo!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

I would leave him and it would be a great many years before I'd want to see the lovechild of his mistress. No, I would not stay with him and take care of the child on HIS weekends.

I don't blame the child nor would I ever do anything to harm said child, but NO. Our relationship would be over. It also means he slept with her without a condom thereby jeopardizing MY sexual health. NO.

I'm just glad I'm not living in a third world country, because then I would have no choice on the matter (about leaving him that is). 80% of the time it's the MAN that makes the money which means turning a blind eye to a great many things (even sexual abuse of your children).

I completely agree with this!

 

[likewtr4chklit]

I would have to leave. I wouldn't be able to stay if he didn't raise them b/c I don't respect deadbeats, and I wouldn't be able to stay with evidence of his infidelity always in my face.

 

[beauty]

No way! That is very painful situation to stay in.

 

[treybaby2005]

No I would not.That is very painful.My mom let my dad have 8 or 9 kids while married with the same woman and then still left.I can't even say what I want to say about this subject because I love this forum and don't want to be banned.

 

[cocoberry10]

No I would not.That is very painful.My mom let my dad have 8 or 9 kids while married with the same woman and then still left.I can't even say what I want to say about this subject because I love this forum and don't want to be banned.

Say it! I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad!

 

[ojthomas]

The poll is a little hard to answer if we already had children maybe I can forgive with lots and lots of prayer and counseling. On the other hand if we have no kids and have been trying to conceive for a very long time without any luck and he goes and has a baby with another woman, its on! I would turn into Ms. Madea and bust out my piece of steel on his nuts.

 

[krikit96]

HELL NO!!!!!!



People are always saying the child is innoncent. The child has nothing to do with it. **** the child and their mother.

Truth be told I don't like any child that's not related to me. And I don't like some of them that are related to me. So there is no way in hell I would raise someone else's child in my home. If I had children, my kids would never see thier father's bastard child.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope

And as for the hubby, oh man ---- I would ruin him!

That's what I'm SAYIN!!! I'm tryin to get somebody to watch MY kids so I can get some time to myself, what in the Heezy do I look like raising that bytches child? Why can't SHE raise that little shyt? Seriously?

That means money out of MY household when school starts... that means less time for ME and she is out there livin it up while I'M babysitting her ugly child... NOPE!

While it ain't the kids fault they are there, the bottom line is THEY ARE THERE! This little MF shouldn't even be EXISTING! Hell to the Nizaw!

 

[favorc]

heelll naw!!! they both got to go. i would never hate the child or treat it bad. it just that him and the other woman will have to take care of that not me.