Would you help your future husband pay his child support?

[daydreem2876]

Yes... if I choose to marry a man who pays child support. Thats the deal. Whether I gave him the money or not, its still money that will go out of my household and less money for me. Under the right overall circumstances, I could deal with that. The bottom line is if you are not willing to deal with the others baggage then you should not be together. That's OK, just cut your losses and keep it movin'

 

[ambergirl]

I'm surprised by some of these responses. Marriage is about two people coming together to build a home, with that comes responsibilities; whether they existed before or after marriage.

You can't pick and choose your obligations to suit you. Just as if your husband has debts, upon marriage, they become your debts. If he had an illness before meeting you, that becomes your responsibility to care for him upon marriage. What if as a result of the illness he couldn't work? Will you refuse to pick up his obligations?

We talk so often about deadbeat dads and here's someone who is doing the right thing and yall are acting like he's some leper. What if your husband couldn't afford the CS payments anymore? You're going to refuse to help him put food on his child's plate? This is a child we’re talking about. It’s your duty to help support this child as a compassionate human being. This child will be your future child's (if you have any) sibling. You owe a duty to that child as well if for no other reason than that.

Some of you are on some straight B.S.
Bet you claim to be Christians too huh? And in anycase as others have pointed out, if he's paying child support, that is joint income that is being taken away from the home. Just because you're not reaching into your pocket book to pay doesn't mean you're not paying.

On the bolded, yes you can choose which obligations you want to take on. I have seen far, far, far too many men saddled with child support payments, hook up with some woman because they wanted someone to help them with the payments...not because these women are their true loves. I have a friend right now who is basically carrying her household and a substantial proportion of the households of his three minor children by three women because she lubs him. Won't be me.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I'm surprised by some of these responses. Marriage is about two people coming together to build a home, with that comes responsibilities; whether they existed before or after marriage.

You can't pick and choose your obligations to suit you. Just as if your husband has debts, upon marriage, they become your debts. If he had an illness before meeting you, that becomes your responsibility to care for him upon marriage. What if as a result of the illness he couldn't work? Will you refuse to pick up his obligations?

We talk so often about deadbeat dads and here's someone who is doing the right thing and yall are acting like he's some leper. What if your husband couldn't afford the CS payments anymore? You're going to refuse to help him put food on his child's plate? This is a child we’re talking about. It’s your duty to help support this child as a compassionate human being. This child will be your future child's (if you have any) sibling. You owe a duty to that child as well if for no other reason than that.

Some of you are on some straight B.S.
Bet you claim to be Christians too huh? And in anycase as others have pointed out, if he's paying child support, that is joint income that is being taken away from the home. Just because you're not reaching into your pocket book to pay doesn't mean you're not paying.

No, I am not taking care of someone else kids. Sorry, but I can't. Glad I got out of that relationship. I'm not obligated to take care of your or anyone else kids!! Those kids not getting a "dolla" from me. Have to be some good hydraulics, dome, voodoo and other stuff combined. No thanks.

For the record, I am a Christian as well.

 

[Katherina]

No, I am not taking care of someone else kids. Sorry, but I can't. Glad I got out of that relationship. I'm not obligated to take care of your or anyone else kids!! Those kids not getting a "dolla" from me. Have to be some good hydraulics, dome, voodoo and other stuff combined. No thanks.

For the record, I am a Christian as well.

@ whipz


I am totally against this idea. First, I don't want to date a man who has kids already. But if I did date him, I wouldn't want it to be serious LTR leading to marriage. There's no way that I want my hard earned cash going to his baby momma's kids. Do they really need THREE adult providers: baby momma, husband, and ME?! No.

He needs to have that CS coming out of HIS check every month. And if he can't afford that? . I'm not reachin into "extra" money: not even my purse fund let alone our children's extracurricular activities fund for that. If that's the plan my FH proposed, I would have to chuck up the deuces and be out sooner than later in a nasty divorce over finances.

 

[LunadeMiel]

absolutely not. I'm be damned if I'd be taking care of someone else's kid the notion is too funny to me. I wish a negro would fix his mouth to ask me to help him pay child support payments. Hahahahahaha I didn't make the kid so he/she is not mine and definitely not my responsibility.

 

[Mortons]

No. There is a girl I know right now having to work overtime weekly, even though she has a 2 month old, all because her man has to pay damn near half his income to child support. They are all struggling with a new baby, and his other child and the mama living cool.


No ma'am.

 

[ladysaraii]

@ whipz


I am totally against this idea. First, I don't want to date a man who has kids already. But if I did date him, I wouldn't want it to be serious LTR leading to marriage. There's no way that I want my hard earned cash going to his baby momma's kids. Do they really need THREE adult providers: baby momma, husband, and ME?! No.

He needs to have that CS coming out of HIS check every month. And if he can't afford that? . I'm not reachin into "extra" money: not even my purse fund let alone our children's extracurricular activities fund for that. If that's the plan my FH proposed, I would have to chuck up the deuces and be out sooner than later in a nasty divorce over finances.

^^ Pretty much.
He has his obligation to the kid and then he has his obligations to our household. If he couldn't do that, then sorry.

 

[asakeba]

]I see you are judging something unrelated and comparing tragic circumstances that have nothing to do with the issue at hand...[/B] Yes, you can pick and choose your obligations by not taking them ON! I think that most people are saying in an indirect way, "no, because I wouldn't marry him in the first place." Somebody brought up the excellent point about taking away from the children of the new union to pay the children of the older one. If there's not enough money to keep everyone healthy, wealthy and satisfied, then it's a union made in hell that probably should not have happened...at least, not at the time of the financial distress. You don't take on a new wife and you cannot comfortably support your previous family and new one where somebody is going to have to go without.

The OP is considering marrying someone who has to pay CS. She needs to take into consideration ALL posibilities, including a tragic one. If she can't accept FULL responsibility, then she should not be marrying him.

Yes... if I choose to marry a man who pays child support. Thats the deal. Whether I gave him the money or not, its still money that will go out of my household and less money for me. Under the right overall circumstances, I could deal with that. The bottom line is if you are not willing to deal with the others baggage then you should not be together. That's OK, just cut your losses and keep it movin'

Exactly.

On the bolded, yes you can choose which obligations you want to take on. I have seen far, far, far too many men saddled with child support payments, hook up with some woman because they wanted someone to help them with the payments...not because these women are their true loves. I have a friend right now who is basically carrying her household and a substantial proportion of the households of his three minor children by three women because she lubs him. Won't be me.

Won't be me either, which is why I wouldn't date someone with kids. However, you never know when and if, the shoe could be on the other foot and you're the single mother waiting on CS whilst your ex and his wife's combined salary outstrips yours by a significant margin and you're the one struggling to make ends meet.

@ whipz


I am totally against this idea. First, I don't want to date a man who has kids already. But if I did date him, I wouldn't want it to be serious LTR leading to marriage. There's no way that I want my hard earned cash going to his baby momma's kids. Do they really need THREE adult providers: baby momma, husband, and ME?! No.

He needs to have that CS coming out of HIS check every month. And if he can't afford that? . I'm not reachin into "extra" money: not even my purse fund let alone our children's extracurricular activities fund for that. If that's the plan my FH proposed, I would have to chuck up the deuces and be out sooner than later in a nasty divorce over finances.

So you're okay with your potential children's siblings living the life of a pauper?

 

[darlingdiva]

On the bolded, yes you can choose which obligations you want to take on. I have seen far, far, far too many men saddled with child support payments, hook up with some woman because they wanted someone to help them with the payments...not because these women are their true loves. I have a friend right now who is basically carrying her household and a substantial proportion of the households of his three minor children by three women because she lubs him. Won't be me.

PLEASE!!! Even love (or "lub") has it limits.

 

[Lenee925]

I'm surprised by some of these responses. Marriage is about two people coming together to build a home, with that comes responsibilities; whether they existed before or after marriage.

You can't pick and choose your obligations to suit you. Just as if your husband has debts, upon marriage, they become your debts. If he had an illness before meeting you, that becomes your responsibility to care for him upon marriage. What if as a result of the illness he couldn't work? Will you refuse to pick up his obligations?

We talk so often about deadbeat dads and here's someone who is doing the right thing and yall are acting like he's some leper. What if your husband couldn't afford the CS payments anymore? You're going to refuse to help him put food on his child's plate? This is a child we’re talking about. It’s your duty to help support this child as a compassionate human being. This child will be your future child's (if you have any) sibling. You owe a duty to that child as well if for no other reason than that.

Some of you are on some straight B.S.
Bet you claim to be Christians too huh? And in anycase as others have pointed out, if he's paying child support, that is joint income that is being taken away from the home. Just because you're not reaching into your pocket book to pay doesn't mean you're not paying.

 

[ambergirl]

Won't be me either, which is why I wouldn't date someone with kids. However, you never know when and if, the shoe could be on the other foot and you're the single mother waiting on CS whilst your ex and his wife's combined salary outstrips yours by a significant margin and you're the one struggling to make ends meet.

Again, highly, highly unlikely to be me because of the life choices I have made and plan to make. Plus in the scenario you lay out the man should be able to provide child support on his own. If he was a kept man and got his new wife to pay child support, well she'd be a fool for doing it. It's his obligation. Period. So if he finds some woman silly enough to carry his burden that's on her and him.

What's interesting though is you seem to be suggesting that a single mom in that position should be envious and try to get as much out of them as possible. That's not how I see child support. It's about providing for the well being of the child and to maintain a certain standard of living for them. So if my ex ran off and married some rich woman, why should I want or need that money? I would want what was legally mine. No more no less. And he should pay it. [/quote]

So you're okay with your potential children's siblings living the life of a pauper?

If they are living the life of a pauper it's because of their trifling daddy not paying child support, not me. That's why I wouldn't marry a man who couldn't take care of his kids. It's not just about the money, it's a sign of character. So why would I want to be with someone who wouldn't do whatever he needed to do to take care of his kids? Or better yet, has a bunch of kids out there who need to be taken care of in the first place?

 

[missann]

You don't take on a new wife and you cannot comfortably support your previous family and new one where somebody is going to have to go without.

Thank you! Where is the man's responsibility in this? Why would he be trying to holla at other women when he needs to get his house in order? How is he gonna be a provider for his new household if he's having trouble with the existing one?

I understand things may happen over time to affect financial stability, but if there's a shortfall from the start - huge red flag. Just asking for trouble (and resentment) later on.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Now that I have seen your other threads about this guy, you have clearly LOST YOUR DARN MIND!!!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/510340-my-man-finds-out-he-has.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/512587-would-you-date-man-no-college-education.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/511677-would-you-date-man-children.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/pregnancy-motherhood/514489-28-old-age-have-your-first-child.html

This guy is a POS and you have known it since 2 months in. He has been pretty clear that he does not even like Black women but you post a thread calling this POS guy your future HUSBAND??!?!?!? You have seemingly planned out your entire married life with this guy in it, with kids and it seems now you do not want to walk away despite all the flaws you posted about him.

I cannot even fathom why you are considering helping him to pay his child support for the surprise 7 year old child that he has with a White woman. And how does that even happen these days? A surprise 7 year old? So he just hit & ran ... or maybe the White woman had sense enough to leave his POS self alone and try to raise her baby without him?

You need to go to therapy to get your self esteem back. How the heck do you plan to focus on medical school with all this nonsense going on?

 

[fmnnity]

That's going to be a no. The love of my life has just come back around. I can tell he is looking to grow something with me. I cannot do it. He will be paying support for at least 10 more years and his soon to be ex-wife will be getting a hunk of his retirement from the military. The thought of he trying to bring his broke a$$ back around my way right now kind of irks me.

 

[pisceschica]

Hello ladies, Im just curious. If you were to marry a man who had kids from a previous relationship or marriage, would you help pay child support. If you are married to someone who has children, do you help pay child support?

If you want to help the man you constantly talk about pay child support for the 7 year old he has its ok. You have had too many red flags and ask WAAY too many questions that are directly related to your situation. The fact that you are asking soo many questions means you probably don't think its right.

No I would not help pay chilld support. If he cant afford to pay the child support now and has no upwardly mobile career (meaning he'll make more later on) he won't be able to afford to have children with me.

 

[BostonMaria]

If my DH God forbid lost his job, yes of course I'd help him. If the tables were turned I'd EXPECT him to help me. If you're married you help each other out.

Edited to add: OP please RUN
I highly doubt he just found out about this child. I'd be more concerned about why it took two years to tell you. I am wondering if he was with his ex while he was with you :-(

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

On the bolded, yes you can choose which obligations you want to take on. I have seen far, far, far too many men saddled with child support payments, hook up with some woman because they wanted someone to help them with the payments...not because these women are their true loves. I have a friend right now who is basically carrying her household and a substantial proportion of the households of his three minor children by three women because she lubs him. Won't be me.

We must know the same woman.

 

[BostonMaria]

Now that I have seen your other threads about this guy, you have clearly LOST YOUR DARN MIND!!!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/510340-my-man-finds-out-he-has.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/512587-would-you-date-man-no-college-education.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/511677-would-you-date-man-children.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/pregnancy-motherhood/514489-28-old-age-have-your-first-child.html

This guy is a POS and you have known it since 2 months in. He has been pretty clear that he does not even like Black women but you post a thread calling this POS guy your future HUSBAND??!?!?!? You have seemingly planned out your entire married life with this guy in it, with kids and it seems now you do not want to walk away despite all the flaws you posted about him.

I cannot even fathom why you are considering helping him to pay his child support for the surprise 7 year old child that he has with a White woman. And how does that even happen these days? A surprise 7 year old? So he just hit & ran ... or maybe the White woman had sense enough to leave his POS self alone and try to raise her baby without him?

You need to go to therapy to get your self esteem back. How the heck do you plan to focus on medical school with all this nonsense going on?

OMG...

OP, you'll have to ask yourself "if my future daughter was going thru this, what advice would I give her?"

Breaking up SUCKS and it's painful... then the pain subsides and you move on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Now that I have seen your other threads about this guy, you have clearly LOST YOUR DARN MIND!!!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/510340-my-man-finds-out-he-has.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/512587-would-you-date-man-no-college-education.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/relationships/511677-would-you-date-man-children.html

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/pregnancy-motherhood/514489-28-old-age-have-your-first-child.html

This guy is a POS and you have known it since 2 months in. He has been pretty clear that he does not even like Black women but you post a thread calling this POS guy your future HUSBAND??!?!?!? You have seemingly planned out your entire married life with this guy in it, with kids and it seems now you do not want to walk away despite all the flaws you posted about him.

I cannot even fathom why you are considering helping him to pay his child support for the surprise 7 year old child that he has with a White woman. And how does that even happen these days? A surprise 7 year old? So he just hit & ran ... or maybe the White woman had sense enough to leave his POS self alone and try to raise her baby without him?

You need to go to therapy to get your self esteem back. How the heck do you plan to focus on medical school with all this nonsense going on?

I promise you, in the next few months we'll be hearing more stories like this.

I thinks its sad but oh well. Its not my life but I do feel pity for OP and I really dont like to pity people.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Nope. When I was single I was not interested in men with children for that very reason.

 

[TamedTresses]

OP, you need to do some soul searching. There comes a time when we all have to take a step back and accept things for what they really are. You deserve better. I wish you the best.

ETA: This is in response to all of the threads that you have started. I'm looking at the whole picture.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Reason #9887 not to date/marry men with children.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Absolutely not.
I actually don't date men with kids.

 

[Ladybelle]

directly- no.

indirectly- probably.

intentionally- no

unintentionally- likely.

If i do remarry though, I intend on marrying a man who can handle his without me & preferably handle OURS without counting my $$$. That's my ideal situation. I'm looking for 100%, not half.

 

[ThickHair]

directly- no.

indirectly- probably.

intentionally- no

unintentionally- likely.

If i do remarry though, I intend on marrying a man who can handle his without me & preferably handle OURS without counting my $$$. That's my ideal situation. I'm looking for 100%, not half.

CHURCH..................

 

[CarmelCupcake]

Ok so someone stated that how could we call ourselves Christians for not wanting to contribute to our husband's child support, Im sorry but why would I have to contribute to my husband's child support payments if I did not help to create the child, nor do I have any legal rights to the child? Thats a bit much.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

hell no, and most definitely not that as$hole you wit. don't you have any running shoes girl? this is like watching a wreck happen in slow motion and i feel scared for you. ♥

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

So you're okay with your potential children's siblings living the life of a pauper?

i know this wasn't directed at me, but i know that i'm not okay with MY kids having to live the life of a pauper because my partner has other kids to pay for. ♥

 

[asakeba]

Again, highly, highly unlikely to be me because of the life choices I have made and plan to make. Plus in the scenario you lay out the man should be able to provide child support on his own. If he was a kept man and got his new wife to pay child support, well she'd be a fool for doing it. It's his obligation. Period. So if he finds some woman silly enough to carry his burden that's on her and him.

I agree, but there are situations when you make a child with your partner assuming your combined income will be sufficient to take care of any children you make. You get divorced and suddenly you're saddled with half your wages being garnished, plus finding a home to live in, plus finding enough money to buy your child the basics. So your suggestion is that if he is struggling to meet all those obligations, then that makes him undatable? Not every man is out to free ride off women! [/QUOTE]

What's interesting though is you seem to be suggesting that a single mom in that position should be envious and try to get as much out of them as possible. That's not how I see child support. It's about providing for the well being of the child and to maintain a certain standard of living for them. So if my ex ran off and married some rich woman, why should I want or need that money? I would want what was legally mine. No more no less. And he should pay it.

I'm not suggesting that. I'm saying consider the circumstances when the shoe is on the other foot. if a new man came into your life and you were a single mother and struggling to make ends meet, you'd seriously be okay with your new man not even helping you now and again to help you raise your child?

If they are living the life of a pauper it's because of their trifling daddy not paying child support, not me. That's why I wouldn't marry a man who couldn't take care of his kids. It's not just about the money, it's a sign of character. So why would I want to be with someone who wouldn't do whatever he needed to do to take care of his kids? Or better yet, has a bunch of kids out there who need to be taken care of in the first place?

Not everyone is blessed with a high income. So you're saying poor people shouldn't have kids? In this instance, we are talking about a man with 1 child, not a man with several kids by how ever many baby mamas

Thank you! Where is the man's responsibility in this? Why would he be trying to holla at other women when he needs to get his house in order? How is he gonna be a provider for his new household if he's having trouble with the existing one?

I understand things may happen over time to affect financial stability, but if there's a shortfall from the start - huge red flag. Just asking for trouble (and resentment) later on.

Again, a poor man with kids shouldn't ever concieve of getting married?

Ok so someone stated that how could we call ourselves Christians for not wanting to contribute to our husband's child support, Im sorry but why would I have to contribute to my husband's child support payments if I did not help to create the child, nor do I have any legal rights to the child? Thats a bit much.

The reason is that he is your husband. If the child he created is not important to you, then you shouldn't be with him.

i know this wasn't directed at me, but i know that i'm not okay with MY kids having to live the life of a pauper because my partner has other kids to pay for. ♥

Hmm, well, that child will come to your home with your husband and see all of the things your children have and they don't have. If you're comfortable seeing the want in their eyes, then so be it,

 

[Thiends]

Hello ladies, Im just curious. If you were to marry a man who had kids from a previous relationship or marriage, would you help pay child support. If you are married to someone who has children, do you help pay child support?

Aw heck naw. It wouldn't be me. But you...yea, you're going to be paying child support for that almost-white daughter your "fiance" has. Hurry up and finish med school!