raising the child of your man's AFFAIR? WOULD YOU?

would you help to raise the child from his adultry

  • yes, i would willingly do it. the child did not ask to be here.

    Votes: 41 20.0%

  • no, i would forgive but not be able to forget, with a child as proof of the affair.

    Votes: 164 80.0%
  • Total voters
    205

Raising the child of your man's AFFAIR? WOULD YOU?
No...I would be living a big lie pretending everything was ok, even if we had openly discussed his disloyalty and he were truly
remorseful​
​

...What kind of life would it be...It would not be good for all parties
concerned.​
not at all :nono:...​
​
​
 
I wouldnt stay. No way. Me and him would be done. But if the mother or he did not want the child and I had children with the man or to keep this child from going into the system I would take him/her. I have a really big heart (it is my gift and curse) But that is the only way. To each is there own but I dont believe in that I see the father in the child bit. My mother abuse me for the same exact reason. I look like my dad spit me out. I dont fall in love with looks. I fall in love with heart and personality. I believe that god lends us to our parents like he did jesus to mary and joseph. We are his children. But that my opinion. To each there own. I dont knock no one for what they believe/feel.
 
krikit96 said:
:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
That's what I'm SAYIN!!! I'm tryin to get somebody to watch MY kids so I can get some time to myself, what in the Heezy do I look like raising that bytches child? Why can't SHE raise that little shyt? Seriously?

That means money out of MY household when school starts... that means less time for ME and she is out there livin it up while I'M babysitting her ugly child... NOPE!

While it ain't the kids fault they are there, the bottom line is THEY ARE THERE! This little MF shouldn't even be EXISTING! Hell to the Nizaw!:nono:
Click to expand...



I agree whole heartedly:yep:. I just had to bold the whole post cuz that is EXACTLY how i feel
 
See I was a product of an affair on both sides:wallbash:..... and boy was it hell... The families always seemed to blame me for the breakup of the marriages. I took all of the evil glares and bad talk for years until I was old enough to defend myself.... With all of the struggles I had to live through, my Life has made me a better person. I am kind, caring, stern, loyal, gentle, loving etc.... but most of all extremely honest beyond measure. I would not change one thing about me or my life, I am thankful to be alive despite all who wish I were not here... just remember the child is innocent in all of this and just wants to be loved as any person would. That child is capable of so much love if ever given the chance to share it.


P.S. this was supposed to be a short post I guess emotions got in the way.:blush: sorry...
 
Honestly..I would know what to do until I am faced with the situation. We tend to say one thing, but when it actually happens do something else. Not saying all women do this, but again..I guess I would have to be faced with the situation to know what I would exactly do.
 
The answer to this depends on a person's ability to forgive, let go, and let God. I came into this thread because my father is a product of this exact situation. My grandfather was in the Army. He got stationed in Washington DC and left my Grandma Gracie here in Chicago. While there he met some lady (Right. I don't even know her name) whose husband was stationed overseas. He and this lady had an affair, she got pregnant, had my father, but then gave my father to my grandfather once she heard her husband was coming back home. So my grand father got on the plane back to Chicago and my Grandma Gracie raised my father. She even had to do it as a SINGLE PARENT once my grandfather was murdered when my father was 13. She and her family spoiled him to death! Her family is the ONLY family on my father's side that he and his children even know. He has no family on his father's side and hasn't seen his mother since he was 13. Yet the wife and her family has loved the love child to death and to this day is the family we have on his side. He only saw his real mother once (at his father's funeral) and even then I don't think she spoke to my father. I have never seen her obviously. I have never even heard her voice. She probably doesn't even know we exist.

I remember! Her name is Versie Smith...Something like that....We don't even know if her husband knows about my father, whether she is even still alive...NOTHING! Plus she already had kids so Lord only knows how much family I really have. But I digress...

My point is it depends on your character and your ability to forgive and consider the quality of the child's life over the quality of your relationship.
 
my mother is helping to raise two, and she was raising the third before her mother decided my mom was poisoning her mind.

i've seen enough to answer this question with a resounding NO. this trick had two children by my stepfather...then had twins by another man, lost custody of them to their father and his wife (she obviously has a thing for married men), got back with my stepfather for a bit, then got pregnant again by another married man and had an abortion when he left her to go back to his wife. everyone in this situation is retarded, my mother included, who seems to make herself feel better by saying my sister was there first so it's all gravy.
 
Bint Yusef said:
No, a man who would cheat AND make a side baby is no man of mine. Him and that child are both out the door. Our values simply arent compatible if he cant control himself enough to not do that. That is a no compromise situation, divorce immediately.
Click to expand...
Cheating without using protection? Me thinks not, buh-bye!!!
 
To all those who say that they would not let their children see the other child to show them how a "real" marriage works: you do know that children can sense unhappiness between their parents, right? I know this from experience.

And calling children bastards and little shyts is disgusting. Oh well. Keep them separated. And when your daughter starts dating her half-brother don't start wishing that they knew about each other growin up.
 
cutiebe2 said:
Our relationship would be over but I would expect him to pay CS for my child and his lovechild

I would allow my children to have a relationship with the love child (I think thats important) and I would be friendly with the kid. Like was said, it not the childs fault. And I don't want any child to feel hate in their lives..so I would try to show love (if I was even around them)
Click to expand...

Yeah, what she said.

Incidentally Iyanla Vanzant is a product of one of these situations. (Raised by the wife of her father - who had an affair that resulted in Iyanla.)
 
My marriage would be over and my kids would be allowed to know their sibling.

It would be crazy for me to take him back after he did something intentional like an affair, and not accept his child who did NOTHING at all. If I took him back I'd have to accept the child. The two go hand in hand. How can I look at him and not think about the child? I couldn't.

In order for me to raise the love child, I would have to be a last choice. Bio mom is 100% out the picture and no others would take the kid. But I really don't see this scenario happening cuz dude would be gone.
 
Nope, I am not that sanctified yet. God himself would have to come down from Heaven and sit down on my couch and TELL me to do it. I just don't think I could. :nono: i wish I could say that I would do it.
 
I'm not sure how I feel about this situation. I guess I can say what I would do, but don't really know what I would do unless put in that position. I was cheated on in my relationship for almost the entire time we had been together. Blamed myself, don't really know why, but kept thinking of him being with her....drove me crazy. I now it's not the child's fault, but it is a constant reminder of the cheating.
 
I left my ex-husband for cheating. We were together for over 18 years at the time w/2 children. And he didn't even get anybody preggers...So no, i wouldn't even stay with him. Certainly not take care of his child produced from his whoring.
 
I haven't read the whole thread...

But I just found about 3 months ago that my 29 year old cousin is not my aunt's (blood related) biological child but the result of her husband's affair. She's been raising him since he was 18 months.

So on the outset, my "strong beautiful black woman" self would say no.

But I'd have to really give it some thought - especially if the child's home situation is dismal and me and my philandering husband are trying to overcome.
 
Sleeping with someone without protection is so irresponsible of him, I wouldn't be able to do it. How does he know she didn't have an STD and he wouldn't be bringing that home to me? It just puts the whole family at risk.
 
The baby is the innocent party in this and is the true victim. I couldn't raise the child because the baby deserves more than me. I can't see myself ever really being able to look at him/her without thinking of how his daddy hurt me.:perplexed
My SO would need to set up house with his 'new family', because there is no room in my house or my heart for someone who disrespects me enough to risk giving me an STD or HIV.:nono:
 
Honestly, that is a bridge I would have to cross when I got there.... hopefully I will never get there.

I have a friens that did embrace a love child. dont get me wrong, it took time patience, separation and lots of prayer for them to work it out, but they did work it out.

However, I do believe that the love child's mother had a lot to do with my friend being able to embrace the child. The mother came to my friend woman to woman, admitted she was wrong for how things went down, she really did not want to interrupt their life but explained she needed assistance for her child and could not get it without naming a father. As far as I know, this woman has been true to her word, the child visits and has a relationship with the family, the mother has asked for nothing beyond what the courts have decided (although they do provide more) and everyone has a healthy respect for one another.
 
No way in hell.

It wouldn't be fair to me or the kid. I know it's not the kids fault, but it would just serve as a living reminder of my husband's infideility. I'm not a cruel person and I dont want to become one b/c of resentment.

So it's really in everyone's best interests if we split up so he can handle his responsibilities and I can find someone who is worth it.
 
daydreem2876 said:
Honestly, that is a bridge I would have to cross when I got there.... hopefully I will never get there.

I have a friens that did embrace a love child. dont get me wrong, it took time patience, separation and lots of prayer for them to work it out, but they did work it out.

However, I do believe that the love child's mother had a lot to do with my friend being able to embrace the child. The mother came to my friend woman to woman, admitted she was wrong for how things went down, she really did not want to interrupt their life but explained she needed assistance for her child and could not get it without naming a father. As far as I know, this woman has been true to her word, the child visits and has a relationship with the family, the mother has asked for nothing beyond what the courts have decided (although they do provide more) and everyone has a healthy respect for one another.
Click to expand...
Wow! Certainly a difficult situation and it took a lot of time, but a lot of maturity was displayed to come to this resolve.
 
No, I wouldn't do it. We've been married over 15 years, but I honestly would kick him out and go on without him. I'm too old for any of this kind of nonsense. I know it's not the baby's fault, but I wouldn't want to bring that child into my home.
 
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