My Husband told me to "Get a Job"!!!

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Oh no, you shouldn't have posted on his wall :(
You have to put a plan into action really fast now because he knows you are on to him now.
 
Please don't let your emotions get the best of you....go back to page 4 and re-read and collect yourself. You shouldn't even have said anything about it, but now - get your wits about you and calm down.
 
Does your DH know about your membership on this site? Does he know your screen name? Maybe you should ask to have it changed so he can't spy on you, in case he does think you are on to him.
 
she should change her log-in passwords at least. If she doesn't have her own computer.

Get off the computer girl and get right.

Find yourself some local resources and start making phone calls.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
I think you should keep digging till you find out WHO she is. You'll need to know, because he's giving her your money.
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Also, he's taking food outta your children's mouth and other provisions that the family needs.

LadyPaniolo said:
eta: $HIT!!! You should NOT have tipped your hand, hun. You just lost the upper hand AND some extra time to get yourself together :nono:
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So true. Cooler heads prevail in times and cases like these. I suggest that you 'forgive' him, just say that you know he was angry and retaliated on Facebook, but you're over that now, and convince him to add you back (in time).
 
And let this thread serve as a reminder for those who don't have any marriage issues to be grateful for that and this be a reminder for you.

And for those who aren't in relationships and have great high ideals as to how things should go down, I pray you are never placed in a situation such as this, because sometimes life just goes a certain way - the days accumulate and one day you wake up, get dressed and look around thinking WTF.

Nobody plans anything like this is all.
 
awhyley said:
Also, he's taking food outta your children's mouth and other provisions that the family needs.



So true. Cooler heads prevail in times and cases like these. I suggest that you 'forgive' him, just say that you know he was angry and retaliated on Facebook, but you're over that now, and convince him to add you back (in time).
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I cosign this post 1,000% Say you understand he just did that in a moment of anger and doesn't mean it :blah: whatever BS excuse he gives, you understand it all. Meanwhile, keep your eyes laser focused on the bank account, on his FB, on all of his behavior. Document, document, document. AND find a local divorce atty.

One question (I hate to bring it up, but...) do your kids have passports? If they do, you need to lock them up where he cannot find them TONIGHT. He may take the kids and flee to Jamaica.
 
Im not an instigator but I would looooove to FR this idiot to see what he does or says. Im also in Buffalo which is not to far from shinyblackhair so i wonder of he would be inclined to try to communicate back.

But anywho Im extremely sorry to hear this, and LP and others have gave you really good advice.
 
LadyPani - chile puleez...grab da passports cuz he might take them to jamaica? girl......dat broke dyck bama bouta bike on a line of credit lolol...he ain't goin to no dayum jamaica. if he do, it wont be wif dem chirren. most black men dont do dat. take da kids n jet. hell, he can't even afford da plane ticket lolol....i know u mean well but'r uh...i don't git him rollin out like dat. what she needs to do is grab HIS passport so HE won't go nowhere.

ummm OP - i thought i took n told u to keep ur cool. i understand ur upset, but if u wanna win this WAR, then u gotta be smart and strategize cuz see, it ain't about u no more, it's about dem chirren of urs. for right now, stop lookin for shyt cuz when u look for shyt u find shyt. don't let dis board gitchu caught up in da trick bag. learn how to think. u in da house all dayum day....imma need u to think and figure out what YOU need to do for you and those kids.

neva let da right hand know what da left hand doin. im tellin u....u gotta psych dem men chile when it comes to stuff like dis. truth be told, dat bama scared to come home. das why he ain't answerin his phone. da reason why he wanted to accept u as a friend on facebook, so dat u can see he changed his status to "single". he mind phuckin u girl.

be smart. calm down n relax cuz right now, trust, he ain't goin no where. think bout it. where he gonna keep his bike at lololol...seriously. he runnin scared now. tellin u some good shyt. when he comes home, i would be nice, smile, hey baby, da whole nine. he would be lookin at u like WTF.... i wouldn't ask no questions at all. pretend like da shyt neva happened t'day. i know summa yall think i'm crazy, but it works, dealin wif these dumb mu'phuckas....been der, done dat, and got da dayum t-shirt.

u thought he was lookin atchu wif da deer in da headlights look on his face n shyt before....watch how he look at u now. i would fix his dinna wif a smile. bet he won't eat it lololol.....he'll be scared to go to sleep.....wake up serve him breakfast.... pretty soon, he'll break down n have a bytch moment, then you got him by da short n curlies. tellin u some good shyt chile....


treat him with kindness cuz his day comin. ok. so u exposed ur hand a lil t'day and took one for da team. u got time to clean up behind ya self. don't let him mind phuck u like dat....u should be da one doin da serious phuckin. feel me?

now go git his passport n put it up. i don't give a dayum if u burn it out back...get HIS passport. dont worry bout dem chirren...he ain't takin them no where....
 
Okay. I lost my cool by posting on his Wall. I'm not on his FB anymore since he deleted and so I can't monitor the account...my bad. I don't know what to do now. He just came home and hopped on his motorcycle and left. He told the kids he's going to the store to go buy some ingredients for my daughter to make cookies. I haven't cooked dinner...I've been on the computer all day...I will def secure everything. I can't make promises that I'm going to act sweet as pie when he comes home, but I guess I just may have to because I need to sign up for my driving course ($370).
 
chicitygirl said:
Lady Paniolo,

My point is that she'll get a head start on saving and put her family in a better situation financially by not waiting idly by for the courts to issue whatever pittance she's entitled to based on his $26/hour before taxes and child support. I'm just sayin' simple math states that she's not going to get much. Doesn't make sense for her to wait for him to leave for what will amount to be like an extra $50/month.

I don't think it's going to matter legally if she starts now or after he leaves in the whole scheme of things. She's already shown that he solely supported the family for over 15 years. No judge is going to say that her working in the last few months after he's proclaimed publicly on dang FB of all places that he's single is grounds for her to get less in support.
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THIS. THIS. THIS.

Especially the parts in bold.
 
ThatJerseyGirl, you have a point that he's more likely to flee by himself or with the sideslore to Jamaica. But it costs nothing to put those passports in the cabinet, and the cost of not doing so could be losing them for years and years while fighting tooth and nail to get them back. I don't have much dealings with black men of any kind, but my understanding was that men from Jamaica are more invested in their kids than American BM. Of course, that has no bearing on what THIS particular man will or will not do. I know my husband would be far more likely to take our 3 kids to Japan than to risk another man coming around them, real talk.

I'm a bit puzzled why you think the board is convincing the OP to do something against her interests. If a man is halfway out the door, and I tell her to find out for certain... how is that bad advice? Knowledge is power. If he's cheating he could give her a disease. Whether he is cheating or not is important information to have.

I'm glad you signed up for the driving course, OP. I really wish you well and I hope things work out for you and your children. I am SO SORRY this is happening to you, but I don't regret urging you to take action for one single second.
 
You're right - he def won't be going to JA, lol. but I will take your advice and grab his passport - I keep them all anyway. I am kicking myself for losing my cool, but I will calm down. I'm going to go take a shower and freshen up and clear my head. Maybe I'll even go to the gym later on tonight. I will play the role and make the preparations - I am home "all dayum day" after all, LMAO...I should really be using the time wisely. I gotta look ahead and stay cool. I should prob disconnect my FB because I can't trust myself not to go on there and message all the people I know he's friends with...I can be crazy...

Well, lemme get off this computer and do something with myself. My girls are in my nice clean kitchen "baking" and it prob looks like a bomb went off in there, lol.

I'll be back later after they're in bed.

ThatJerseyGirl said:
LadyPani - chile puleez...grab da passports cuz he might take them to jamaica? girl......dat broke dyck bama bouta bike on a line of credit lolol...he ain't goin to no dayum jamaica. if he do, it wont be wif dem chirren. most black men dont do dat. take da kids n jet. hell, he can't even afford da plane ticket lolol....i know u mean well but'r uh...i don't git him rollin out like dat. what she needs to do is grab HIS passport so HE won't go nowhere.

ummm OP - i thought i took n told u to keep ur cool. i understand ur upset, but if u wanna win this WAR, then u gotta be smart and strategize cuz see, it ain't about u no more, it's about dem chirren of urs. for right now, stop lookin for shyt cuz when u look for shyt u find shyt. don't let dis board gitchu caught up in da trick bag. learn how to think. u in da house all dayum day....imma need u to think and figure out what YOU need to do for you and those kids.

neva let da right hand know what da left hand doin. im tellin u....u gotta psych dem men chile when it comes to stuff like dis. truth be told, dat bama scared to come home. das why he ain't answerin his phone. da reason why he wanted to accept u as a friend on facebook, so dat u can see he changed his status to "single". he mind phuckin u girl.

be smart. calm down n relax cuz right now, trust, he ain't goin no where. think bout it. where he gonna keep his bike at lololol...seriously. he runnin scared now. tellin u some good shyt. when he comes home, i would be nice, smile, hey baby, da whole nine. he would be lookin at u like WTF.... i wouldn't ask no questions at all. pretend like da shyt neva happened t'day. i know summa yall think i'm crazy, but it works, dealin wif these dumb mu'phuckas....been der, done dat, and got da dayum t-shirt.

u thought he was lookin atchu wif da deer in da headlights look on his face n shyt before....watch how he look at u now. i would fix his dinna wif a smile. bet he won't eat it lololol.....he'll be scared to go to sleep.....wake up serve him breakfast.... pretty soon, he'll break down n have a bytch moment, then you got him by da short n curlies. tellin u some good shyt chile....


treat him with kindness cuz his day comin. ok. so u exposed ur hand a lil t'day and took one for da team. u got time to clean up behind ya self. don't let him mind phuck u like dat....u should be da one doin da serious phuckin. feel me?

now go git his passport n put it up. i don't give a dayum if u burn it out back...get HIS passport. dont worry bout dem chirren...he ain't takin them no where....
Click to expand...
 
LadyP - you've been beyond helpful, really, really...I can't even thank you enough - I don't have anyone I could tell all this to IRL - it would be soo humiliating. My husband is pretty well-liked and I'm just dead-weight in comparison.


LadyPaniolo said:
ThatJerseyGirl, you have a point that he's more likely to flee by himself or with the sideslore to Jamaica. But it costs nothing to put those passports in the cabinet, and the cost of not doing so could be losing them for years and years while fighting tooth and nail to get them back. I don't have much dealings with black men of any kind, but my understanding was that men from Jamaica are more invested in their kids than American BM. Of course, that has no bearing on what THIS particular man will or will not do. I know my husband would be far more likely to take our 3 kids to Japan than to risk another man coming around them, real talk.

I'm a bit puzzled why you think the board is convincing the OP to do something against her interests. If a man is halfway out the door, and I tell her to find out for certain... how is that bad advice? Knowledge is power. If he's cheating he could give her a disease. Whether he is cheating or not is important information to have.

I'm glad you signed up for the driving course, OP. I really wish you well and I hope things work out for you and your children. I am SO SORRY this is happening to you, but I don't regret urging you to take action for one single second.
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Yeah, you shouldn't have said anything about his "single status." You should have given yourself time to snoop around on his page. Although this is hard, try to stay calm, collected...and calculating. :look:
 
Stop talking like this about yourself. Im not blaming you but if this is how you think about yourself then your DH is starting to believe it too and taking advantage of the fact that you dont think highly of yourself :nono:


shinyblackhair said:
LadyP - you've been beyond helpful, really, really...I can't even thank you enough - I don't have anyone I could tell all this to IRL - it would be soo humiliating. My husband is pretty well-liked and I'm just dead-weight in comparison.
Click to expand...
 
shinyblackhair said:
LadyP - you've been beyond helpful, really, really...I can't even thank you enough - I don't have anyone I could tell all this to IRL - it would be soo humiliating. My husband is pretty well-liked and I'm just dead-weight in comparison.
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:bighug: You got it, honey, anytime. I hope everything goes well, and please do let us know how things go.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
I hope he comes back home tonight.
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I was thinking the exact same thing. He says he is going to the store, but he's really going to the jumpoff's waiting arms. He will moan and itch about how his wife is so mean, and the jumpoff will be nothing but sweetness and light, as opposed to his mean and "controlling" wife (the wife always gets painted as controlling when she calls the man out on his BS). SMDH. He might come home late and pack his stuff. We won't know until the OP returns and tells us what happened. He will be angry though. Cheaters are always angry when they get caught.
 
Damn, I just finished reading this thread and I am so incredibly sorry this is happening to you. You've been given really good advice, as long as you follow it and keep your head, you'll be alright.

But, please stop with the self defeating thoughts/comments. The last thing you need right now is to beat yourself up. You gotta be strong for your kids, and yourself.
 
Omg, situations like this make me want to AVOID marriage. UGH men are ridiculous. My mom left my stepdad a while ago because of cheating and I wish she could have had someone to give advice like this BEFORE ish hit the fan.
 
LadyP- you took that the wrong way. Everyone is giving advice which is fine cuz we all tryna help. What Im saying is that when she click off da screen, she has a lot to deal with. I would hate to see her make a decision in haste because of her emotions. I gave advice, you gave advice, all good. But at the end, she gotta lay and live with him. So when I said don't get caught up in da trick bag, i meant that.


He came home and jumped on da bike cuz he busted. He KNOW he phucked up. Ball in your court and you can dribble any way you want. I would keep quiet for now tho. You need that driving class so you can become independent. And who knows, once you get established, you may roll ova in da bed, look at him and decide YOU want out. Life is funny like that



Sent from Droid X
 
You ladies are awesome!!! OP, you have been given some excellent advice thus far. Sort through it and make it work to your advantage. Prayers going up for you & the family.
 
this seems to be a case of....... familiarity breeds contempt. Even though you are SAHM -I dont think its a good thing to to let your SO see you in the same spot @ the same time--> doing the same thing Find a hobby- take up a class, get a part time job......just do something else besides SAHM (that is not an insult). This goes for any type of relationship. Just my .02 cents.
 
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