Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

TwoSnapsUp said:
My social life these past few months have been nonexistent. I am looking forward to making some new friends, and going out more in the next few weeks.
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Please do not quote!!!

I miss when Meetup used to have events multiple times I week in my area. (East Coast) I’d be overwhelmed as to which meetup to choose to go to. I’d have multiple options. Ever since covid, meetup events from groups I am in have died down alot. I made friends in these groups, but the closest friends are in different life chapters now. My childhood friends and I chat almost daily, but actually meet up rarely. I am bored. Single and bored. At least if I had suitors they could entertain me on the weekends. Instead, I am home alone. That’s fine, but I would like to also having a friendship group who also enjoys going out on the weekends.I don’t always want to go out alone.

I have been looking for social groups for black women that I can join. Coed groups would also be nice. Hopefully I can find more women, or people, who want to go out and be social. I love being home, but I also don’t want to be alone all the time.
 
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Working on a relationship with myself pertaining to my career goals and self care. I began 2022 by telling myself to trust the process and be prepared. Four months in and the gym has been therapeutic. Had a work related meeting that rubbed me the wrong way and started to feel a little down. Then I remembered I'm in another video game, so bloop. I feel like I have to continue to be a partner with myself and its scary. I don't know why. I think my self vision has changed and I'm learning a new version of me. I'm finally starting to see where this is going.
 
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A friend has a big bday coming up, 40. I asked her what she planned to do, she said travel. I asked her if it was a solo trip or did she want company. She said she definitely wanted company. I told her to let me know and I would join her.
Weeks pass by haven't heard anything till the other day, she mentions she planned her trip with another friend. I responded that I asked her about the trip but didn't hear from her and guessed she hadn't made a decision yet. She got quiet. I let it go.
I'm still deciding if I'm annoyed and if it is worth having a conversation about. I am pmsing so I'll give it a little time.
 
If she invited you then reneged and planned with someone else I'd be bothered.

To be honest - when I first read this it sounded like you brought up her birthday plans and then invited yourself as her travel partner. In that is correct, she would have felt awkward if she had someone else in mind. I've been in and seen those situations before and avoidance of the subject because of fear of hurting feelings is not the most adult thing to do, but its common. The only thing I'd do is say that she can just tell me the truth if this type of thing comes up again. Don't get annoyed though if she's otherwise a good friend, JMO.
 
Thanks @BonBon. She brought up her bday and I followed up with what was the plan.

She is a really good friend and yes I would of liked a heads up. We've done plenty of traveling together, she's not a solo traveler so my asking if she wanted company was trying to ensure she wasn't alone on her bday (if she didn't want to be). I was being presumptuous.

I thought about it and I realized I'm just bothered she wasn't upfront. Overall we'll be fine. I needed a sounding board. Thanks again!
 
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Plushottie said:
I wish I could find the secret sauce to having lasting friends esp at my old age, it’s kinda sad. Not having a family of origin and no social circle life really feel extra harsh but all one can do is work.
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You can make friends on this site. Where are you located?
 
Plushottie said:
I wish I could find the secret sauce to having lasting friends esp at my old age, it’s kinda sad. Not having a family of origin and no social circle life really feel extra harsh but all one can do is work.
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I know how you feel. For me it is scary to try and make new friends. When I was at university I really tried to be open and make myself available to meeting and connecting to new people. But it was almost a disaster. I was rejected by the people I felt the most connection to because of their own prejudices Towards WI people. Never knew blacks in the diaspora had prejudices and felt naive. Except for two ladies who became my lifelong friends. But I have never had a best friend as an adult. I would love to know what that is like. Oprah/Gayle kinda friendship lol. But I don’t think I will ever have that.

I don’t even think I am that selective. The only thing that I do not like in other women is jealousy of other women or women who go out of their way to sleep with married men. That’s it.
 
Ganjababy said:
I know how you feel. For me it is scary to try and make new friends. When I was at university I really tried to be open and make myself available to meeting and connecting to new people. But it was almost a disaster. I was rejected by the people I felt the most connection to because of their own prejudices Towards WI people. Never knew blacks in the diaspora had prejudices and felt naive. Except for two ladies who became my lifelong friends. But I have never had a best friend as an adult. I would love to know what that is like. Oprah/Gayle kinda friendship lol. But I don’t think I will ever have that.

I don’t even think I am that selective. The only thing that I do not like in other women is jealousy of other women or women who go out of their way to sleep with married men. That’s it.
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Yea college was a disaster once I had my incident people rejected me because I was the feel good friend and that’s not something black ppl do. Now I don’t have much human interaction except work and I am wanting to find a new job so there will come a time that I will have no connections.
 
At least a couple of times a meeting my Mum and Aunt get into short, intense conversations where it's like no-one else exists in the room. You can try and contribute but it doesn't matter lol, they just want to talk to each other excitedly for a few minutes.

I'm not one to envy people with siblings because many people I know aren't close to theirs. I know it can go any which way, but when I see those moments when they have so much in common and a special connection, it's like "ahh, that would be nice" :lol:
 
I think my brother's closest friend is lying to him. A pretty big lie. Like one of those too far into the lie to backtrack kind of lies. He suspects his friend is lying too. It wasn't until my brother told me something was suspicious did start connecting dots. Now I'm wondering where the truth stopped and tall tales started. I actually hope I'm wrong cause ugh. That sucks.
 
kimpaur said:
Me and a good friend have decided to take up roller skating!
We both ordered our skates this week and are super excited
Let’s hope we gone be busting moves and not bones :laugh:
It’s been YEARS since I’ve touched a skate and neither of us really ever learned how :giggle:
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This sounds like fun. Now you have me looking up skates :lol:

Where did you purchase yours and how much were they? Why did you decide on them?
 
kimpaur said:
Me and a good friend have decided to take up roller skating!
We both ordered our skates this week and are super excited
Let’s hope we gone be busting moves and not bones :laugh:
It’s been YEARS since I’ve touched a skate and neither of us really ever learned how :giggle:
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That sounds like fun. I've always wanted to learn but I'm afraid of breaking a hip. When your young you don't care about broken bones.
 
I have come to the conclusion that my MIL hates my guts. I have reflected on my own behaviour to see if it is warranted and I honestly do not think it is. She seems to have become so bitter and angry over the years. It started with her husband leaving her.

Even DH said not to pay her any mind. That he has also felt the change and anger. but I still feel hurt. She used to be so nice towards me. Our rift started when she visited my home for the first time.

She was very critical. I took it until she intervened between an argument DH and I had. It was more an exchange of words. He asked me not to mess up the kitchen after he had cleaned it. I got annoyed and answered him back. She got involved and said he had cleaned the kitchen so I better not mess it up. After her constant interventions while she visited, I asked her to stop doing it by saying I would like to speak to my husband without her constant interference. She has hated my guts since then.

I have tried to make amends. So many times. I am going to give up.
 
weaveadiva said:
This sounds like fun. Now you have me looking up skates :lol:

Where did you purchase yours and how much were they? Why did you decide on them?
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Hey diva! Sorry for the late reply
I got a pair of SureGrip Boardwalks from Roller Skate Nation. They have a Slightly Used section and I was able to get a basically new pair at a discount
They were like $185 with tax
I read a lot of reviews and this was consistently mentioned as a reliable,quality brand
I love them! I'll be trying them out this weekend and I'm sooo excited
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Definitely get elbow pads, wrist guards and knee pads as well!
 
You ladies helped greatly with my last friendship issue. So I'm back with another issue.
I have a male friend. We haven't seen each other since we were teenagers but we maintain communications.
My husband is having an issue with this. I'm not giving up my completely platonic friendship for his comfort. The thought of doing so makes me feel like hubby wants complete control of me and that has never and will never happen.
Mind y'all he knows my homeboy. We all grew up in the same apt. complex!
We've been friends with no issues all these years. He lives in VA I live in NYC. He's someone I bounce business issues off of and we catch up on the phone once or twice a year.
Anyway, DH must have seen his Mother's day message to me (I don't hide or lock my phone and he's hella nosy) cause he's all in his feelings.
The last time he brought this issue to me I let him have it...A. Don't go through my phone...you gone find what you looking for!
B. It's DayDay! You know him. Y'all used to be cool.
C. you look stupid cause he is literally hundreds of miles away.

I'm not giving up my friend. He's been an ear for me and I've been the same for him through 2 marriages! Am I wrong? DH needs to chill right?
 
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