Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

@Leeda.the.Paladin I agree with @kimpaur . You don't have to seek her, the next time you see her let her know how you feel. It doesn't have to be a dramatic conversation just "a girl x,y,z wasn't right". I would decide before speaking to her what direction our friendship would move in.

And I very much agree with sentiment "(As an aside, I find that people like to throw around calling people family when it's not actually the case. It sounds nice but for those of us who do not actually have a lot of close family, it can be hurtful when it becomes apparent that we are not family, but in fact just a friend. Just be a friend lol)"
 
I hate that I am having this discussion with myself again...

I have asked my family members not to put anything about my life on social media (marriage, baby, etc). My mom is notorious for this so I don't share much with her.

Earlier this week she asked for a picture of my stomach, since I'm due in a few weeks. I kept saying no, but then I felt bad because I have shared with other family members, without any issues, so I sent her one picture.

Two days later I get a text from a family member I don't really speak to asking me why I didn't tell them I was pregnant. I live in another country, there is no way in the world anyone from my family has seen me in person in the last year, so I'm assuming it's one of three people that they heard this information from.

I ask my mom, she's like "so-and-so asked me if you were pregnant and I told them to call you and find out. Leave me out of it." I know this is a lie.

I am on the verge of going no contact with her. I'm older, this is my first child, my family is very judgemental when it comes to things like this. The majority had kids very young and I've heard them say awful things about older mothers. If any of them say anything about me or this baby I will flip out, so I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want any negativity around me or this baby, since we were surprised we were able to conceive anyway.

I think she is sharing my pictures within her circle of friends/family since I've asked her not to share or put on social media.

Would I be wrong for not sending my mother pictures of the baby after it's born?
 
@Miss_Luna
Don’t share nothing else. Period!!! When someone shows you who they are, believe them! You better get a diary or go talk to a stuffed animal if you really need to get something off of your chest! But you already know how certain people operate. Fool you once, shame on them, fool you twice shame on you. And don’t beat yourself up about all of this. It’s natural to want to share with family, but there are times when family just doesn’t mean you well. And it’s not about anything that you have done, it’s just that’s just the family dynamic of what you were born into.
 
@Evolving78 Exactly! Right before we found out about the baby I had a cousin post something about "old moms". I have done so much with my life to get to this point and I'm probably in the best position in my life to have a child, as far as mental and professional stability goes. None of them have been in a similar situation; I did not judge, only supported. I expected the same and I can see that this isn't the case.

And so I don't want that energy in my life. Thanks for the advice, I'm not sharing anything with her. I told her I'll let her know when I go into labor, that's it.
 
This girl is tripping. We used to be friends but she ruined it and mistreated me so i fell back. I texted her a funny tiktok video at the end of September and never heard back from her. Cool. So at a gathering where her mother was, my mom blabbed that i got a new job at a hospital that is notoriously hard to get into and has good benefits. This hospital is also only 5 minute drive from her but a 40 minute drive for me so its perfect for her. But you have to know someone who knows someone to get it, thats how i got in. At the gathering I knew her mom would tell her. Well guess who decided to hit me up after more than a month lmbo! I didnt respond. She texted me again a few days later and i didnt respond. A few days after that she texted me a third time. Shawty triple texted me. I waited and few hours and responded “thanks”, i timed it and in less than one minute she text me back to ask me if i was off the following day. So you ignore my text for over a month but once you need something your quick AND you want me to hang out with you? She must think im too dumb to put 2 and 2 together as to why she’s suddenly contacting me. Im not paying her no mind, nor am I recommending her to get into this hospital. Not after what she’s done to me.
People run around burning bridges only to realize they needed that bridge to travel to the next destination.
 
I don’t understand people that have avoidant personalities or attachment styles that are always trying to attach themselves to others just be emotionally unavailable. What is so hard with just keeping to yourself?
I also have a problem with people that call you when they are in the car, just because they can’t seem to be alone. They gotta talk to someone. Then as soon as you get comfortable in the conversation, they have made it to their destination and gotta get off of the phone…
 
My church friend makes it her job to find someone in my life and when she does this I distance myself from her. Again she tried to introduce this guy lives in Ghana and when I told her I'm not interested she texts "I'm just trying to help you find someone in your life and you can at least give him a chance don't take too long" . I never asked her for help to find someone or that I'm looking now she wants to do lunch after church and I'm just not up for it I feel like she looks at me lesser because I'm single. Why can't she just let me be that for now. Here's the thing tho I am happy.
 
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Ayesha81 said:
My church friend makes it her job to find someone in my life and when she does this I distance myself from her. Again she tried to introduce this guy lives in Ghana and when I told her I'm not interested she texts "I'm just trying to help you find someone in your life and you can at least give him a chance don't take too long" . I never asked her for help to find someone or that I'm even looking now she wants to do lunch after church and I'm just not up for it I feel like she looks at me lesser because I'm single. Why can't she just let me be that for now. Here's the thing tho I am happy.
Click to expand...
I had a friend that like that. Usually it’s something that is going on with them that their are avoiding and would rather try to fix someone else’s situation or life, whether something is wrong or not.
 
Evolving78 said:
I had a friend that like that. Usually it’s something that is going on with them that their are avoiding and would rather try to fix someone else’s situation or life, whether something is wrong or not.
Click to expand...
I agree.

Ayesha81 said:
My church friend makes it her job to find someone in my life and when she does this I distance myself from her… I never asked her for help to find someone or that I'm looking now she wants to do lunch after church and I'm just not up for it I feel like she looks at me lesser because I'm single. Why can't she just let me be that for now. Here's the thing tho I am happy.
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry that your friend makes you feel that she looks at you as being lesser. That’s very hurtful. The situation you described felt like passive aggressive bullying tbh. You’ve gently told her thanks but no thanks. She says she’s just trying to help. You distance yourself and then once you allow her back in, the pressure resumes. That’s not a very nice friend.
 
One of my closest friends said something that makes me believe she repeated personal info I told her to her boyfriend. Now I feel like I need to to watch what I say around her and I've never had to do that before. She's one of the few people I can be completely open and vulnerable and myself around, and now that trust is lost.

Sucks.
 
weaveadiva said:
One of my closest friends said something that makes me believe she repeated personal info I told her to her boyfriend. Now I feel like I need to to watch what I say around her and I've never had to do that before. She's one of the few people I can be completely open and vulnerable and myself around, and now that trust is lost.

Sucks.
Click to expand...
I would address it. I had a friend do the same years ago. I told her that my business wasn't hers to tell her husband and if she couldn't abide by that then she would be on the outside of my inner circle. We haven't had the problem since.

People make mistakes, if she is important to you I would allow her to fix it. If your trust is irreparably broken then... nothing can be done. I'm sorry this happened. It is an awful feeling.
 
My two closest friends (one of which is my cousin) are married with kiddos. I came to the realization recently that I don't have single friends that I mesh with and enjoy hanging out with has much as those two. I still hang with them but I understand they can't move as spontaneously as I can being single with no kids. Idk. Hard to describe.
 
I decided to cut someone off before the new year. We met pre-pandemic but most of our interactions were online with a few meet ups depending on restrictions. First red flag was her lying about having a whole husband after telling me she was a lesbian! Then, our friendship dwindled once she decided WhatsApp was a corrupt platform, moved abroad while asking people to contact her via email only :rolleyes:

I thought perhaps it was best to cut her off. But I did feel bad so when she came back, we spoke. But tbh the last chat confirmed for me our incompatibilities are too great to continue a friendship. She was just very self centred and the last conversation we did have, I just felt like a soundboard. I did communicate my grievances but didn’t see much change so I believe I’ve made the right choice. I’ve realised I need to cut off people once boundaries are crossed. Honestly I feel I commit too much to people who don’t return the same commitment. I didn’t really anticipate having to go through so many friendship changes in my late 20s as I already have done so previously after coming out in my teens. *sighs*

(Edited as I missed some details)
 
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Need some advice...not sure I'm doing the right thing.
I have 1 ONE friend. She's all I have room for in the friend department....OK not quite true now that I wrote that. But she's the one I give my time to. She recently said something shady. We were in public and I had just told her a "secret" and she shadily mentioned it while we were in others company.
I was stunned for a moment. Tucked her words to the side of my mind and continued to enjoy myself at this before Christmas Birthday party.
I forget nothing. I am unforgiving. I have always been quick to dead a friendship as soon as something goes left.
Since this event...I have avoided her. She calls, she texts etc She's my brunch partner and I've been making excuses to not do what we do..cause I no longer trust her. I told her I'm not gonna be out in these streets till February cause #covid
I mourned the loss of this friendship and actually shed a tear or two.
February is coming. I don't want to make anymore excuses. I know I'll never look her the same. I don't want to be a suckered and ever give her the opportunity to be shady towards me again.
How would y'all move forward?
 
@discodumpling I know you don't want to share too much info but it's hard to form an opinion on how shady her comment was without more detail.

Have you trusted her with other secrets in the past? If so, is this the first time she's said anything shady?
 
discodumpling said:
Need some advice...not sure I'm doing the right thing.
I have 1 ONE friend. She's all I have room for in the friend department....OK not quite true now that I wrote that. But she's the one I give my time to. She recently said something shady. We were in public and I had just told her a "secret" and she shadily mentioned it while we were in others company.
I was stunned for a moment. Tucked her words to the side of my mind and continued to enjoy myself at this before Christmas Birthday party.
I forget nothing. I am unforgiving. I have always been quick to dead a friendship as soon as something goes left.
Since this event...I have avoided her. She calls, she texts etc She's my brunch partner and I've been making excuses to not do what we do..cause I no longer trust her. I told her I'm not gonna be out in these streets till February cause #covid
I mourned the loss of this friendship and actually shed a tear or two.
February is coming. I don't want to make anymore excuses. I know I'll never look her the same. I don't want to be a suckered and ever give her the opportunity to be shady towards me again.
How would y'all move forward?
Click to expand...
From your words you may have an avoidant attachment type. Have you addressed that hey what I share in private with you because I trust you isn’t to be disclosed and that hurt me that you would make a off handed remark.
It’s not fair to do all the avoiding behavior esp if haven’t addressed it. If you have history w her of similar behavior then I understand the pull back. Address and see her reaction. And if no remorse no cares then exit because you don’t deserve that. Boundaries are important.
 
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