Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

[Browndilocks]

OK I vented something terrible just now lol

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I got a little triggered by the Squandered Trust Fund thread. It made me think back to right after I got out of college I was working at a bank as a teller and there was this really pretty older black lady (late 30's) who used to come in and we were friendly. She was a "celebrity" hairdresser and her account stayed overdrawn and I would do a complimentary reversal of a fee here or there (she didn't ask, I would always hook up friendly black folks). After a while I started going to her house for a press and curl and she charged me $25-$35 which was regular kitchen-tician prices and I always tipped her. Whenever I would get my hair done we would just chit chat.

About a year or so of her doing my hair, I got a promotion at the bank and I was telling her about it and how me and my fiancé were planning our wedding and moving in together in a nice area. I had also just bought my first car (used). I didn't feel like I was bragging I was just talking to the lady I was cool with. Right around this time she kept nudging me to let her install a weave because that was her specialty. Eventually, I just finally gave in cuz we were going back to Detroit for Christmas. Me and her never talked about cost (a mistake I never made again). I came over one day and she had bought the hair and did the sew in. It was cute. When it was done she wrote me an invoice for $387 and underneath the total it said "God bless you". This was 1997, $387 was higher than my parents mortgage. I had gotten glue in weaves for $50 and didn't anticipate more than $100 or so for a sew in but I was boo boo the fool that didn't get this straight beforehand. I didn't argue with her. I wrote her a check, left her house and never spoke to her again outside of work. She would come into the bank and strongly hint about how nice it would be to get some fees waived and miraculously my power to do that disappeared.

See I didn't realize that I had been talking too much until I got that invoice. It was like all the red flags that I had been set up and how I contributed to it flashed before my eyes. I have always considered that $387 a tax on being dumb. I charged it to the game but I never allowed her the chance to do that to me again. I was just fortunate to be in a position where writing that check didn't set me back too badly.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

This isn't even a person I know but I'm a little like about it. Ordered a handmade wallet on 7/27. On the website it stated it wouldn't go out until 8/16. I don't mind waiting as long as I know it's a wait upfront. 8/16 has come and gone and still no shipping notice. I follow her on IG and she is clearly behind and made a post about how customers should contact businesses about questions so I'm guessing her inbox is on fire. But girl, what If I didn't have IG?? She hasn't sent a single email out about order delays. I'm going to give her another week before I reach out and ask "so do you even have an estimated ship date??". Nicely of course.

I just thought her post about courtesy was ironic seeing as she hasn't had the courtesy to communicate about delays to customers directly.

 

[Browndilocks]

Still have a tude but I'm good.

 

[weaveadiva]

This isn't even a person I know but I'm a little like about it. Ordered a handmade wallet on 7/27. On the website it stated it wouldn't go out until 8/16. I don't mind waiting as long as I know it's a wait upfront. 8/16 has come and gone and still no shipping notice. I follow her on IG and she is clearly behind and made a post about how customers should contact businesses about questions so I'm guessing her inbox is on fire. But girl, what If I didn't have IG?? She hasn't sent a single email out about order delays. I'm going to give her another week before I reach out and ask "so do you even have an estimated ship date??". Nicely of course.

I just thought her post about courtesy was ironic seeing as she hasn't had the courtesy to communicate about delays to customers directly.

So many of these IG entrepreneurs know nothing about customer service or best business practices. Just throwing up products and shops online to make a buck.

 

[Nay]

@Browndilocks, to quote Maya Angelou, "And still you rise."

 

[BrownBetty]

@Crackers Phinn - It sucks that we all have had that moment... family, friends, loved ones folks who you thought would be happy for you but just aren't or look at you as $$$.

I learned early to not tell my family how much I made... no one.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

The lady who cleans my office is a very sweet hispanic woman who does a very good job but she undercharges and is always asking to do extra work but not billing for it. She's also always bringing me gigantic fruit and vegetables from her yard. Someone I know needs a cleaner for a residential move and the quotes they got from a professional cleaners were between $3K-$10K for a 4000 sqft house. I got someone who could translate and gave the Hispanic lady their information and told her to go out and look at the house. I also spent 10 minutes telling her through a translator, not to worry about being nice or doing anybody a favor but just look at how much work the job was and give them a quote of how much it would legit take to do the job without cheating herself.

Why I get the giddiest call ever this morning that she quoted them $850? I'm sure these people are going to tip them but the cleaner has completely cheated herself out of money. These are two people who I have a professional relationship with, it's not appropriate for me to give either of them an advantage over the other so no, I'm not going to jeopardize my relationship with one by telling the other information that was given to me that wasn't meant to be shared, i.e., what the other companies were bidding but I called myself at least giving the cleaner a leg up by strongly suggesting she up her money game.

This is exactly why I told my niece to take the most ridiculous hourly rate she could think of and triple it when she was starting her business and nobody has scoffed at paying it. What a lot of us think is foolish money for what we have to offer is the equivalent of lint in other peoples pockets.

 

[BrownBetty]

@Crackers Phinn - I've learned to ask for all the monies plus tax.

 

[hopeful]

@Crackers Phinn
Are the $3-$10k bids for a one time cleaning? After they move out of an old home or before they move into a new home?

I’m just curious because that sounds like a lot. But maybe I’m missing something. I’m moving out of a home (close to that size) soon and the bid to clean it after I move out but before I put it on the market is $400. I would have happily paid twice that.

I do not blame you re not being more involved. You did everything you could.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

@Crackers Phinn
Are the $3-$10k bids for a one time cleaning? After they move out of an old home or before they move into a new home?

I’m just curious because that sounds like a lot. But maybe I’m missing something. I’m moving out of a home (close to that size) soon and the bid to clean it after I move out but before I put it on the market is $400. I would have happily paid twice that.

I do not blame you re not being more involved. You did everything you could.

It's a one time cleaning for the house they are moving out of. The previous owner is responsible for cleaning the place they move into. It's 2 stories 4bed/6bath and also includes the garage. It could just be LA prices for cleaners who can show proof of liability insurance. Everything is pricey here if you don't just go to home depot and pickup a truck full of Mexicans to do your bidding.

 

[hopeful]

It's a one time cleaning for the house they are moving out of. The previous owner is responsible for cleaning the place they move into. It's 2 stories 4bed/6bath and also includes the garage. It could just be LA prices for cleaners who can show proof of liability insurance. Everything is pricey here if you don't just go to home depot and pickup a truck full of Mexicans to do your bidding.

Ok I see. I used to live in the San Francisco Bay Area and never paid those kind of prices. But it probably is the LA part. And the home has more bathrooms than I have and may be a more extravagant home with marble, chandeliers, etc. And just a much more expensive home as well.

I’m in Texas now and everything is cheaper. I am sometimes caught off guard by the affordability. I tend to tip really well to balance things out a bit.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Ok I see. I used to live in the San Francisco Bay Area and never paid those kind of prices. But it probably is the LA part. And the home has more bathrooms than I have and may be a more extravagant home with marble, chandeliers, etc. And just a much more expensive home as well.

I’m in Texas now and everything is cheaper. I am sometimes caught off guard by the affordability. I tend to tip really well to balance things out a bit.

I live here and wouldn't pay them prices, especially for an empty house that I wasn't worried about anything getting stolen. I think a lot of service companies that can get away with it charge more based on city/neighborhood. I've been out to Dallas, Plano, Sugarland and Austin and ya'll be getting a whole lot of house and yard for your money. Those places are a special kind of white that I don't think I'm equipped for tho.

 

[BrownBetty]

@Crackers Phinn @hopeful
The cleaning services make a killing on moving out/in service. My friend was charged $200 for his 1 bed/bath, it was maybe 700 sq ft. He's in NJ.

 

[CurliDiva]

I met an older woman in the neighborhood and we started walking together a few times.

I've noticed that she has been increasingly critical with off the wall comments. I have a low tolerance for bs and believe you teach people how to treat you so I'm ready to cut her loose!

DH said I should give her another chance.

 

[LostInAdream]

I met an older woman in the neighborhood and we started walking together a few times.

I've noticed that she has been increasingly critical with off the wall comments. I have a low tolerance for bs and believe you teach people how to treat you so I'm ready to cut her loose!

DH said I should give her another chance.

Nah drop her!

 

[hopeful]

I met an older woman in the neighborhood and we started walking together a few times.

I've noticed that she has been increasingly critical with off the wall comments. I have a low tolerance for bs and believe you teach people how to treat you so I'm ready to cut her loose!

DH said I should give her another chance.

Do you mind sharing an example of what she is saying to you? When I first moved to my new city a couple years ago I made friends with a lady and we’d go out to lunch and the movies together. It was great to have a friend nearby to do things with. But every couple months or so she’d say or do something that got under my skin. Slick, passive aggressive, condescending stuff. I would either ignore or kindly check her. The insults only got worse and more passive aggressive. Once I’d had enough I blocked her. And that was hard considering she lived like 6 houses from me and I was bound to bump into her but I didn’t care. She just wasn’t my cup of tea and I figured I’d rather have no friends in the neighborhood than one like her.

 

[Evolving78]

Do you mind sharing an example of what she is saying to you? When I first moved to my new city a couple years ago I made friends with a lady and we’d go out to lunch and the movies together. It was great to have a friend nearby to do things with. But every couple months or so she’d say or do something that got under my skin. Slick, passive aggressive, condescending stuff. I would either ignore or kindly check her. The insults only got worse and more passive aggressive. Once I’d had enough I blocked her. And that was hard considering she lived like 6 houses from me and I was bound to bump into her but I didn’t care. She just wasn’t my cup of tea and I figured I’d rather have no friends in the neighborhood than one like her.

I started catching on to women behaving that way and I have had no problem cutting them off. Like you said it only gets worse.

 

[hopeful]

I started catching on to women behaving that way and I have had no problem cutting them off. Like you said it only gets worse.

Right. And I mention the slickness and passive aggression because they say things in such a way that if you repeated the words it can sound innocent without having context and actually being there for the energy attached to their words. Her husband isn’t getting the whole picture. I hope she trusts her gut and doesn’t allow this lady continued access to her.

 

[CurliDiva]

Do you mind sharing an example of what she is saying to you? When I first moved to my new city a couple years ago I made friends with a lady and we’d go out to lunch and the movies together. It was great to have a friend nearby to do things with. But every couple months or so she’d say or do something that got under my skin. Slick, passive aggressive, condescending stuff. I would either ignore or kindly check her. The insults only got worse and more passive aggressive. Once I’d had enough I blocked her. And that was hard considering she lived like 6 houses from me and I was bound to bump into her but I didn’t care. She just wasn’t my cup of tea and I figured I’d rather have no friends in the neighborhood than one like her.

A few examples without getting too specific. It's hard without context but:

1. I noticed her "getting to know you" questions were intrusive (trying to dig up some dirt/tea) not sincere.

For example, instead of asking "do you like the neighbors?" She would ask "which neighbors are loud?" to find something negative to latch onto.

2. She got worked up about my husband's hometown. She's never been to that area in Canada, but tried to imply that me didn't know what I was talking about because she had visited a different Canadian city.

It's like someone saying they've been to Chicago, so San Francisco must be the same.

3. She's tried to impress me (I wasn't) by telling her pay grade. I don't discuss money so no reaction or comment.

Final straw - Many houses have Halloween decorations up. I mentioned that my two-year was frighten by one large inflatable we passed walking.

She keep asking me if I showed my child x, y, and z displays. I told her I'm not trying to scare my baby, so WHY would I point out more scary details to her.

I'm done.

 

[Evolving78]

Right. And I mention the slickness and passive aggression because they say things in such a way that if you repeated the words it can sound innocent without having context and actually being there for the energy attached to their words. Her husband isn’t getting the whole picture. I hope she trusts her gut and doesn’t allow this lady continued access to her.

I stay having someone trying to get me to question myself, see the other person’s point of view, or just flat out tell me I’m being negative and untrusting. They will ask me my opinion on something, then tell me I’m wrong for thinking that way, or defend the other thing or person. So now that I peeped game and know that this person is crazy and they are trying to make me crazy, I just don’t say nothing anymore! Lol I let them talk.

I distanced myself from several people that I saw the BS they were shoveling a mile away. I was told I’m being extreme and unreasonable. I’m like nah, those cackling witches are on some foolishness and I’m not going!

 

[Damaris.Elle]

I had another "sort of" run in with my neighbor today after I haven't heard or seen him in a few months. A couple of hours ago at around 9pm, I'm just chilling and watching TV. All of a sudden I hear someone banging and banging on my door. I don't move or get up from the couch. After maybe a minute I hear "It's your downstairs neighbor! I'm having a plumbing issue!" I don't have a washer and dryer and there was nothing on in my apartment that would cause anything to leak. If there was a plumbing issue, what was I supposed to do about it? I'm not a plumber, so I didn't answer the door. He kept banging on the door and saying "Helloooooo! Helllllooooo!"I heard him even start to knock on my bedroom window. He left for a few minutes then he came back and started banging on my door again. I heard the neighbors across the hall say something to him and I heard him say something like "But her light is on!" He stopped banging on the door and left.

I know it's possible that he could have a leak in his apartment caused by some shared pipes or something even if I didn't have any type of water running. But again, what am *I* supposed to do about a plumbing issue? That's what work orders are for. Or if it's an emergency and water is flooding into your apartment (doubtful), then you should probably call 911. I kind of doubt that he had a legitimate reason to be knocking on my door though because he's been a creep in the past and this is not the first time he's tried knocking on my door to try to get some type of interaction from me. I've never answered the door so I don't know why he thought that would change today.

 

[Evolving78]

@Damaris.Elle
Tell the landlord ASAP. Look I had to call the police on a cop, so I know how you feel, but you deserve to feel safe in your home.

 

[hopeful]

@CurliDiva she sounds annoying!

 

[Damaris.Elle]

@Evolving78 I'm definitely going to tell management at this point. I'm not sure what they can do, but at least they'll be aware of it.

 

[Evolving78]

@Evolving78 I'm definitely going to tell management at this point. I'm not sure what they can do, but at least they'll be aware of it.

And call the police and see what your rights are. Let us know how it went with management today!!!

 

[mrselle]

@Damaris.Elle - he sounds like he may be struggling with some sort of mental illness. I agree that you need to let management know and possibly the police because he is harassing you.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I realize that the universe has been looking after me but in the last month I've been put on notice that I need to be in my home after dark for the foreseeable future.

1. I've been putting a plastic chair outside the door for packages to be put down instead of chancing delivery people breathing on me. Normally I bring the chair in and lock the gate and doors at 4PM. One day last week I was lazy and didn't bring the chair back in but locked everything else up and left. The next morning, the chair had been moved to the locked gate and had a footprint on it. There have been so many times when I've been in the office late at night and heard something at the gate but chalked it up to a big truck driving by. Now I know somebody has been hopping over that gate while I'm in the office alone after hours and could be somewhere in the parking lot watching as I leave. I've been leaving before dark since then. The stupid landlord is taking their sweet time with the surveillance video.

2. I had to pick up something last minute from an unoccupied rental unit on the night of the season finale of Lovecraft Country, I had just pulled up into the units underground GATED parking space when the show started so that meant that I was watching the finale on my phone, in my car, until it was over. I'm in the car by myself with my mask on (ION wanna hear it) with the windows up and door locked minding my business when I notice a black dude walk the drivers side of my car to go out of an exit people don't usually use. He comes back in and walks past my car in the opposite direction. Now again, I'm watching Lovecraft, I watch him go by so back to the show. I see something out the corner of my eye and this n* is standing at my drivers side door with his mask under his chin saying something. My car was on, heavy footed the accelerator and I reversed 30 feet to the closed gate, clicked the remote and reversed out into traffic. I wasn't taking my eyes off him if it meant driving in reverse all the way home. Cuz N!!!!!!

The moral of this story is ain't go be no third time. I'm home when the street lights come on unless I got somebody with me until further universe notice.

 

[Chrismiss]

This isn't even a person I know but I'm a little like about it. Ordered a handmade wallet on 7/27. On the website it stated it wouldn't go out until 8/16. I don't mind waiting as long as I know it's a wait upfront. 8/16 has come and gone and still no shipping notice. I follow her on IG and she is clearly behind and made a post about how customers should contact businesses about questions so I'm guessing her inbox is on fire. But girl, what If I didn't have IG?? She hasn't sent a single email out about order delays. I'm going to give her another week before I reach out and ask "so do you even have an estimated ship date??". Nicely of course.

I just thought her post about courtesy was ironic seeing as she hasn't had the courtesy to communicate about delays to customers directly.

I called myself patronizing Kelis's gourmet box business on IG. Ordered one in July and it came in a timely fashion. She had a sale in September on her boxes, so I ordered 2 on 9/13. Kelis ships from the San Fernando Valley and I live an hour east from there. So three weeks later when I had no boxes, I reached out to the company(Bounty and Full). They gave me some flip flam about the boxes were with USPS...ok, give up the tracking then. Radio silence. I give it a week and reach out to PayPal and they open a case but still nothing being done. Ok, so I then take it to my credit union who refunds my money ($226). Why did I suddenly get a shipping notice that night and the boxes arrived the next day? Oh well. Of course when I opened the boxes it was not what I ordered.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I called myself patronizing Kelis's gourmet box business on IG. Ordered one in July and it came in a timely fashion. She had a sale in September on her boxes, so I ordered 2 on 9/13. Kelis ships from the San Fernando Valley and I live an hour east from there. So three weeks later when I had no boxes, I reached out to the company(Bounty and Full). They gave me some flip flam about the boxes were with USPS...ok, give up the tracking then. Radio silence. I give it a week and reach out to PayPal and they open a case but still nothing being done. Ok, so I then take it to my credit union who refunds my money ($226). Why did I suddenly get a shipping notice that night and the boxes arrived the next day? Oh well. Of course when I opened the boxes it was not what I ordered.

What a mess! How are them products tho? Everytime I go to Kelis' site everything is sold out but bad service and all I've been curious about her products.