Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

hopeful said:
@lana I don’t think you really need to check her though. Why not just slowly fade out and end the friendship? Why suffer any longer and wait for the shoe to drop?
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I'm doing both. I haven't hung out with her in recent months. So that is the slow fade. We don't chat on the phone, rarely text. But she's in my social circle so I will see her and have to let it be known that I'm not cool with the things she does regularly (and these same things have ruined her previous friendships).
I'm ready to check her when the next thing happens, because it will happen.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I have been reading re-reading Sojourner's Passport/Muslim Bushido blogs to fortify my mind a bit. Since moving back to my hometown life has been really good in many ways. But, one thin I notice is the closer to family you are the more up close and entangled you can become with the so-called "non-reciprocating" persons.

I have a younger cousin who was raised by my mother largely, her mom passed away and her dad is my uncle who is a hot mess. Now, knowing her life history I do tend to feel sorry for her in a lot of ways because she did not get the life experience she could have had with her mom. But that pity is fading, because she will not only consistently make bad decisions but feels entitled to other people being the saviors (mainly myself, my aunt, and her other aunt). And it's tired ya'll. At this point I wish you well but I can't be subsidizing foolishness with resources that could be going to me and mine. And like most people I certainly don't want to feel used or be a crutch. So I had to make the decision to stop giving her money. If she gets in her feelings then so be it, but I am not trying to fall down that rabbit hole that my grandmother was in, and now my aunt of being the family ATM when folks decide they want to spend their money how they see fit and expect you to cover the necessities.

My aunt and I planned a trip to the beach, she decided that she wants to tag along. I said well how do you plan to get there? She says, "Ya'll aren't getting a rental???":spinning: Um no we don't need one. Then she says, "oh I can crash in your hotel room with my baby!" :look: Um no that wasn't the plan. And what do you have on it money wise? I told my aunt, no ma'am Pam, we will have to transport, house, and feed her, not in MY budget. This is the mindset I am dealing with.
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Update to this, she just texted the ladies' family chat that her license plates were taken because she was driving with no insurance. Counting down until I get a separate text to help out "until her man gets paid." I cannot make this stuff up.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
Update to this, she just texted the ladies' family chat that her license plates were taken because she was driving with no insurance. Counting down until I get a separate text to help out "until her man gets paid." I cannot make this stuff up.
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I'm so mad at her telling you that she and her child could stay in YOUR room for free.

As for the rest of her nonsense, I know that you know that "NO" is a complete sentence. Wait til her man gets paid indeed! That sounds like she needs a new man.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I'm so mad at her telling you that she and her child could stay in YOUR room for free.

As for the rest of her nonsense, I know that you know that "NO" is a complete sentence. Wait til her man gets paid indeed! That sounds like she needs a new man.
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The mindset and level of entitlement blows my mind! And to add insult to injury she is living in my aunt's house for free, and had an attitude saying it needed updating. My aunt was ticked, but guess what? She still let her, her man, and her baby move in there. And the story is once they "get back on their feet" they will start paying rent. Her man got a new job, first pay check, did she offer us anything? No. Did she pay her car insurance? No. She ordered a bedroom set for her 1 year old. As they say, the scales have fallen from my eyes. I see why my grandparents were always scuffling, these nignogs will drain every ounce they can.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
The mindset and level of entitlement blows my mind! And to add insult to injury she is living in my aunt's house for free, and had an attitude saying it needed updating. My aunt was ticked, but guess what? She still let her, her man, and her baby move in there. And the story is once they "get back on their feet" they will start paying rent. Her man got a new job, first pay check, did she offer us anything? No. Did she pay her car insurance? No. She ordered a bedroom set for her 1 year old. As they say, the scales have fallen from my eyes. I see why my grandparents were always scuffling, these nignogs will drain every ounce they can.
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I recently explained this to someone. I told them that I’m always broke and express that to people. Why? Because you bend once and people find you. I just try to keep people from thinking “oh, I can’t go to her once I’m done with mine”. It’s all fun and games until it gets tiring. Glad you left sooner than later.
 
I was talking to a friend I grew up with about how both our mothers had friends who they would all borrow money from each other. Some took longer to pay back than others but for the most part nobody waited more than 2-3 checks to pay each other back. Neither one of us in our adult lives have borrowed money from each other or our circle of friends. As bad as things ever got for me financially, it wouldn't have even occurred to me to ask friends or family ( :rofl: ) to borrow money.
 
So theres a friend who reaches out to me when in need of funds. Recently this friend expressed concerned for me and hopes it wont cause a problem for me. After all this time now said person express concern for me. If your so concerned dont take the $ from me. Its not much, but still. Anyway if it was a problem, I wouldnt give.
*Please dont quote*
 
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I'm pleasantly surprised because I don't like Dame but he was dropping gems in this interview that show a maturity that I find utterly refreshing

At 42:22, Dame said something about Jay Z that gets to something that I recently had a conversation about.
"We're morally different. He does things that way and all his friends end up working for him. I go this way where the people I love end up being my partners."

Keep this in mind.

I matched up my friend who I've known since we were 12 with an obscenely wealthy man. I live a nice life. My friend lives like a Queen and ya'll know from the Crown & Country thread, I know how Queens live. I was having lunch with a different friend and her stank sister who know about the match. Stank Sis asked me if I ever found myself jealous of my friends life and I was like naw, I'm super happy for her living the dream. On top of that, the homie stay sending me the most luxurious of presents. Every time I get a box in the mail and see her name I be like :yahoo:. Our relationship from way back has always been very much, if I got it she got it and if she got it I got it. When she used to come out to visit me, she might pay for her airfare but once she got to me her purse was closed the rest of the trip. I may not be able to send her stingray skin accessories but she did call me laughing about the Utz Crab Week Chips & Wood Mallet Special that I sent her.

So Stank Sis who asked me the question proceeds to say that she didn't think that she would be able to hook another woman up to be in a better situation than she was in. Stank Sis is the first lady of a church and socializes with well to do men who prolly got more than her husband but she can't be bothered to hook up her single sister. G-d forbid her sister eat a smidgeon better than her. I called my friend after that and said you do realize your sister is trash, right? We've had this conversation before about things her sister has said and done so it wasn't news to her.

I want everybody around me to eat good and not want for anything just cuz. It is selfish in that if everybody around me is eating good, they ain't gotta be staring at my plate some kinda way. It didn't occur to me to not shoot as high as possible money wise when it came to hooking my friend up or my niece up. I'm already plotting for my grand niece to be the next Duchess of Sussex when Young Master Archie comes into his title. Like, why wouldn't I? I don't ever want to be in a situation like Niecy Nash where I have Sherri Shepherd telling the world I put some broke trash :moon: dude in front of her and then shenanigans ensue.

To bring this full circle, I don't need the ones near and dear to me to be my employees. If you on Team Crackers and I lead you as the proverbial "horse to water" and you do your part to drink, then we can be partners. Mind you everybody ain't built to be a partner but that limitation is set by the person not me.
 
It's been a long week. The first week of classes officially kicked my butt. I was finally able to sleep in this morning and then I started on some assignments once I started my day. I ended up having to cancel plans I had tonight and everyone was upset. I was like it's either the outing tonight or the outing tomorrow afternoon. Y'all choose because I can't do both. Everyone grumbled but finally let it go. My thing is I've been telling everyone since I got accepted into my program that when Fall hits I will be MIA. Did they think I was joking?

I'm ok with "aw wish you could make it but I understand". What I'm not ok with is "Why can't you go? It's on Friday and you don't have class on Friday? It's only one Friday. If you can't do this, how are you going to work? Well, if you can't make it then you can't make it I guess". It makes me feel guilty for a second and then it makes me really mad! I'm over it now though because I have other things to focus on.
 
Had a pretty bad depressive spell for a couple of weeks.

I'm not a talker type - more like going off the radar and not really engaging in life. Deleted insta and whatsapp etc..

My newer friends were in contact checking on me and trying to get me out/visit. I really wasn't in the mood to come out the house, so rejected the offer, but they were so understanding, encouraging and positive that I ended up stepping out.

Just a girly chat at a nice new coffee place. Had a few laughs and it was really nice. I've been feeling better since.

Part of my depression is mouring for my old life, but its shown me I can let go a bit and appreciate the positive new developments in a more mindful way.
 
I’m happy to report that I’ve reconciled with my father. I stopped talking to him some years ago and started talking again a year or two ago. This past week he actually apologized for some things from the past and this is from a man who literally has refused to acknowledge my POV in the past. I’m happy about this. Feels like some baggage I didn’t even realize I had was lifted.
 
Miss_C said:
I’m happy to report that I’ve reconciled with my father. I stopped talking to him some years ago and started talking again a year or two ago. This past week he actually apologized for some things from the past and this is from a man who literally has refused to acknowledge my POV in the past. I’m happy about this. Feels like some baggage I didn’t even realize I had was lifted.
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I am overjoyed for you. An acknowledgement of hurt and an apology from a parent... I'm happy you feel lighter.
 
Miss_C said:
I’m happy to report that I’ve reconciled with my father. I stopped talking to him some years ago and started talking again a year or two ago. This past week he actually apologized for some things from the past and this is from a man who literally has refused to acknowledge my POV in the past. I’m happy about this. Feels like some baggage I didn’t even realize I had was lifted.
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I so understand this...((hugs)) and I'm happy for you :)
 
I really like this and believe in this train of thought too. I respect and admire you a lot.
Crackers Phinn said:


I'm pleasantly surprised because I don't like Dame but he was dropping gems in this interview that show a maturity that I find utterly refreshing

At 42:22, Dame said something about Jay Z that gets to something that I recently had a conversation about.
"We're morally different. He does things that way and all his friends end up working for him. I go this way where the people I love end up being my partners."

Keep this in mind.

I matched up my friend who I've known since we were 12 with an obscenely wealthy man. I live a nice life. My friend lives like a Queen and ya'll know from the Crown & Country thread, I know how Queens live. I was having lunch with a different friend and her stank sister who know about the match. Stank Sis asked me if I ever found myself jealous of my friends life and I was like naw, I'm super happy for her living the dream. On top of that, the homie stay sending me the most luxurious of presents. Every time I get a box in the mail and see her name I be like :yahoo:. Our relationship from way back has always been very much, if I got it she got it and if she got it I got it. When she used to come out to visit me, she might pay for her airfare but once she got to me her purse was closed the rest of the trip. I may not be able to send her stingray skin accessories but she did call me laughing about the Utz Crab Week Chips & Wood Mallet Special that I sent her.

So Stank Sis who asked me the question proceeds to say that she didn't think that she would be able to hook another woman up to be in a better situation than she was in. Stank Sis is the first lady of a church and socializes with well to do men who prolly got more than her husband but she can't be bothered to hook up her single sister. G-d forbid her sister eat a smidgeon better than her. I called my friend after that and said you do realize your sister is trash, right? We've had this conversation before about things her sister has said and done so it wasn't news to her.

I want everybody around me to eat good and not want for anything just cuz. It is selfish in that if everybody around me is eating good, they ain't gotta be staring at my plate some kinda way. It didn't occur to me to not shoot as high as possible money wise when it came to hooking my friend up or my niece up. I'm already plotting for my grand niece to be the next Duchess of Sussex when Young Master Archie comes into his title. Like, why wouldn't I? I don't ever want to be in a situation like Niecy Nash where I have Sherri Shepherd telling the world I put some broke trash :moon: dude in front of her and then shenanigans ensue.

To bring this full circle, I don't need the ones near and dear to me to be my employees. If you on Team Crackers and I lead you as the proverbial "horse to water" and you do your part to drink, then we can be partners. Mind you everybody ain't built to be a partner but that limitation is set by the person not me.
Click to expand...
 
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I have this cousin who I never see. But once every few months he sends me a text to let me know that I am special and loved. I was feeling really unloved today and alone and he sent me a text telling me that I am in his thoughts and I am loved. It lifted my spirits. But it is sooo weird that I was feeling sorry for myself and then I got his text.

I don’t have a lot of friends and speak to only a few family members but the few family and friends I have always make me feel so special and lucky.
 
oneastrocurlie said:
Are thank you cards after an event a thing of the past? I've had couple friends have baby showers and weddings and didn't send thank you cards afterwards.

I haven't had a baby or wedding lol so idk. I thought that was still proper etiquette.
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It is still proper etiquette, but I am finding some of the younger folks with people who don't teach them any better don't know this LOL!
 
My Gran was in fine form yesterday when I went for a quick visit.

Her favourite topic of the month : how she doesn't think she has long left and no-one is getting her money :lol:

Apart from that we had a few laughs. She's getting a bit of sparkle back recently, and she's able to tell me funny stories about Grandad and reminisce on good times.
 
mrselle said:
I'm not usually petty. My conscience won't let me be, but the other day I'd had enough of this person's mess. Everything they dished out I gave it right back. The best part about it is that they weren't expecting it from me. I just wasn't in the mood that day.
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It bes like that sometimes
.
tenor.gif

.
 
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