Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
When I sat in the theater supporting black Tyler Perry and his black movie, this made me hate the whole movie. Remember everybody in this scene is supposed to be related.That is very disturbing...
Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread
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LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
Disgusting and surprising coming from Tyler Perry given his troubled upbringing. Then again it is Tyler Perry. He seems to be a very conflicted person where his personal life is concerned.
KimPossibli
Supergirl
my parents are visiting again at the end of the month...
just when I was getting a handle on my anxiety...
just when I was getting a handle on my anxiety...
NaturalEnigma
Well-Known Member
Thank you for sharing. I used to love CODA, but lately new people started showing up and changing the dynamic of the group. They don't adhere to the rules and I keep getting feedback from my shares. There is not suppose to be cross talk, but people think they slick when they try to give you advice during their shares. There advice is usually bad too. smh. They also make judgmental comments in the middle of other people's share. I stopped going because I felt uncomfortable.
Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
. I have never watched his movies...do not remember why...maybe just never appealed to me...So was he just trying to make jokes for laughs or 'joke' about problems in the Black community as a way to make people aware?
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
It's left to your interpretation because they don't circle back and say it's wrong for disgusting old men to sexually objectify their young female relatives. That scene happens and they move on.
So was he just trying to make jokes for laughs or 'joke' about problems in the Black community as a way to make people aware?
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
Idk how my car being totaled leads to me and a friend going back and forth about them rolling a bad car loan into another bad car loan. Like ok, I'll take you just so happen to start test driving cars when I do. But I'm car less unexpectedly, I'm over talking about a car you don't need right now.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
I’m taking a break from one of my friends. She goes through inconsiderate phases and I don’t feel like dealing with it. In a week or so, she will ask me why I’m not initiating phone calls or texts. At which point I will gently remind her that I’m not the only one who can do so.
On another note, my MIL is being weird. She’s already kind of been through a rough time since my FIL passed away (it’s been a year). She tends to lash out when worried or upset. ANyway, I was telling her about my youngest going to his first dance (it was so cute, you guys!)
She seemed so upset by that. He also went to a pancake party at his friends house afterwards, and she was very upset, saying he was too young (he’s 13). This “after party”and the dance was heavily chaperoned and there were like 6 kids there. She kept sending me messages, like the next morning asking if he’d still had a good time. The “good time” is over, so I’m not sure what would’ve changed? What really seemed to throw her for a loop was when I told her that he asked a girl to slow dance (The slow dancing is no body contact dancing, very respectful and sweet). And she acted soooo funny. I think she thinks I’m pushing him into this, but he wanted to do it.
She is very close to my oldest and frets and worries about him all the time, unnecessarily. The dance was this past weekend and she’s still asking about how he’s doing afterwards. It’s the weirdest thing in the world to me!
On another note, my MIL is being weird. She’s already kind of been through a rough time since my FIL passed away (it’s been a year). She tends to lash out when worried or upset. ANyway, I was telling her about my youngest going to his first dance (it was so cute, you guys!)
She seemed so upset by that. He also went to a pancake party at his friends house afterwards, and she was very upset, saying he was too young (he’s 13). This “after party”and the dance was heavily chaperoned and there were like 6 kids there. She kept sending me messages, like the next morning asking if he’d still had a good time. The “good time” is over, so I’m not sure what would’ve changed? What really seemed to throw her for a loop was when I told her that he asked a girl to slow dance (The slow dancing is no body contact dancing, very respectful and sweet). And she acted soooo funny. I think she thinks I’m pushing him into this, but he wanted to do it.
She is very close to my oldest and frets and worries about him all the time, unnecessarily. The dance was this past weekend and she’s still asking about how he’s doing afterwards. It’s the weirdest thing in the world to me!
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
I helped to throw my pregnant friend a baby shower and she gave me a gift card for a massage as a thank you. I feel kind of bad because it was a hefty amount, but I’m trying to learn to accept things graciously. She said it was a show of appreciation. 
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I helped to throw my pregnant friend a baby shower and she gave me a gift card for a massage as a thank you. I feel kind of bad because it was a hefty amount, but I’m trying to learn to accept things graciously. She said it was a show of appreciation.
That was sweet of her. It’s important to be able to receive for you and the person who is giving. Enjoy your massage.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
My former MIL was the same way. A big worrywart. People who are like this don’t realize how annoying it is to be around them. It’s like they carry a dark cloud over all occasions.
The dance and the pancake party sound like fun : )
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
He really loved all of it. It was very sweet. And I was touched that he shared how he gathered the courage to ask a girl to dance. I know a lot of kids dont feel comfortable talking to their parents about it.
And yes, her worrying makes it hard to enjoy things. According to her, we all have a debilitating illness with every cough or fever
I am trying to be patient!
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
Sorry to keep posting.
I have a friend that’s having a hysterectomy next Friday. There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in this procedure. She’s pretty sure her precancerous cells are due to her exhusband’s promiscuity while they were together. In addition, she’s afraid that they are going to find cancer and she’s afraid of dying on the table, leaving her special needs son alone.
I’m trying to think of what I can do to make things easier on her recovery. I’m going to bring 2 food dishes and I’m having some flowers sent to her house.
I have a friend that’s having a hysterectomy next Friday. There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in this procedure. She’s pretty sure her precancerous cells are due to her exhusband’s promiscuity while they were together. In addition, she’s afraid that they are going to find cancer and she’s afraid of dying on the table, leaving her special needs son alone.
I’m trying to think of what I can do to make things easier on her recovery. I’m going to bring 2 food dishes and I’m having some flowers sent to her house.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@Leeda.the.Paladin
I love that you keep posting
. That’s what this thread is for, why I started it in the first place. A safe place to share and feel heard and supported. (((Hugs))) to your friend. She sounds terrified but I’m pretty sure she’ll be fine. Lots of women survive hysterectomies and go on to live long and healthy lives. I think a couple dishes and flowers sounds lovely.
I love that you keep posting
. That’s what this thread is for, why I started it in the first place. A safe place to share and feel heard and supported. (((Hugs))) to your friend. She sounds terrified but I’m pretty sure she’ll be fine. Lots of women survive hysterectomies and go on to live long and healthy lives. I think a couple dishes and flowers sounds lovely.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
.............
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Evolving78
Well-Known Member
@Leeda.the.Paladin
Tell her that getting this procedure done is the best thing she can do for herself and her son. Tell her that taking charge of her health and her body is needed in order to be the best version of herself and her child. Imagine if she didn’t have the surgery or nothing was discovered... getting her something like a bracelet or some trinket that will remind her of how strong and brave she is. I wouldn’t do the food dishes, unless she specifies something she has a taste for. Maybe come by and help her out with her son when she returns home. Like a pillow around her waist to help if she laughs or coughs/sneezes.
Tell her that getting this procedure done is the best thing she can do for herself and her son. Tell her that taking charge of her health and her body is needed in order to be the best version of herself and her child. Imagine if she didn’t have the surgery or nothing was discovered... getting her something like a bracelet or some trinket that will remind her of how strong and brave she is. I wouldn’t do the food dishes, unless she specifies something she has a taste for. Maybe come by and help her out with her son when she returns home. Like a pillow around her waist to help if she laughs or coughs/sneezes.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
I blocked my MIL. Problem solved. Lol
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
They made it all about them. Makes you not want to share things with them until after the fact. I know I’m learning my lesson. And it’s time for me to check out on some people right now. I need to buckle down with my studies and not have their problems floating around in my head. I can’t talk to them about what I’m learning or working on, so what’s the point?
I wonder if this is what he meant by showing people he knew growing up in his films.
I know these people and I don’t want to be reminded of them. Ever. When my mother was 14 she had to leave home because her stepfather was molesting her. I never met this man until my grandma died (she divorced him). He turned up at my grandmas funeral with a bunch of his old behind cronies. They were exactly like this to me. One actually put his hand up my skirt. I nearly fainted and ran and hid and had a panic attack while hiding. Knowing what I know now he was a trigger for my then undiagnosed ptsd. The sad thing was there was no one there who I trusted enough to defend me or who I thought would take my complaint seriously. So after I calmed down I continued serving drinks and welcoming guests and pretended it never happened...
I know these people and I don’t want to be reminded of them. Ever. When my mother was 14 she had to leave home because her stepfather was molesting her. I never met this man until my grandma died (she divorced him). He turned up at my grandmas funeral with a bunch of his old behind cronies. They were exactly like this to me. One actually put his hand up my skirt. I nearly fainted and ran and hid and had a panic attack while hiding. Knowing what I know now he was a trigger for my then undiagnosed ptsd. The sad thing was there was no one there who I trusted enough to defend me or who I thought would take my complaint seriously. So after I calmed down I continued serving drinks and welcoming guests and pretended it never happened...
It’s going to be 8 years since my father died. I dreamt about him last night. The first time I can remember dreaming about him.
I finally stopped thinking about him every day with guilt and sadness. When he died I was busy with getting my life. I was working and doing two masters degrees. I hardly called him or thought about him. But in the back of my mind I was planning to be able to look after him financially and this was one of the reasons I was working so hard to get a good life. I wanted to care for him financially without depriving our household. But he then upped and died.
The dream did not make any sense. Except to tell me that my unconscious is guilty that I no longer grieve for him. But my conscious self is telling me that my grief was unhealthy and spiralled out of control. So it is okay to now let go. So stop with the guilt tripping unconscious self.
I dreamt that he had turned white. He came back and told me he was in hiding. That he had never died. I never doubted it was him (in the dream). I rationalized that his one little spot of vitiligo he had when he was alive, that used to be hidden under his clothes, had spread all over his body. Even though it was an Italian or Jewish white man who sat across from me. Not a black man with vitiligo.
while we talked he asked me about my siblings and seemed disinterested in me and my (former) pain and grief. Then I woke up lol.
I finally stopped thinking about him every day with guilt and sadness. When he died I was busy with getting my life. I was working and doing two masters degrees. I hardly called him or thought about him. But in the back of my mind I was planning to be able to look after him financially and this was one of the reasons I was working so hard to get a good life. I wanted to care for him financially without depriving our household. But he then upped and died.
The dream did not make any sense. Except to tell me that my unconscious is guilty that I no longer grieve for him. But my conscious self is telling me that my grief was unhealthy and spiralled out of control. So it is okay to now let go. So stop with the guilt tripping unconscious self.
I dreamt that he had turned white. He came back and told me he was in hiding. That he had never died. I never doubted it was him (in the dream). I rationalized that his one little spot of vitiligo he had when he was alive, that used to be hidden under his clothes, had spread all over his body. Even though it was an Italian or Jewish white man who sat across from me. Not a black man with vitiligo.
while we talked he asked me about my siblings and seemed disinterested in me and my (former) pain and grief. Then I woke up lol.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
(((@Ganjababy)))
Invited a friend to a reading tonight and why they acting all scared and nervous saying they never been to anything fancy like this. It's not fancy and no one you care about will be there. If anything, there are influential people there for MY career so I'm the one who should be nervous. They are seriously acting like they don't want to go. I was like "you do know you can come whenever you want, leave whenever you want or not go at all and just meet me after" Totally cool with that. Scaredy cat! 
Bette Davis Eyes
The "OG" Product Junkie
I'm tired of walking into a room and feeling the pressure of being the sole black person in attendance.
Its always been like this but the last 3 years, Im aware of it in a way that is making me jaded.
The people I spend most of my day with cant relate at all. Clear Folks.
Its always been like this but the last 3 years, Im aware of it in a way that is making me jaded.
The people I spend most of my day with cant relate at all. Clear Folks.
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My Gran now has a mini golliwog figurine on her dresser. FRONT AND CENTRE.
The little thing was just haunting me - I may have to ask her where she got it from. If someone has gifted her it I'll be pretty pissed off. If she bought it herself I dont know what to say. I may flick it over and break it by accident.
The little thing was just haunting me - I may have to ask her where she got it from. If someone has gifted her it I'll be pretty pissed off. If she bought it herself I dont know what to say. I may flick it over and break it by accident.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Hey girls!
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JFemme
Well-Known Member
Enjoyed a recent long awaited chat-up with a friend. We're known to speak for hours on end at least once a month. This month though I could not get over this nagging feeling about her need to bring up relationship issue that I have explained/ shared/ dissected in previous years. I have no need nor desire to speak on it each conversation -its done-. Yet somehow she manages to ask questions that provoke me into repeating the same thing that we have covered. Well at least for me. lol-- So this time I truly wondered what her motive would be to drag this from one conversation to the next...
It might be harmless, who knows..
But I'm truly over recounting past events of this sort. And yes, said as much to her.
I would hate to add her to my no contact list because I really do enjoy our conversations. I don't want guardedness to creep into our relationship. That will end things for me...slowly but surely I will stop contact and move on...
These days I only deal with what lifts me. She leaves me drained of late, so hence the reflection...
It might be harmless, who knows..But I'm truly over recounting past events of this sort. And yes, said as much to her.
I would hate to add her to my no contact list because I really do enjoy our conversations. I don't want guardedness to creep into our relationship. That will end things for me...slowly but surely I will stop contact and move on...
These days I only deal with what lifts me. She leaves me drained of late, so hence the reflection...
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
Mixing friend groups is exhausting. I won't be volunteering to do that again any time soon. They never mesh, they stick together and probably talk about each other after they leave lol.
After not having a gathering in my place since my house warming like 5 years ago, I've had double digits of people in my place twice this year. I'm done until 2022 ish.
After not having a gathering in my place since my house warming like 5 years ago, I've had double digits of people in my place twice this year. I'm done until 2022 ish.
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