Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread
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Thank you @TwoSnapsUp
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
The preggo friend of mine is going to mess up a good thing.
My friend is a photographer and took preggo friend's maternity pics. First red flag was her thinking they were going to be free because photog friend asked if she wanted free pics like 2 years prior. Preggo friend never took the offer and assumed incorrectly that deal was still on the table.
Pics were taken and turned out great. Paid less than she would have anywhere else (especially considering she got 2 hours, an outfit change, and finished edited pics in less than 48 hours).
Second red flag was her complaining she didn't get enough pictures. The average around here is an hour and 20 pics. She got more than that.
Now I asked the same photog friend to come take pics at preggo friend's baby shower a few weeks earlier. He did it for free. Do you know preggo friend complained that there were too many pictures of her opening gifts? Side bar: She almost didn't open all gifts because there were so many but her husband wasn't down for that.
So she complained about too many pics and complained about not enough pics. I'm willing to bet photog friend will be "busy" when she wants newborn, new family, and baby turns one pictures. And because they pics were so good I know she's gonna ask him. I'll be surprised if he says yes.
My friend is a photographer and took preggo friend's maternity pics. First red flag was her thinking they were going to be free because photog friend asked if she wanted free pics like 2 years prior. Preggo friend never took the offer and assumed incorrectly that deal was still on the table.
Pics were taken and turned out great. Paid less than she would have anywhere else (especially considering she got 2 hours, an outfit change, and finished edited pics in less than 48 hours).
Second red flag was her complaining she didn't get enough pictures. The average around here is an hour and 20 pics. She got more than that.
Now I asked the same photog friend to come take pics at preggo friend's baby shower a few weeks earlier. He did it for free. Do you know preggo friend complained that there were too many pictures of her opening gifts? Side bar: She almost didn't open all gifts because there were so many but her husband wasn't down for that.
So she complained about too many pics and complained about not enough pics. I'm willing to bet photog friend will be "busy" when she wants newborn, new family, and baby turns one pictures. And because they pics were so good I know she's gonna ask him. I'll be surprised if he says yes.
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Nay
Well-Known Member
@LdyKamz, I have had that exact same experience in the past with so-called friends as well. They want you to be the audience to their one-woman show. If you told them you went on a trip to the moon, their response would be, "That's cool. Let me tell you about this guy I dated nicknamed Moonie." Then they would start talking about their life without even a follow-up question about your adventure.
Anyway, I too am glad that you are okay. And it sounds like you know what to do as far as this "friend."
Anyway, I too am glad that you are okay. And it sounds like you know what to do as far as this "friend."
kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
I’m entering a brave new world: genuine friendship with a coworker!
Normally, I watch the clock like a hawk and at 00:00:01 seconds left, I bounce out of whatever work function, event, or duty as soon as I’m no longer obliged.
It’s been so long since I’ve made an adult friend irl, and never one at work, I kinda don’t know where to start, so it’s tempting to just press “resume” on a new friendship and more or less treat her like we’ve known each other for years even though we just met, as I’m very much tempted to— whether out of laziness or sincerity idk.
So background info: we're both a bit odd and awkward, and have a lot of common interests. We work in different departments so have zero interaction or overlap professionally. It’s a miracle we met as my company is large and we just struck up a hilarious conversation at the coffee bar in the employee lounge.
I don’t really remember how I’ve connected with someone that I actually want to pursue. Not even romantically or professionally. It’s really been ages so I’ve kinda forgotten how.
I’m a little bit nervous and excited about this budding friendship, but am anxious about possibly scaring her off with a too much too soon sort of vibe. I have boundary issues (like respecting others’, particularly if they’re poorly enforced) and have a tendency to come off strong with my enthusiasm. I’ve also never wanted to befriend a coworker so I kinda don’t know how. How different is it than befriending a stranger off the street? Really, I’ve never done this either lol
Any advice?
Normally, I watch the clock like a hawk and at 00:00:01 seconds left, I bounce out of whatever work function, event, or duty as soon as I’m no longer obliged.
It’s been so long since I’ve made an adult friend irl, and never one at work, I kinda don’t know where to start, so it’s tempting to just press “resume” on a new friendship and more or less treat her like we’ve known each other for years even though we just met, as I’m very much tempted to— whether out of laziness or sincerity idk.
So background info: we're both a bit odd and awkward, and have a lot of common interests. We work in different departments so have zero interaction or overlap professionally. It’s a miracle we met as my company is large and we just struck up a hilarious conversation at the coffee bar in the employee lounge.
I don’t really remember how I’ve connected with someone that I actually want to pursue. Not even romantically or professionally. It’s really been ages so I’ve kinda forgotten how.
I’m a little bit nervous and excited about this budding friendship, but am anxious about possibly scaring her off with a too much too soon sort of vibe. I have boundary issues (like respecting others’, particularly if they’re poorly enforced) and have a tendency to come off strong with my enthusiasm. I’ve also never wanted to befriend a coworker so I kinda don’t know how. How different is it than befriending a stranger off the street? Really, I’ve never done this either lol
Any advice?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@kxlot79
You seem pretty self aware which I think is half the battle. Just go slow and pay attention to how she responds to you and to how much you like her or not as you get to know each other better. I would invite her to lunch or happy hour and go from there. Wait for her to reciprocate. If she never invites you out in return I would fall back. Also, try not to get too excited. Sometimes people can seem very similar to us on the surface but once you get to know them they really aren’t. It’s nice to be excited but you will just have to wait and see if she really is a good friend match. Good luck and have fun. I’m happy for you.
You seem pretty self aware which I think is half the battle. Just go slow and pay attention to how she responds to you and to how much you like her or not as you get to know each other better. I would invite her to lunch or happy hour and go from there. Wait for her to reciprocate. If she never invites you out in return I would fall back. Also, try not to get too excited. Sometimes people can seem very similar to us on the surface but once you get to know them they really aren’t. It’s nice to be excited but you will just have to wait and see if she really is a good friend match. Good luck and have fun. I’m happy for you.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I hardly ever buy tickets at the booth. Almost always get them from Fandango or through my AMC app. But I know that must have been disappointing. Did you consider going to see something else instead?
We tried but none of us could agree on one of the others. I hardly ever go to the movies anymore but we had free tix and I didn't see an option to check out with them online. The girl at the desk told me how to do it and which option to choose so we're going to try again.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Ok that sounds good. Then it should work out next time.
NaturalEnigma
Well-Known Member
I started taking improv classes again yay. It’s only a 5 week classes this time. I like my group. For my first class I laughed so much I cried.
Earlier this year I was attending a women’s group for church where we would have a potluck and eat dinner together once a week. The first few months I really enjoyed it. But when new people came the dynamics of the group changed and it went south. All the people I liked left and never came back and it was just a few people left. That’s when I noticed that the organizer/leader didn’t like me so much, whenever she prayed out loud for me my prayer was the shortest whereas others went on forever and I felt like she was self indulged. As the group got smaller and smaller she got more time to talk about herself.
So I decided to leave the group and join a women’s bible study. I went yesterday and it was awesome! Half the women were black educated, successful and in my age range and the other half were really cool multiethnic women. I wasn’t expecting much, but the organizers had a PowerPoint presentation for the meeting. I was like wow fancy. I learned so much about Jesus in that one night. I’m really glad I didn’t just stick with my old group out of habit because I would have been missing out on my new group and the potential to make friends.
Earlier this year I was attending a women’s group for church where we would have a potluck and eat dinner together once a week. The first few months I really enjoyed it. But when new people came the dynamics of the group changed and it went south. All the people I liked left and never came back and it was just a few people left. That’s when I noticed that the organizer/leader didn’t like me so much, whenever she prayed out loud for me my prayer was the shortest whereas others went on forever and I felt like she was self indulged. As the group got smaller and smaller she got more time to talk about herself.
So I decided to leave the group and join a women’s bible study. I went yesterday and it was awesome! Half the women were black educated, successful and in my age range and the other half were really cool multiethnic women. I wasn’t expecting much, but the organizers had a PowerPoint presentation for the meeting. I was like wow fancy. I learned so much about Jesus in that one night. I’m really glad I didn’t just stick with my old group out of habit because I would have been missing out on my new group and the potential to make friends.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
My youngest sister is really getting on my nerves right now.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Good for you @NaturalEnigma! Glad you left the other group and kept it moving 
@ScorpioBeauty09
What’s she doing?
@ScorpioBeauty09
What’s she doing?
weaveadiva
Well-Known Member
Do you mind me asking which movie? I'm trying to figure out what's that popular. End Game is old now.
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
This move has been the best decision I may have made in years. Located all the Napa wines I love, financially getting in position to buy a property I can live in and rent out. Skin looks great. Less stress. Normal commute. Well adjusted baby. Getting to see the family when I want. Life is good ya'll. I feel like I exhaled after being under water for 3 years.
Why John Wick of course!
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
Why John Wick of course!
I was going to ask if it was John Wick lol
hopeful
Well-Known Member
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Asking for favors that involve me driving all over town at the last minute, like I don't have things to do.@ScorpioBeauty09
Then emotionally blackmailing me when I say I'm tired by saying "well I just thought we could spend some time together since you're always with [my SO's name.] 
Then when I give in and say I'll do it, we set a time, and she's still asleep. I tell her it's time to go, she insists she'll be ready. Hours go by and she's still not ready so I get back to doing what I originally planned. Right as I'm in the groove, all of a sudden she's ready to go. 
If we didn't share DNA she'd be on my ignore list.
bellatiamarie
Well-Known Member
Yaaaaaaaay!!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Ok I get it @ScorpioBeauty09! That is super annoying!
onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
Thank you ladies for allowing me to vent. I have a lot to think about and boundaries to set.
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Reinventing21
Spreading my wings
@onyxdreams I feel for you so much! Your daughter has put you between a rock and a hard place as well. Your health is paramount, but I would not want the babies being watched by a drug addict. There are so many things that could go tragically wrong.
Constantly bailing her out financially won't work either. Are there any other resources to help the.babies or get your daughter to think straight? Does she know he has drug problem? How is she able to justify leaving her kids alone with him if he gets high? Is he abusive emotionally, mentally or physically?
I do not know what I would do for if in your situation. I will be praying for you and I hope our lhcf ladies will chime in with some expert advice.
Constantly bailing her out financially won't work either. Are there any other resources to help the.babies or get your daughter to think straight? Does she know he has drug problem? How is she able to justify leaving her kids alone with him if he gets high? Is he abusive emotionally, mentally or physically?
I do not know what I would do for if in your situation. I will be praying for you and I hope our lhcf ladies will chime in with some expert advice.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
@onyxdreams I hope things work out for your daughter.
onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
I appreciate each of you!
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
@onyxdreams
You don’t sound negative at all. You sound heartbroken. And who wouldn’t be in this situation? What I do know is that you must take care of you and your health. I would also suggest you get professional support for you. Your mom is putting an awful lot of pressure on you which seems unfair to me. Your daughter has put you, herself, and her children in a terrible predicament but it is you who is suffering a lot of the consequences. There is a lot going on here. I would also suggest you read Codependent No More. I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. Things may never be how you hoped they would be but I do believe they can improve with time, effort, and professional support.
You don’t sound negative at all. You sound heartbroken. And who wouldn’t be in this situation? What I do know is that you must take care of you and your health. I would also suggest you get professional support for you. Your mom is putting an awful lot of pressure on you which seems unfair to me. Your daughter has put you, herself, and her children in a terrible predicament but it is you who is suffering a lot of the consequences. There is a lot going on here. I would also suggest you read Codependent No More. I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. Things may never be how you hoped they would be but I do believe they can improve with time, effort, and professional support.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
@onyxdreams Im so sorry. This sounds like such a difficult situation. Please take care of yourself . “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
My friend is pregnant and heavily hinted that she wants me to throw her a gender reveal party. While I’m not a fan of such parties, I am happy to do both that and the baby shower because she has been praying and praying for this baby. However I will have to think on logistics since I’ll be out of town for almost 2 weeks after she finds out the gender so I’m not sure what to do...
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