Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

Crackers Phinn said:
I must be okay with it? How Sway? I explained it’s a whole bunch of alternatives for folks aside from using something that doesn’t belong to them including.
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Sounded like you coming back to find them used and put in the dishwasher had happened multiply times so they were still accessible to people, hence the question mark. Because I would have locked my mugs away or taken them away ( they are way too nice to be left at the mercy of sticky fingers ) and let people know using my mugs would be a fighting matter.
 
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Browndilocks said:
That's all you had to say. Friendship ova!!! :afro:
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:lachen:
I had no idea that edge control was so serious!

Crackers Phinn said:
Etsy the royal duchess club
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Those mugs are adorable! Lock them up and away okay? I gon’ be mad if someone breaks or steals those mugs.

I have one favorite mug. One. And my kids always wanted to use it. Even my mom when she was still alive would want to use that one mug. And I had lots of mugs to choose from. I never understood it :lol:. But your mugs practically beg to be used :lol:. Hide them okay?
 
I feel like I may cause some trouble by not inviting my uncle to my wedding.

However he threatened violence towards my Aunt and my Mum last year during a family argument and still hasn't apologised and they are not currently talking. As its a small, intimate gathering of family and a few friends I didn't want any awkwardness or to have an atmosphere on my day.

He's one of those people who can be very moody also. I still feel a little bad because he seems reasonably fond of me and may get funny with me about it but I think I'm doing the best for the day and the best for the family members I'm closest to. IDK.
 
I'm a messed up person and I'm just going to accept it. I am tired of feeling bad for having people in my life that do not contribute to it in any way, whether that be emotionally, physically, financially or whatever. I just don't care anymore. If that means I'm a witch then I have to accept it. There is a friend that I am cutting loose and I felt bad about it for 2.5 seconds but am over it now. He is not a bad person. He hasn't done anything to me. But he is boring, needs babysitting sometimes, doesn't lend a listening ear, never has advice to offer and never shares anything about himself other than "I'm good what about you?" This doesn't sound bad and it's not but it just seems like a waste of time to me. I stopped calling, texting and initiating hangouts. He texted yesterday wanting to hang out and I initially agreed. However, as the day goes on and I send a text asking where to meet up he writes back "IDK". I waited for more and after 3 hours that was it. I started thinking how painfully boring this outing would be so I made up an excuse to bail. Messed up? Maybe, but I can't do it. I'm protecting my mental peace. I started thinking about that time we all went to the bbq festival and he just stood there silently for like 5 hours. He barely said 3 words. It was awkward. And this is coming from someone perfectly fine with an awkward silence here and there. I will not accept another invite from him but I find it unnecessary to actually "dump" him. I might need to in order to make myself clear though, right?
 
I know this is supposed to be men free but there's no place else I can put this. A family member is getting out of jail so everybody got the collection plate call on his behalf. My answer was "I will think about it but I doubt I'll think hard". I wouldn't give that negro poo if I had a truck full of it so why didn't I just say no? I can't stand the family member who called me and they were all on their "family supposed to help family". I hung up half way through "luv you".

Every time I get steeped in carefree black girl mode, here come these financial and emotional leeches to dial my mood back to struggle. Soooooo irritating.
 
Please Do not quote.

A family member is getting married. He is a horrible human being, known molester. This man is on his 4th marriage. My family is acting as if he is the Chief of a tribe of Wakanda. The majority of them are going. I'm not. I refuse to support anything that he is involved in. Folks are performing all types of mental gymnastics to justify attending.

It is something to watch from the outside.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
Every time I get steeped in carefree black girl mode, here come these financial and emotional leeches to dial my mood back to struggle. Soooooo irritating.
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To redeem bringing men in this thread..... I was crying on my homegirls shoulder and the next thing I know a messenger turned up at the office with my birthday present. We are going to have lunch on Saturday to celebrate my birthday and her first mothers day but she said I needed cheering up early. It's champagne glasses.

1585851.jpg
 
Crackers Phinn said:
To redeem bringing men in this thread..... I was crying on my homegirls shoulder and the next thing I know a messenger turned up at the office with my birthday present. We are going to have lunch on Saturday to celebrate my birthday and her first mothers day but she said I needed cheering up early. It's champagne glasses.

1585851.jpg
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It’s ok to bring up men. Just didn’t want to discuss romantic relationships, husbands, boyfriends, etc. I’m glad you got such a lovely gift. You deserve it and you deserve to stay in carefree black girl mode. I don’t have any family members in jail but I can imagine how annoying it would be to get those calls.
 
@LdyKamz
I don’t understand why you are calling yourself a messed up person. You want to distance yourself from someone who is a drain on you, expects you to plan and figure everything out, and doesn’t open up and share his life and thoughts with you etc. Why on earth would you maintain this relationship? And no, you do not need to officially dump him. Just mirror his level of effort and do the slow fade. You don’t need to put anymore pressure on yourself with regard to this relationship. Let it go and move on. You deserve better.
 
Yesterday I read a quote that states: "Recognize when a phase, a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over and let it go. Allow yourself to gracefully exit situations you have outgrown. Moving on doesn't have to be a catastrophic or dramatic event."

I've realized that I'm being hella dramatic about something that the universe has shown me, several times, that I've outgrown. It's to the point where it's uncomfortable and laughable, yet, I'm being so stubborn about it. I don't even enjoy it anymore, but it's like I'm trying to prove a point to absolutely no one. Grow up, girl!

Needed to get that out real quick. Thanks.
 
I have a question. When someone invites you to hang out and you decline saying you are busy, is it rude of the person to ask "why not, busy with what?" over and over? Or is it rude for the person to just say "ok, cool let me know when you're free?" Or are both things rude? Social norms are constantly changing and causing me grief for no good reason.

So what happened was, my friend asked to hang out yesterday and I said no, I was busy and she asked "doing what?" Now initially that didn't give me pause, I just told her what I was doing and said let's try for next week. She came back with "why not Thursday?" I replied I could not, I was busy through the weekend so next week would be better. And she asked again, doing what, so I just rattled off a couple errands and appointments that I had thinking it would segue into a new conversation about those things. She comes back with "ok but that's like 1 day of stuff. you're busy until after the weekend? With what? Why so secretive"? So at this point I just told her what I was doing every day and ended it with "since you want to know the whole schedule". It wasn't a secret but damn! It seemed to be there was no way to avoid a fight with this woman. Either I kept my plans to myself saying I didn't have to tell her and we argue about that or I tell her the plans just to shut her up and still tell her that she was out of line which would also cause an argument. I chose the latter and was like "I don't really appreciate the third degree, like what's the deal" I could have left it alone but I'm just so sick of this ya know. People feeling entitled to every part of your life and then when you don't give it them they catch a hissy fit.

So she hit me back saying whenever she tells me she can't hang and is busy ("which is rare since I always wanna hang with you!" she said) I never ask her what her plans are and that hurts her feelings. Sometimes, when we finally hang out I'll ask her what she did the week before and she'll passive aggressively tell me why she couldn't hang last week even though she wasn't going to tell me since I didn't ask. The italics were her words not mine. And I'm like but I did ask...when I saw you? Is that not enough? It's like what is this crazy neediness going on with people. She isn't the only one like this I'm noticing. I just felt like the whole thing is weird and tension filled for no reason. So now she's mad at me. LOL I'm unbothered by it honestly but this is another thing for her to jot down on the list about me "not caring".
 
LdyKamz said:
When someone invites you to hang out and you decline saying you are busy, is it rude of the person to ask "why not, busy with what?" over and over? Or is it rude for the person to just say "ok, cool let me know when you're free?" Or are both things rude?
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The first one: Very. The second one: Depends on how they say it. Like it could come off as "Okay I realize you're busy so I'm giving you the space to let me know a time that works for you" or it could be meant in a petty butthurt kind of way.
 
This week has been a tough, tough week. I got a call back from the mammography department on Monday because they saw a questionable area that required more images. Fortunately, the imaging center was able to fit me in and I am OK, Praise God. However, while I've been dealing with that my mom has been calling me every single day. My relationship with my parents has been strained for the past several months, so the daily phone calls are new. She is adamant about scheduling a family trip. We have a few home projects going on, issues with our rental property and things to handle with my mother-in-law. Then I get a text about a family reunion. There are three family reunions that weekend. How do we choose???? No matter what we choose someone will feel slighted. All of this on top of the kids and just regular day to day stuff. I feel like everyone is coming at me to do something for them that will make them happy. I don't think I have it in me to make everyone happy anymore.
 
I'm in my office with the door closed and I am fuming. FUMING!

One of my employees had an accident. His supervisor came running to me and said "Accident, head wound, bleeding from head". I run to call 911 because nobody did it even though there were 10 phones between me and the person. I call 911 and they gave me head wound instructions so I run (I'm fat) to get clean towels to go apply pressure. As I'm heading to get them and pondering how much blood I'm about to see, I tell my assistant, go out to the parking lot, there's an ambulance coming, waive them over to where the part of the building dude is at.

She says "what happened? Is he hurt? Is he going to be okay?"

I say, don't worry about that right now, just go out front and direct them to where they need to go.

Ambalamps, and fire trucks arrive, they do what they do and load him up for hospital transport (HIPPA I can't say what's what) , I ran (again, I'm fat) back to my office to get workers comp forms for hospital payment. The minute I get back still obviously moving faster than anyone has ever seen me do, both my assistant and another person ask me what's going on. I said "not now" and do what I gotta do.

What about this situation said I got time to give you details about what might be a life threatening emergency WHILE IT'S HAPPENING????? ARE YOU :censored: KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?

Oh my G-d. I can't.
 
And another friend bites the dust. Last Saturday I had an episode. I seriously thought I would die. I was terrified and had to call my mom and my sister just in case it happened and I was alone so they could know that I love them. (Long story. Gonna keep it to myself for now) Eventually I was fine and the next day a friend of mine that I see occasionally but text with dang near every single day texted me about her guy troubles again. I responded to that but also told her what happened the night before. She did not respond. Not even a "Are you ok, now?" Nothing. I didn't sweat it. I hear from her 2 days later and it's a text with a picture of the girlfriend of the guy she's crushing on. She sends literally TWENTY texts complaining about how ugly this girl is and all that. I read them all (and quite honestly this guy clearly has a type because the "ugly" gf looks just like my friend so... :look:) Anyway, I ignore her texts and she blasts me all day and finally says "I'm concerned, are you ok?" Still I did not respond. I'm not angry but I'm tired of having to explain to people how they need treat me if they want to be friends with me. A friend of mine basically ignored me telling her I thought I was going to die? It's hilarious when you think about it. And her non response to that shows exactly what I mean to her and what place I have in her life - which seems to be just a person who will listen to her rant about any and everything under the sun while she doesn't have to contribute anything to the friendship. Cool, now I know. I have ignored her texts so far and if she doesn't stop texting me by the end of the weekend, I will block her just so I don't have to read these stupid messages anymore.
 
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