Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

Browndilocks said:
California recently passed a law that says it is no longer a felony to knowingly pass HIV to an unsuspecting partner. It is also no longer a felony to knowingly donate HIV positive blood. I am very bothered by this and completely disgusted.

ETA: I don't even know why I posted in this particular thread. I forgot this was about non romantic relationships. Sorry!
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Why the devil would a law like that get passed?!
 
Damaris.Elle said:
Why the devil would a law like that get passed?!
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The way the law was set up people who knowingly spread HIV would get a bigger penalty than someone who knowingly spread another communicable disease or other STD. I'm oversimplifying but the theory was men engaging in homosexual sex were punished harsher for spreading disease than straight men so now all men can spread their contagion and be punished equally.

Because they were keeping men in mind, notice they rolled the penalty for HIV back instead of increasing the penalty for everybody else who does the same foulness.
 
Am I overreacting?

My grandmother's 80th bday is next year. I found a cruise to the Bahamas that I was planning on treating her to. I told my aunts, her daughters about it and they were game. :rolleyes: I told one of my aunts maybe 3 days ago that I was going to create a FB page and invite the whole family and give them all the details in case anyone wanted to go. I was going to do this right after my grandmother's current bday which is in 6 days.

There was a death in my family and at the funeral last week my cousins decided they wanted a family reunion this year.:rolleyes::rolleyes: Why did this same aunt go create a FB page today called Family Reunion 2019. I feel shaded and undercut as hell by that heifer. 85% of my family lives in the same state. A **** couldn't just wait until I put it out there since some people may need all year to pay for it? Like why go about creating a page for a BBQ that everybody can drive to and divert the focus on what I was trying to get done? Family is forever wondering why I don't phucks with them...
 
I would have even appreciated her starting a page about my grandmother's birthday. I don't need that type of validation. I told her what she did was shady and underhanded. Of course she didn't appreciate that and managed to act simple, clueless, defensive and like an authoritative aunt all at the same time. I think she was surprised I called her shady but IDGAF. She knows it was shady and that's why she was so defensive.
 
Good for you.
I figured out the elders in my family like to complain that we don't take over any of the traditions e.g. Thanksgiving but as soon as we try to help they get territorial and act up similarly to what your aunt did.

Browndilocks said:
I would have even appreciated her starting a page about my grandmother's birthday. I don't need that type of validation. I told her what she did was shady and underhanded. Of course she didn't appreciate that and managed to act simple, clueless, defensive and like an authoritative aunt all at the same time. I think she was surprised I called her shady but IDGAF. She knows it was shady and that's why she was so defensive.
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I want to share the latest church sermon called Dealing with Family Mess on Facebook and tag a good chunk of my family in it.

But I won't.

My step dad's dad passed away this week and after initially asking me and my brother to come to the funeral, (we've met him but can't think of the last time we've seen him. I'd have zero issue going to support) she's now telling us not too.

Something about it being a mess and she doesn't have time to defend why someone else's children are attending a funeral of someone who isn't their relative.

Idk. I feel like this year will be the year of changing family dynamics.
 
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oneastrocurlie said:
I want to share the latest church sermon called Dealing with Family Mess on Facebook and tag a good chunk of my family in it.

But I won't.

My step dad's dad passed away this week and after initially asking me and my brother to come to the funeral, (we've met him but can't think of the last time we've seen him. I'd have zero issue going to support) she's now telling us not too.

Something about it being a mess and she doesn't have time to defend why someone else's children are attending a funeral of someone who isn't their relative.

Idk. I feel like this year will be the year of changing family dynamics.
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Is “she” your mom? I got a little lost with what’s going on. Who asked you and your brother to attend and then said don’t?
 
A friend of mine was in town. She told me she would let me know when she got here.

A week after her arrival she text me asking to meet up with a friend, X. I don't deal with said friend and proposed another day/time.

She hemmed and hawed, texting back and forth. This chick left town and I didn't see her... smh. Not even a hey girl I will holla next time. I've put her on the acquaintance list.
 
My friend is having twins in August. We have one mutual friend that always steps in and volunteers to spearhead stuff like baby showers, bridal showers, and etc but then makes an excuse that she doesn't have money or can't travel out of town. She ends up relying on her other friends to pull it off but she takes all the credit for the event. Usually the friend that steps up is ME. I'ma make sure this year it is NOT me.
 
I randomly ran into one of my BFFs last week and it was great to see her but she said a couple things that I gave the side eye to. Turns we've got some similarities in our relationships with our SOs which I didn't expect. :look: It was nice talking to someone who gets it. I've been so busy focusing on my relationship and challenges in my career, some girl time was nice. We're planning a double date soon.

However, she let me know she's competing with me to see whose relationship progresses the fastest. :rolleyes: A little back story, she got back with her ex during the holiday season. It wasn't a surprise but they were together almost 4 years before that. Anyway, SO and I have been together for almost a year and she thinks a baby is coming soon for us. When I told her no babies until a wedding, and while we talk about marriage, it's not happening this year, she said "okay then in 2 years" and she said she'll feel pressure to marry her SO and have children since she's been with her SO much longer than SO and I have. o_O Sidenote: her SO already has two children.

When I mentioned that SO and I's anniversary is in early April she tried to say it wasn't our real anniversary because we weren't exclusive at that point. o_O
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
I randomly ran into one of my BFFs last week and it was great to see her but she said a couple things that I gave the side eye to. Turns we've got some similarities in our relationships with our SOs which I didn't expect. :look: It was nice talking to someone who gets it. I've been so busy focusing on my relationship and challenges in my career, some girl time was nice. We're planning a double date soon.

However, she let me know she's competing with me to see whose relationship progresses the fastest. :rolleyes: A little back story, she got back with her ex during the holiday season. It wasn't a surprise but they were together almost 4 years before that. Anyway, SO and I have been together for almost a year and she thinks a baby is coming soon for us. When I told her no babies until a wedding, and while we talk about marriage, it's not happening this year, she said "okay then in 2 years" and she said she'll feel pressure to marry her SO and have children since she's been with her SO much longer than SO and I have. o_O Sidenote: her SO already has two children.

When I mentioned that SO and I's anniversary is in early April she tried to say it wasn't our real anniversary because we weren't exclusive at that point. o_O
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Why is this your BFF again? She doesn't seem too loving. I don't ever feel the need to compete with my BFF's. I want all of us to eat.
 
PrissiSippi said:
Why is this your BFF again? She doesn't seem too loving. I don't ever feel the need to compete with my BFF's. I want all of us to eat.
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My mom said the same thing lol. Her demeanor is pretty cheerful so she the way she said it was celebratory but with a caveat. :ohwell: Anyway she's never said anything like this before and we've known each other for nearly 20 years so I was taken off guard. o_O My thought is she's insecure, and is wearing it on her sleeve more than she usually would. When she told her me she and her ex were back on, she was very concerned that I hated him and I'm like, "if you're happy, I'm happy. That's all I want."
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
My mom said the same thing lol. Her demeanor is pretty cheerful so she the way she said it was celebratory but with a caveat. :ohwell: Anyway she's never said anything like this before and we've known each other for nearly 20 years so I was taken off guard. o_O My thought is she's insecure, and is wearing it on her sleeve more than she usually would. When she told her me she and her ex were back on, she was very concerned that I hated him and I'm like, "if you're happy, I'm happy. That's all I want."
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I would have a chat with her. Maybe tell her it isn't a race. I've been around women who are so hyper sensitive about their rlps that they are overally insecure. If I care about them we chat if not I keep it moving.
 
BrownBetty said:
I would have a chat with her. Maybe tell her it isn't a race. I've been around women who are so hyper sensitive about their rlps that they are overally insecure. If I care about them we chat if not I keep it moving.
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Yeah. We’re planning a double date soon but I will speak about it with her because this isn’t a race at all. If she’s feeling insecure then I’m available to talk if she needs a listening ear like I did during their break up which was not pretty.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
I randomly ran into one of my BFFs last week and it was great to see her but she said a couple things that I gave the side eye to. Turns we've got some similarities in our relationships with our SOs which I didn't expect. :look: It was nice talking to someone who gets it. I've been so busy focusing on my relationship and challenges in my career, some girl time was nice. We're planning a double date soon.

However, she let me know she's competing with me to see whose relationship progresses the fastest. :rolleyes: A little back story, she got back with her ex during the holiday season. It wasn't a surprise but they were together almost 4 years before that. Anyway, SO and I have been together for almost a year and she thinks a baby is coming soon for us. When I told her no babies until a wedding, and while we talk about marriage, it's not happening this year, she said "okay then in 2 years" and she said she'll feel pressure to marry her SO and have children since she's been with her SO much longer than SO and I have. o_O Sidenote: her SO already has two children.

When I mentioned that SO and I's anniversary is in early April she tried to say it wasn't our real anniversary because we weren't exclusive at that point. o_O
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I had a friend like that, but she was competing with another friend. All three of us were in relationships at the same time. I ended mine after ring shopping because he was a complete jerk and very condescending. The other two stayed in and rushed to get married. The one that got married first confessed that her future husband didn't want to get married, but she 'convinced' him by reminding him of the tax breaks and threatening to kick him out. So she planned a wedding in 90 days, before he changed his mind...

It ain't even worth rushing to compete for something that is supposed to last forever.
 
Alternative opinion but - if she does want marriage and children then seeing people in a healthy, steadily progressing relationship should make her stop to think about where her 8 year on and off relationship is going :look:.

Sometimes seeing a good example around you can shine a light on dysfunctional areas of your life and cause you to re-evaluate your choices. Also it sounds like, from the concern about people not liking her ex, she's not sure if she's made the right decision.

It's a good idea to have a convo about it to clear the issue.

I've had a couple of long time friends voice insecurities that surprised me recently, so I know what it's like. Something about me makes them have to face what they are not happy with and need to change which isn't pleasant for them, or comfortable for me to hear. But it's not really about me at the end of the day.

They haven't tried to bring me down, still sing my praises and support me as usual, so I not throwing a friendship away over an insecure thought. I would if the thoughts turned into negative behaviour.
 
BonBon said:
Alternative opinion but - if she does want marriage and children then seeing people in a healthy, steadily progressing relationship should make her stop to think about where her 8 year on and off relationship is going :look:.

Sometimes seeing a good example around you can shine a light on dysfunctional areas of your life and cause you to re-evaluate your choices. Also it sounds like, from the concern about people not liking her ex, she's not sure if she's made the right decision.

It's a good idea to have a convo about it to clear the issue.

I've had a couple of long time friends voice insecurities that surprised me recently, so I know what it's like. Something about me makes them have to face what they are not happy with and need to change which isn't pleasant for them, or comfortable for me to hear. But it's not really about me at the end of the day.

They haven't tried to bring me down, still sing my praises and support me as usual, so I not throwing a friendship away over an insecure thought. I would if the thoughts turned into negative behaviour.
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Your entire post was great but especially these points.

Bolded: She does, and you posted exactly what I was thinking. Her relationship was turbulent for most of it, the first time around and some of our mutual friends (we went to HS/college together) told her she could do better even as they had their own relationship issues. Then I start my relationship and she's seeing it progress.

Purple: My relationship didn't just fall into my lap, I made a conscious decision to find a healthy, adult relationship but that came after I spent a good year and a half working on my issues. If she were to stop and re-evaluate her decision, it would bring up a lot of her long-held insecurities that I don't think she's ready to face. I only found out about them a couple years ago and our mutuals have encouraged her to try therapy or some kind of counseling and she refuses. I'm in therapy myself and she knows my issues so there's no shame.

We're in our early 30s, many of our peers are having second children, more are getting married if they aren't already so it might seem easier to try to make it work with someone she already has history with, than start all over with someone new.

Blue: Thanks for sharing that. Same here.

Magenta: Precisely. Me neither. She's been very encouraging of my relationship and I said earlier, we figured out our SOs have some interesting similarities we didn't expect. Someone else gets it lol.
 
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I wish this girl would catch a hint. We arent friends anymore and its all your fault. She'll do some B thing to me then realize she may have messed up so then tries to be nice to me. Not having it. I cut her off since last year June and she still sends me a stray text every now and then. I never respond. 3 weeks ago there was a gathering at my house and she came. She didnt even say hi to me. Ignored me in my own house (well my parents house but you know what I mean) and even when I was standing next to her she acted like I wasnt there. Which is a huge no no for haitians cause we are taught to say hi to to all the householders when we come to someone's house. Well today she sends me a random text saying she hasnt seen me in a while and if Im okay:rolleyes: girl bye. Your lonely and sabotaged our friendship and you miss me. I know Im a bomb AF friend to have and you miss a good thing. No response for her. Im living my life and shining.
 
When I am on my period my anxiety is very high and I want to scream at the smallest inconveniences...

This time it's justified tho :look: so, I'm getting a foot massage and eating chicken wings this weekend. I don't care, I can't take it. I'm too old to cry so it will just be a day of self-care and reading this 500 page book that is taking forever to finish.
 
Me and my home girl flew up to Portland for the day and we hit up the Freaky But True Peculiarium. I don't care what the reviews say, that is the best place in all of Oregon. Since I am a upright religious woman, I did not back these cakes up on Krampus' lap for a selfie with Santa Claus' evil homie but I reaaaaaallllly wanted to. The Dude Where's My Guts exhibit and the Murder Dollhouse had me transfixed! If I could figure out a way to turn a profit I would be in heaven running a store like that.

We found an Irish Pub that served the most beautiful shepherds pie I've ever seen. Unfortunately, it was not the most tasty shepherds pie. Crazy enough the table full of women next to us were also visiting from LA.

I cannot wait until the trip to Roswell. Does happy dance.
 
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