Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

@hopeful I agree. They're only human and they make mistakes too. I've been with him a long time but I've known for some time now that he has taken me as far as he can. There are other issues I need to work on that in my opinion he is ill equipped to handle. And that's not necessarily a bad thing but my needs are changing. And because I'm sticking with him I've been neglecting those things. I can't do it any longer.

How long have you been with yours?
 
KammyGirl said:
@hopeful I agree. They're only human and they make mistakes too. I've been with him a long time but I've known for some time now that he has taken me as far as he can. There are other issues I need to work on that in my opinion he is ill equipped to handle. And that's not necessarily a bad thing but my needs are changing. And because I'm sticking with him I've been neglecting those things. I can't do it any longer.

How long have you been with yours?
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Almost 2 years. She has been amazing. I am so happy that I found her and proud that I was so consistent with the therapy and determined to heal. But like you I feel there are issues being neglected because they are kind of her blind spot. I have another issue that I think she could be helpful with so I’m hesitant to let her go just yet. I think I will be moving on in about 6 months or so, maybe stick it out till the end of the year to get this last learning? I think I will then be ready for a therapy break? Hopefully for good. I’m hoping I can work through the issues she’s unable to address on my own or with workshops, retreats, etc. Not sure. Just trying to take it one day at a time.
 
hunnychile said:
My mother and I are having some growing pains and I'm not sure how to go about changing my attitude towards her.

I had an entire wall of text here that I decided to delete once I saw the length. I'm going to start calling around for a therapist...:spinning:
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Just wanted to offer a really big hug. The relationship with mom can be so complicated and challenging (at least mine was before we found new ways to relate and coexist). I hope you're able to find peace and enjoy new harmony with her.
 
caribeandiva said:
https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/shea-growth-and-retention-regimen-2018.828439/

I know it’s almost 120 pages since @Chicoro started it in December. That’s because it’s moving at lightning speed! It’s long but it’s so worth the read and funny too!
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Thanks! I've actually been watching that thread since she started it. There are great tips as far as retaining length but I don't feel like it's quite right for me since I'm looking more for styling/everyday wear and how I'm going to deal in the meantime while it's growing out. I literally have no way to wear my hair. I washed it today and in its natural state it seriously looks like I have a high top fade. I started crying all over again! Ugh! :cry:I searched youtube and I can't even find decent videos (from naturals or black girls at all really) with tips on styling while growing out a short hair cut. I'll continue to lurk in that thread though.
 
KammyGirl said:
Thanks! I've actually been watching that thread since she started it. There are great tips as far as retaining length but I don't feel like it's quite right for me since I'm looking more for styling/everyday wear and how I'm going to deal in the meantime while it's growing out. I literally have no way to wear my hair. I washed it today and in its natural state it seriously looks like I have a high top fade. I started crying all over again! Ugh! :cry:I searched youtube and I can't even find decent videos (from naturals or black girls at all really) with tips on styling while growing out a short hair cut. I'll continue to lurk in that thread though.
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I know this sucks so bad (I'm managing a hair crisis of my own right now so I get it), but you're still fly and it will grow back. For some reason this reminded me of when Tyra used to cut the models' hair off on ANTM and some of them would have a meltdown and others would be like, aight, I'ma slay with this ugly cut.

That might be no consolation, but I just wanted to offer the reminder that it's temporary. And hopefully you'll be able to laugh about it one day.
 
Heeeeeeey!

I've been having really hard time the last week but my friends have showed up and showed out. There was a brief moment that I thought I should be able to go home and be comforted by my family but I then was grateful for my loving crew of friends.

I've been attending therapy and getting better. It won't be difficult forever.
 
KammyGirl said:
Thanks! I've actually been watching that thread since she started it. There are great tips as far as retaining length but I don't feel like it's quite right for me since I'm looking more for styling/everyday wear and how I'm going to deal in the meantime while it's growing out. I literally have no way to wear my hair. I washed it today and in its natural state it seriously looks like I have a high top fade. I started crying all over again! Ugh! :cry:I searched youtube and I can't even find decent videos (from naturals or black girls at all really) with tips on styling while growing out a short hair cut. I'll continue to lurk in that thread though.
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Will that spongy thing that makes little curls work for you?
 
This past week has been mentally and emotionally draining. It's partially hormones, but also because my life has slowed down (grammar?) a bit and I've been able to sit in my thoughts.

I sat and just thought, 'why and how did I get here?'. That combined with someone suggesting that I enjoy being alone, rather than taking into consideration that I have to do all of this 'life' stuff alone and pay a premium, literally and emotionally, to live my life. I'm doing all of this alone, and while I enjoy it, I don't have time to grocery shop, laundry, etc., and I don't have anyone to depend on or vent to when life gets rough. I have to mentally be strong enough to really push myself when I am at the bottom of the curve. I am so blessed and so grateful; I don't take any of this for granted. I need to remember this, every day.

I started to feel really bad this weekend and then yesterday I met a 3 year-old that had to sit through 6hrs of chemo every 3 weeks. I'm childless, and often think about what if I had kid. Watching that little girl go through that broke my heart; I work in oncology and I can't imagine wanting a child so bad and then watching her go through that.

I don't know what this all means and/or why the Universe put that little girl in my life, but I won't forget it. I'm going to keep praying for direction this week.
 
I've accepted that I will not have any close friends again, like I did when I was younger. It's not going to happen. I have tried different ways to meet people and while I do, I haven't clicked with anyone enough where we are more than associates. I do have many associates, but it's just not the same. I am going to have to get used to going out alone again, if I want to enjoy what life has to offer. I am planning a small out of town getaway. It'll be nice to get away for a few days. I didn't bother asking anyone to join me because I already knew the answer would be no. I think I'll 'Do Not Disturb' my phone while I'm away and only answer calls from family.
 
@TwoSnapsUp
I can understand accepting no close friends for now, but to accept a lifetime of no close friends to me is like claiming a lifetime of poverty or loneliness. I do think going out alone and often is a great idea. You should always be getting out in the world and enjoying yourself, close friends or not. This period in your life where you feel alone and lonely will pass. But I think you do have to learn to be very happy and pleased with your own company first. You will then attract more quality people. I promise you that things will get better.

I watch this video when I feel stuck or frustrated and it always gives me a boost.

 
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I’m learning to not call people everyday! Lol yeah I know that is small, but there was a reason I deactivated my social media accounts. I really need time with self. Too much mind chatter, and too much of other people and what’s going on with them in my head as well. I need to learn how to be alone. Like I want to be alone. I don’t feel lonely. Just want to develop new, healthy, and productive habits. All of that phone conversation stuff, social media surfing, is too distracting. It isn’t moving me forward in my purpose. And when I get too involved and wrapped up into what goes on with others, it messes with me. Especially someone else’s take on life, their fears, their insecurities...
 
Recently I've felt like a friend of mine has been avoiding me and I started to make something up to justify why she was. I came up with a few silly things and then came to my senses. I texted her this morning knowing that she had something really difficult to do today even though she hasn't answered any of my text messages for over a week. I texted "Good luck today!" with a hug emoji. A few hours later she responded saying thank you and I barely finished reading the text before she called crying hysterically apologizing for not being around this week. She was mentally preparing for today and all that and she wished she would have responded because she needed support but didn't want to burden me. I flipped back and forth between anger and understanding during the conversation but forgave her in the end.

I'm trying to be mindful because when I saw therapist #2 I told him there were people I didn't connect with as much knowing their lives were fuller than mine and I didn't want to intrude. He told me he had friends like that and he only called them when it was convenient for him because it can be easy to feel like the other person doesn't care. He basically said if you want to reach out, do. If you don't, don't. And always pay attention to what you're feeling so you make sure you are taking care of you. This is one of the reasons I flipped between anger and understanding in the convo with her because I usually don't reach out as often to this particular friend and let her come to me because she is always busy, she has lots of personal issues and I am always here when she needs me but don't want to intrude or make things more difficult for her. So when she didn't respond I started to feel angry at her for not responding and then angry at myself for even bothering in the first place. Then her apology made me realize that I was right about some things (her having a lot of personal issues) but wrong about others. I don't have to stay away and it's ok to let her know I support her and am here if she needs me. And she doesn't have to avoid me not wanting to burden me and hopefully she can see that I have been trying to be better at reaching out and letting her know I'm around. I think we've turned a corner. We're having lunch on Wednesday.
 
I met a black guy who lives in my building yesterday and he was a breath of fresh air.

I think I've mentioned to you all how I'm having trouble finding black people I connect with here.

It's especially hard with men. Black men don't care for black women here. And I miss being around black male energy.

It's clear that he's not interested in anything romantic, and I'm not either. But he has good conversation and he's funny. I'm hoping we can hang sometime. Maybe that'll lead to me meeting some of his people.

One of my goals this year is to surround myself with as many black people as possible. I want to expand my black circle.
 
So I knew something was up with my sister but she is really off base with her observation of my behavior. To top it off she texted me a dissertation when she should’ve spoken to me in person. I’m not responding to her text and not sure I even want to broach the subject in the future. Hopefully she never experiences what I have but she won’t ever understand until she does. It really hurts because I thought we were better than this.
 
My sisters birthday was last week so I invited her to dinner. She said she was having a party. My first time hearing about it. So she said you can come if you want. Ooookay . . .. Then asked me how was I gonna get there (she knows I don't have a car) . I debated all week if I was gonna go . Felt really good that night so I went.
Put on some tight ass size 8 jeans and went and had a ball . Danced the night away , sweated out my hair and had one drink . Lol
Then once I thought about it felt bad that my sister would even do me like that . But in the end I got out of the house and had such a good time so I'm choosing to look at the bright side !
 
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crlsweetie912 said:
My sisters birthday was last week so I invited her to dinner. She said she was having a party. My first time hearing about it. So she said you can come if you want. Ooookay . . .. Then asked me how was I gonna get there (she knows I don't have a car) . I debated all week if I was gonna go . Felt really good that night so I went.
Put on some tight ass size 8 jeans and went and had a ball . Danced the night away , swated out my hair and had one drink . Lol
Then once I thought about it felt bad that my sister would even do me like that . But in the end I got out of the house and had such a good time so I'm choosing to look at the bright side !
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I’m so glad you had a good time! That’s what matters!
 
weaveadiva said:
I met a black guy who lives in my building yesterday and he was a breath of fresh air.

I think I've mentioned to you all how I'm having trouble finding black people I connect with here.

It's especially hard with men. Black men don't care for black women here. And I miss being around black male energy.

It's clear that he's not interested in anything romantic, and I'm not either. But he has good conversation and he's funny. I'm hoping we can hang sometime. Maybe that'll lead to me meeting some of his people.

One of my goals this year is to surround myself with as many black people as possible. I want to expand my black circle.
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Are you me? LOL I feel that lack of black male energy here as well, I am from the south originally so it will always be weird to me. But getting together with your girls is always a nice release.
 
Someone I know is hosting a dinner party and I'm invited.

I'm mad because I'm starving but he's white and dusty and has a huge hairy shedding dog :barf:

I just know the dog is gonna free and roaming all around the kitchen.

I'm gonna eat beforehand just in case. I wanted to pass but I'm thinking about moving where he is and wanna be nosy and see what it looks like up close #noshame
 
This was a really great weekend. Hung out with my sis, my cousin and my good guy friend on Friday

Then yesterday’s surprise birthday party for my cousin was probably my favorite family gathering thus far. We had the party for her because she had never had one before (she turned 54). She had a really rough life growing- pregnant at 13 followed by years of substance abuse but has been clean for awhile now, and married a really nice guy a few years ago. She’s such a sweet person and I’m so proud of her for turning her life around.

Today I’m just kind of recovering and getting some me time. I have things going on the next 2 weekends. My co-worker invited me out with her family next Saturday and then I’m going to Chicago with my sis for a couple of days the weekend after that.
 
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I have a FB relationship with a woman I went to high school with... meaning, we often laugh at/comment on each other's posts. She's very popular and has a rather large SM following because she is the founder of a national organization. She was recently asked to present at a conference and now that the conference is over, complaints are pouring in about the outfit she wore to her speech. She's now ranting about these complaints and her followers are validating her. She posted a picture of what she wore and... no bueno. Truly no bueno. Should I slip her a private message?
 
Browndilocks said:
I have a FB relationship with a woman I went to high school with... meaning, we often laugh at/comment on each other's posts. She's very popular and has a rather large SM following because she is the founder of a national organization. She was recently asked to present at a conference and now that the conference is over, complaints are pouring in about the outfit she wore to her speech. She's now ranting about these complaints and her followers are validating her. She posted a picture of what she wore and... no bueno. Truly no bueno. Should I slip her a private message?
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Nope.
 
Browndilocks said:
I have a FB relationship with a woman I went to high school with... meaning, we often laugh at/comment on each other's posts. She's very popular and has a rather large SM following because she is the founder of a national organization. She was recently asked to present at a conference and now that the conference is over, complaints are pouring in about the outfit she wore to her speech. She's now ranting about these complaints and her followers are validating her. She posted a picture of what she wore and... no bueno. Truly no bueno. Should I slip her a private message?
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Nope. Let her figure it out, it will promote personal growth.
 
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