Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

weaveadiva said:
Chiiiile... I was on my period during Carnival in Trinidad :nono: So not only was I cramping for all the festivities, including J'Ouvert, but was doing so skimpy in costumes with all my business on display. Talk about pissed :lol:
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:eek::eek: Brave soul!! I’d have to sit this one out. :lol: To be honest ever since I got on birth control last year (I have an IUD), my period has been a breeze! Thank goodness because they were heavy and painful for years. Even before the birth control when I started drinking a gallon of water a day, my period got much easier (I got BC a year later). My Dr wasn’t surprised when I told him.
 
Browndilocks said:
Because... that reaction was cold. It's nice that you rectified by sending a text, but why should she dim her light for the sake of someone else? It's unfortunate about the other friend but to diminish a positive response for her was wrong.
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I agree with this. I would expect my friends to be excited for me regardless. I've been the one with the negative news in contrast to my friend's positive news, and I would never expect our other friends to treat her announcement any differently because of me.
 
caribeandiva said:
:eek::eek: Brave soul!! I’d have to sit this one out. :lol:
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Trust me... I wanted to :lol: I'm so fortunate to have easy periods. Cramps/bleeding for three days and I'm good.

But alladat coupled with 371 degree weather and fatigue from 24 hour fetes had a sista on edge :eek:

Is that blood running down my leg or sweat? Am I cramping or suffering from heat stroke? DIS TEW MUCH :spinning:
 
weaveadiva said:
I'm a little upset.

My girl called me earlier but I missed it. She then texted "can you talk? I'm trying to be more honest and I have something to tell you" o_O

So I call her right back, but she doesn't pick up. Then texts, "never mind. I'll just write it."

So I wait... nothing. I fell asleep. When I wake up, I check my messages. Her last one says, "Did you get my texts?" The four before that all say "this message has been removed." (using Skype.)

So I write back, "No, you deleted them. What's going on?" No response. No answer. That was hours ago.

Is she being abused? Was she born a man? Does she have secret thoughts of killing me in my sleep? So not cool to leave me hanging. Just shouldn't have said anything at all if she wasn't ready.

TL;DR My friend has something important to tell me and I have no idea if I should be worried or not.
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I've exceeded my goal of going to three countries within 1Q18. Actually made it to 4 continents this quarter.
If all goes well, I'll get to at least six by the end of the summer. I have no desire to get to Antarctica, but I'd be willing to consider it just for fun.

Life is good but I know I need to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone, personally and professionally. My personal life is incredibly selfish at this point and it's very comfortable. I will make an effort to be a better friend, sibling, etc.

I will still continue to take care of my physical and mental well-being. My next plan is to spend more time in nature but I hate bugs. After spending so much time around bugs during my last trip I realized that there will always be more bugs than people and when I enter their environment I have to deal with them under their terms. So, next trip will be to a rain forest where I will not spend the day swatting and squirming lol.

I find after spending time in nature, I walk away with much more clarity and I realize how small I am in this world, but my contributions can be significant. My last trip helped to give me clarity on some professional decisions. I'm not going to chase the money as I initially planned; I need to follow my heart and my passion because it's almost effortless and I actually enjoy it.
 
hopeful said:
Wow @Miss_Luna that sounds fantastic! How exciting! Thank you for updating us on your adventures. Can you share a little more about your recent travels?
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Hi @hopeful !

Sure. Without too much detail because my offline/social media account is public and I am much more candid here...:look: I can share some details.

Most of my trips have been work trips that I've extended or had the travel admin extend my layovers so I could spend time exploring a new city. One work trip was in Peru/South America, and I had the work trip in one country, then went to a few countries before and after the work meetings. I studied Portuguese, Spanish and French, though I don't practice much, so I could get by with Spanish and that made it a bit easier to get around. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there and met some awesome people.

I went to Europe earlier this year for a work meeting and explored in the evenings. I was in the Netherlands, Belgium and Northern Ireland, which were cool but I enjoy South America and Asia much more. It's more 'colorful' there; the food, the people, the vibe. I live in Asia and I've been to a few countries here for work and extended those trips. My home is in the US so I went there to visit.

I'm not a 'stamp' collector; I genuinely like meeting new people and exploring new cultures. If it paid well, I'd probably be a medical or social anthropologist.
 
I just got the worst hair cut of my entire life. My hair is so short and my sides are lower than I wanted. I went off in that place and the girl argued with me and actually started to get a little attitude. When will I learn? Hair salons are a no no. I cried on my way back to the subway with my hoodie pulled tight around my head. And neither my mother nor my sister could understand why I was so upset. My mother wants her hair to look like mine so since she was fine with it I was supposed to be. My sister had to see a picture and then all she could say was ohhhhh. Yeah because it's that bad. I am distraught. I don't want to leave my apartment until this monstrosity grows out.
 
KammyGirl said:
I just got the worst hair cut of my entire life. My hair is so short and my sides are lower than I wanted. I went off in that place and the girl argued with me and actually started to get a little attitude. When will I learn? Hair salons are a no no. I cried on my way back to the subway with my hoodie pulled tight around my head. And neither my mother nor my sister could understand why I was so upset. My mother wants her hair to look like mine so since she was fine with it I was supposed to be. My sister had to see a picture and then all she could say was ohhhhh. Yeah because it's that bad. I am distraught. I don't want to leave my apartment until this monstrosity grows out.
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Omg... I’m sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I thought scissor happy stylists were a thing of the past. Was it a black salon? Have you been there before? How could this happen?
 
My son's girlfriend texted me this morning to tell me she "broke up" with him yesterday. He has been flirting with other women and lying to her, I feel so bad, I actually loved them together . They had plans to go to ATL this weekend and decided to go despite the "break-up". I really want to text her to find out how the trip is going, but I won't. I know I need to stay out of their business.
 
onyxdreams said:
My son's girlfriend texted me this morning to tell me she "broke up" with him yesterday. He has been flirting with other women and lying to her, I feel so bad, I actually loved them together . They had plans to go to ATL this weekend and decided to go despite the "break-up". I really want to text her to find out how the trip is going, but I won't. I know I need to stay out of their business.
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Smart move. Let them deal with it on their own. Your peace of mind will thank you!
 
caribeandiva said:
Smart move. Let them deal with it on their own. Your peace of mind will thank you!
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It's sooo hard because I want to fix it! I really just want to shake my son! This young lady has been amazing to him and has tried to make him happy.

But I realize it's their relationship and I need to be neutral. Plus I don't want my son feeling like I've taken sides, although he knows how fond of her I am.
 
caribeandiva said:
Omg... I’m sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I thought scissor happy stylists were a thing of the past. Was it a black salon? Have you been there before? How could this happen?
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It's a diverse salon and my stylist is black and I've been there before. The last time she gave me a hair cut she did pretty good and I feel like my hair was in worse shape then and she was still able to fix me up. This time she was just like we're gonna cut it and I fought her the whole way about how much to cut and what she needed to do. She kept turning me away from the mirror and I kept turning myself back.

She also started to juggle 3 other heads while I was there and I did not like that. I feel like she ended up rushing because she had them waiting and I told her so. She said no but she had an answer for everything. I gave her a hard time, the other girl she had waiting (who was doing color! :eek:) gave her a hard time because an assistant kept coming over to check on her and you want the stylist not the assistant when you're getting color. And one of the other clients gave her a hard time and kept interrupting her asking her when she would start on her.

This has never happened there before. Ever! My hair is so short and I have no idea how this is going to look when I wash my hair and wear it natural again. It's like a freaking pixie cut with closely shaved sides! I'm natural. Wth am I supposed to do with this after I wash my hair? Also there were 2 other black stylists/assistants who made some rude comments about my natural hair that one of them had to sweep up. I went to yelp and ripped them to shreds after having it out in the place. I noticed that the owner wasn't there so they were doing whatever they wanted. She will not be happy about my review and I suspect I will be getting some contact from them shortly to offer some services but I am NEVER going back.
 
onyxdreams said:
It's sooo hard because I want to fix it! I really just want to shake my son! This young lady has been amazing to him and has tried to make him happy.

But I realize it's their relationship and I need to be neutral. Plus I don't want my son feeling like I've taken sides, although he knows how fond of her I am.
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I understand you wanting to fix it, but you can’t. If your son is flirting with other women and lying to her she did the right thing to break up with him and probably should have passed on the trip as well. There is nothing you can do because you can’t make your son treat her right and behave better. I’m assuming he’s an adult? You want them to stay together, but at what price? He is likely going to continue to hurt her. Best thing you can do for your peace is to stay out of it. It’s sad though all around.
 
hopeful said:
I understand you wanting to fix it, but you can’t. If your son is flirting with other women and lying to her she did the right thing to break up with him and probably should have passed on the trip as well. There is nothing you can do because you can’t make your son treat her right and behave better. I’m assuming he’s an adult? You want them to stay together, but at what price? He is likely going to continue to hurt her. Best thing you can do for your peace is to stay out of it. It’s sad though all around.
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I totally agree, I'm staying out of it. Two weeks ago I did counselor her to remain strong. I told her as a woman and a mother with a daugther, I don't expect her to suffer. I also told her to have expectations of my son to behave as an honorabe man. Two weeks ago, I spoke to them both and tried to provide guidance. After our talk I decided I would stay out of their relationship.
 
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@KammyGirl (((hugs))). Rip them (and especially the stylist) apart on Yelp. I would NEVER return to them either. It will work out. It will grow back. Next time walk out at a hint of disrespect, even if your hair is wet. The stylist sounds very disrespectful and you deserved much much better. Just reading that she kept turning you away from the mirror and going back and forth with you had me seeing red. Hard lesson learned and many of us have been there before. You learned a hard lesson now you teach her one too. I wish we could curse on here :look:.

And I’m not blaming you at all for her bad behavior. Just encouraging you in the future to stand your ground and protect yourself. You don’t have to over explain anything to anyone or go back and forth with anyone — especially if you are paying them.
 
onyxdreams said:
It's sooo hard because I want to fix it! I really just want to shake my son! This young lady has been amazing to him and has tried to make him happy.

But I realize it's their relationship and I need to be neutral. Plus I don't want my son feeling like I've taken sides, although he knows how fond of her I am.
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i would probably say something to him about being respectful of his relationship and if he can't do that then to get out of it.

ok i see where you said you tried to counsel them. yes i guess it's their business now.
 
KammyGirl said:
It's a diverse salon and my stylist is black and I've been there before. The last time she gave me a hair cut she did pretty good and I feel like my hair was in worse shape then and she was still able to fix me up. This time she was just like we're gonna cut it and I fought her the whole way about how much to cut and what she needed to do. She kept turning me away from the mirror and I kept turning myself back.

She also started to juggle 3 other heads while I was there and I did not like that. I feel like she ended up rushing because she had them waiting and I told her so. She said no but she had an answer for everything. I gave her a hard time, the other girl she had waiting (who was doing color! :eek:) gave her a hard time because an assistant kept coming over to check on her and you want the stylist not the assistant when you're getting color. And one of the other clients gave her a hard time and kept interrupting her asking her when she would start on her.

This has never happened there before. Ever! My hair is so short and I have no idea how this is going to look when I wash my hair and wear it natural again. It's like a freaking pixie cut with closely shaved sides! I'm natural. Wth am I supposed to do with this after I wash my hair? Also there were 2 other black stylists/assistants who made some rude comments about my natural hair that one of them had to sweep up. I went to yelp and ripped them to shreds after having it out in the place. I noticed that the owner wasn't there so they were doing whatever they wanted. She will not be happy about my review and I suspect I will be getting some contact from them shortly to offer some services but I am NEVER going back.
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A pixie cut? And you wear your natural hair curly? I am so so sorry this happened!! :( :mad: I don't have any advice :(
 
@caribeandiva just gonna have to suffer through this for a few months I guess. I could wear my wig and my sister suggested that too but I don't really want to. I'll think about it.

@hopeful I wanted to leave but she was already in the middle of the cut when the problems started. I weighed my options and knew there was no way I would be able to fix whatever she had started to do so I just kept directing her with her arguing with me the whole time. At one point I did tell her I was ready to go and she was like what don't you like before I continue and that was when I thought I had my out but I looked at my head and the scissors in her hand and was like how the heck do I fix it if I leave now? My response to that though was Nothing! I don't like anything about it! And we started to argue. LOL It was a mess.

@qchelle Exactly! I am so scared to wash it and see how stupid it looks.
 
@onyxdreams I would also consider telling your son that until he is ready to seriously settle down to leave you out of his relationships or be up front with everyone. At this point he is kind of using you as a cover to make him look like a good guy and a serious guy. In the end he is hurting you too by involving your emotions and feelings. It’s not fair. You are probably a very warm person and introducing you to this young woman probably put her at ease and made her trust him more than she should have.
 
hopeful said:
@onyxdreams I would also consider telling your son that until he is ready to seriously settle down to leave you out of his relationships or be up front with everyone. At this point he is kind of using you as a cover to make him look like a good guy and a serious guy. In the end he is hurting you too by involving your emotions and feelings. It’s not fair. You are probably a very warm person and introducing you to this young woman probably put her at ease and made her trust him more than she should have.
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Thank you for the thoughtful response. One thing I realized when I spoke to them, was how people in a relationships view the same episode differently. I don't think my son is an angel but I also don't think he is as bad as she thinks. While I adore this young lady, she has given me the impression of being slightly possessive.

They are both mid twenties and are trying to find their way. I think you're right about my son using me to put his girlfriend at ease. I also think the girlfriend is also trying to use my affections for her to try to control him. They both think I'm invested, however, I do know when to stop and observe. This relationship will crumble or survive on its merits and not on my hopes. Sharing this information in this thread has been cathartic.
 
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