Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

I have a couple of friends I'm thinking of cutting off. I feel like I'm tottering on the limb of the extreme again though. These 2 people have not done anything to me really but it seems they only time they talk to me is when they want to talk about themselves. Granted, I don't have as much to say to them about myself but I notice that when I do mention things it always somehow circles back to them. You would think so I don't talk about myself much, they'd want to listen when I do, right?

Friend #1: She was a work friend who became an outside friend when we both stopped working at the same place. She is really helpful when it comes to work stuff. Or tries to be. If I have a question and text her she usually tries to help me. Thing is I think she only does that so she can seem superior in some way. It doesn't come off as genuinely helpful but more like if I think she knows more than me she wants to keep it like that even if she doesn't. It's difficult to explain why I feel that way but anyway. She messages me non stop about men she's dating and then when it's my turn the text messages come to a screeching halt and it's her bedtime :lol: Lately, I just haven't called or messaged her and let her come to me. I might keep it this way instead of getting rid of her altogether.

Friend #2: He is so selfish. He complains and whines about his girlfriend all the time. He will call several times in a row if she's upset him in any way so I can trash her with him. I never do and I've stopped answering. Recently they went through a really hard time and he was incredibly (and dangerously) depressed. I was there for him. Now that he's better my phone calls go unanswered and unreturned and my text messages yield snarky responses like I'm bothering him. I haven't messaged him or called him either because of this.

When I wait for these people to come to me I get guilt trips about them always having to call first. And I'm like well yeah if all we're gonna do is talk about you then I'm not really carving out time in the schedule everyday for that. I told the guy flat out that he was a bad friend because we got into yesterday when he tried to guilt me. Idk, I think I'm over these friendships. But I don't want to be hasty and overreact. How do I have a conversation with the both of them about their terrible friend etiquette other than saying "you suck and I don't want to be your friend anymore"?
 
hopeful said:
@KammyGirl
You don’t have to have the talk with either of them. They are both users. There is nothing you can say that will make them stop being users. If they change it will only be short-lived and you don’t owe them an explanation. The friendships have run their course.
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I was just coming in here to say the same thing. Pull back and quietly end things. No need to waste your energy trying to salvage this because there’s really nothing to salvage. Cut your losses and move on.
 
I went out with a friend last night to a bar in Baltimore (canton) called "Of Love and Regret". It was really cute inside! The grilled calamari and steak fries were the bomb. I always ask for a side of honey mustard sauce for my fries. But they had this apricot honey mustard which was even better :drool: We had fun!
 
LovelyRo said:
I have really been focused on protecting my spirit which means I purposely did not communicate with someone. She called me three days in a row so, I finally decided to answer. WHY did I do that? I just can’t with her.
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We must be twins. I was avoiding two people. After a day or so I texted them briefly. I was determined to not talk to them voice to voice on the phone. They both seemed to get the hint. I was nice in the text but cooler than usual. I’m sick of people.
 
qchelle said:
I went out with a friend last night to a bar in Baltimore (canton) called "Of Love and Regret". It was really cute inside! The grilled calamari and steak fries were the bomb. I always ask for a side of honey mustard sauce for my fries. But they had this apricot honey mustard which was even better :drool: We had fun!
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Apricot honey mustard :oops:? Sounds so yummy.
 
I'm on vacation and it's been nice catching up with friends. It's also been good to have time to myself and just do me. I've gotten a massage, rode my bike, and took a long afternoon to condition my hair. I feel relaxed, happy, and ready for love.

It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was engaged and about to get my heart shattered.
 
ArrrBeee said:
I'm on vacation and it's been nice catching up with friends. It's also been good to have time to myself and just do me. I've gotten a massage, rode my bike, and took a long afternoon to condition my hair. I feel relaxed, happy, and ready for love.

It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was engaged and about to get my heart shattered.
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Life is funny isn’t it? It’s amazing how much things can change in 12 months. Whenever I get overwhelmed I remind myself of where I was at 12 months before and instantly feel better.
 
I'm so over people. The 2 people I mentioned a few posts back on Monday are on my last nerve. The guy said he wanted to hang so I texted him on Wednesday asking if tomorrow (Thursday) was good for him. He responded with a joke saying advance notice throws him off. I didn't respond. Yesterday he texts me at 5:30 with an emoji of a man looking at his clock. I was like umm I'm on the train going home :look: he threw a fit talking about we were supposed to hang out. I was like what made you think that when we didn't confirm plans? Your joke about advance notice is not a confirmation to me. I stopped responding.

Then the girl texted almost immediately after that with some mess. Wtf man? It's like they call each other to come up with ways to mess with me. I didn't respond to her either. And she's texting this morning asking if she did something wrong. They are both finished. Completely cut off.
 
@KammyGirl Your experiences are very familiar to me. I have a friend like that. She would only answers texts or calls if she was wanting to talk about herself. If I stopped texting or calling her, which is usually what I end up doing, she’s all “WOW, you cant call anybody? You just disappeared off the face of the earth!” Etc etc I’d listen for what felt like hours to her problems, but as soon as I wanted to talk about me, she starts talking to someone else while I’m still on the phone or starts talking about herself.

I laid it out for her one day and told her how I felt and that we should just end the friendship. She was begging and saying she didnt want to lose me, etc.

I thought about it and decided to remain friendly with her but not to expect anything from her. I dont really lend an ear anymore like I used to and we have light, shallow conversations. I hate that it has to be that way, but my time and emotional energy are better put to use with others.


On a lighter note, I am going to the Bey/Jay concert with a good friend of mine who moved away a few months ago. I haven’t seen her in awhile. We text often and I only hope that I am as good of a friend to her as she is to me, because she is awesome! I can’t wait!
 
Girls night with my sis tonight. We haven't had a chance to catch up since I started this new job. We went to the gym together one day last week but we were so into the workout we didn't even talk lol So tonight we'll be going to a favorite place of ours and will let the drinks flow...for me anyway since she's such a lightweight.
 
Leeda.the.Paladin said:
...
On a lighter note, I am going to the Bey/Jay concert with a good friend of mine who moved away a few months ago. I haven’t seen her in awhile. We text often and I only hope that I am as good of a friend to her as she is to me, because she is awesome! I can’t wait!
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How fun! Enjoy the concert and spending time with your friend.
 
I agreed to be in a childhood friends wedding and I didn't know all the costs I would incur (dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bachelerotte party, plane ticket, hotel stay for wedding and BP). Would it be wrong to opt out of the bachelorette party? It's in Vegas for four days & four nights and honestly I don't know everyone like that to travel to a different state with them. I'm also not sure if I'll have anyone to keep my daughter for that time.
 
LostInAdream said:
I agreed to be in a childhood friends wedding and I didn't know all the costs I would incur (dress, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower, bachelerotte party, plane ticket, hotel stay for wedding and BP). Would it be wrong to opt out of the bachelorette party? It's in Vegas for four days & four nights and honestly I don't know everyone like that to travel to a different state with them. I'm also not sure if I'll have anyone to keep my daughter for that time.
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Wait, just the bachelorette party festivities is a 4 day event?

Sorry, that is doing the absolute most, IMO, and I would pass too.

Where is the wedding?
 
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MzLady78 said:
Wait, just the bachelorette party festivities is a 4 day event?

Sorry, that is doing the absolute most, IMO, and I would pass too.

Where is the wedding?
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Yep, it’s 4 days and 3 nights. I start a new job next week and told them I’m unsure if I’ll be able to attend.

The wedding is in New Jersey and she wants everyone to stay in a hotel near the event.


hopeful said:
Agreed. @LostInAdream do you still want to be in the wedding?
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Yes, I still want to be in the wedding. I knew there would be costs just not upwards of 2k.
 
Have yall ever dealt with a friend or family member who openly likes snobbery / being a snob? Not towards you, but maybe towards other people in general and especially other black people?
 
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