Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

Why do people say 'men are visual creatures'? Colorblindness is a male trait, men are generally not detail oriented, etc. Of course there are things that men find biologically attractive in women. Just like there are things that women find biologically attractive in men. So this cannot be what they mean when they say 'men are visual creatures'. It just can't be.

What they mean is and what they're saying is: men like to control women's images. That's all that is.
 
qchelle said:
Why do people say 'men are visual creatures'? Colorblindness is a male trait, men are generally not detail oriented, etc. Of course there are things that men find biologically attractive in women. Just like there are things that women find biologically attractive in men. So this cannot be what they mean when they say 'men are visual creatures'. It just can't be.

What they mean is and what they're saying is: men like to control women's images. That's all that is.
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Please expound. I’m intrigued.

I think they are visual in that seeing our breasts and vaginas they become involuntarily aroused. And in imagining our naked bodies whether we are clothed or not they become aroused. Certain gestures and clothing will trigger this arousal. But I don’t think it has anything to do with color in particular.

I do agree that they enjoy controlling almost everything they can about women including their images.
 
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qchelle said:
Why do people say 'men are visual creatures'? Colorblindness is a male trait, men are generally not detail oriented, etc. Of course there are things that men find biologically attractive in women. Just like there are things that women find biologically attractive in men. So this cannot be what they mean when they say 'men are visual creatures'. It just can't be.

What they mean is and what they're saying is: men like to control women's images. That's all that is.
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I think they are detail oriented when it comes to things that titillate them, maybe that's it?
 
hopeful said:
Please expound. I’m intrigued.

I think they are visual in that seeing our breasts and vaginas they become involuntarily aroused. And in imagining our naked bodies whether we are clothed or not they become aroused. Certain gestures and clothing will trigger this arousal. But I don’t think it has anything to do with color in particular.

I do agree that they enjoy controlling almost everything than can about women including their images.
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I agree with this. But not that the phrase has nothing to do with color. Why isn't 'visual' associated with color? Because it doesn't apply to men? Well what about having it apply to women?

My main issue is: why don't people say that women are visual creatures? Women are usually the sex who don't suffer from colorblindness=they're better able to tell colors apart. They're better at distinguishing small differences in features better than men. For example Women and Shopping for clothes, furniture, etc. Women enjoying shopping for pretty things is frivolous, 'emotion-based', waste of (men's) money, non-productive, 'dragging' men along for shopping is aww shucks you poor man haha you're so nice to your wife. Like why is this not just upheld as right and good and the way things should be? Women are visual creatures, so of course they like shopping for and getting pretty things.

I just think it's another way to make something that men do=good, should be upheld and repeated. And when women do it=irrational and crazy. Women are visual creatures, too.
 
qchelle said:
I agree with this. But not that the phrase has nothing to do with color. Why isn't 'visual' associated with color? Because it doesn't apply to men? Well what about having it apply to women?

My main issue is: why don't people say that women are visual creatures? Women are usually the sex who don't suffer from colorblindness=they're better able to tell colors apart. They're better at distinguishing small differences in features better than men. For example Women and Shopping for clothes, furniture, etc. Women enjoying shopping for pretty things is frivolous, 'emotion-based', waste of (men's) money, non-productive, 'dragging' men along for shopping is aww shucks you poor man haha you're so nice to your wife. Like why is this not just upheld as right and good and the way things should be? Women are visual creatures, so of course they like shopping for and getting pretty things.

I just think it's another way to make something that men do=good, should be upheld and repeated. And when women do it=irrational and crazy. Women are visual creatures, too.
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This is a good point. At the bolded, I think about this often. How when men are being a_holes all of a sudden they're acting like a woman, as if they don't own that kind of behavior all on their own. The world is hostile to women in so many ways you almost become blinded to it.
 
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RoundEyedGirl504 said:
I keep reading these threads about being more feminine etc for your man, I need the man free version of some of these. Maybe I will just need to read through and spit out the bones, I am working on treating me right not necessarily anything to do with a guy. Being the best me challenge or something.
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RoundEyedGirl504 said:
Right, this is exactly it for me. I have spent too much time in this life thinking about how to get someone else to do certain things or be a certain way and frankly the return on investment is so low on that, outside of DS, I can't do it anymore.
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We are >>>>here<<<<. I’ve been lurking in some of those threads as well and I have nothing against any of it but my goodness it seems a bit overwhelming having to do and be all that for a man who isn’t guaranteed to respond favorably.

I love doing most of those things for myself :lol: smelling good, keeping home, looking good... I love doing it for me!!!!
 
This lady is killing me. The receptionist at my old firm is a talker. She is nice enough even though we got off to a rocky start. But she used to keep people up at the reception desk talking non stop. Everyone had a running joke that you had to back away slowly to get her to stop talking. I would start backing away as she was talking - just a step here, a step there until I was so far away that I would be like "I'm sorry I can't hear you..." and turn around and walk away. :lol:

But since I don't work there anymore she calls me on the phone at home. The first few times I hadn't spoken to her in about a month so she kept me on the phone until the sun nearly came up catching me up on the office drama. I didn't think anything of it but then the next time she called me my phone cut off and I noticed it was at the same time as last time - 4 hours! 4 HOURS!:pullhair: I didn't even realize we had been on the phone that long. How?! So when she called back I didn't answer. :look: This went on for a while when she called and I would try different excuses like someone is calling or I have to make a phone call or I'm doing something all to have her calling me back in a few hours asking if I was done. :whyme:Now when she calls she gets an hour tops and then I'm done, I will tell her flat out that I have to go and there is no calling back. The last time I did that she did one of these "ok just let me tell you this last thing..." and she starts on again. I just hung up and didn't answer when she called back.

So I was up early this morning messing around my apartment, straightening up, not doing much. This lady calls me at 8am. What does she want at 8am? Like I said she is nice enough but she seems to have some sort of...issues. She's stuttering, tripping over her words, saying the same thing over and over. When we would talk in the office it was the same thing. She would talk really fast, tripping over her words and maybe even start sweating a little almost manic like. And this is how almost all of our conversations go and I'm not enjoying talking to her anymore. I like her because she's nice but I don't want to have to start ignoring her. This is getting out of hand.
 
bellatiamarie said:
We are >>>>here<<<<. I’ve been lurking in some of those threads as well and I have nothing against any of it but my goodness it seems a bit overwhelming having to do and be all that for a man who isn’t guaranteed to respond favorably.

I love doing most of those things for myself :lol: smelling good, keeping home, looking good... I love doing it for me!!!!
Click to expand...
Girl listen. I ordered new bedding, got me some white dishes and treating myself lol
 
KammyGirl said:
This lady is killing me. The receptionist at my old firm is a talker. She is nice enough even though we got off to a rocky start. But she used to keep people up at the reception desk talking non stop. Everyone had a running joke that you had to back away slowly to get her to stop talking. I would start backing away as she was talking - just a step here, a step there until I was so far away that I would be like "I'm sorry I can't hear you..." and turn around and walk away. :lol:

But since I don't work there anymore she calls me on the phone at home. The first few times I hadn't spoken to her in about a month so she kept me on the phone until the sun nearly came up catching me up on the office drama. I didn't think anything of it but then the next time she called me my phone cut off and I noticed it was at the same time as last time - 4 hours! 4 HOURS!:pullhair: I didn't even realize we had been on the phone that long. How?! So when she called back I didn't answer. :look: This went on for a while when she called and I would try different excuses like someone is calling or I have to make a phone call or I'm doing something all to have her calling me back in a few hours asking if I was done. :whyme:Now when she calls she gets an hour tops and then I'm done, I will tell her flat out that I have to go and there is no calling back. The last time I did that she did one of these "ok just let me tell you this last thing..." and she starts on again. I just hung up and didn't answer when she called back.

So I was up early this morning messing around my apartment, straightening up, not doing much. This lady calls me at 8am. What does she want at 8am? Like I said she is nice enough but she seems to have some sort of...issues. She's stuttering, tripping over her words, saying the same thing over and over. When we would talk in the office it was the same thing. She would talk really fast, tripping over her words and maybe even start sweating a little almost manic like. And this is how almost all of our conversations go and I'm not enjoying talking to her anymore. I like her because she's nice but I don't want to have to start ignoring her. This is getting out of hand.
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Sis... block her number and ignore her and since she’s nice send her a Christmas card every year. There’s no way I’m spending 4 hours on the phone with ANTYBODY especially not somebody I don’t want to talk to in the first place.

I have a cousin that loves to talk and I’ll admit she’s kept me on the phone for almost 2 hours one time. I have been on the phone with her before and I would put the phone down and pick it up maybe every 5 minutes or so and just say “mmhm” “for real” and she thought I was listening and she was STILL talking :pullhair:

The discussion is always one sided and she always has a list of issues and sob stories. She doesn’t take a breath in between subjects SMH. I don’t answer my phone when she calls and on the verrrry raaaare occasions that I do and she has me on the phone longer than 15 minutes I say “oh girl my phone might hang up on you the battery is dying.” Two minutes later I hit that power off button. Ain’t nobody staying on the phone that long. You would think if someone says my battery is dying she would get the hint that it’s time to go but nooooo she keeps going and going so I politely turn my phone off. I leave it off for a few minutes just in case she tries to call back. :lol: it seems like a lot but I promise it beats sitting on the phone for 4 hours.
 
bellatiamarie said:
Sis... block her number and ignore her and since she’s nice send her a Christmas card every year. There’s no way I’m spending 4 hours on the phone with ANTYBODY especially not somebody I don’t want to talk to in the first place.

I have a cousin that loves to talk and I’ll admit she’s kept me on the phone for almost 2 hours one time. I have been on the phone with her before and I would put the phone down and pick it up maybe every 5 minutes or so and just say “mmhm” “for real” and she thought I was listening and she was STILL talking :pullhair:

The discussion is always one sided and she always has a list of issues and sob stories. She doesn’t take a breath in between subjects SMH. I don’t answer my phone when she calls and on the verrrry raaaare occasions that I do and she has me on the phone longer than 15 minutes I say “oh girl my phone might hang up on you the battery is dying.” Two minutes later I hit that power off button. Ain’t nobody staying on the phone that long. You would think if someone says my battery is dying she would get the hint that it’s time to go but nooooo she keeps going and going so I politely turn my phone off. I leave it off for a few minutes just in case she tries to call back. :lol: it seems like a lot but I promise it beats sitting on the phone for 4 hours.
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I'm about to put her on ignore. When I spoke to her today I warned that I couldn't talk long. I told her at the half hour mark that I had something to do. Then 5 minutes later I said it again only because she was talking like she was about to be on the phone all day. Then after that every time she started a new topic she would say I know you have to go....and then start again. She was just :blah: non stop sometimes not even taking a breath until she probably couldn't breathe because she would do a huge intake of breath. I didn't care because I had already given her the time frame. At the 1 hour mark - mind you she's still showing no signs of hanging up even though she keeps saying I know you have to go but...- I simply hung up the phone. She called back and I didn't answer. She called again this time from her cell phone and then one more time from her home phone. I did not answer any of them. You may be right. She might need to get blocked.

At least with your cousin you can be like dang girl didn't I tell you about this. With other people who aren't really friends it's always a big deal because they get all sensitive. I just don't want to deal with it.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm about to put her on ignore. When I spoke to her today I warned that I couldn't talk long. I told her at the half hour mark that I had something to do. Then 5 minutes later I said it again only because she was talking like she was about to be on the phone all day. Then after that every time she started a new topic she would say I know you have to go....and then start again. She was just :blah: non stop sometimes not even taking a breath until she probably couldn't breathe because she would do a huge intake of breath. I didn't care because I had already given her the time frame. At the 1 hour mark - mind you she's still showing no signs of hanging up even though she keeps saying I know you have to go but...- I simply hung up the phone. She called back and I didn't answer. She called again this time from her cell phone and then on more time from her home phone. I did not answer any of them. You may be right. She might need to get blocked.
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What the hell?

Yeah, she needs to be blocked. This isn’t normal behavior.
 
KammyGirl said:
I think something is wrong. I told one of my friends in the office that I think something is off with her. From what I've said, what do y'all think it sounds like? I can't figure it out.
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Is she older? There’s an older lady in my building, who I get the feeling is a little lonely. When I see her coming I already know it’s bout to be a long talk because she just goes on and on and on. But I think it’s seeking a connection and I’m really pleasant to people so I think she’s comfortable chatting.
 
KammyGirl said:
I think something is wrong. I told one of my friends in the office that I think something is off with her. From what I've said, what do y'all think it sounds like? I can't figure it out.
Click to expand...

Yes something is wrong with her but it’s not your problem. Block her and KIM. Like someone said send her a Christmas card or tell her the truth — in a text :) I really like you but I don’t have time for 4-hour talks. Take care, thanks, bye, I will send you a Christmas card :). Just say no, okay? And KIM. She’s wasting your time and energy. And she is not that nice — nice people don’t keep going on and on when you have politely said, I gotta go. She’s invading your space and ignoring your wishes.
 
KammyGirl said:
This lady is killing me. The receptionist at my old firm is a talker. She is nice enough even though we got off to a rocky start. But she used to keep people up at the reception desk talking non stop. Everyone had a running joke that you had to back away slowly to get her to stop talking. I would start backing away as she was talking - just a step here, a step there until I was so far away that I would be like "I'm sorry I can't hear you..." and turn around and walk away. :lol:

But since I don't work there anymore she calls me on the phone at home. The first few times I hadn't spoken to her in about a month so she kept me on the phone until the sun nearly came up catching me up on the office drama. I didn't think anything of it but then the next time she called me my phone cut off and I noticed it was at the same time as last time - 4 hours! 4 HOURS!:pullhair: I didn't even realize we had been on the phone that long. How?! So when she called back I didn't answer. :look: This went on for a while when she called and I would try different excuses like someone is calling or I have to make a phone call or I'm doing something all to have her calling me back in a few hours asking if I was done. :whyme:Now when she calls she gets an hour tops and then I'm done, I will tell her flat out that I have to go and there is no calling back. The last time I did that she did one of these "ok just let me tell you this last thing..." and she starts on again. I just hung up and didn't answer when she called back.

So I was up early this morning messing around my apartment, straightening up, not doing much. This lady calls me at 8am. What does she want at 8am? Like I said she is nice enough but she seems to have some sort of...issues. She's stuttering, tripping over her words, saying the same thing over and over. When we would talk in the office it was the same thing. She would talk really fast, tripping over her words and maybe even start sweating a little almost manic like. And this is how almost all of our conversations go and I'm not enjoying talking to her anymore. I like her because she's nice but I don't want to have to start ignoring her. This is getting out of hand.
Click to expand...
Yeah she’s crazy. Block her and KIM. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
 
I have a question for you ladies, and I'm going to tag @hopeful and @007PMP because I like the advice they give.

If a friend has an event, in this case a birthday, and it's a really close friend. BUT the type of event isn't really your speed, and if it were anyone else you definitely wouldn't go, and the amount you'd have to spend on the event is more than what your new budget allows. Do you go just for your friend?
 
I'm trying to deal with anger I've been feeling towards my ex-friend. We were suppose to go on vacation this week. We started planning last year. It is an expensive trip so we decided to split cost. At the last minute she pulls out. I'm talking last minute where I couldn't even plan around her dropping out. Apparently she knew in the fall there was a chance she couldn't go but neglected to tell me even though I informed her of what I was doing e.g. paying for our hotel, every step of the way.

My choices were either eat another $1000 in cost which would of brought the trip to a ridiculous amount or take the loss of $1500. I took the latter. So a bunch of folks I know are oversees having a great time and I am home -$1500. Every time it crosses my mind I get angry and want to fight her.

My cousin told me when I stop being mad that I should initiate a conversation for the "sake of our friendship" . I told her I'm not interested in rekindling a friendship. She played on my trust that I had in her and waited to the last minute to cancel on me. Knowing full well how much I was looking forward to going away. As if $1000+ is a small amount of money.

I'm very discerning about who I call friend and I feel like she tricked me all this time about who she is. You get one time and one time only to fool me. We have mutual friends so hopefully by May I can see her and not throw hands.
 
BrownBetty said:
I'm trying to deal with anger I've been feeling towards my ex-friend. We were suppose to go on vacation this week. We started planning last year. It is an expensive trip so we decided to split cost. At the last minute she pulls out. I'm talking last minute where I couldn't even plan around her dropping out. Apparently she knew in the fall there was a chance she couldn't go but neglected to tell me even though I informed her of what I was doing e.g. paying for our hotel, every step of the way.

My choices were either eat another $1000 in cost which would of brought the trip to a ridiculous amount or take the loss of $1500. I took the latter. So a bunch of folks I know are oversees having a great time and I am home -$1500. Every time it crosses my mind I get angry and want to fight her.

My cousin told me when I stop being mad that I should initiate a conversation for the "sake of our friendship" . I told her I'm not interested in rekindling a friendship. She played on my trust that I had in her and waited to the last minute to cancel on me. Knowing full well how much I was looking forward to going away. As if $1000+ is a small amount of money.

I'm very discerning about who I call friend and I feel like she tricked me all this time about who she is. You get one time and one time only to fool me. We have mutual friends so hopefully by May I can see her and not throw hands.
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Ooohhh... I’d be heated! :burnup:
 
BrownBetty said:
I'm trying to deal with anger I've been feeling towards my ex-friend. We were suppose to go on vacation this week. We started planning last year. It is an expensive trip so we decided to split cost. At the last minute she pulls out. I'm talking last minute where I couldn't even plan around her dropping out. Apparently she knew in the fall there was a chance she couldn't go but neglected to tell me even though I informed her of what I was doing e.g. paying for our hotel, every step of the way.

My choices were either eat another $1000 in cost which would of brought the trip to a ridiculous amount or take the loss of $1500. I took the latter. So a bunch of folks I know are oversees having a great time and I am home -$1500. Every time it crosses my mind I get angry and want to fight her.

My cousin told me when I stop being mad that I should initiate a conversation for the "sake of our friendship" . I told her I'm not interested in rekindling a friendship. She played on my trust that I had in her and waited to the last minute to cancel on me. Knowing full well how much I was looking forward to going away. As if $1000+ is a small amount of money.

I'm very discerning about who I call friend and I feel like she tricked me all this time about who she is. You get one time and one time only to fool me. We have mutual friends so hopefully by May I can see her and not throw hands.
Click to expand...
I would kill someone.

And I can't believe your cousin said that. A true friend wouldn't have played with your money like that so no, if I were you I wouldn't do anything for the sake of friendship because there is no more friendship.
 
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