Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

I've reached the conclusion that I have a narcissistic mother. One of the reasons why is the holidays. She HATES them. So she subconsciously starts drama every year so we end up having a low-key Christmas. She didn't always do this. We used to have parties, make the favorite dressing, the whole thing. But after my youngest sister was born it stopped. Now I personally love the holidays, the period including Thanksgiving, right up to New Years. One of the reasons why is my birthday is always right before Thanksgiving. I just love the concept of being thankful for what you have, spending time with your family and such. But this year has just been the worst. My mom ruined my birthday and Thanksgiving and now she ruined Christmas.

One reason I can't wait to get a SO/DH is so I can do Christmas without her and the drama. My youngest sister is 18 and she's like "I'm going to enjoy Christmas more when I have a family of my own and everyone's invited, just not mom."
 
hopeful said:
@KammyGirl
What did I just read? :drunk:
Glad you had fun though. I had a pretty quiet and peaceful Christmas. Yummy dinner and to the movies. It was just me and my daughters which was perfect. My daughters loved all of their presents too so I was happy.
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It was crazy. The woman got worse as the night went on but I couldn't but shake my head and laugh. So funny.

Glad you had a nice Christmas. Yours sounds like it was nice and low key. My kind of holiday. What did you see at the movies?
 
@ScorpioBeauty09 I'm sorry to hear that. The entire holiday season down the drain? :(

It's usually the same with my family. And this year and last was the really the first few times we managed to pull it together with no issues. Not surprising since that is when the baby arrived. Last year she was only a few months old. This year she's walking and it seems everyone likes to be on their best behavior for her around the holidays.
 
KammyGirl said:
@ScorpioBeauty09 I'm sorry to hear that. The entire holiday season down the drain? :(

It's usually the same with my family. And this year and last was the really the first few times we managed to pull it together with no issues. Not surprising since that is when the baby arrived. Last year she was only a few months old. This year she's walking and it seems everyone likes to be on their best behavior for her around the holidays.
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Pretty much. The sad thing is things had been going great for me personally lately. I interviewed for a new job that I think I have a good shot at getting. I'm going to take the bar again in July 2018 with more physical/mental energy and I've been doing some really great work on myself with my therapist on my anxiety-depression. I was looking forward to Christmas a lot and then on Friday the drama started first between my mom and my youngest sister then the discussion turned to my youngest sister and myself because we got into a small argument the previous day but I apologized so I thought it was over. But my mom couldn't handle it when I told her some things she said/did when I was a child that contributed to my anxiety/low self-esteem now and why I react the way I do to certain things and on Saturday she said that hurt her feelings. You're going to argue with FACTS? :confused: I wasn't even saying she was a bad mother. I'm just coming to terms with my life and my challenges. But she's done this before. :rolleyes: If something isn't about her feelings etc., she can't handle it. She kept saying she was going to leave and stay at a hotel for Christmas and because this isn't the first time she's tried to leave I said fine, go. And she got even more upset because I called her bluff. Normally we're all begging her not to leave but this time I didn't have the energy to stop her and I told her so.

My dad and I had to go to the Warriors game which also sucked because they lost but it was the back end of a back to back and Steph is injured and my dad thought my mom would try to leave again with us not there. She did but she went to the ER. My dad, who also struggles with anxiety, was so nervous I had to call the ER to verify she was there, drive him to the hospital and he needed both my sisters to go with him. Keep in mind he's a retired surgeon and used to work at this hospital so a lot of people know him. Naturally the ER is crowded with tons of sick people and we were there for 2-3 hours. I've got a great immune system so I was okay even though I was sitting between two sick people most of the time but my dad is sick now. My mom is okay it was nothing too serious but I subconsciously think she went to the ER because she knew my dad would come after her all worried and he'd bring us because of his anxiety and we'd have to put aside our anger to be there for her. My youngest sister figured it out too because when I drove home she was seething.

Sunday wasn't bad because it started off with kickboxing. I was so angry when I woke up so that was perfect. Then I went to B&N. My Sag Moon likes that when I've got stuff on my mind, and I found a book about narcissistic mothers and I'm like, this is my mom, my dad, my whole damn family. I ordered it on Amazon prime at a cheaper price. I talked about it with my youngest sister and she's like yep. That's her. I didn't even feel up to going to Midnight Mass because I knew everyone would be like "there's the [blank family]" and it just felt like a lie. To outsiders she's the perfect mother and I didn't feel like engaging in that farce.

And I haven't even talked about my birthday/Thanksgiving. I did not mean to type this much.
 
Christmas was good. Got some great gifts- an Instant Pot, an Amazon Echo and Samsonite carry on, which was much needed since I’ve been borrowing my brother’s. Everyone seemed to be happy with what they got, so I’m glad for that.

My nephew is a trip, though. We made the mistake of having him open up this little school bus first (he loves buses), and all he wanted to do was play with that, we couldn’t get him to open up anything else. So my sister put it away and he lost his mind. My BIL had to take him upstairs to calm him down. Then he spent a bunch of time spinning the suitcase, I was scared I was gonna have to sneak it out the house. :lol: He still had gifts to open when I left, including the one I got him, and the ride on car my dad got him.

Maybe next year he’ll have a better understanding of how Christmas works (he’s autistic). But it was fun watching him play with the things he actually did like.

I took today off, so I’m just enjoying some me time before it’s back to the BS.
 
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KammyGirl said:
This Christmas was crazy. So this year we all did something a little different. We went to one of my cousins house because it was her baby's first Christmas. The baby is the first grandchild between all of our parents so it was kind of a big deal. My cousin invited her boyfriend and he was really nice. It was our first time meeting him (not the baby's father). Everything was cool but he invited his mom. Which would have been cool too. But this woman was insane.

At one point she started yelling at my cousin's boyfriend and calling him a no good n**** because he got up and poured out all the alcohol and didn't tell anyone until we went looking for it. He said his mother was acting crazy because of the Henny so he got rid of it. But he got rid of everything else too. So that was it for the drinks.

Then later on someone called the cops on us saying someone was being hurt at the house. My cousin thought it was her neighbor that doesn't like the boyfriends mom. But when the cops got there the boyfriend got up to run in the closet and his mother started screaming and hollering to "sit yo arse down n****". It was a mess. Me and my sister were looking at each other like:look: :spinning:.When my aunt and mom went to the door the cops said they think someone was making a joke call or being malicious because it just sounded like we were having a good time in there. They started to leave and the boyfriends mom started asking my sister if they were real cops with real uniforms. When she said yes the lady then tried to go to the door. My mother stopped her and they got into it. The lady yelled at my mom saying it wasn'ther house it was my cousins house so she didn't have to listen and she could go to the door if she wanted. Problem was the situation had already been diffused and this lady was being difficult and would have probably provoked the police into some nonsense. We wanted to avoid that. Her son jumped out the closet and started calling her name saying "you extra. That's it its over its over" whatever that meant. The whole thing was hilarious to me. :lol::lol::lol: Then later she started calling my grandfather a fine arse n**** and I heard my grandfather say "ma'am that's nice but please don't call me that". She started to turn up and was singing all loud in his ear and did a little 2 step in front of him. He kept saying "ma'am ma'am ma'am" over and over again. :lachen::lachen::lachen: I couldn't stop laughing.

All in all it was a fun night. We played with the baby, watched her open her presents, played games, danced and had fun. I heard the boyfriend tell my cousin her family is bougie but we're cool. Whatever. He's nice and I liked him but his mom? She was embarrassing but in a hilarious kind of way.

How was everyone else's Christmas?
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P.S. why did the boyfriend run into the closet to hide? Does he have a warrant out? :lol:
 
caribeandiva said:
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P.S. why did the boyfriend run into the closet to hide? Does he have a warrant out? :lol:
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Idk I heard my sister talking to my mom later asking if he just got out of jail or something and my mother waved her off saying she would tell her later. I was just standing there the whole time watching the madness unfold. When he got up to run in the closet I bust out laughing and everyone turned to look at me and started laughing too. It was so funny to me I couldn't help it. And this woman does not fit in our family at all. Like we have some ghetto folks in our fam but she might also be a bit touched in the head it seems. We were all really nice to her but my grandpa said at the end of the night that he "liked the young man but his mama? whoooo boy! I don't want to see her again" This is a Christmas we will be talking about for a long time for sure.
 
IslandMummy said:
I know this is the man free thread so apologies in advance. I called my older brother yesterday and he couldn’t pick up because he was at work. I hate voicemails so I don’t leave them as a general rule but he heard me crying in the .02 second snippet left when he got off. I came back from drop off this morning to find all three of my brothers on my door step (ready to fight DH but anyway :lachen:) .

He rounded them all up at 6a so they could get on the road right after he dropped all four of his kiddos off.

They suck but I love them.
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I love brothers. Mine would do this.
 
I realized that one of my close friends (who’s like family) isn’t to be trusted. Right now my sister in law is mad at me (brother’s wife; long story). I went to make peace with my SIL but it didn’t work. Later on at a dinner with some of my siblings and that close friend. They all knew about the original situation cuz it went down in front of them. I was updating them and venting about the new development to them and how I felt, etc... We all threw in our 2 cents and changed the subject. Well that close “friend” went to my SIL and told her everything that was said by everyone at that dinner. I knew she had to be the only one who blabbed instinctively and my SIL later confirmed it when my SIL and her husband (my brother called me to yell at me, call me fake, a miserable person just like your mom, to stay away from them, etc....) I felt betrayed and angry. I’ve had time to calm down and process everything. I did say those things so I’m taking responsibility for them. She’s betrayed me before but I thought it was a misunderstanding so I forgave her and we made up. Lesson learned. I’ll never trust her again so that friendship is basically over. Closing the year out with a bang! 2nd long time friendship I ended this year.
 
IslandMummy said:
I know this is the man free thread so apologies in advance. I called my older brother yesterday and he couldn’t pick up because he was at work. I hate voicemails so I don’t leave them as a general rule but he heard me crying in the .02 second snippet left when he got off. I came back from drop off this morning to find all three of my brothers on my door step (ready to fight DH but anyway :lachen:) .

He rounded them all up at 6a so they could get on the road right after he dropped all four of his kiddos off.

They suck but I love them.
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How did I miss this, this is awesome. :lol:
 
gimbap said:
Talkspace had a $50 off coupon code, so I decided to give it a try. I'm being match with a therapist now. For those who have had therapy before, do you prefer a black therapist or do you feel it doesn't matter?
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When I first started therapy the race was less important and more important that I find a male (after having several consults with women) But having been with my therapist for a long time and realizing my needs are changing I am considering switching to a black one. There are things going on in my life that I do not think my current white male therapist is adept at handling.

I think take a good look at your needs and what you hope to get out of therapy and then decide who you would be most comfortable with.
 
gimbap said:
Talkspace had a $50 off coupon code, so I decided to give it a try. I'm being match with a therapist now. For those who have had therapy before, do you prefer a black therapist or do you feel it doesn't matter?
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I have a black woman now. I’ve had non-black before and I don’t want to ever go back lol! I love my current one so much and our vibe is just perfect. I think whether it matters or not depends on the individual. My friend has a white man and seems to like him.
 
This old Haitian lady at church told me: “I’m glad you graduated college and got your degree. You must keep learning and getting more degrees. It’s the only thing that’ll help you in life because you don’t have a nice skin tone or a good grade of hair”. I was speechless and just walked away. The good comebacks always come later.
 
caribeandiva said:
This old Haitian lady at church told me: “I’m glad you graduated college and got your degree. You must keep learning and getting more degrees. It’s the only thing that’ll help you in life because you don’t have a nice skin tone or a good grade of hair”. I was speechless and just walked away. The good comebacks always come later.
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I could kill her. What a beastly, evil thing to say. You are beyond gorgeous. Chalk it up to pure ignorance and brainwashing and stay focused on YOU: your brilliance, your beauty, your femininity. To be honest I think she is actually intimidated by your ambition and intellect and wanted to lash out and hurt you. Old jealous heifer:giggle:.
 
hopeful said:
I could kill her. What a beastly, evil thing to say. You are beyond gorgeous. Chalk it up to pure ignorance and brainwashing and stay focused on YOU: your brilliance, your beauty, your femininity. To be honest I think she is actually intimidated by your ambition and intellect and wanted to lash out and hurt you. Old jealous heifer:giggle:.
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Thank you!! I couldn’t believe she would do it at church of all places!! Right before the service too. Jealous is right. I won’t let her ruin my New Years. Hell naw.
 
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