Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

My Christmas contribution is that the only thing that I haven't managed to give up is the look and smell of cinnamon scented pine cones at this time of year. I felt guilty about that but if it's December I can't walk past those in a store without buying them and having the whole house smell like Christmas....except now I just say it smells like wintertime in Detroit.
 
My tree smells so good! Last year, when I took my tree down and vacuumed up the fallen needles, every time I used my vacuum after that, the room would smell like pine! :love:

I picked up some organic Chamomile Honey and Cinnamon Rose tea today from MOMs organic market. I just had a cuppa the chamomile honey and it's really good! I think I'll have another cup :D
 
I told the receptionist that phone lines are down in the other office and calls would be rerouted to her so take down messages, email them to the right people so that they could email the customers back. WHYCOME she sent emails that said "so and so called, here's the number call them back ASAP"? How they go call them back Sway? THEY AIN'T GOT NO PHONES???? She said she thought they could call back on their cell phones. I asked in the least "are you dumb" voice possible: Would you want your personal cell phone number coming up on a customers caller ID?
 
I have a friend who I am fairly sure is severely clinically depressed. She's on meds, but she relies too heavily on Xanax, she has a therapist who sucks in my opinion. I am trying to resist that urge to try to mother her and take on the mental load with her. Because we have talked and talked and talked about this and she never changes anything. It's one of those things where I always wonder how people don't get tired of being stuck? But I know my perspective is from one of a non-depressed person. But there are so many layers to her issues, she been going to this therapist for a year now and still hasn't made much progress. Just so dang frustrating!
 
hopeful said:
@RoundEyedGirl504
Don’t take it on girl, don’t do it :nono:. I’ve been where you are at many many times. You have to detach and create some distance for your own wellbeing.
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You're right, I know it. I am kind of falling back. I have a mother with mental health issues so I empathize too strongly with people in that position. But as I am sure you know, those relationships end up being so draining to your spirit. I refuse. I have to keep my mom at arm's length for the same reason.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I know this spot is supposed to be men free so I'ma pose the question as follows? How does a mother get on the phone and break up with her sons girlfriend for him? How do you even agree to that let alone do it?
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She just got her wig snatched today too. I can be hard on my sister, but she is MY sister, come hell or high water you will catch these hands for trying to ill treat her. Old tired, meddling bat. I got her all the way together and my Mummy paid her a nice visit.
 
How do I deal with a friend who keeps canceling on me last minute? I'm so heated right now. Was supposed to go to an event that she invited me to today but she just text me saying she has a terrible hangover from a party last night so she is not going. This is not the first time this has happened- at least 6 times this year . Most times the events she invites me to require certain attire so I may even have to purchase a new outfit.

Last time she invited me to an event that was $80 a ticket. I purchased the tickets to make sure we were seated in the same area. i had spoke to her and she was on her way. Get there and she never showed up and didn't even answer my calls. Turned out her daughter had got sick and had to go to hospital. She did pay me back for her ticket, but I ended up attending the event alone, because I could find anyone last minute. I couldn't even enjoy the event because I was wondering what the heck happened to her...did she get in an accident or something.

Since then anything she invites me to, I tell her to get tickets and I will pay her back after the event. So she did buy the tickets for today so it's not like I lost money, but it's the principal of it all, I could have made other plans for my day. I'm just so glad I didn't go out an buy a new dress for the event.

Whats the best way to deal with this? I think I'm over our friendship and want to cut her off period.
 
ZapMami said:
How do I deal with a friend who keeps canceling on me last minute? I'm so heated right now. Was supposed to go to an event that she invited me to today but she just text me saying she has a terrible hangover from a party last night so she is not going. This is not the first time this has happened- at least 6 times this year . Most times the events she invites me to require certain attire so I may even have to purchase a new outfit.

Last time she invited me to an event that was $80 a ticket. I purchased the tickets to make sure we were seated in the same area. i had spoke to her and she was on her way. Get there and she never showed up and didn't even answer my calls. Turned out her daughter had got sick and had to go to hospital. She did pay me back for her ticket, but I ended up attending the event alone, because I could find anyone last minute. I couldn't even enjoy the event because I was wondering what the heck happened to her...did she get in an accident or something.

Since then anything she invites me to, I tell her to get tickets and I will pay her back after the event. So she did buy the tickets for today so it's not like I lost money, but it's the principal of it all, I could have made other plans for my day. I'm just so glad I didn't go out an buy a new dress for the event.

Whats the best way to deal with this? I think I'm over our friendship and want to cut her off period.
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Sounds like it's time to cut her off. Or if your friendship involves other things, stick to those and stop accepting invitations and making plans to go places with her.
You can't change her. You can only change yourself.
 
@ZapMami
I understand why you feel so frustrated. There is nothing you can do to make her change. I’m sure she doesn’t intend to be flaky and sounds like she has good intentions. If I enjoyed talking to her and she was a fun or supportive friend otherwise I would remain friends but I wouldn’t accept her invitations anymore unless I was really bored and had nothing else to do and I would continue to put all of the upfront work on her. You sound like you are a conscientious person who keeps her word. I think you need to treat her with the same level of care she treats you with. Be more reciprocal.
 
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Long story post coming up:

My therapist just pissed me off big time. So I scheduled a therapy appointment this afternoon. I have been seeing him for years off and on and I have never gone during the day on a weekday. If I ever see him during the week it is usually in the evening. Anyway, his office is located in a historical building. It is a huge 3 story Victorian with an attic and he is on the top floor which would have been the attic of the house. There is a bathroom on every floor including his floor. I usually use the restroom on the 2nd floor because the bathroom on his floor is right next to his office and you can hear every single thing. He knows this and we joke about it regularly. They also have a wonderful library on the 2nd floor and I usually wait there if I am early until my appointment time. This is all ok. I asked permission many moons ago from him, from the caretaker and manager when I happened to see them. When a new manager came on board I also asked him when I happened to see him.

When I got there today there were children everywhere on the main floor. 2 of them nearly crashed into me as I was coming in the front door, I tripped over a backpack at the steps and then stepped in what I hope was dirt/mud and not poop. I assumed a birthday party because there were parents milling about. So I get to the second floor and peeked in the library to see if anyone was in there (sometimes they have AA meetings in there on the weekends so who knows what's in there during the week). No one was in there but I saw children's coats and shoes on the floor. Because of that I didn't stay I just went to the restroom. As I was finishing there was a knock on the door. I come out and there is a woman with a little boy waiting. I smile at them, they smile back and I head upstairs. I just hung out in the hall waiting for my therapist to come and get me.

So as we sit down we laugh about the noise we can hear outside and the children being all over the building because he already knows how I feel about my sessions being uninterrupted and quiet so that I feel comfortable. Apparently there is a pre-school that has slowly taken over the entire building. I mention the woman and boy knocking on the bathroom door and he says oh right you like to use the bathroom downstairs and becomes visibly upset and starts saying if you come here on a weekday you use that bathroom in a stern kind of voice pointing in the direction of his bathroom. I just looked at him but didn't say anything. He continues on asking me if I waited in the library, if I spoke to anyone and things like that? What the heck?? I think he got uncomfortable after that and starts explaining that it's because he thinks they feel like the bathrooms below are "their" bathrooms and they have taken over all floors and they have started creeping onto his as well. And then he apologizes. I'm quiet the entire time which prompts him to go on and on. To stop him, I finally say don't worry I will not be making any more weekday appointments. He follows up with another apology and says he should have told me and it slipped his mind.

I didn't care about his apologies and told him so. And then he had to the nerve to sarcastically ask if I wanted to spend the rest of the session talking about it. I said you mean since most of it was spent with you alternating between scolding me and apologizing to me? It was terrible. My session was completely ruined because of that. Can you believe it? I am mad at my therapist. I almost didn't want to schedule another session with him and told him so.

Did I overreact here? Was it me?
 
I don’t think you overreacted @KammyGirl. And even if you did, so? You’re human. You were there for a quiet, peaceful therapy session and there are all of these children everywhere. I’m proud of you for ignoring his stern “you use this bathroom” thing which he apparently felt and prompted the apologies. I’m glad that he apologized:yep:.

Therapists are human too. They will make mistakes on occasion and have bad days too. Hopefully things will just go back to normal. I think people on occasion become annoyed by their therapists. It happens. Don’t worry about it. Focus on you and your needs being met.
 
oneastrocurlie said:
A friend just got their bankruptcy discharged like yesterday. Cool. Clean slate of sorts.

Why on this Lord's green earth are they looking to get a virtually brand new car with a $500 car payment. Like this weekend?

Why? Why do that? In my head I'm like Noooooooo. I've actually said very little.
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People who file bankruptcy without addressing the core financial management issues tend to run head first into the same problems.
 
So I was chatting with my aunt yesterday. It is looking like my mother needs to go into a nursing home. She is only 58 years old. But she has multiple health issues that have severely impacted her mental state, she has early onset dementia at this point and can't handle basic things. We have had such a complicated relationship, especially over the past 5-7 years as her health deteriorated and she basically fought tooth and nail to NOT address any of the issues. It's like she really stopped having any desire to live with any quality of life. Once a person doesn't care if they live or die and refuses to be compliant with medications and things that could have prevented a lot of issues, what can you do? I got tired of talking about it. I live on the west coast, they're in the south. I had been heavily considering moving back. But, man my family is just too much of an emotional and financial burden. I feel bad because my aunt is having to deal with this plus my grandmother. In my mom's case it didn't have to be like this ya know? I just get so tired even thinking about it. I will do what I can from here, as far as putting in applications and things. I wasn't planning on going back for a visit until August but may have to go sooner, since I am her only child I usually have to deal with signing documents and getting POA. If not thing else, it really inspires me to get as healthy as possible, because as bad as this sounds, my mom has been very burdensome and lots of times deliberately. I would hate to be like that with DS, especially before even turning 60! I want to prevent what I can.
 
My mother leaves for one of her missions with her church on Monday and she'll be gone for a few weeks. Going to hang out with her and my sister tomorrow, help her pack and just visit before she goes. I haven't done anything all week so I'm actually looking forward to it.
 
hopeful said:
@RoundEyedGirl504
(((Hugs))) What a tough situation to be in. You’re doing the best you can considering the circumstances. You didn’t create this situation and you deserve to have a life and to be happy.
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Thank you! I often wonder how I got the luck of the draw with two crazy parents. But the universe has provided for me abundantly in other ways and other people, and I have my issues like everybody else but for the most part I am happy, stable, and healthy. And I work toward a different life for my DS. But it gets overwhelming at times having to take the parent role with your own mother, and I did that for a long time, but I just don't have it in me to do that anymore.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
So I was chatting with my aunt yesterday. It is looking like my mother needs to go into a nursing home. She is only 58 years old. But she has multiple health issues that have severely impacted her mental state, she has early onset dementia at this point and can't handle basic things. We have had such a complicated relationship, especially over the past 5-7 years as her health deteriorated and she basically fought tooth and nail to NOT address any of the issues. It's like she really stopped having any desire to live with any quality of life. Once a person doesn't care if they live or die and refuses to be compliant with medications and things that could have prevented a lot of issues, what can you do? I got tired of talking about it. I live on the west coast, they're in the south. I had been heavily considering moving back. But, man my family is just too much of an emotional and financial burden. I feel bad because my aunt is having to deal with this plus my grandmother. In my mom's case it didn't have to be like this ya know? I just get so tired even thinking about it. I will do what I can from here, as far as putting in applications and things. I wasn't planning on going back for a visit until August but may have to go sooner, since I am her only child I usually have to deal with signing documents and getting POA. If not thing else, it really inspires me to get as healthy as possible, because as bad as this sounds, my mom has been very burdensome and lots of times deliberately. I would hate to be like that with DS, especially before even turning 60! I want to prevent what I can.
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My mother passed away earlier this year as a result of her dementia. Her brain couldn't process how to swallow so she starved to death. This is apparently a common thing that nobody tells you until it starts to happen.

I'm telling you this horrible thing because during the early onset and progression stages my mother used to do a million and one things that did not make sense and it used to drive me up a damn wall. The hardest thing to accept about dealing with dementia is that the parent/child dynamic literally reverses overnight and very few people are prepared for the people who they always looked to as an authority now having an unpredictable light switch in their heads that flickers randomly between the mental capacity of adult and child .

I'm going to give you the advice that I wish someone would have given me. If another relative will take care of your mother then let them do it. If you can put her in a home. Do it. I did "the right thing" by my mother and it cost me things that I cannot/will not ever get back. Take care of your baby and live your life as best as you can.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
My mother passed away earlier this year as a result of her dementia. Her brain couldn't process how to swallow so she starved to death. This is apparently a common thing that nobody tells you until it starts to happen.

I'm telling you this horrible thing because during the early onset and progression stages my mother used to do a million and one things that did not make sense and it used to drive me up a damn wall. The hardest thing to accept about dealing with dementia is that the parent/child dynamic literally reverses overnight and very few people are prepared for the people who they always looked to as an authority now having an unpredictable light switch in their heads that flickers randomly between the mental capacity of adult and child .

I'm going to give you the advice that I wish someone would have given me. If another relative will take care of your mother then let them do it. If you can put her in a home. Do it. I did "the right thing" by my mother and it cost me things that I cannot/will not ever get back. Take care of your baby and live your life as best as you can.
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Wow Cracker's my condolences to you, I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Thank you for this advice. I find myself getting hit from time to time with these bouts of guilt but I know I have tried to do things before it got to this point in order for her to have a better life but it never seemed to really work. And I can't trade of DS's well being to take care of her. I may have mentioned it before but she had come to California last year to help me with the baby. That was the most stressful two months of my life. And I realized then I couldn't take care of her and us without running myself all the way down and being chronically unhappy.
 
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