Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

hopeful said:
@Sumra
You didn’t ask, but for what it’s worth I’d let your fh handle it. Ultimately he’s disrespecting your fh. He gets to be part of his brother’s world and then instead of behaving like a gentleman, he’s disrespecting his brother, his brother’s fiancé, and his brother’s fiancé’s friends. And himself too, really. Not cool.
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Thank you Hopeful. This makes sense.
 
@Sumra tell your FH to make sure he doesn’t speak for you. Let him confront is brother and leave you out of it. And dude crossed the line, so no more hanging out. He doesn’t handle rejection well at all. What’s his story?
 
I just had a great conversation with one someone I've been friends with since middle school. And after an incident that happened this past weekend, I've come to the conclusion that I am officially done with that group of friends. My friend from middle school was saying that that group acts like they half way don't like me. And that they basically act like I'm there for their entertainment, and asked why am I worried about respecting my best friends girlfriend when clearly they aren't worried about respecting me or my feelings. And she was saying that no one she calls best friend would be standing around and letting their significant other keep disrespecting her or go along with the group making fun of her. We ended the conversation with her saying that if she were me she wouldn't kick it that group anymore and really wouldn't be giving the "best friend" the time of day either. And that some times we out grow people and the things they do we don't want to do anymore and that is ok. I really wish that this friend didn't live two hours away because I miss hanging with her. But we do stay in touch quite often. And back in the summer her and another friend that we hung out with in high school we all went out to brunch. And it was good fun, and I miss feeling like I had a great time after hanging with people.

I really do understand what people mean when they say some times its not your life that sucks, it just may be the people you hang out with that do.
 
Thanks @shortdub

He had a man talk with him about handling rejection in the right way and let him know that is the last time he acts like that around our friends.

Their Mum (divorced) let him have his own way with everything for a quiet life and he still throws tantrums at 41. He's insecure also but he needs to sort himself out.
 
Sumra said:
Thanks @shortdub

He had a man talk with him about handling rejection in the right way and let him know that is the last time he acts like that around our friends.

Their Mum (divorced) let him have his own way with everything for a quiet life and he still throws tantrums at 41. He's insecure also but he needs to sort himself out.
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He’s an overgrown toddler. No wonder he ain’t getting no punani.
 
Sumra said:
Thanks @shortdub

He had a man talk with him about handling rejection in the right way and let him know that is the last time he acts like that around our friends.

Their Mum (divorced) let him have his own way with everything for a quiet life and he still throws tantrums at 41. He's insecure also but he needs to sort himself out.
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Good. Glad it got handled by a man and not you. If it ends up that he has to be excluded that will be between him and his brother. At 41 it is time for him to suffer the consequences for behaving that way. It’s really ridiculous.
 
I had a nice weekend all to myself. I had dinner with my mother on Wednesday and we made plans again for Friday. I was supposed to have dinner with my sister on Thursday. Both of them canceled last minute. I spent both Thursday and Friday preparing for them after work only to get a phone call saying they can't make it. Can you imagine that happening 2 days in a row when you could have been doing something else? I was a little disappointed but quickly got over it and ate both fabulously prepared meals alone. Lol

When both of them tried to call and invite themselves over on Saturday I told them no. I spent Saturday cleaning and watching cheesy movies. Then I finally perfected my wig and pranced around my apartment like I was hot stuff while trying on my favorite outfits to make sure they still fit. Today I'm feeling so lazy so just hanging on the couch. I feel so relaxed and comfy.

My mother tried again today and asked if we could do something tomorrow. I have a date so once again the answer is no. Sorry. Truth is if she had kept her plans with me on Friday she probably wouldn't be pushing like this and I think she feels guilty. She'll be ok.
 
My favorite part of your post:

KammyGirl said:
I spent Saturday cleaning and watching cheesy movies. Then I finally perfected my wig and pranced around my apartment like I was hot stuff while trying on my favorite outfits to make sure they still fit.
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So proud of you for saying no to them coming over on Saturday. You needed and deserved to have that time to yourself. They negatively impacted your Thursday and Friday evenings, and then were going to take away your precious Saturday.

Enjoy your date too :).
 
mz.rae said:
Planning a trip to Vegas next year for my bday. My friend from high school is going to help me plan it. I’m excited I plan on inviting people I don’t get to hang out with much, and a few cousins. I’m still on the fence about inviting my best friend but letting her know her SO is not invited.
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Are you sure these people you don't hang out with would make GOOD travel companions?

I only ask because I've been burned with traveling with folks that you later find out are insert irritating behavior while on the road.
 
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I’m ready to have my own apartment by myself. My sister and I have always lived together since we moved out of our parents house 9 years ago. We get along well minus a few normal sisterly squabbles here and there. I’ve always dreamed of living alone and I can’t wait!! I want a little corner of the world to call my own. That I don’t have to share. I’m giving myself a year to get everything ready since we just renewed our lease. I haven’t told her yet.
 
I am so done with doing things I don't want to do. I was invited to a wedding but by a friend who isn't a very good friend in my opinion. He is so wishy washy and most of the time is down about something or other. It's not depression otherwise I would be more sympathetic. He always declines invites from us (me and other friends) and never wants to hang out. Then when he gets in hang out mode he wants you to drop everything. He's been hounding me everyday about this wedding since Wednesday and I'm like 1. He told me a week before the wedding 2. I just know if I had invited him to something he would yet again say no. I just feel like there's very little give here and a lot of take. Even me as introverted and loner like as I am will attend a few friend gatherings. I know if I want to keep my friends I need to make an effort no matter how trying it is sometimes. I don't even really want to go to this wedding because I don't like half the people attending. And I don't feel like I should do it for him when he wouldn't do it for me.

I will be leaving my job at the end of the month. This woman wants to take me to lunch and talk about where I'm going. Nope. I'm tired of being imposed upon to make other people feel comfortable. So I have to sit through an awkward lunch so I don't hurt your feelings by opting out? We don't even talk. Not doing it. I'm not rude and have home training so I politely said thanks for the offer. That's very kind of you but you don't have to do that. Now she's walking around here with her bottom lip on the ground. Why do other people think their feelings are more important than mine when it comes to me?! Mind boggling.
 
I think one of my close friends is an alcoholic. Whenever I speak to her she sounds drunk but if I ask she says no.

It could be noon or 3pm. Drunk.

I feel bad saying this but I don’t want to be around it at all. She’s doing dumb stuff all the time and then calling me crying.
 
shespoison said:
I think one of my close friends is an alcoholic. Whenever I speak to her she sounds drunk but if I ask she says no.

It could be noon or 3pm. Drunk.

I feel bad saying this but I don’t want to be around it at all. She’s doing dumb stuff all the time and then calling me crying.
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You shouldn’t feel badly:nono:. She’s the drunk, doing crazy stuff, and calling you crying. Any sane person would be very annoyed with her antics.
 
Good for you @KammyGirl! You are taking care of you! Nice! Don’t give either of them a second thought. Neither of them seem worth putting yourself out for. Humph, one barely talks to you and the other wants everything on his terms. Nope, sorry. My therapist gave me this cute saying: I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either:).
 
Wow some people really think you should accept anything. My friend said he's going to ignore me because he would curse me out he's so upset. My sister says I am wrong for telling him I don't want to go. A week before is apparently plenty of time to be invited to a wedding since I "know how he is". I actually asked a couple of other people too and they say the same. My reasoning (it being short notice and him being a crappy friend) is wrong. If I don't want to go fine but "you know how he is and a week is plenty of time to get an invite" is what I was told. I'm in the twilight zone. Me disagreeing and talking about it is me trying to convince them I'm right which then turns into how rude mean and aggressive I am and how I need to stop living my life online. Just wow. Smh
 
KammyGirl said:
Wow some people really think you should accept anything. My friend said he's going to ignore me because he would curse me out he's so upset. My sister says I am wrong for telling him I don't want to go. A week before is apparently plenty of time to be invited to a wedding since I "know how he is". I actually asked a couple of other people too and they say the same. My reasoning (it being short notice and him being a crappy friend) is wrong. If I don't want to go fine but "you know how he is and a week is plenty of time to get an invite" is what I was told. I'm in the twilight zone. Me disagreeing and talking about it is me trying to convince them I'm right which then turns into how rude mean and aggressive I am and how I need to stop living my life online. Just wow. Smh
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Wow! Yea, you're def in the twilight zone :lol:

Sorry your people are bugging :nono:
 
KammyGirl said:
Wow some people really think you should accept anything. My friend said he's going to ignore me because he would curse me out he's so upset. My sister says I am wrong for telling him I don't want to go. A week before is apparently plenty of time to be invited to a wedding since I "know how he is". I actually asked a couple of other people too and they say the same. My reasoning (it being short notice and him being a crappy friend) is wrong. If I don't want to go fine but "you know how he is and a week is plenty of time to get an invite" is what I was told. I'm in the twilight zone. Me disagreeing and talking about it is me trying to convince them I'm right which then turns into how rude mean and aggressive I am and how I need to stop living my life online. Just wow. Smh
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The older I get, the more I live my life on my own terms. Don't worry about them trying to make you feel guilty. Even if you decided 2 weeks was too short of notice, that would still be your prerogative.
 
@KammyGirl
Trust yourself. You are doing the right thing. You are doing what’s best for you. Good job. It’s a man’s world and people are still very eager to put a man’s needs first and shame a woman for being kind to herself. It is what it is. You gotta find like minded people who will support you IRL. In the meantime you have us. We got you. Trust us, you are being very reasonable.
 
qchelle said:
Wow! Yea, you're def in the twilight zone :lol:

Sorry your people are bugging :nono:
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I was looking at my phone so confused yesterday I couldn't believe it.

Sosoothing said:
The older I get, the more I live my life on my own terms. Don't worry about them trying to make you feel guilty. Even if you decided 2 weeks was too short of notice, that would still be your prerogative.
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I'm slowly getting better at that and being less angry about it. My anger used to be a defense mechanism to avoid the guilt I was feeling over trying to take care of myself and my feelings. It's getting better.

hopeful said:
@KammyGirl
Trust yourself. You are doing the right thing. You are doing what’s best for you. Good job. It’s a man’s world and people are still very eager to put a man’s needs first and shame a woman for being kind to herself. It is what it is. You gotta find like minded people who will support you IRL. In the meantime you have us. We got you. Trust us, you are being very reasonable.
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Thank you! I was just thinking about this wondering where I could find people like this. I don't need the people in my life to 100% agree with me 100% of the time. But this is ridiculous now. This incident has made me realize I want this particular friend out of my life. They have all tried to make me feel guilty about that because he hasn't done anything that could be considered "bad". But my interactions with him don't make me feel good and that should be enough. And when I explain this apparently I'm justifying and trying to convince them so I won't do that again. I don't need to explain myself.
 
KammyGirl said:
...
I don't need to explain myself.
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You really don’t need to explain yourself.

Just keep taking good care of yourself. Over time the universe will respond by bringing people into your life who get you and will support you.

These people can’t support you for any number of reasons. They may be jealous of you for being invited to fun activities. They may resent you for wanting to make yourself a priority. They may be threatened by your growth. Who knows? Just try to let them be as you go on about living your life.

I know it isn’t easy but it’s a waste of your time and energy trying to convince people to think differently. In your mind you can think, they see things differently and that’s ok. I’m just going to focus on doing what’s best for me.
 
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hopeful said:
They may be jealous of you for being invited to fun activities.
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I never thought of that. I know this person, X, who prides herself on her lack of friends. I’m the opposite. I’m a huge people person, an extroverted life of the party type. So I get invited to everything without even trying. I was really into social media back then so I would post it all on Snapchat and Facebook. X starts telling me how this mutual friend doesn’t like me and was talking smack about me behind my back, etc... I was super hurt, believed X and confronted the fake friend. The friend denied it. We made up and moved on. A few months later X tells me about another close friend who’s talking smack about me behind my back. Again I was hurt, confronted the friend and we ironed things out. Well wouldn’t you know it but a few months after that X again tells me about how a lot of people from a different group don’t like me, how I should stop hanging out with them and how MOST PEOPLE are always talking about me and laughing at me behind my back because none of them like me but I’m too dumb to realize it.

I was like: “well damn! EVERYONE in town is talking about me? I’m like freaking Zendaya or something! I’m a way bigger deal than I realize. I’m famous!” I felt like:26E21F75-8C23-447C-8473-E7EC3A9FD6E1.gif

I trust my instincts about people and the vibes I get from them. By then I realize that X must be jealous of my popularity. She rarely gets invited to anything (probably because of her negativity and critical nature). I don’t share my plans with her anymore unless she asks and I keep it very vague. I also don’t have social media anymore. I love it cuz no one knows what I’m up to. People get jealous over the craziest things. Who knew?
 
KammyGirl said:
If I don't want to go fine but "you know how he is and a week is plenty of time to get an invite" is what I was told
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My petty self would’ve retorted sarcastically: “well you know how I am and that’s too short notice for me.” Asking you that late means you were an afterthought and he wasn’t sure whether to invite you or not. Either way no bueno. Good for you for standing your ground.
 
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