You'll love it. And tab is super easy to learn/read. Much easier than sheet music.
Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread
- Thread starter hopeful
- Start date
movingforward
Moving forward and onward
I was trying to teach myself how to read sheet music. It was like learning another language.
I'm going to give it another try.
sarumoki
Epicurean Empress
I don't know that I would have been able to learn on my own. It's a headache. Lol I had music classes from elementary and was in my junior high band so that's how I learned.
HappyMadison
Kanye's Surrogate
I don't know why people just want to try me! I am at my family reunion, and one of my cousins came in with his pregnant white girlfriend (it's a trend now). This girl insist on having this little dog there, because that is her "baby," is dressed like a ratchet Bratz doll with long plastic looking black extensions, I mean I cry for my generation. Anywho. So she comes in in a short dress, belly full of baby, short shorts, the dog in one arm and this cake.
I am taking the desserts, so she hands me the cake and insists that I need to try it. I only eat stuff made by my great aunts and uncles because it has been perfected over 40 plus years. I don't eat young people's stuff. So I politely say sure, I'll make room. This "cake" looks like a statement piece. It is in a pie crust, appears to souffle, then topped with a massive amount of creme and whipped cream.
Two things are a big no no for me. Food in close proximity to animals and white stuff. I don't eat white stuff. No milk, no vanilla ice cream, no white sauces, no mayo, no. So this cake is a no from me. Every 30 minutes, she asked me if I have tried the cake. Look I haven't been able to eat anything, because I am facilitating food service. I am not going to stop what I am doing just to taste your nasty arse stuff. Aunt Jessie dressing already gone and I am already in my feelings, I snatch a whole sweet potato pie and put it in a fridge. I turn around, " did you try my cake?" Negro looking at me apologetically.
Like who tf am I?!! I am one cousin of about 70 there, I don't know you, like what tf is up with this cake? I am petite, does it look like my life revolves around cake? Well, it does! I love cake! That why I have such a discerning spirit. I am not eating THAT cake. I was "oh, let me grab a piece and save it, before I cannot anymore." (Nobody was touching it, not even the children). On my way out, I tipped that cake in the trash can and walked off with a whole sweet potato pie.
I am taking the desserts, so she hands me the cake and insists that I need to try it. I only eat stuff made by my great aunts and uncles because it has been perfected over 40 plus years. I don't eat young people's stuff. So I politely say sure, I'll make room. This "cake" looks like a statement piece. It is in a pie crust, appears to souffle, then topped with a massive amount of creme and whipped cream.
Two things are a big no no for me. Food in close proximity to animals and white stuff. I don't eat white stuff. No milk, no vanilla ice cream, no white sauces, no mayo, no. So this cake is a no from me. Every 30 minutes, she asked me if I have tried the cake. Look I haven't been able to eat anything, because I am facilitating food service. I am not going to stop what I am doing just to taste your nasty arse stuff. Aunt Jessie dressing already gone and I am already in my feelings, I snatch a whole sweet potato pie and put it in a fridge. I turn around, " did you try my cake?" Negro looking at me apologetically.
Like who tf am I?!! I am one cousin of about 70 there, I don't know you, like what tf is up with this cake? I am petite, does it look like my life revolves around cake? Well, it does! I love cake! That why I have such a discerning spirit. I am not eating THAT cake. I was "oh, let me grab a piece and save it, before I cannot anymore." (Nobody was touching it, not even the children). On my way out, I tipped that cake in the trash can and walked off with a whole sweet potato pie.
I said the bolded to myself as I was reading this. Like what is up with this damn cake that she wanted you to try it so bad?What was her deal?
HappyMadison
Kanye's Surrogate
It got me thinking about threads where white girls were using their pumpum juice to bake bread and stuff and I was like, "not today, Satan!"
I started to feel like, "eat the cake Anna Mae..." NO!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
caribeandiva
Human being
That is such an odd situation to be put in. Why didn't your cousin come get his woman?
HappyMadison
Kanye's Surrogate
I know, right. We are not even cool like that. Maybe she was just trying to fit in. Maybe she thought she was a superior cook. I had a cousin that was like, it's okay, you should try it with a weird grin on her face. It reminded me of that dude from Get Out. I was like, naw, I'm good. So maybe I wasn't the only one.
Honestly, I don't know what type of black family reunion she thought she was rolling up to. "Her type" is few and far between, but the male progeny tend to be knocking up more white girls and parading them around family. Not marrying. It is embarrassing. And the girls face crack when they see all the women doctors, authors, engineers and lawyers in our family. But everybody cannot be one. It's crazy. My grandmother's generation, all 14 siblings married black. My dad's generation, maybe 3-4 married out, you can count it on your hand. This generation, mine, they are not marrying at all, just knocking up white girls. And while I can say I am glad it is not a black girl, we have significant land holdings that have been passed down for 5 generations (got it from slavery) now it will be siphoned out of our community to people who do not understand its importance.
Nobody moves like my great aunts and uncles do anymore or care. My dad told my grandmother he wants to sell the land. He does not know once my grandmother passes, I have the controlling vote and with my major, my only goal is to do a land grab, before the final 14th dies and better manage the property. That is my sole reason for studying civil engineering.
That is why you have white girls running around, asking people to try their cake.
Not everybody knows I have this weirdness concerning white foods. And I don't do "okay" cakes. I would be mad I wasted calories. I think she was asking my grandmother to try it too, because my grandmother has no chill in facial expressions. I know she told her to get her "baby" away from her. My grandmother hates dogs. She wasn't the only white girl there so I don't know why she was so pressed.
See why I can't stand people. This ninja here is a pain my arse! So we're supposed to all have the group outing on Saturday. Why this fool send us all a group message saying can we do tomorrow happy hour lower Manhattan instead? Why? Because his new fiance lives in Jersey and she can't make it back into the city on Saturday. I can appreciate him wanting her to be there because we're supposed to be celebrating both his new job and the engagement but umm seriously? We've had these plans for weeks now. Last minute canceling like this? Normally I wouldn't care but I want to go to the meetup tomorrow not this nonsense with them.
The private messages I got were hilarious "she's starting already?" "Really, this is how she gets in good with us?" and the worst one "I knew she was a flake". Any other time I don't have ish to do but this month has been full. Decisions decisions.
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
I wish my bff knew the power of words and energy. She's been giving off negative energy for some years now and it consumed me at one point. I distanced myself and am in a much better place. She on the other hand is getting worse. I'm not sure what it'll take for her but I have to find a way to let her know ASAP because I no longer want that energy in my life at all
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Tell her just what you said.I wish my bff knew the power of words and energy. She's been giving off negative energy for some years now and it consumed me at one point. I distanced myself and am in a much better place. She on the other hand is getting worse. I'm not sure what it'll take for her but I have to find a way to let her know ASAP because I no longer want that energy in my life at all
BrownBetty
Well-Known Member
I had a great time last weekend. Wine tasting, desserts, day parties... good times.
Well here we are at this weekend and my friend just backed out of our weekend trip that we planned 3 months ago. She was the one that suggested it. She is flaky and I am aware of this but we are crossing state lines. Her reason seems valid but the flakiness as of late is enough. Fool me once and all that jazz... I will be putting the appropriate distance between us.
Well here we are at this weekend and my friend just backed out of our weekend trip that we planned 3 months ago. She was the one that suggested it. She is flaky and I am aware of this but we are crossing state lines. Her reason seems valid but the flakiness as of late is enough. Fool me once and all that jazz... I will be putting the appropriate distance between us.
Last edited:
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
Another one on flakes...
So my dd loves this other girl and she loves her too. They were tight last year. Got to know the mom and i thought we hit it off too.
We set up play dates for the girls and the first one she called out literally as we were walking out the door. the 2nd was night before. all summer she was saying lets get the girls together. nada.
funny she saw me yesterday and was all affection and hugs. like bih... sick of yo flakey arse...
omg! i forgot! just remembered this is the same mom I started a thread about who invited another family to my dd birthday without asking first!
yea im done with her arse.
So my dd loves this other girl and she loves her too. They were tight last year. Got to know the mom and i thought we hit it off too.
We set up play dates for the girls and the first one she called out literally as we were walking out the door. the 2nd was night before. all summer she was saying lets get the girls together. nada.
funny she saw me yesterday and was all affection and hugs. like bih... sick of yo flakey arse...
omg! i forgot! just remembered this is the same mom I started a thread about who invited another family to my dd birthday without asking first!
yea im done with her arse.I'm nursing a little hang over today. Had a great celebration last night though and the bar we went to ended up having live music later in the night.
Some parts really made me sad because I am constantly confronted with people who have families that really love them and support them. I have a nice family too and I know you always think the grass is greener on the other side but I can't deny some distinct differences. Without going into too much detail, this particular friend didn't grow up well off but his parents did what they had to do to provide him with an education and give him everything he needed and most of what he wanted. My parents did the same. His parents aren't doing very well financially right now and neither are mine. But here is where the similarities end. His parents still understand their responsibilities and/or duties as parents even though their children are adults. My friend will offer to help them out from time to time when he can but they are proud people and will mostly decline. But they still have that parental mindset where when their child reaches a milestone they want to be there and do what they can (even if it isn't much) to show how proud they are of them.
My parents? I never get the chance to offer anything. They don't care about asking their children for help. And I don't mind helping but the behavior borders on the parent/child roles being reversed. My mother especially behaves as though we owe her for raising us. I mean, she is still a relatively young healthy woman. By the time she's in her old age, I feel like I will have been taking care of her for more years than she's taken care of me. My father is proud and will flat out decline a birthday celebration or opt not to see us because he's coming empty handed. I remember him not seeing or calling for my birthday until a week later because he didn't have a present??? What? A phone call costs nothing. It isn't fair that I have parents like this. I know not every family is perfect and you should be grateful with what you have. My complaints sound absolutely ridiculous compared to other people's parents but I still can't help feeling cheated.
Last night my friend's parents showed up toward the end so as not to cramp his style. lol And they came with a new briefcase for his new job and a wrapped present for the new fiance. They mingled with the few of us left and told stories of when my friend was a kid (most I've heard several times) and the story of when they first met the fiance. And they were just very decent, loving, caring, normal parents. I thought about how that would play out with my own parents and the image wasn't exactly positive. I don't know, maybe I'm just in a weird mood.
Some parts really made me sad because I am constantly confronted with people who have families that really love them and support them. I have a nice family too and I know you always think the grass is greener on the other side but I can't deny some distinct differences. Without going into too much detail, this particular friend didn't grow up well off but his parents did what they had to do to provide him with an education and give him everything he needed and most of what he wanted. My parents did the same. His parents aren't doing very well financially right now and neither are mine. But here is where the similarities end. His parents still understand their responsibilities and/or duties as parents even though their children are adults. My friend will offer to help them out from time to time when he can but they are proud people and will mostly decline. But they still have that parental mindset where when their child reaches a milestone they want to be there and do what they can (even if it isn't much) to show how proud they are of them.
My parents? I never get the chance to offer anything. They don't care about asking their children for help. And I don't mind helping but the behavior borders on the parent/child roles being reversed. My mother especially behaves as though we owe her for raising us. I mean, she is still a relatively young healthy woman. By the time she's in her old age, I feel like I will have been taking care of her for more years than she's taken care of me. My father is proud and will flat out decline a birthday celebration or opt not to see us because he's coming empty handed. I remember him not seeing or calling for my birthday until a week later because he didn't have a present??? What? A phone call costs nothing. It isn't fair that I have parents like this. I know not every family is perfect and you should be grateful with what you have. My complaints sound absolutely ridiculous compared to other people's parents but I still can't help feeling cheated.
Last night my friend's parents showed up toward the end so as not to cramp his style. lol And they came with a new briefcase for his new job and a wrapped present for the new fiance. They mingled with the few of us left and told stories of when my friend was a kid (most I've heard several times) and the story of when they first met the fiance. And they were just very decent, loving, caring, normal parents. I thought about how that would play out with my own parents and the image wasn't exactly positive. I don't know, maybe I'm just in a weird mood.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
(((@KammyGirl)))
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
I was able to talk to my bff about her energy. I'm relieved but I can tell she feels someway. I wasn't rude but while we were talking she was going off on a tangent and I politely said it's because of the energy she's giving off. She asked for clarification and I told her that she often sides with the negative aspects of things. She wanted examples, I mentioned the recent ones and she was like well I'm a realist to which I replied that reality must suck 
. There was an awkward silence for a minute or so, I said I know life happens and always isn't pretty but we can choose to see the best an act accordingly rather than the opposite. She agreed and said she had to go. I can tell she wasn't feeling it at all.
. There was an awkward silence for a minute or so, I said I know life happens and always isn't pretty but we can choose to see the best an act accordingly rather than the opposite. She agreed and said she had to go. I can tell she wasn't feeling it at all.
caribeandiva
Human being
My friends and I planned this girls night in/sleepover at her new house for last night. She's a new mommy so she really needed this. We planned this a month ago. Well her husband forgot and had a Mayweather-McGregor pay-per-view watch party and turned it into a huge BBQ with a whole bunch of people! 
I've known this couple for a long time now so I really don't think he did this maliciously. I'm glad him and his friends cooked everything, bought all the booze and basically catered to us. Good thing too cuz I was really irritated at this point. 
After that I was my good ol cheerful self again. I guess I was just hangry. Yes hangry (hungry+angry ). I get easily irritated when I'm tired or hungry.
After the fight ended and the party was winding down, it turned into kind of a couples night with a few of us singles there. You know you're hanging out with your married friends when you and your dating stories are the highlight of the night.All in all it was fun. We're waiting to have breakfast now.
I've known this couple for a long time now so I really don't think he did this maliciously. I'm glad him and his friends cooked everything, bought all the booze and basically catered to us. Good thing too cuz I was really irritated at this point. After that I was my good ol cheerful self again. I guess I was just hangry. Yes hangry (hungry+angry ). I get easily irritated when I'm tired or hungry.After the fight ended and the party was winding down, it turned into kind of a couples night with a few of us singles there. You know you're hanging out with your married friends when you and your dating stories are the highlight of the night.
All in all it was fun. We're waiting to have breakfast now.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@LostInAdream that was brave of you to have that conversation. I'm glad that you have that behind you now.
@caribeandiva Grrrr just reading that I started feeling upset but hey what can you do? You went with the flow! Good for you. Glad you had fun. But, I'm inclined to think it wasn't a mistake as most couples discuss having a party at their home BUT again even if that's the case, nothing you could do about that either. Learning when it's best to go with the flow is so important in life.
@caribeandiva Grrrr just reading that I started feeling upset
but hey what can you do? You went with the flow! Good for you. Glad you had fun. But, I'm inclined to think it wasn't a mistake as most couples discuss having a party at their home BUT again even if that's the case, nothing you could do about that either. Learning when it's best to go with the flow is so important in life.Fitbit drama. I So I have been in a fitbit group since about 2014. It's a small group 6-7 of us. We do a challenge every week and a weekend challenge every weekend. Every single week since 2014. Sometimes we get lazy and don't do much but we're always in there chatting anyway. So last week for the weekly challenge I didn't wear my fitbit all week but I was in there talking and chatting every now and then. This isn't unusual. Over the years we've all had problems with out fitibit or lost them or just couldn't wear them but no matter what we all still join the challenge. We also have a group on WhatApp and talk in there. It's where we send pictures and videos and stuff.
So last week I notice no one has started a challenge. I wait a day or 2 thinking maybe I'll start it. By Wednesday still nothing so I go to the WhatsApp group and ask did anyone start a challenge this week? If not, I'll start it. One woman writes back "yeah but I couldn't find you in my list because you haven't worn your fitbit all last week" Not that weird since I didn't wear my fitbit last week but still bs because 1. We've had this group for years and we all know that when you don't wear your band you go on the inactive list which is still on your friends list all the way on the bottom. and 2. even if someone is not in your list someone else from the group will add you. Like there have been plenty of times where someone starts a challenge and they'll say "oh so and so isn't in my list can someone add her" and one of us will. But yeah whatever. I don't even make a big deal. I actually make a joke and say "oh i see how it is!" with a winking emoji. Still no one adds me. lmao
She writes back she's had a lot going on with her court issues and whatnot. I don't know what she's talking about but I was still at work and I wanted to know what was going on so I planned to message on my lunch hour privately if she wanted to tell me about it. I messaged her privately and no response so I assumed she didn't want to talk about it or would get back to me later. That was Wednesday. On Friday a different woman sends a message to the group asking if I'm using fitbit again? I write "yea" but I'm running to the train station so I put the phone in my bag and was going to finish the message on the train. When I pull my phone out again I see the message sent but no big deal. I start to write a joke about not wearing my fitbit often because it reminds me how lazy I am and in the middle of that a whole long message comes up from the 2nd woman talking about how she feels bad that I didn't respond to the 1st woman when she mentioned her court issues and I should be understanding because she's going through a tough time and I act like I'm not interested in the group and she's going to delete the WhatsApp group too. And I'm looking at my phone like 
What in the world is she talking about? I left it alone because I had the feeling that something else was going on. Then I get another message from the 2nd woman saying the same thing. "You haven't even asked her about her court issues" "You didn't respond to her message but you responded to mine"
So at this point I start to get angry because mind you I messaged on Wednesday asking about a challenge and it is now Friday yet still no one has added me to the new challenge but want to tell me how I don't seem interested in the group. Really? I'm the one asking where y'all at? Further, even if the 1st woman going through a tough time (not tough enough to start the challenge but whatever) what's y'all excuse? None of y'all added me either. If y'all didn't want me in the group that's cool just tell me. But don't gaslight me and turn it on me telling me I'm the one not interested. And lastly who the hell do you think you are to try to reprimand me like a child in this little group here when the woman herself hasn't said a peep since mentioning her issues? I also privately sent a message to this woman (which she ignored) you going so hard for but that's not of your damn business, is it?
This is all so freaking stupid and petty and I was sitting on the train like Fitbit drama? For real? I just ended up saying ok no worries, no need to delete the group, I'll see myself out and deleted myself and then the group from whatsapp. As I was doing that one final message came in that read "I wasn't reprimanding you" I don't know what else it said because I deleted it. I just don't feel like being pulled into nonsense. With anyone, anywhere, anytime. My sister called immediately after and tried to start mess too and I just said can I call you back later and hung up. lol She sent me a message saying I'm getting too good at dismissing people and for the life of me I could not find a negative in the statement she made even though I'm sure she meant it as a negative.
People are just so negative and always want to have some drama for something to be going on and that's not me. I'm really not interested in a back and forth. Constant arguing and just foolishness. When I see it coming I start waving bye bye and people don't like that. Sorry for the long post but I was just sitting here wondering is it me? Am I doing something? What can I change? What can I fix? I keep having the same problems with people and me being the common denominator I'm trying to check myself. But then I'm like it can't be me because they're all the same situations and why are people like this? I need some feedback. What am I doing wrong?
So last week I notice no one has started a challenge. I wait a day or 2 thinking maybe I'll start it. By Wednesday still nothing so I go to the WhatsApp group and ask did anyone start a challenge this week? If not, I'll start it. One woman writes back "yeah but I couldn't find you in my list because you haven't worn your fitbit all last week" Not that weird since I didn't wear my fitbit last week but still bs because 1. We've had this group for years and we all know that when you don't wear your band you go on the inactive list which is still on your friends list all the way on the bottom. and 2. even if someone is not in your list someone else from the group will add you. Like there have been plenty of times where someone starts a challenge and they'll say "oh so and so isn't in my list can someone add her" and one of us will. But yeah whatever. I don't even make a big deal. I actually make a joke and say "oh i see how it is!" with a winking emoji. Still no one adds me. lmao
She writes back she's had a lot going on with her court issues and whatnot. I don't know what she's talking about but I was still at work and I wanted to know what was going on so I planned to message on my lunch hour privately if she wanted to tell me about it. I messaged her privately and no response so I assumed she didn't want to talk about it or would get back to me later. That was Wednesday. On Friday a different woman sends a message to the group asking if I'm using fitbit again?
I write "yea" but I'm running to the train station so I put the phone in my bag and was going to finish the message on the train. When I pull my phone out again I see the message sent but no big deal. I start to write a joke about not wearing my fitbit often because it reminds me how lazy I am and in the middle of that a whole long message comes up from the 2nd woman talking about how she feels bad that I didn't respond to the 1st woman when she mentioned her court issues and I should be understanding because she's going through a tough time and I act like I'm not interested in the group and she's going to delete the WhatsApp group too. And I'm looking at my phone like What in the world is she talking about? I left it alone because I had the feeling that something else was going on. Then I get another message from the 2nd woman saying the same thing. "You haven't even asked her about her court issues" "You didn't respond to her message but you responded to mine"So at this point I start to get angry because mind you I messaged on Wednesday asking about a challenge and it is now Friday yet still no one has added me to the new challenge
but want to tell me how I don't seem interested in the group. Really? I'm the one asking where y'all at? Further, even if the 1st woman going through a tough time (not tough enough to start the challenge but whatever) what's y'all excuse? None of y'all added me either. If y'all didn't want me in the group that's cool just tell me. But don't gaslight me and turn it on me telling me I'm the one not interested. And lastly who the hell do you think you are to try to reprimand me like a child in this little group here when the woman herself hasn't said a peep since mentioning her issues? I also privately sent a message to this woman (which she ignored) you going so hard for but that's not of your damn business, is it?This is all so freaking stupid and petty and I was sitting on the train like Fitbit drama? For real?
I just ended up saying ok no worries, no need to delete the group, I'll see myself out and deleted myself and then the group from whatsapp. As I was doing that one final message came in that read "I wasn't reprimanding you" I don't know what else it said because I deleted it. I just don't feel like being pulled into nonsense. With anyone, anywhere, anytime. My sister called immediately after and tried to start mess too and I just said can I call you back later and hung up. lol She sent me a message saying I'm getting too good at dismissing people and for the life of me I could not find a negative in the statement she made even though I'm sure she meant it as a negative.People are just so negative and always want to have some drama for something to be going on and that's not me. I'm really not interested in a back and forth. Constant arguing and just foolishness. When I see it coming I start waving bye bye and people don't like that. Sorry for the long post but I was just sitting here wondering is it me? Am I doing something? What can I change? What can I fix? I keep having the same problems with people and me being the common denominator I'm trying to check myself. But then I'm like it can't be me because they're all the same situations and why are people like this? I need some feedback. What am I doing wrong?
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Had a meal at the park nearby with my mom, after church. She was reluctant to join me but I insisted. I feel like I've gotten to know her better as an adult than I ever did when I was little. What used to cause strife between us is now the very thing bringing us together, go figure.
Getting my grub on lol
This is what we had for the most part. She said she felt like she had a full meal and didn't need to cook anymore when she would get home lol.
Getting my grub on lol
This is what we had for the most part. She said she felt like she had a full meal and didn't need to cook anymore when she would get home lol.
caribeandiva
Human being
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@KammyGirl
I think you may swing a little too far to the left or right. I hope that makes sense. For example you seemed to assume that they didn't want you in the group anymore. I saw it as the opposite, but they were also being petty and annoying. Also when the one lady questioned you about not caring about the other stupid lady's problem, you could have said well I reached out to her privately because of course I'm interested as I've always been. You could have also asked someone you are closer to to add you to the group vs the group. Idk I just think you may be overreacting. That happens a lot when we've been hurt. To avoid being hurt again we over reach to protect ourselves. And I think that's very normal. I would not have deleted the app, removed myself from the group etc. if I really enjoyed the group. I would have smoothed things over and again reached out to a few people individually to add me. It seems like everyone is being extra sensitive.
ETA: only sharing my thoughts here because you asked for feedback. Otherwise would have minded my business.
I think you may swing a little too far to the left or right. I hope that makes sense. For example you seemed to assume that they didn't want you in the group anymore. I saw it as the opposite, but they were also being petty and annoying. Also when the one lady questioned you about not caring about the other stupid lady's problem, you could have said well I reached out to her privately because of course I'm interested as I've always been. You could have also asked someone you are closer to to add you to the group vs the group. Idk I just think you may be overreacting. That happens a lot when we've been hurt. To avoid being hurt again we over reach to protect ourselves. And I think that's very normal. I would not have deleted the app, removed myself from the group etc. if I really enjoyed the group. I would have smoothed things over and again reached out to a few people individually to add me. It seems like everyone is being extra sensitive.
ETA: only sharing my thoughts here because you asked for feedback. Otherwise would have minded my business
.
Last edited:
Maybe you're right. But initially I didn't think they wanted me out of the group. That was the furthest thing from my mind. I even joked about it. I just thought it was an oversight. An annoying one but still not a big deal to me. Until another couple days went by and still no one added me. This is a group we've been in for years and lots of times (I'm talking 10 or more) someone will disappear from the list and we'll say can you add so and so. I didn't even think about that really though until the other woman started going on about how she was going to delete the whatsapp group out of nowhere. I was like huh? For what? Just add me and save everything else. Lol But that response coupled with still not being added after me clearly coming to whatsapp to find them made me start wondering if they wanted me out. And funnily enough she's the one I'm closest to in the group which is why this all seemed so weird to me. Lol If I come asking about the group or she comes asking we both immediately add the other person. What's changed? I need a formal invite now? But yeah that's why I initially left it alone when she started in about me not caring about the other woman's tough time. Because I figured something was going on maybe to do with me maybe not? But when she did it for the second time I got the feeling she was trying to call me out and wanted to fight about something with me. But why? It was strange. I suppose I could have asked hey whats going on here instead of doing what I did. But I didn't want to hear silly excuses. In my eyes there was no clear obvious plausible explanation for no one adding me. Considering we've been doing this for years now. But again, that doesn't even really bother me. What really bothered me was that the 2nd woman (a person I thought I was the closest to out of the group) wagging her finger at me in front of everyone. Like what are you doing right now and why? What have I done to you?
I didn't delete the app though just that group so if any of them want to talk to me they still can but...what's done is done I guess.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@KammyGirl something strange is going on but I don't think it's has to do with you. But who knows. Maybe something to do with the eclipse, hurricanes, pms, marital problems, health issues? Especially since no problems before. But idk just giving you some food for thought.
Yeah I realize people have their own problems and I really do try not to take things personally. It's such a fine line for me between being understanding and letting yourself be walked on or mistreated though. Maybe I get carried away when my spidey senses start tingling and I go on the offense (just deleting the group without talking before I could hear any foolishness) instead of defense (explaining my thoughts/feelings in this case and waiting to talk it out). Idk I need to find a balance.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
@hopeful
@KammyGirl
I'm like KammyGirl. As soon as drama hits, I usually remove myself completely. I'm very fight or flight. I usually just go into flight mode. I fight when I have no way out. I don't try to get into hearing people out, or trying to explain myself. I just avoid it all together.
KammyGirl do you really like being in this group? If so, maybe you should try To work it out with everyone. If it isn't that important to you, then leave that group alone. It sounds like everybody is going through something!
Hopeful, I think you are on to something with overreacting, or become too defensive. It goes back to learning how to establish boundaries, when to engage, when to speak up, and when to fallback. I keep a very small circle, since I can't really get mentally caught up with being in groups and deal with other folks' emotions. I literally take on whatever energy is being displayed at the moment.
KammyGirl why are you in a Fitbit group, but you aren't committed to wearing your Fitbit daily? You said you were lazy sometimes. If you aren't fully committed to wearing it, then why would it bother you about not being added to the new challenge? I'm not trying to start trouble, lol but that seems like something to explore maybe?
@KammyGirl
I'm like KammyGirl. As soon as drama hits, I usually remove myself completely. I'm very fight or flight. I usually just go into flight mode. I fight when I have no way out. I don't try to get into hearing people out, or trying to explain myself. I just avoid it all together.
KammyGirl do you really like being in this group? If so, maybe you should try To work it out with everyone. If it isn't that important to you, then leave that group alone. It sounds like everybody is going through something!
Hopeful, I think you are on to something with overreacting, or become too defensive. It goes back to learning how to establish boundaries, when to engage, when to speak up, and when to fallback. I keep a very small circle, since I can't really get mentally caught up with being in groups and deal with other folks' emotions. I literally take on whatever energy is being displayed at the moment.
KammyGirl why are you in a Fitbit group, but you aren't committed to wearing your Fitbit daily? You said you were lazy sometimes. If you aren't fully committed to wearing it, then why would it bother you about not being added to the new challenge? I'm not trying to start trouble, lol but that seems like something to explore maybe?
Similar threads
