"men Dont Love Women Like You"

hopeful said:
I haven't finished reading yet but I understand how it can seem depressing. Reality is a big, hard, nasty pill to swallow. It can make you very uncomfortable. But at one point he says robbers shouldn't rob, but they do, so we lock our doors. We don't get depressed about locking the doors to our houses or cars. Some of us feel good about having a security system on our car and house. We don't whine about it or talk about it endlessly, we just accept reality and are grateful to have safeguards. But our precious hearts and bodies we want to leave open to hurt and abuse? Want to trust that everything will work out fine, God will send the right guy, the Lord will keep us safe. But we don't leave the front door to our house open and trust God to protect us while we sleep. Our lives, hearts, and bodies are far more valuable than a car, a house, or it's furnishings, and yet many of us don't protect them like we should. It is irresponsible, unkind, and naive for me to not protect me.
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I envy your way with words
 
:smile:

I'm still deciding whether or perhaps better WHEN to check it out.

I'm far from a man basher, but I guess I am coming to the conclusion that:
  • The not-so-great men are very numerous and DEFINITELY outnumber the good/great men . . . maybe by FAR and
  • I happen to be in an environment wherein most of the women I know have good/great men who have a very strong, core group of good men around them. I think that matters but is too rare.
I don't want to get "depressed" with a read, but I would love to get strengthened. Maybe I'll check out the first chapter. :smile:
 
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It has to hit you at your core to make you pay attention. Then he says, basically go up to that mirror and dont you dare fix or adjust a dayum thing. Love yourself AS YOU ARE.

He's not trying to give hope, he's trying to build your confidence so that your 'hoping' becomes a 'knowing'.

We are living in a society these days where everything is sugarcoated to protects folks and their feelings. We dont need that shyt. We need real talk. I take absolutely NO offense to what he has written because he speaks the ugly truth and truth is all I care about. I will insulate myself where my self esteem may have some holes so that I can drink in the message and see if it applies to any area of my thoughts, behaviors and habits.
 
I'm one hour into listening to the audiobook. Man, I cannot put this book down!! OP, thank you for starting this thread and putting this book on my radar. I must admit he low key hurt my feelings when he went into detail about the things you think make you special and set you apart from other women really don't. There are millions of women out there like me with gorgeous looks, highly educated, good reputation and are very independent. I'm glad that I'm a very open-minded person cuz I wanted to call "bullsh*t" and stop listening right then and there! Whadayamean I ain't special?!

I'm wise enough to know that when I'm uncomfortable (and don't wanna hear it) that's when growth and learning are occurring. So I persevered on and I'm so glad I did. He's right though. My sense of self-worth shouldn't come from outside accomplishments. It's an innate part of who I am. No bargaining needed or wanted. Looking down on other women because they aren't as accomplished as you is a big mistake. Men simply don't care about accomplishments. They care about personality. So even though I'm only 1/6th through the book I've already resolved to stop dimming my strong outgoing personality in order to not overwhelm men and let them lead. That's what attracted them to begin with! That was a mistake that I did that in the first place. I'm good enough just the way I am. Extremely outgoing personality and all. :yep: On to the next chapters! I can't wait to see what I learn.
 
caribeandiva said:
I'm one hour into listening to the audiobook. Man, I cannot put this book down!! OP, thank you for starting this thread and putting this book on my radar. I must admit he low key hurt my feelings when he went into detail about the things you think make you special and set you apart from other women really don't. There are millions of women out there like me with gorgeous looks, highly educated, good reputation and are very independent. I'm glad that I'm a very open-minded person cuz I wanted to call "bullsh*t" and stop listening right then and there! Whadayamean I ain't special?!

I'm wise enough to know that when I'm uncomfortable (and don't wanna hear it) that's when growth and learning are occurring. So I persevered on and I'm so glad I did. He's right though. My sense of self-worth shouldn't come from outside accomplishments. It's an innate part of who I am. No bargaining needed or wanted. Looking down on other women because they aren't as accomplished as you is a big mistake. Men simply don't care about accomplishments. They care about personality. So even though I'm only 1/6th through the book I've already resolved to stop dimming my strong outgoing personality in order to not overwhelm men and let them lead. That's what attracted them to begin with! That was a mistake that I did that in the first place. I'm good enough just the way I am. Extremely outgoing personality and all. :yep: On to the next chapters! I can't wait to see what I learn.
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This reached me too as I have been guilty of this. But the average successful (alpha male type) has dated scores of women who have the same attributes and are saying the saaaame things.

We compare ourselves to women in our circle or environment. He's dated women all over the place...So his pool is VERY different from your's. But they will act impressed by you because you are np.

Whenever I see a woman who think she is above other women, it just shows me that men do an EXCELLENT job of gassing up her head. What fools them even more is that men will stick around and fake shyt until they are finished getting what ever there is they are getting from you. And if you cut them off before they were ready, of course they will make you feel like queen Bee to get you back. Meanwhile all along they are checking for other women too. And probably is seeing someone ELSE as his potential game changer....
 
@ChasingBliss yeah all of those "how to be feminine threads" on this forum aren't really doing anything. It doesn't matter how good you look, how you apply your makeup, speak to the man, submit, make his plate etc etc. You can tell yourself you're the prize all you want but you have to have the mindset. Having the mindset allows you to not have to think about which actions to take and that will truly let people know you're the prize.

Like I really appreciated Why men marry *****es...but those are just the actions and not the mindset. Once you have the mindset the book might be beneficial though or you may not even need it cause you exhibit the prize mentality naturally.

Very few BW are operating this way which is why so many of us are miserable. Of course there are certain individual BW who aren't losing. But one thing is for certain, once we get the game...no one NO ONE can compete with us because we look better than everyone else when we're taking care of ourselves, even into old age.
 
Layluh said:
@ChasingBliss yeah all of those "how to be feminine threads" on this forum aren't really doing anything. It doesn't matter how good you look, how you apply your makeup, speak to the man, submit, make his plate etc etc. You can tell yourself you're the prize all you want but you have to have the mindset. Having the mindset allows you to not have to think about which actions to take and that will truly let people know you're the prize.

Like I really appreciated Why men marry *****es...but those are just the actions and not the mindset. Once you have the mindset the book might be beneficial though or you may not even need it cause you exhibit the prize mentality naturally.

Very few BW are operating this way which is why so many of us are miserable. Of course there are certain individual BW who aren't losing. But one thing is for certain, once we get the game...no one NO ONE can compete with us because we look better than everyone else when we're taking care of ourselves, even into old age.
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YES! I thought about all of that too. Looking back I'm just like UGH! What was I thinking. You really have to FEARLESSLY be yourself. It doesnt mean not to do special things for your man but do it because you want to (treating him as you'd treat your wonderful self)...Not because you want to stand out as special and above the rest OR your fear losing him to another woman.
 
Ok I'm on board. I've been lurking in this thread, VERY skeptical about the book. I read a sample on Amazon, looked at the reviews both positive and negative, and bit the bullet and got it on Kindle. Reading it now, not even done with the intro and I'm all
tumblr_nahx2bBQUR1tq4of6o1_500.gif
because it's all. f******. true. Men aren't held accountable, play the same tricks they've been playing for hundreds of years and yet women will do anything to keep one. Back to reading. And I will be back.
 
I also like that he said a man doesnt necessarily set out to play you (well yeah often times they do) but he is really just protecting himself from you just in case you aint all what you claim to be ...this is why they let you talk talk talk talk on dates because he is trying to catagorize/type you.
He's not gonna just give his heart to anybody. But he will (Sadly) tell you whatever you want to hear because, guess what, they love QUALITY placeholders. They dont necessarily want FWBs and FBs in these position. So yeah, while he can run out and get any old girl to do the basics, he prefers your 'thinkyourebetterthantherest a**.

They wont let you know them until they RECOGNIZE you as a gamechanger. Mind y'all I said RECOGNIZE, not decide whether you are one or not. They dont get to make that decision. YOU DO.
 
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YvetteWithJoy said:
:smile:

I'm still deciding whether or perhaps better WHEN to check it out.

I'm far from a man basher, but I guess I am coming to the conclusion that:
  • The not-so-great men are very numerous and DEFINITELY outnumber the good/great men . . . maybe by FAR and
  • I happen to be in an environment wherein most of the women I know have good/great men who have a very strong, core group of good men around them. I think that matters but is too rare.
I don't want to get "depressed" with a read, but I would love to get strengthened. Maybe I'll check out the first chapter. :smile:
Click to expand...
The first 2.5 chapters are free on Kindle
I went in like I ain't reading this with that chicken on the cover ( yes I'm STILL man about that) but after my lil free sample I was like welp gotta buy this book now. I'm really liking it

The part I read that had me running back to this thread
Being awkward isn’t part of your DNA, it’s part of your WBW— Weak B* Ways.
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Like omg I used to pride myself in saying oh I don't associate with weak b**s but I was being a weak bih myself. Crying.
I wrote about this in the Queens code thread I believe but I struggled so hard to appear carefree while whole time I cared a ton what people thought of me. I would act shy which is against my nature because I didn't want to say anything that people would Judge me for but guess darn what they always judged me N-ty-way so I'm miserable and being talked about. Tf? Might as well be authentic and happy.

And I really used to flit around here being OK with not having confidence in myself because oh keeps me humble :blah: freak that Im not humble I'm the ish. It seems like we'll duh but for so long that escaped me. I tried to downplay myself to make others comfortable but forget them.

Spartan up. :giggle:

I'm really loving the books currently in my roster.

What's so crazy is that my natural aura attracts people to me like crazy but that made me nervous and shrink because I felt it was too much pressure entertaining all these people but they need to entertain me. I also thought that the men especially had ill intentions like either just wanted to play me like a bop or pretend to like me only to expose me. No they just had great taste cause I'm the ish.
I rule this queendom. Dance my subjects. :dance7:

I know I need to do some soul searching because there had to be something that led to my severe lack of confidence. I wrote in the other thread maybe it was daddy issues but I feel like it's more than that.
 
Oh and anyone willing to share their spartan name and personality?
I'll share mine. I'm still
Working on her though. I haven't had a moment to just be all day.

But our name is def Spartan Abdela.
I'm not sure her whole personality bit she's definitely playfully sarcastic
She's also coy, but biting.
 
I got through chapter 6 and I love this book.

Chapters 1 and 2 were amazing! He's not saying anything earth shattering, he's just confirming how I was taught and things I
figured out on my own. I love that he says all the things you think make you stand out like education, looks, career, independence, cooking skills and coloring abilities means nada to men. These are things we are told by society and other women are necessary to get a quality man. I always felt less than because I didn't feel those made me stand out and it turns out I don't need them anyway lol.

There are so many quotes that I have burned on my brain like "don't ask what you can do for a man, ask what he can do for you." Both my parents always preached that so it was nice to have that confirmed. Another thing I liked was how he said just because a man can't leave a woman alone, or even gives her a title does not mean he's into her. He just may not be able to get anyone else. He's not the first man I've heard say that.

Chapter 6 was great how he talked about women needing to believe we are the ****, the star of our own movies. We are the prize but most of us don't behave like we are. The part on physical insecurities was great too. For example it doesn't solve your problem to cover your insecurities with make up or anything else because it still haunts you.

Reading this chapter in particular hit me thinking about when I got a lot of male attention without trying to and it was when I didn't wear my insecurities on my sleeve. I was me and I projected my "brand."

Side note: this book was clearly written for women of all races but I liked that he devoted a section to black women and the color issue.

I'm done for the day but I'm excited for the next chapters.
 
hopeful said:
I haven't finished reading yet but I understand how it can seem depressing. Reality is a big, hard, nasty pill to swallow. It can make you very uncomfortable. But at one point he says robbers shouldn't rob, but they do, so we lock our doors. We don't get depressed about locking the doors to our houses or cars. Some of us feel good about having a security system on our car and house. We don't whine about it or talk about it endlessly, we just accept reality and are grateful to have safeguards. But our precious hearts and bodies we want to leave open to hurt and abuse? Want to trust that everything will work out fine, God will send the right guy, the Lord will keep us safe. But we don't leave the front door to our house open and trust God to protect us while we sleep. Our lives, hearts, and bodies are far more valuable than a car, a house, or it's furnishings, and yet many of us don't protect them like we should. It is irresponsible, unkind, and naive for me to not protect me.
Click to expand...
If I could like this 1000 more times I would!:toocool:
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Chapters 1 and 2 were amazing! He's not saying anything earth shattering, he's just confirming how I was taught and things I figured out on my own. I love that he says all the things you think make you stand out like education, looks, career, independence, cooking skills and coloring abilities means nada to men. These are things we are told by society and other women are necessary to get a quality man. I always felt less than because I didn't feel those made me stand out and it turns out I don't need them anyway lol.
Click to expand...

I think that's the most depressing part of this story. I'm thinking, "why am I working this hard to impress if men don't give a sh*t about any of that" :laugh: I know that some of these are life skills, but still. It does explain to a degree why men chose less-accomplished ladies over the degreed and polished. I'm worried now though because I'm realizing that in order to get to the next level, I've been neglecting the "brand", the very thing that guys are supposedly attracted to. Now what do I do? I have to reconnect with me, and time's running out.
 
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