"men Dont Love Women Like You"

[hopeful]

If I could like this 1000 more times I would!

Thank you sweetie.

 

[Layluh]

I think that's the most depressing part of this story. I'm thinking, "why am I working this hard to impress if men don't give a sh*t about any of that" I know that some of these are life skills, but still. It does explain to a degree why men chose less-accomplished ladies over the degreed and polished. I'm worried now though because I'm realizing that in order to get to the next level, I've been neglecting the "brand", the very thing that guys are supposedly attracted to. Now what do I do? I have to reconnect with me, and time's running out.

http://www.eharmony.com.au/dating-advice/dating/what-is-your-personal-dating-brand#.V59D6fQ8KJI

 

[ladysaraii]

So I went ahead and bought the book, since so many of you all love it. I'll start on that in a few days. I hate not being able to join in the discussion, lol

 

[niknik253]

I also like that he said a man doesnt necessarily set out to play you (well yeah often times they do) but he is really just protecting himself from you just in case you aint all what you claim to be ...this is why they let you talk talk talk talk on dates because he is trying to catagorize/type you.
He's not gonna just give his heart to anybody. But he will (Sadly) tell you whatever you want to hear because, guess what, they love QUALITY placeholders. They dont necessarily want FWBs and FBs in these position. So yeah, while he can run out and get any old girl to do the basics, he prefers your 'thinkyourebetterthantherest a**.

They wont let you know them until they RECOGNIZE you as a gamechanger. Mind y'all I said RECOGNIZE, not decide whether you are one or not. They dont get to make that decision. YOU DO.

This is KEY!!!!

 

[BrownSkin2]

I bought the audio version and started listening yesterday. I'm on chapter 6. Wow, what an eye opener. Most women flaunt their education, looks, sex skills, cooking skills, compete with other women but 'they' are all basic bit2he$. Men meet and date women like you all the time. You are no different from the next woman. We lack confidence and embrace fear. Men are attracted to confidence!

 

[lux10023]

I'm married and I find relationships books great....as husbands often times retreat into being comfortable

Comfortable with that pum pum you giving each night
That food you making each day and all the other wifely/ motherly duties your tasked to do

I never!!! Lol let dh get to comfortable lmao

I'm the prize and you stay on that path and we good!

Great book recommendations

Wives shouldn't get comfortable either, as in make sure your always putting yourself first!

I'm so happy I posted about this book. I knew many of y'all would like it and get what he was saying.

 

[Kim0105]

I think that's the most depressing part of this story. I'm thinking, "why am I working this hard to impress if men don't give a sh*t about any of that" I know that some of these are life skills, but still. It does explain to a degree why men chose less-accomplished ladies over the degreed and polished. I'm worried now though because I'm realizing that in order to get to the next level, I've been neglecting the "brand", the very thing that guys are supposedly attracted to. Now what do I do? I have to reconnect with me, and time's running out.

Let me ask you this....who are you doing all of this for? Are the accomplishments for you or for getting a man? The way I see it is if a woman's motivation for being accomplished is to get a man then you've already lost. Do the work and reconnect with you. I love the part where he says that if you look in the mirror and wouldn't make love to the person staring back then how can you expect that from someone else.
You are 'IT'! Take your time to remember and reconnect with that. You have time! When we start thinking from a place of 'time running out' we operate from a place of fear and scarcity when we should be operating from a place of confidence and abundance.

 

[Britt]

"If you loved yourself as passionately as you loved the idea of a mans validation, you would be unstoppable."

I had to rewind and listen to that twice! Where's the Florida Evans gif?? Damndamndamnnnnnnnnn

This line really stuck out to me when I read it!

 

[caribeandiva]

I'm almost done with this book. Man, I can't believe I used to downplay my flirting because of fear. I'm a natural flirt and I'm embracing that. Also the old basic me would block guys from being able to reach me as soon as things didn't work out. No more. They are peasants in my kingdom so why should I deprive them of catching a glimpse of the glory that is me? I took my power back! I'm telling you this book has restored my confidence. Fck humility. I've been walking around like I'm the sht all day and I love it! I even eyef*cked a couple of male clients and they looked surprised (I normally do the opposite). Lord this is fun!

 

[hopeful]

Almost done with the audible version. It goes to chapter 7 How to Attract Men Without Even Trying, but also has bonus chapters that wrap things up a bit. I am on the bonus chapters now. I'm going to stop for a few days and let things marinate. I also have the kindle version and will continue on with chapter 8 when I feel like it. It is amazing that the the author of a website called Black Girls Are Easy and a book called Men Don't Love Women Like You with a non-black looking woman on the cover, could be so profound and uplifting, but he is. Thank you so much @ChasingBliss for sharing this with all of us. This entire LHCF journey has been something else.

 

[Lymegreen]

I'm almost done with this book. Man, I can't believe I used to downplay my flirting because of fear. I'm a natural flirt and I'm embracing that. Also the old basic me would block guys from being able to reach me as soon as things didn't work out. No more. They are peasants in my kingdom so why should I deprive them of catching a glimpse of the glory that is me? I took my power back! I'm telling you this book has restored my confidence. Fck humility. I've been walking around like I'm the sht all day and I love it! I even eyef*cked a couple of male clients and they looked surprised (I normally do the opposite). Lord this is fun!

This made me laugh so much. When I was single I used to even sneak a peek if you know what I mean? But, I was an iron lady... one strike and you're out!! unless I felt like playing .... when it was no longer fun I had to exit stage left. But, I enjoyed making eye contact, sneaking peeks and all. Now that I'm married I keep my eyes to myself...lol - or on him!!

 

[HappyMadison]

I had a "This.Is.Spartaaaa" moment over the weekend. It was hard y'all. Normally I would stick around and create an investment in this guy because he has XYZ going for him and "in time" he will give me what I want.

But to quote Jesse Williams "the hereafter is a hustle, I want it now." No more compromising. He was telling me how this chick was crying over him and this chick was doing whoopty whoop, you are not going to do that? I don't doubt it. And I told him because his openness with his feelings and everything else got these girls wanting to put on a cape, but I burned mine a long time ago and I am not interested in buy a shiny new one.
Then he started texting me constantly like "oh how is Pickles ( my dog) lol, "what are you doing tonight?" Even when I killed that, he is now peeking my snaps. I have no doubt the other women were accomplished, and they were not crazy. And a couple of weeks ago I would have definitely stuck around until I became the girl crying in his car. But knowing what I know, reading this book, there is no excuse to continue basic B***h behavior.
I understand where he is coming from, really I do. We are both custodial parents. We both have boys around the same age. It is hard inviting new people in and dealing with the ex spouse and it is even more attractive that he is the primary, raising a boy, because it is his belief. I want that male energy, I love that. But I am done using my ex as a crutch to not develop relationships or remain emotionally unavailable, I DO IT TOO. It a hustle. I am a wounded creature, come take care of me. I told him about me picking up strays and caring for them with no reciprocity. This is why I had to pump the brakes. I am being selfish. I am not hopping off my shelf to barter my worth. If I have to "Spartan Up," you, my dear, have to "Man Up."

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Let me ask you this....who are you doing all of this for? Are the accomplishments for you or for getting a man? The way I see it is if a woman's motivation for being accomplished is to get a man then you've already lost. Do the work and reconnect with you. I love the part where he says that if you look in the mirror and wouldn't make love to the person staring back then how can you expect that from someone else.
You are 'IT'! Take your time to remember and reconnect with that. You have time! When we start thinking from a place of 'time running out' we operate from a place of fear and scarcity when we should be operating from a place of confidence and abundance.

That's the thing. My accomplishments have always been done with one person in mind: me. Men that were too interested in them, I'm always suspicious of because I'm looking for a provider because I operate from the mindset that a man must maintain my SES or elevate it (my mom is Muslim.) And as Lambert says, providers do not care if you have your own place, own car or high paying career. They've got their own. This matches what I see play out. And in a world where so many women are educated and accomplished, using them to get a man does not make you stand out. I don't want a man to fall in love with my accomplishments, I want him to fall in love with me. A man I let in my life has to complement it, not complicate it.

The "Selfishness is your friend" part was something I needed to hear. It's a weakness of mine, especially with friends. One of my goals this year is to work on putting myself first but Lambert just laid it out there. He's not saying be mean, but do not take care of others more than yourself. Women need to hear that because we're socialized to put everyone else before ourselves, which I think he points out. Which reminds me, what Lambert is talking about is being rare. Which reminds me of something similar to what Judge Lynn Toler said on Divorce Court, that being rare involves putting yourself first and not making your world solely about him. As a result, he'll work hard to keep you because he knows if he doesn't act right you can walk away without a second thought. The part about "enemies being harmless because their resentment is based on love" confirmed what I've always thought. If someone has problem with you who you didn't do anything to, that's a reflection of them not you. They're jealous. Don't give them power and keep doing you.

I've started chapter 7 and I love that he starts off by saying you have to get clear on what you want and not be ashamed of it. You want a serious relationship leading to marriage, then own it in your thoughts. There is a man out there for you but you just have to believe it. The flirting part was perfect because I'm a person where if I think too much about it, I fail. But if I do me without thinking or shying away, I get results and later I'm like, I flirted my a$$ off lol. And if the guy doesn't respond, he's not worthy of your attention. I could go on and on.

There's only 2 things I've read so far that I disagree with which are really minor.

1) Men do not have a biological clock. They may not operate like they do but they do. It's why I stick to my age limits and I've decided I'm ok if my future husband is a slightly younger than me.

2) Lambert says that men don't stress about finding a woman by a certain time because they believe she'll show up at some point. This may be true but studies show single men aren't as happy as popular culture would have you believe. I've read more articles lately about how single men from millennials to baby boomers really want to find someone. And in my own life, some of the men who talk about how relationships aren't worth it and they're not looking. I can tell they desperately want a relationship. So I wonder if that's a cover.

I'm still working on my avatar but I've narrowed it down to some finalists lol.

 

[Flourishnikov]

Almost done with the audible version. It goes to chapter 7 How to Attract Men Without Even Trying, but also has bonus chapters that wrap things up a bit. I am on the bonus chapters now. I'm going to stop for a few days and let things marinate. I also have the kindle version and will continue on with chapter 8 when I feel like it. It is amazing that the the author of a website called Black Girls Are Easy and a book called Men Don't Love Women Like You with a non-black looking woman on the cover, could be so profound and uplifting, but he is. Thank you so much @ChasingBliss for sharing this with all of us. This entire LHCF journey has been something else.

Waymin!!! The author is the same dude from Black Girls Are Easy?!?!

I actually remember listening to the author promote this book on the Russ Parr morning show, but Im just now putting the clues together. As someone that has completed the book, I was not ready for this revelation, but it does not make the info he shares any less true.

 

[Flourishnikov]

@Miss_C

 

[LoveisYou]

You know what I love most about this book?
The emphasis on women loving themselves flaws and all and for speaking up for what you want instead of meekly and quietly settling. There's a way to do this of course. Iwas sold when he wrote about looking in that mirror everyday and telling yourself how fly you are! YAAAS! We are so awesome but so many of us don't know it.

I also completely agree with him about blocking foolishness early. Why waste your time honey? There are too many more to meet and you haven't met your king!

 

[LoveisYou]

I dont think he is tearing down women. He is detailing in blunt force how men see and exploit womens behavior, motivations, weaknesses, desires...

See it all the time. It's about being hip and wise to the game. If you truly love and value yourself, there is a lot you won't put up with in an effort to please someone else. That's his basic message.

 

[caribeandiva]

My world has been turned upside down and I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna study this book until it becomes second nature!

 

[Poohbear]

I am married and reading it just because....

@ChasingBliss , I am assuming the book you read is for unmarried women, but I find it interesting when I see married woman as yourself reading books like this. I've noticed a few other married women online and in real life who read books directed toward single and unmarried women and I often wonder why...

Please don't take offense, but no one reads a book of this nature "just because" unless it's a fictional book... what were you looking to get out of the book as it relates to your husband when the audience is directed toward single women? Did you find the book helpful in your own relationship in any way? Or were you reading this to see if it would help out a fellow single women that you know?

 

[Kimbosheart]

You know what I love most about this book?
The emphasis on women loving themselves flaws and all and for speaking up for what you want instead of meekly and quietly settling. There's a way to do this of course. Iwas sold when he wrote about looking in that mirror everyday and telling yourself how fly you are! YAAAS! We are so awesome but so many of us don't know it.

I also completely agree with him about blocking foolishness early. Why waste your time honey? There are too many more to meet and you haven't met your king!

This is what I love about the book so far. I find other parts of it problematic at first blush but I want to take some time to finish listening and then read the story. My opinion may change.

After listening as far as I have it's interesting to read other threads around here. We as women are completely critical of each other on every little bit, I can see why our confidence falters over time.

 

[movingforward13]

But at the same time it's him pretty much telling you all men are trash and there are a few diamonds, but good luck finding those.

I believe it

 

[Tolle]

Thanks Op for starting this thread. This is not just a relationship book; so many things he speaks about apply to life in general.

I was very happy to see that my life's experience has already turned me into a Spartan and I didn't even know it. We really do create our own realities.. This book is the **** and co signs what I know to be true.

 

[hopeful]

@ChasingBliss , I am assuming the book you read is for unmarried women, but I find it interesting when I see married woman as yourself reading books like this. I've noticed a few other married women online and in real life who read books directed toward single and unmarried women and I often wonder why...

Please don't take offense, but no one reads a book of this nature "just because" unless it's a fictional book... what were you looking to get out of the book as it relates to your husband when the audience is directed toward single women? Did you find the book helpful in your own relationship in any way? Or were you reading this to see if it would help out a fellow single women that you know?

Can I reply? Since I'm married? These books are not about getting married or getting the ring. IMO that is easy. No woman gets married just for the sake of getting married although being married has it's perks and status. What we want is everlasting love, respect, and cherishing. And all men, married, engaged, dating, or single can behave in a way that is utterly baffling, disrespectful, and unloving. Some men change and some we just don't see clearly until we grow, mature, and change. So, single or married, we are all women, and we all want the same thing. And we all need support, guidance, and wisdom. The love game is a challenge. And doesn't always end at I do ... Unfortunately.

 

[LoveisYou]

Marriage is not the end at all (I'm sure any married women will tell any woman this)...society seem to implies getting married is it...chile!

This is what I love about the book so far. I find other parts of it problematic at first blush but I want to take some time to finish listening and then read the story. My opinion may change.

After listening as far as I have it's interesting to read other threads around here. We as women are completely critical of each other on every little bit, I can see why our confidence falters over time.

I also like that he talks about not being competition with other women. I read the book a few months ago so I can't remember his exact words but it was something along the lines of hatin' on another woman is a waste of your energy. Put that energy into loving yourself.

 

[SurferBabe]

I believe it is an unabridged version tho. Lemme check.

eta: Yep, there shouldnt be any parts left out. Shoot there better not be.

It looks like the audible version finishes up with "Awaken the Spartan Within", but the ebook includes a section on how to date like a spartan and how to keep power in the relationship once you're exclusive.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oy vey....you all are going to make me buy another book thanks to this site lol....

Okay so you ladies who have read/listened to his book....

• How does this book differ from WMLB?? Or, "The Rules"? Because imo it almost seems like this book is basically like WMLB, only written by a man lol.
• Did you find reading the book more helpful? Or listening?
• Any results yet??
• And lastly, just how much profanity is in this book?? I don't like reading books with a LOT of profanity (it grates on my nerves tbh), and I've read relationship books that had a lot of F-bombs, or "Bees" and "BS" etc, and it just wasn't an enjoyable read for me. I don't mind SOME...but not a ton of language on each page....yikes... Been there, done that.... I don't mind the real raw truth, but idk if I want all that language.

I'm leaning towards getting the audio version, but depending on the language....idk.... I would hate to have someone come into my car and all of a sudden they're like "What on earth are you listening to?"

Although counterintuitive, I find that it's the women who are busy living their lives not giving a fludge who tend to get wifed up.
It's just as the book says. That woman who tries so hard to impress becomes desperate and then the vultures come swooping down smelling that blood and go to town on your ego. I'm really seeing this as a human nature thing and not a gender thing.
I love how he addresses how we compare ourselves to other women too. That I need to hear loud and clear.
Let me go take my reading lunch break teehee....

Yes. Once I stopped doing this years ago, I found myself to be happier and more comfortable in my own skin.

This book has been in my ear ALL DAY. I love this dude. To me, he is a Spartan amongst men because will tell you EVERYTHING that men wont. I can only imagine how many dudes stay mad at him.

And he is telling the absolute truth when he says we as women always think we are better than one another (for all the wrong reasons). But these men hear it all the time from women.

You are not the only educated woman he has dealt with. God didnt stop making cute faces after he made yours. You are not the only one who can put it down in the bedroom and the kitchen. You are not the only one who is successful. We love trying to prove to men why we are so different from one another but in their eyes...it's like "here we go again...just play along for the pus"

SO TRUE.

I agree. I found that the more I read about how to be in relationships, and tried to be a certain way, the more issues I would have in my relationship. Things came together once I decided to trust that things would be ok, be myself, and actually learn how my particular man works. I found that trying too hard or following books was counterintuitive- for me.

I agree...sometimes following "rules" or "books" have been actually counter-intuitive for me when it came to relationships. Sometimes you can get information overload.

But it seems like this particular book isn't really about "catching a man", but more so reclaiming your self-worth and confidence.

Yes, I made some positive revolutions in my life due to this book. After Chapter 3, I was changing my tactics, or rather my attitudes towards men and got instant gratification. In the past, I just wasn't certain what I wanted out of a relationship so I set a precedence. When I wanted to become more than a homie, lover, friend, I pretty much relegated myself to a placeholder and there wasn't much I could argue against. I thought we grow into deeper meanimgful feelings. I was playing checkers and them chess.

We had connections, so what? I already told them through my actions, that meant shiddd so I could not be mad if they moved on to someone who wasn't wasting time trying to figure things out.

I learned from this book I talk entirely too much lol. Always have a presentation that you are a sure thing, that you are sure of yourself. Even if they are a place holder, treat them like a star, because in the event I figure it out, they will not hold my indecisiveness over me.

The minute I cut that shiddd out and started treating men like THEY were "typical" , I was receiving texts everyday, offers to lock it down, "Maddy let me take you out, let's go shopping, let me go to your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and meet your family," (yes, that happened yesterday, lol) etc.

I think the whole theme is did you forget you were a prize? Prizes don't need to sell themselves. They are something that shine on their own and must be obtained by the contestant. If the contestant quits or loses, the prize doesn't jump off the shelf to barter. No she continues to do her until someone wins. Not everyone is going to be a winner. Let them move on.

So yeah...lol

I LOVE it!!! ^^THIS all day.

I think we as women forget this sometimes.

I find I talk entirely too much too and oftentimes than not find myself in placeholder position. Love the 'prizes don't sell themselves'. Cutting that out stat!

YES! I realized that too. I think "The Rules" got this part down right lol.

I haven't been on the forum in a minute. I read BGAE and I have read ho tactics.(That 7.99 turned into $500) However, can I chime in and say that I disagree with the author on one thing? I don't think that a guy not wanting to settle down with you is just because your basic or your typical. I think it has to do with timing. A guy may want to marry a woman based on his maturity level and where he is in his life. He may even realize how good a girl was when it's to late. There are men that have left their wives for other women and have regretted it. Would you say that their ex-wives were basic and thats why they got left? I could give you so many examples. I'm a fan of BGAE, but remember the author is still young and has a lot more living to do. Read with discretion. Self-improvement is good but its not healthy to internalize every thing you read.

That's my hesitation as well. Yes, relationship books are fun to read, but part of me feels that it's good to have some discretion because at the end of the day, no matter how "true" his statements are, they are (after all) still just ONE man's opinion on how the world operates. I just wonder who the author is, and if his view of how men (or women) are is really one that I want to adopt. Like, would I even be checking for a guy like him in the first place??

Anyway....I will give it a chance, especially if a lot of you ladies are finding success and having "a-ha!" moments and what not....I love a good read. But I think I will still read it with an open mind and not be so rigid in thinking that ALL men are like this, or that ALL men think this way.

Btw...how old is he anyway??

 

[hopeful]

@Crystalicequeen123
Your post too long for me to read, sorry, but girl get the book or audible. His age doesn't matter. He's smarter than most 50 year old men. This book is different than anything you have read. This is big.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

@Crystalicequeen123
Your post too long for me to read, sorry, but girl get the book or audible. His age doesn't matter. He's smarter than most 50 year old men. This book is different than anything you have read. This is big.

Wow....that's saying something if married women are even reading this!

Okay, I will check out the sample and the reviews on Amazon.

 

[awhyley]

Let me ask you this....who are you doing all of this for? Are the accomplishments for you or for getting a man? The way I see it is if a woman's motivation for being accomplished is to get a man then you've already lost. Do the work and reconnect with you. I love the part where he says that if you look in the mirror and wouldn't make love to the person staring back then how can you expect that from someone else.
You are 'IT'! Take your time to remember and reconnect with that. You have time! When we start thinking from a place of 'time running out' we operate from a place of fear and scarcity when we should be operating from a place of confidence and abundance.

@Kim0105, I can't thank you enough for this post. my accomplishments are for me of course, but I figured that they would still set me apart from the 'competition', so I was taken aback hearing that men don't really factor in that stuff in the long run. Operating from fear has put me on the wrong path before so adopting that abundance thinking is a must. I'm going to purchase this book, (maybe the audio rather, to get through it quicker), and digest this knowledge bit by bit.

 

[caribeandiva]

@Crystalicequeen123 I was hoping you'd discover this thread and give us your insight. Go read or listen to the book!! I got the audible version but I might get the kindle book too if it has extra chapters. It does have a medium amount of profanity though. So if you can't stand the f, b, or s words then it's gonna be a tough one for you. I find that his cuss words drive the point home harder for me for some reason. So I don't mind them because he's a very articulate man.

I think this book is like The Rules and WMLB except it takes it one step further and give you step by step instructions AND the "science" behind it. It's one thing to say "be a creature unlike any other (CUAO)" and be mysterious but how exactly do you do that? More importantly what underlying fears caused you to give so much of yourself away for free to begin with? This book refers to women who are NOT a "CUAO" as a placeholder, basic or typical *****. Same concept but one has more of an impact. Wouldn't you agree? Again, read the book!! It'll change your life!

As for results, I've only been applying it for one day and I feel more confident than I have in a long time (and I'm a pretty confident person to begin with). I'm maintaining eye contact and/or starting conversations with ALL men who cross my path. Lord help them!! Playfully teasing them, if I can lol. This book is giving me my playfulness back. I must've been sprung because I lost that and took everything he said and did super seriously. Life is short. I don't have time for that! In short, this book is giving me my freedom back. Freedom to be unapologetically me. That's what the world needs more than anything.