"men Dont Love Women Like You"

caribeandiva said:
@Crystalicequeen123 I was hoping you'd discover this thread and give us your insight. Go read or listen to the book!! I got the audible version but I might get the kindle book too if it has extra chapters. It does have a medium amount of profanity though. So if you can't stand the f, b, or s words then it's gonna be a tough one for you. I find that his cuss words drive the point home harder for me for some reason. :blush: So I don't mind them because he's a very articulate man.

I think this book is like The Rules and WMLB except it takes it one step further and give you step by step instructions AND the "science" behind it. It's one thing to say "be a creature unlike any other (CUAO)" and be mysterious but how exactly do you do that? More importantly what underlying fears caused you to give so much of yourself away for free to begin with? This book refers to women who are NOT a "CUAO" as a placeholder, basic or typical *****. Same concept but one has more of an impact. Wouldn't you agree? Again, read the book!! It'll change your life!

As for results, I've only been applying it for one day and I feel more confident than I have in a long time (and I'm a pretty confident person to begin with). I'm maintaining eye contact and/or starting conversations with ALL men who cross my path. Lord help them!! :lol: Playfully teasing them, if I can lol. This book is giving me my playfulness back. I must've been sprung because I lost that and took everything he said and did super seriously. Life is short. I don't have time for that! In short, this book is giving me my freedom back. Freedom to be unapologetically me. That's what the world needs more than anything. :yep:
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Thanks for the additional insight and info!!



I'm already looking at the sample and I'm just reading the Introduction, and already I'm like:


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Now I'm on the part where I feel like I'm being:

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I'm guessing he's going to tear us down and then build us back up again huh lol?? :lol:


I like his brutal honesty though....

I already agree with what he's saying. I've been saying for years that some women are "placeholders"...I just didn't know the term. I have realized early on that there's a woman that a man "plays with", and a woman that a man views as "wife material". In WMLB it's called the "backburner girl" I think....
 
Yeah Gurl, @Crystalicequeen123 , he tears you down to build you back up. The basic you has to die so the real you can replace it. Yep men will keep you as a backup as long as you allow it. The key is to know your worth and don't put with mistreatment of any kind! Most women are too nice! That's why men are intrigued by b*tchy women. We don't put up with their crap and they love it! They're like: "Finally! Someone who won't take my crap lying down! I've met my match and gotta have her." Problem is most women, including me, lose that edge as the relationship progresses. Usually by taking bad advice from well meaning friends and family. They tell you to be "nicer" to him. Bullsh*t!! Men don't want nice. They want fire, sassyness and the mental challenge! Be careful who you listen to when it comes to love advice. Learned that the hard way. This is why married women need this book. It helps them keep that edge, that spark, that men can't resist.
 
caribeandiva said:
I'm almost done with this book. Man, I can't believe I used to downplay my flirting because of fear. I'm a natural flirt and I'm embracing that. Also the old basic me would block guys from being able to reach me as soon as things didn't work out. No more. They are peasants in my kingdom so why should I deprive them of catching a glimpse of the glory that is me? :lol: I took my power back! I'm telling you this book has restored my confidence. Fck humility. I've been walking around like I'm the sht all day and I love it! I even eyef*cked a couple of male clients and they looked surprised (I normally do the opposite). Lord this is fun!
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Lol same. I flirted with my little pseudo work boo. He was cheesing all day. I haven't done all my homework so I did retreat to old habits. But when I wasn't in my head too much I was on one. In my little raggedy uniform.


I also realized this a few days ago but it's related. I let my conservative upbringing/Christian viewpoints cause me to act like a nun. Me being a child of God doesn't mean I need to beat down and supress my natural hormones. Control my mind and actions yes.
God made men and women to be attracted to each other. Me finding a man fine doesn't make me a harlot. A man wanting to sleep with me doesn't make him a heathen. It makes us human. Now just because we have these feelings don't mean we act on them or even push boundaries. Im still figuring things out but it always confused me how I was supposed to go from giving ice to every man I meet to courting to engaged all while never being so much as flirty with any of them then bam somehow I'm married and I'm supposed to be sleeping and having a healthy sexual relationship with some man I've been suppressing sexual feelings for?


I need to work on my eye color techniques. I think I may do it without trying but I want to be intentional. Nothing too crazy though lol usually when I make eye contact if I meant to I smile but my natural smile is bright and cute. If the eye contact surprised me my face stays in its natural resting **** face. :look:
 
I was at my grandmother’s house and both of my aunts came into the living room to talk to me. They asked me a question about Los Angeles, and by the time I was halfway through my answer, one aunt was talking about something she heard about LA on TV. Before she could complete that mini-story, my other Aunt interrupted her and brought up her co-worker’s husband’s opinion on LA. What followed was two grown women talking above each other about something they wanted me to talk about.
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For those of your also reading tqc lol this should look familiar
 
You guys hooked me.....

I got the book, and Wowwww......he's dropping some bombs!!!! :eek::drunk::lachen: It's not new info (of course), but, it's definitely interesting getting a man's no-holds-barred viewpoint.

Wow.....

Some snipets.....

"Most women don't date to learn, they date to be liked..."

"Typical ******* get typical results. Extraordinary women get extraordinary results. You don't become extraordinary by feeding your ego lies or piling on at the cosmetics counter; you become extraordinary by rejecting weak ***** thoughts, and awakening your inner Spartan."


Wowwwwww.....

I feel like I'm getting some top secret information on another country's war tactics lol. :giggle:
 
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the only thing that he says in the book that I don't agree with is loving (fill in the blank) when you really don't. I hate my current weight/body. I want to be what I used to be 135/140. It's very very very difficult for me to look in the mirror and say I love what I see when I really don't. And it's not because I am comparing myself to some other woman, I am comparing my self to the me that i used to be at 135.

I still go out and wear clothing that is flattering to my current body type and I get male attention but that doesn't mean that I like what I see. Am I working on it?..... yes. But this feeling is hard to fake.
 
TopShelf said:
the only thing that he says in the book that I don't agree with is loving (fill in the blank) when you really don't. I hate my current weight/body. I want to be what I used to be 135/140. It's very very very difficult for me to look in the mirror and say I love what I see when I really don't. And it's not because I am comparing myself to some other woman, I am comparing my self to the me that i used to be at 135.

I still go out and wear clothing that is flattering to my current body type and I get male attention but that doesn't mean that I like what I see. Am I working on it?..... yes. But this feeling is hard to fake.
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But you are comparing yourself to another woman '08topshelf(idk what year you were 135 lol I was listening to drake and 08 popped in my head) that's a different woman that 2016topshelf. And you shouldn't have to fake loving all parts of yourself to love doesn't mean you dont want to improve. Learning to love yourself is realizing you're a perfect work in progress.
With your current mindset if you never got back to that weight you'd never fully love yourself? That's wack sis.
 
nlamr2013 said:
But you are comparing yourself to another woman '08topshelf(idk what year you were 135 lol I was listening to drake and 08 popped in my head) that's a different woman that 2016topshelf. And you shouldn't have to fake loving all parts of yourself to love doesn't mean you dont want to improve. Learning to love yourself is realizing you're a perfect work in progress.
With your current mindset if you never got back to that weight you'd never fully love yourself? That's wack sis.
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It is wack. That's a challenge I have to overcome
 
caribeandiva said:
Most women are too nice! That's why men are intrigued by b*tchy women. We don't put up with their crap and they love it! They're like: "Finally! Someone who won't take my crap lying down! I've met my match and gotta have her." Problem is most women, including me, lose that edge as the relationship progresses. Usually by taking bad advice from well meaning friends and family. They tell you to be "nicer" to him. Bullsh*t!! Men don't want nice. They want fire, sassyness and the mental challenge! Be careful who you listen to when it comes to love advice. Learned that the hard way. This is why married women need this book. It helps them keep that edge, that spark, that men can't resist.
Click to expand...

I can agree with the bolded. But I also think it depends. Some like that fire but if it's not done right it can border on emasculating depending on what and how you say it. I've seen this especially in married couples or where the woman starts scolding the man. It's really a balance. I can naturally be very witty and feisty with men, but I've noticed I've tempered that a lot with my SO and it's starting to come out of me. He really tries it sometimes. But the thing is he sees me as this sweet little innocent thing, it's time to start checking him. It will be finding that balance between checking him/speaking my opinion in my natural witty way and yet still being affectionate.
 
TopShelf said:
the only thing that he says in the book that I don't agree with is loving (fill in the blank) when you really don't. I hate my current weight/body. I want to be what I used to be 135/140. It's very very very difficult for me to look in the mirror and say I love what I see when I really don't. And it's not because I am comparing myself to some other woman, I am comparing my self to the me that i used to be at 135.

I still go out and wear clothing that is flattering to my current body type and I get male attention but that doesn't mean that I like what I see. Am I working on it?..... yes. But this feeling is hard to fake.
Click to expand...
nlamr2013 said:
But you are comparing yourself to another woman '08topshelf(idk what year you were 135 lol I was listening to drake and 08 popped in my head) that's a different woman that 2016topshelf. And you shouldn't have to fake loving all parts of yourself to love doesn't mean you dont want to improve. Learning to love yourself is realizing you're a perfect work in progress.
With your current mindset if you never got back to that weight you'd never fully love yourself? That's wack sis.
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@TopShelf heyyyyyyyyyyyyy :kiss:
Girl, I know we all have our struggles and insecurities, trust me... I have mine for sure. Please please don't let your weight get to you too much !!!!! I know you can dress your a$$ off and you are so put together and you have such a nice shape! I just had to come in here and tell you that. I know you are making it do what it do with how you dress yourself.
 
Britt said:
@TopShelf heyyyyyyyyyyyyy :kiss:
Girl, I know we all have our struggles and insecurities, trust me... I have mine for sure. Please please don't let your weight get to you too much !!!!! I know you can dress your a$$ off and you are so put together and you have such a nice shape! I just had to come in here and tell you that. I know you are making it do what it do with how you dress yourself.
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Hey Britt!!! long time.

thank you for that, it really means a lot.
 
Britt said:
I can agree with the bolded. But I also think it depends. Some like that fire but if it's not done right it can border on emasculating depending on what and how you say it. I've seen this especially in married couples or where the woman starts scolding the man. It's really a balance. I can naturally be very witty and feisty with men, but I've noticed I've tempered that a lot with my SO and it's starting to come out of me. He really tries it sometimes. But the thing is he sees me as this sweet little innocent thing, it's time to start checking him. It will be finding that balance between checking him/speaking my opinion in my natural witty way and yet still being affectionate.
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I agree. I am not sassy or feisty by nature. I calmly and respectfully let you know what I won't put up with and what my needs are, my SO always says that's one of the things he likes most about me...that I'm honest.

I don't want to be in a relationship where we're disrespecting or telling each other off (I have no interest in emasculating my man and I don't expect him to come for me in a disrespectful manner, no sir)....so I'm respectfully firm and upfront.
 
caribeandiva said:
Yeah Gurl, @Crystalicequeen123 , he tears you down to build you back up. The basic you has to die so the real you can replace it. Yep men will keep you as a backup as long as you allow it. The key is to know your worth and don't put with mistreatment of any kind! Most women are too nice! That's why men are intrigued by b*tchy women. We don't put up with their crap and they love it! They're like: "Finally! Someone who won't take my crap lying down! I've met my match and gotta have her." Problem is most women, including me, lose that edge as the relationship progresses. Usually by taking bad advice from well meaning friends and family. They tell you to be "nicer" to him. Bullsh*t!! Men don't want nice. They want fire, sassyness and the mental challenge! Be careful who you listen to when it comes to love advice. Learned that the hard way. This is why married women need this book. It helps them keep that edge, that spark, that men can't resist.
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Yea girl... I know what you mean. I tend to lose my "edge" once I fall for a guy. Ugh...:wallbash:

Gosh, this book reminds me so much of WMLB...only with the male input and the deep inner-workings of what's going on. I feel like Sherry Argov touched the tip of the iceberg with her books WMLB/WMMB, but I feel like this guy Lambert is showing you the WHOLE iceberg enchilada that is lying beneath the waters. :lol:
 
TopShelf said:
the only thing that he says in the book that I don't agree with is loving (fill in the blank) when you really don't. I hate my current weight/body. I want to be what I used to be 135/140. It's very very very difficult for me to look in the mirror and say I love what I see when I really don't. And it's not because I am comparing myself to some other woman, I am comparing my self to the me that i used to be at 135.

I still go out and wear clothing that is flattering to my current body type and I get male attention but that doesn't mean that I like what I see. Am I working on it?..... yes. But this feeling is hard to fake.
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Aww girl, I understand. It can be hard. :hug2: But one thing I wish we as women would stop doing is making our OUTER appearance determine our self worth. :ohwell: Society has really done a number on women....honestly, it has. Society has done us as women (especially black women) a huge disservice. It has made a lot of us (erroneously I might add) assume that our looks and physical appearance determines how worthy of love we are, and that just simply isn't true.

If you feel like you need to lose a few lbs, should you just ignore that? No... Work on yourself, eat right, exercise, get fit, etc. I can relate because I need to lose a few lbs myself, and actually 135 is right around where I used to be as well lol. But please....please....don't allow being overweight, or not quite being where you want to be hinder you from loving yourself or finding yourself worthy of love. I know it may not be that deep for some people, but this guy right here is really trying to help women to just look in the mirror (no makeup, nothing) and SEE that you are worthy just because. It has nothing to do with looks. We could get burned from a fire tomorrow and lose our physical attractiveness....then what?? Are we unworthy of love then? No.

One thing that books like "The Rules" and WMLB taught me is that men adopt the view of you that you have for YOURSELF. Whether you're overweight or need to "change" or whatever...it doesn't matter. You can still love ALL of you regardless. If you're feeling yourself, men will take notice. You may not even be their type, but they will recognize you as a woman of class and VALUE. Plus....IMO Everyone is a work in progress. As long as we are still living, we all should be continuously progressing and improving ourselves. :yep:
 
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Britt said:
I can agree with the bolded. But I also think it depends. Some like that fire but if it's not done right it can border on emasculating depending on what and how you say it. I've seen this especially in married couples or where the woman starts scolding the man. It's really a balance. I can naturally be very witty and feisty with men, but I've noticed I've tempered that a lot with my SO and it's starting to come out of me. He really tries it sometimes. But the thing is he sees me as this sweet little innocent thing, it's time to start checking him. It will be finding that balance between checking him/speaking my opinion in my natural witty way and yet still being affectionate.
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I agree.... I think there has to be a balance. I've seen some women cut men down to size so much and then they wonder why their bf/husband is leaving them. :ohwell: I think there is definitely a delicate balance. I've even seen myself how some of my comments have turned a guy off..... I guess sometimes guys don't know when I'm joking lol..... :look:

I also think that for some women, sassiness may come more naturally than others. I don't think women should try to be someone that they aren't, but just have boundaries. KNOW your WORTH.

I think when a woman clearly knows that she is worthy of love, and that she is of high value, she automatically becomes more intriguing for a man because she won't tolerate certain things. She doesn't have to have attitude, or a sassy mouth, she has a quiet confidence about her that men pick up on. It's the same thing. :yep: A woman doesn't have to be a ***** or try hard to be "edgy". Just know your worth, and the rest will follow. :yep:
 
I'm finished and ... I love this book.

It is not a relationship book in the traditional sense. You will not just "get a guy" and boom. It is not an answer or a script. It slaps typical weak minded thoughts and ways out of you and builds you up to be strong in your unique way.

I completely agree with @hopeful that this is the same side of the coin as Queen's code. TQC is tactical, IMO the best tactical manual on interacting and living with men but MDLWLY is strategy - almost military style. It's the long game.

I needed this kick in the rear, I forgot who I was
 
hopeful said:
Can I reply? Since I'm married? These books are not about getting married or getting the ring. IMO that is easy. No woman gets married just for the sake of getting married although being married has it's perks and status. What we want is everlasting love, respect, and cherishing. And all men, married, engaged, dating, or single can behave in a way that is utterly baffling, disrespectful, and unloving. Some men change and some we just don't see clearly until we grow, mature, and change. So, single or married, we are all women, and we all want the same thing. And we all need support, guidance, and wisdom. The love game is a challenge. And doesn't always end at I do ... Unfortunately.
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ChasingBliss said:
Poohbear
Hopeful pretty much answered the question for me. I could not have put any of her words better.
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@hopeful & @ChasingBliss

Thanks for your reply! hopeful's response makes total sense.
 
ChasingBliss said:
I also like that he said a man doesnt necessarily set out to play you (well yeah often times they do) but he is really just protecting himself from you just in case you aint all what you claim to be ...this is why they let you talk talk talk talk on dates because he is trying to catagorize/type you.
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^^THIS!!!

I'm reading this portion right now. What an eye-opener! I remember from "The Rules" how it would always advise women not to talk so much during dates, or to end phone conversations after 10 min lol, but now I'm finally learning more (from the GUY's POV) on why this isn't such a good idea. :yep: It's not just because you may say too much too soon, or turn a man off too quickly, it's also because he is trying to "peg" you, and if he can peg you quickly, he will not only eventually find you boring, but he will also know just how to play you. He'll know what to use in his arsenal. But Men are intrigued by what they cannot read/figure out so easily. So, don't be so easy to read.

Gosh, while reading this I've been looking back at some of my past relationships and past crushes on guys and now it's finally starting to make sense why some of those experiences did NOT work out! Wow..... #eyeopener


I know it sounds strange, but I now firmly believe that I have to maintain the "interviewer" mindset when going on a date. I think most women go into dates acting like THEY are the ones auditioning for a role (of gf) or vying for a position (gf) at work, but if you switch the tables around and view YOURSELF as the company, and the man as the "applicant", you will quickly see why it is very wise for a woman to be talking less, and asking (or vetting) the man more. YOU are the prize. You're not just going to give yourself to anyone. Those with value carefully vet who they have in front of them in order to make sure they are "worthy" of their time and attention. Just like a company would interview YOU to find out if YOU are what THEY are looking for. :yep:

But if you're going into a date with the mindset that YOU are the interviewee...well then no wonder a man (who feels like he's the prize) is questioning you and digging deep into YOU, but not providing much depth about HIMSELF. He has made it seem like HE is the prize, and YOU are the one applying for the position/role. It's a subtle difference, but a difference nonetheless. And I'm sorry, but a man cannot fall in love w/a woman whom he doesn't open himself up to emotionally....not deeply anyway. From what I gather in this book so far, you have to also be getting information from HIM (even deep things) and do your own research and "pegging". Now I see why men would ask soooo many questions from the get go when first meeting me. They will have you talking about everything from your job to your childhood growing up if you aren't careful lol. :lol: They may be interested, but once they feel like they've "pegged" you and you aren't what they were looking for, they will drop you like a hot potato. :look:

It is all making sense now.
 
Kimbosheart said:
...
I completely agree with @hopeful that this is the same side of the coin as Queen's code. TQC is tactical, IMO the best tactical manual on interacting and living with men but MDLWLY is strategy - almost military style. It's the long game.
...
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I actually think this book is different from TQC in that it elevates women and our role in the world. IMO TQC requires too much work to gain a man's love and approval and assumes the best of men. Elevates the status of men IMO. TQC is more naive re what men want and what harm they can do to a woman. MDLWLY is more realistic about men and their tactics and more in love with women, their essence, and power.
 
BK Bombshell said:
What does that mean? That they're always striving for better? I feel like I'm missing something.
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The underlying message I got from that part of the book is that women are always thinking that if they're just the "cool chick" and strive to be "low maintenance" (ie. not complaining when he's not living up to your standards) and give him undying love that the guy will stay with them, or will eventually elevate them into gf or wifey status. But what he's basically saying is that men would rather be HAPPY with the RIGHT woman and a little "uncomfortable", than with the WRONG woman in a "comfortable" situation.

In other words, love alone won't keep a man. A man wants a "challenge". They would rather leave the "comfortable" situation where a woman gives him undying love and seek out the woman that is "one of a kind". They want the one they have to "pull out of the stone" in other words.
 
The only area I don't agree with is wanting to be an alpha woman, boss B. I feel more goddess-like, Queen-like vs Spartan-like. I would NEVER join a random man at his table, EVER. I would smile or maybe, big maybe, invite him to join me. Sitting down at his table or tapping him on the shoulder when he is talking is not me or my style. Way too forward. I'm also not sure I'd want an alpha male either, so many of them are controlling and narcissistic IMO. Other than that I loved just about every single thing about this book.
 
hopeful said:
I actually think this book is different from TQC in that it elevates women and our role in the world. IMO TQC requires too much work to gain a man's love and approval and assumes the best of men. Elevates the status of men IMO. TQC is more naive re what men want and what harm they can do to a woman. MDLWLY is more realistic about men and their tactics and more in love with women, their essence, and power.
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I think TQC does ultimately elevate women, BUT she doesn't take into account that the woman's picker might be off or the man might be so damaged that it makes him dangerous to her mental/physical/emotional health.

The problem with TQC is that it's predicated on an ideal scenario where the woman is already healthy and has already chosen an emotionally healthy man and is trying to learn how to communicate better. I think of this as more of a prequel to TQC where you fix your picker if it's broken and weed out the undesirables to set yourself up for success.
 
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