Top Reasons Why Men Lose Interest In Women

[NYLegalNewbie]

One of the issues that I'm seeing here is that some assume that just because you decide not to wait to sleep with a guy, you somehow do not respect yourself as much. This is not how I define self respect, nor do some other women. This underlying assumption goes far in creating the "good girl/bad girl" dichotomy that often colors these sorts of discussions.

Personally, I define self respect to mean that you stick to and do what is comfortable for YOU. If that means that you do not wish to have sex until you are married or engaged, then go right ahead. If that means you're okay with hopping in the sack after a few dates, then go right ahead and do you. If that means you wait several months, then you do that, etc. The one caveat that I would say is that the trouble with having sex quickly is that it can lead to false intimacy - you think you really know someone and are attracted to them, but the truth of the matter is just that you really like rolling in the hay with them and hanging out. There's no real connection there. This is why, when I believe that I am very interested in a guy, I choose to wait a bit longer to have sex so I can see if there really is a connection or if it's just a bunch of hormones (if there's no connection and he's super hawt and if it's been a long time for me, um, well then...)

If a man thinks you're great and respects you, then he's going to stick around and get to know you better. No decent man who is with a woman that he thinks is terrific is going to let that woman get away.

You shouldn't abstain from fear of what he is going to think and feel about you. You should abstain out of concern for how you will feel about YOURSELF.

 

[Kurlee]

And again, this is exactly the point I try to make all along.

I get so tired of people telling women who are waiting or who seem "pure", "Well, he won't marry those other women, and you'll be the one he does marry. So you (the good girl) wins in the end."

HUH????

Is that supposed to be a good thing? Really? So it's good to tell a woman that she wins a "trife @ss ninja" (love it) as a reward for carrying herself in a certain manner? I don't see how this is supposed to promote or make the idea of abstinence/celibacy/waiting for a certain period appealing at all.

And it's women who help perpetuate this mess by nodding along as a man talks about how he used to be trife and how those other women were all basically heauxs... instead of seeing the man as being straight up trife, warped in his ideas about women and sexist, she gets all happy that he's now trying to "do right" and that she gets to be the beneficiary of that.

This is why I never dated men like this. They usually give themselves away too because eventually, when a sex conversation comes up, they will freely share their screwed up mindset and not think anything of it, because they don't think that it's wrong... and most women don't either...

If I spent my life not carrying myself as what he would deem to be "heaux-ish," then I expect a man who shares the same values. This type of man would not fit the bill. The dude in Imani's post wouldn't have ever become my man.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Actually, I've never been one to say that a woman shouldn't wait... if you read a lot of my posts on this topic, I'm always one saying that a woman should wait as long as possible before sleeping with a man.

However, my reason for this belief has nothing to do with trying to earn respect from a man or trying to show myself to be pure, virtuous, etc. I don't care about earning the respect of some man that I barely know. I respect myself, and that's all that matters to me.

My choice to wait when it comes to sex is ONLY based on my need to get to know a man better, avoid drama, protect myself physically and to feel comfortable and secure with him before becoming involved intimately. To me, those are MUCH better reasons to wait than a misguided need to earn the respect of random ninjas who probably aren't deserving of much respect themselves.

If you notice, in that post, I was talking about women having respect for themselves. I'm not talking about gaining the respect of men. But for the record, women often wonder about how to keep a man from losing interest. Not every woman does of course, but it is misguided to act as though some women don't care about this.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

One of the issues that I'm seeing here is that some assume that just because you decide not to wait to sleep with a guy, you somehow do not respect yourself as much. This is not how I define self respect, nor do some other women. This underlying assumption goes far in creating the "good girl/bad girl" dichotomy that often colors these sorts of discussions.

Personally, I define self respect to mean that you stick to and do what is comfortable for YOU. If that means that you do not wish to have sex until you are married or engaged, then go right ahead. If that means you're okay with hopping in the sack after a few dates, then go right ahead and do you. If that means you wait several months, then you do that, etc. The one caveat that I would say is that the trouble with having sex quickly is that it can lead to false intimacy - you think you really know someone and are attracted to them, but the truth of the matter is just that you really like rolling in the hay with them and hanging out. There's no real connection there. This is why, when I believe that I am very interested in a guy, I choose to wait a bit longer to have sex so I can see if there really is a connection or if it's just a bunch of hormones (if there's no connection and he's super hawt and if it's been a long time for me, um, well then...)

If a man thinks you're great and respects you, then he's going to stick around and get to know you better. No decent man who is with a woman that he thinks is terrific is going to let that woman get away.

You shouldn't abstain from fear of what he is going to think and feel about you. You should abstain out of concern for how you will feel about YOURSELF.

Going by your logic then a woman who is comfortable staying in an abusive relationship respects herself.


not even close.


respecting yourself has more to do with taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

And sleeping with someone after a few dates? In my opinion you are objectifying yourself. I would think someone would prefer to make sex a bit more important than that. why put yourself through the concern about diseases and pregnancy just for a few hours of fun? is it really that serious?

 

[ladylibra_30]

When women respect themselves AND each other men will know what time it is!

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Going by your logic then a woman who is comfortable staying in an abusive relationship respects herself.


not even close.


respecting yourself has more to do with taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.

And sleeping with someone after a few dates? In my opinion you are objectifying yourself. I would think someone would prefer to make sex a bit more important than that. why put yourself through the concern about diseases and pregnancy just for a few hours of fun? is it really that serious?

That abusive relationship comment takes what I am saying WAYYY out of context (i.e. you're getting into a slippery slope argument). But, I do get what you're saying. Some women do things such as sleeping with men quickly due to having intimacy issues in the first instance.

People need to take care of themselves emotionally and physically and be clear on their values and why they have those values.

That being said, people do have different values. Some people view sex as something that should only come with love and/or marriage. If you're Christian or otherwise religious, there's very little straying from that perspective.

Some people view it as pure fun and it isn't really all that important enough to them to wait. Some people think it should just be for procreation, and that's that. Others, such as myself, have a very nuanced perspective of sex - sex is not just one thing, but can have different meaning depending upon the context.

Tying this back to the discussion at hand, many men also have conflicting views about sex which lead to how they handle various situations.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

That abusive relationship comment takes what I am saying WAYYY out of context (i.e. you're getting into a slippery slope argument). But, I do get what you're saying. Some women do things such as sleeping with men quickly due to having intimacy issues in the first instance.

People need to take care of themselves emotionally and physically and be clear on their values and why they have those values.

That being said, people do have different values. Some people view sex as something that should only come with love and/or marriage. If you're Christian or otherwise religious, there's very little straying from that perspective.

Some people view it as pure fun and it isn't really all that important enough to them to wait. Some people think it should just be for procreation, and that's that. Others, such as myself, have a very nuanced perspective of sex - sex is not just one thing, but can have different meaning depending upon the context.

Tying this back to the discussion at hand, many men also have conflicting views about sex which lead to how they handle various situations.

I don't think it takes what you said out of context. I got the impression that you meant comfortable in general. And that situation could be included. But I'm glad you see my point.

However, I don't understand why people think that those who view sex as being more special are usually coming from a Christian perspective. That's not the case. Leaving Christianity out of this, I don't understand why it is "fun" to be intimate like that with no commitment. Why is it necessary to take sex out of that context?

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

However, I don't understand why people think that those who view sex as being more special are usually coming from a Christian perspective. That's not the case. Leaving Christianity out of this, I don't understand why it is "fun" to be intimate like that with no commitment. Why is it necessary to take sex out of that context?

That's a very good point. It's not fair to automatically equate the view of sex as something special as a Christian view. I apologize for the generalization.

I can definitely see why someone would NOT view sex as something that's just physical "fun." It is a very intimate act. But why some people view it as such and others don't, I really can't say. I guess it depends on a lot of factors.

 

[Bunny77]

If you notice, in that post, I was talking about women having respect for themselves. I'm not talking about gaining the respect of men. But for the record, women often wonder about how to keep a man from losing interest. Not every woman does of course, but it is misguided to act as though some women don't care about this.

Uh, I don't think anyone is acting as if some women don't care about this...

My issue is, women are caring about this for the wrong reason.

Even if Mr. Reformed Playa is simply telling it like it is in terms of how many men think, I'm not going to co-sign the idea that this man (and men like him) should have any say in what a woman should do to keep men like him from losing interest.

Especially if we're just going to fall back on the ole "keep your legs closed" chestnut. Yes, more women should do this for a variety of reasons, but I'm not going to dignify folks like ole' boy who want to decide to set standards that will punish EVERY woman -- from the one who's got her legs open like 7-11 to the virgin.

It's like Freelove said... these men simply wanna get some and they'll take it when they can get it. It's nothing "deeper" than that.

I really don't care about their opinions in terms of why they lost interest in certain women, because those are not the men that I want. Maybe a lot of women don't care, and they can certainly listen, but I can just as certainly state my piece that those men are full of **** and I don't give two craps what they have to say. Shrug.

 

[Curlybeauty]

i'm so sick and tired of all these men laying out 10,000 demands for what they want in a woman and all these excuses for why they have no moral and ethics and act like jerks. Makes me sick. Be yourself and if a man doesn't want you, then he's not for you and someone else with his values or at least someone who adheres to his philosophies will be better suited for him. I'm so tired of women having to jump through all these hoops and play all these games just to get some respect and reciprocity. These men have got women just drinking the dang kool-aid, while they dispense all responsibility on them.

Are you in a relationship?

Not trying to be smart, I just respect your views and I'm curious...