'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

Ya'll... this thread and others have me in my feelings regarding how I need to raise my sons. There needs to be a generational shift. Obviously my future husband will lead the way, but even then there should be a spin-off because I don't understand how it got to the point in which men like the CrackersPhinn video even fix their mouths to spew such nonsense.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Humans, in general, have an urge to procreate. Poor people have kids all the time.
In fact, it seems the more educated one becomes the less likely they are to have kids, at least naturally, since women are in school and working their way up the corporate ladder during their child- bearing years.
Men can make babies until the day they die.
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This is true...but most poor folks I know don't plan families....I mean in essence they do by their lack of birth control use...but not like on some sit down plan were gonna get pregnant this year stuff. Only people I know who plan babies with no money are dummies....
 
greight said:
Ya'll... this thread and others have me in my feelings regarding how I need to raise my sons. There needs to be a generational shift. Obviously my future husband will lead the way, but even then there should be a spin-off because I don't understand how it got to the point in which men like the CrackersPhinn video even fix their mouths to spew such nonsense.
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You should start a spinny. :yep:

Men like this generally don't come from stable families. A lot of these men do what they do as an outlet for the anger against their single mothers. Raising kids with a man who respects women is probably the most important thing. Mothers also have a tendency to coddle their boys who later expect the same from their women.
 
What is the baseline? Is it 25k less than a comparable woman married to a man who earns more, or 25k less than a comparable woman who is unmarried?
 
Kanky said:
People tend to romanticize living in poverty.
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This all day. We took some of the kids at my internship to a retirement and nursing home to play bingo and talk to the residents. The place was gorgeous - more like an upper mid-level hotel. These people were clearly living a very good life. Well, come to find out that the lifetime guaranteed buy-in for the place is $170k minimum, and your monthly fee can be from $2000 to $5000 depending on how much care you need (it goes from people who are just older to people who need round-the-clock care). Compare that with a public or cheap facility. Folks say money doesn't matter until it does.
 
Seraphina said:
You should start a spinny. :yep:

Men like this generally don't come from stable families. A lot of these men do what they do as an outlet for the anger against their single mothers. Raising kids with a man who respects women is probably the most important thing. Mothers also have a tendency to coddle their boys who later expect the same from their women.
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I'm just really bitter about this lately. I see it too much. And I don't understand. Example. My bro waited the very last day before leaving to go out of town to ask my mother could she keep the kids all weekend. She drops everything and keeps them. Let have been me. She would have said I have a failure to plan and why didn't I tell her earlier and then say no and tell me let this me a lesson for the future.

I remember the first time I made the mistake about complaining about DH to his family. I told them how he always forgot to take the trash out. This lady looked in my face and said what's wrong with your hands? If he forgets you just do it. Um I'm not down being husband AND wife. What he gonna do?

I told a parent that this boy looks at porn in my classroom and his laptop should be taken away until he learns self control and responsibility. She looked at me talking bout yeah I should shouldn't I. But let the boy keep the laptop. The laptop later got stolen. She bought him another one. I won't reward mediocre behavior.

I mean why in the world are we doing this?! WHY?!
 
Kanky said:
:look: Do you really need someone to explain the typical relationship between husband and wife since time immemorial?
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No, but perhaps you can explain why someone having a different viewpoint than yours automatically makes their situation "weird."

I just don't understand what the difference is as long as the house is clean, the fridge is full, and the kids are happy and healthy. But I believe in gender equality, and that gender roles are an antiquated concept.
 
sarumoki said:
No, but perhaps you can explain why someone having a different viewpoint than yours automatically makes their situation "weird."

I just don't understand what the difference is as long as the house is clean, the fridge is full, and the kids are happy and healthy. But I believe in gender equality, and that gender roles are an antiquated concept.
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Your opinion will probably not be well received here :lol:
 
The few women I know who married down regret/regretted it. White & black. Both yt women I know who did it divorced and remarried within 1-2 years of divorce. One of the black women just remarried a few weeks ago.
I know it sounds noble to be on team work with a brotha but why do this?
Pick your struggle.
 
Husbands doing household chores isn't the "weird" part. The chores need to get done no matter which spouse does them.
I think the "weird" part discussed is the guy having no job (no income at all) and becoming a house dad (stay at home dad).

Of course, I don't find it weird since I have friends with stay at home dads/husbands. One guy went back to work a couple of years ago.
It worked for them since the women were on track to earn far more than their husbands. I am not talking $50K v. $25K though so it's not really the same situation as the article.
My friend makes about $1/million a year with her husband at home with the kids. My other friend is around $350K but her husband went back to work after a few years raising their kids. Neither married "down". Their husbands are college educated - one Ivy league.


sarumoki said:
Okay but why do you consider that to be weird?
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silverbuttons said:
I know a black woman who is an MSN, makes 6 figures.. while her boyfriend of 7 years has no HS diploma and "fitness trainer" at our local park.

All she talks about is how good of a man he is. ***** he better be the second coming of Jesus, he's basically on your payroll.
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Does shehave children with him? I feel like THATS when real life starts.
 
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
 
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Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)? What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?
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When is the last time you've seen a black man teaching, doing outreach, social work, social services, etc.? And the last time I was in school, most of the black people I saw returning to school were women. In my family, everyone who is under 40 with post-undergrad work (everything an MBA to an M.D.) are female. My family is anecdotal, I know, but it's been statistically proven that black women are more educated than black men. We need to stop pretending that there are all these black men out here that are on the right track and just need a chance. It does us no good.
 
Enyo said:
When is the last time you've seen a black man teaching, doing outreach, social work, social services, etc.? And the last time I was in school, most of the black people I saw returning to school were women. In my family, everyone who is under 40 with post-undergrad work (everything an MBA to an M.D.) are female. My family is anecdotal, I know, but it's been statistically proven that black women are more educated than black men. We need to stop pretending that there are all these black men out here that are on the right track and just need a chance. It does us no good.
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We roll in different circles, then again, I come from a black immigrant family. This is not the reality for the many West Indian and African black men I know. When I considered pursuing a career in nursing, I came across a number of older black men trying to pursue better. They are out there, and I'm not going to try and lump them with the dead beat black men.
 
Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
Click to expand...


Its this kind of thinking that keeps our women getting played. Steve Harvey had a woman to hold him down but look at who reaps the benefits now. Same old story and it rarely ends well for the women who waste their time holding a brother down.
 
Rastafarai said:
What about the brothers that have the degrees but are making less because they wish to go into civil rights or pursue teaching (which, honestly, doesn't even pay that much starting out - 50/60k salaries to start as an assistant professor) (look at President Obama)?

What about the brothers that have the vision, are in school/returning to school but don't have the bank yet?

It's not always so black and white. I always think of the Tyler Perrys', Chris Gardners' and Steve Harveys' of the world that had nothing when they started out, and in almost all those situations, the women in their lives left them.

Also, just because a man is making at or more than you, does not necessarily mean he is willing to spend on you or hold it down. So many assumptions are being made in this thread. Nothing is a given.
Click to expand...
Exceptions are just that.
 
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